Too Hot Four Hula: 4 (The Tiki Goddess Mystery Series) (18 page)

“Charlie! Charlie Watson! It’s me, the former First Lady of the TajMaHaLay Temple!” She threw the Gadabout into gear and roared away.

Little Estelle had no sooner disappeared behind a phalanx of Shriners than Uncle Louie walked through the open air atrium and spotted Em. She waved in greeting as he sauntered down the walkway.

“There you are. All alone?” He looked around. “Where’s Roland?”

“Making a quick phone call.” She debated telling Louie about Phillip’s death, but only for a nanosecond. The time wasn’t right. She didn’t want to ruin his day when he still needed to stay focused on the contest. Just then the Shriners let out a collective whoop, and she decided this was definitely not the place, either.

“I heard Suzi broke her toe,” he said.

“Her whole foot is pretty screwed up. She’ll be all right, hopefully. What are you up to?”

“We’re on a lunch break. I’m looking for someone willing to help me. The Shriner who rented me the monkey is attending the convention, and he wants it back. You think Roland could coax it back into the cage? He’s gotta be pretty good at locking people up by now.”

“People. Not misbehaving Capuchin monkeys.”

“I’ll treat you two to dinner anywhere in Waikiki.”

“If he can’t do it I’ll see if we can find someone who will.”

He snapped his fingers. “Locking people up. That reminds me. DePesto cornered me and told me what happened last night. I’m sure glad you aren’t in jail.”

She should have known. “I’m sorry, Louie. I didn’t get you tossed out of the contest, did I?”

“Fat chance. When he told me he called the police and had you hauled off, I told him I was dropping out.”

“Please, tell me you didn’t. I’d never forgive myself.”

“He wouldn’t let me. Said because of our TV series, I was a huge draw. He needs me to attract the press.”

Em realized once Honolulu’s latest murder victim was connected to her and Louie the press would have a field day.

“The guy is an ass.” Louie rolled his eyes. “He was rambling on about you coming on to him just to get into his suite and how he caught you tossing his room.”

“All of it’s true except I wasn’t tossing his room. I was carefully looking for the Booze Bible,” she said. “I thought the costume party would be a great way to mingle with the Shake Off committee and see if I could discover who might be desperate enough to steal your notebook, so I rented a costume and went.”

“When I didn’t see you there I thought you found something else to do.”

“You talked to me, actually.”

“No way. I did?”

She nodded. “You asked me about the thigh-high stiletto boots I was wearing.”

Her uncle rarely blushed, but upon hearing that he went from tan to red.

“Was that you? In that pirate wench getup?”

“Were you hitting on me?”

“Of course not. I really wanted to know about those boots. I thought you’d like some.”

“I almost broke my leg trying to walk in them.”

“Why did you suspect dePesto?”

“Because he said he’d do anything to win. Then when I got to his suite, I found an extortion letter just like yours along with a printer and a computer. He could have written them both, but he swore someone sent him the letter, too.”

“The thief wants to sell both of us the Booze Bible?”

She shook her head. “The thief only offered to sell dePesto a copy.”

“A copy? How many more offers are out there?” He glanced over at the tiki wearing the giant fez. Then he sighed. “I guess my Booze Bible is gone for good.”

“Don’t give up hope, Uncle Louie.” She wished she could tell him more, but she’d have to tell him that the thief was her own ex-husband.

Her dead ex-husband.

“It’s not worth getting thrown in jail over,” he said. “In fact, I’ve got a new idea for my big presentation tomorrow. I’m really lucky we weren’t required to turn in a recipe for approval when we mailed in our contest registration forms. In this contest it’s okay to concoct something at the last minute. The only requirement is that the mix has to include a least one tropical ingredient.”

He stared out toward the ocean with a faraway expression.

“You are on to something. I can see it in your eyes,” Em said.

“I’ve got a name anyway. Now I just have to come up with a great story that goes along with the drink and sets the scene. That’ll earn me a lot of points, so it’s gotta be a good one.”

“You’re a master at legends,” she said.

“So they say.”

A woman in her fifties wearing a colorful sheath and an official Shake Off contestant’s badge walked up to them. Louie introduced her as Fran.

“I’m headed back over to the conference center,” Fran said. “What about you?”

Louie agreed to walk back with her and told Em goodbye. Before he walked away he said, “Remember to ask Roland to cage the monkey so I can return it.”

“Will do.”
Monkeys, murder, and mayhem. Oh my.

After Louie left, Em took a deep breath. The idea of having a shot of tequila flitted across her mind, but the Shriners were stacked up three deep around the bar and it was too early anyway. She didn’t need to compound her problems. She was impatient with waiting and ready to call Roland when she spotted him trapped behind a huge wedding party on the walkway.

An entire contingent of Japanese including six bridesmaids and six groomsmen along with assorted friends and family were headed up the path toward the Crystal Chapel. Roland stood head and shoulders above them, waiting for them to move along.

“Big business,” he said when he finally reached Em.

“These hotels are like Japanese wedding factories. It’s amazing,” she said. “What’s up with all these weddings?”

“It’s cheaper to fly entire families over here from Japan than it is to hold one there, or so I hear.”

“I can’t imagine all the work that goes into the planning.”

“One phone call, and you’ve got a location, photographer, rental clothing for everyone including the bride, someone to officiate, music, and a reception. They can even book high-end venues and still get off cheaper here than in Japan.” He sat down beside her on the rock planter.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

Em shrugged. “Not great, but better. I think the shock is wearing off. Did they find the Booze Bible in Phillip’s apartment?”

He shook his head. “No. At least not yet. I described it to Bardon and filled him in on Phillip’s extortion scheme. I told him we have definitely ID’d Phillip on the surveillance video.”

“Uh, oh.”

“I also told him about your trip to the substation last night. He wasn’t any happier than I was when he found out you’d conveniently left that little detail out of your alibi. I assured him I’d make sure you didn’t go anywhere.”

“Thank you.”

“So don’t pull any more stunts.”

“Definitely not. Have they found Phillip’s neighbor yet? What was his name?”

“Damian Bautista. Not yet,” he said.

“Did you ask if he’s got anyone looking for Felicity?”

“They do. As far as he knows, they haven’t found her. She hasn’t checked out of the Moana either, but she’s not there, at least not in her room.”

“Now what?”

He studied her carefully. “How about lunch? I’m starved.”

“I don’t know. I’m still kind of queasy.”

“You can watch while I eat.”

“Okay.” She couldn’t let the guy starve to death.

“Let’s head up the street to the Moana. Keep an eye out for the fiancée.”

“Really?” She couldn’t believe it. “Are we going detecting?”

“I am. You’re just my sidekick and only because I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on you and you know what Felicity looks like. If she did kill Phillip, it’s a long shot that she’ll stick around long.”

“Maybe she just ran out of the hotels. She’s probably on her way to the mainland by now,” Em said. “I would be.”

As they passed the Tapa Bar, Em spotted Little Estelle surrounded by a host of Shriners. Roland followed her gaze and stared.

“Tell me Little Estelle isn’t trying to flash gang signs.”

“I would, but that would be a lie.”

“Why is she doing that?”

“Looks like she’s throwing down her new rap for the Shriner’s. She’s Elenee now.”

“Like Eminem?”

“You got it.” As they walked on, Em remembered Louie’s request. “I hate to ask, but would you be willing to do Louie a favor and wrangle the monkey into his cage before we leave the hotel? The owner wants him back.”

“Sorry, but I don’t wrangle monkeys.”

“Ever? Not even for me,
Roland
?” She batted her lashes.

“I’m just not that kind of guy. Besides, we’re on the job here.”

“You’re right.” She didn’t press him. She’d had enough to deal with already, and it wasn’t even two in the afternoon. The fugitive monkey would just have to wait.

They headed down Rainbow Drive toward the Hilton entrance on Kalia Road.

“Now there’s what I’d call some monkey wranglers,” Roland said.

Em followed Roland’s gaze, which unfortunately meant taking hers off of him. Kiki and the Maidens, minus Suzi, were all gussied up in neon pink ruffled muumuus posing against a lovely garden pool beside three massive bronze hula sculptures. The male dancer represented a hawk and was upright, reaching for the sky. The two female dancer sculptures would forever be performing complicated kneeling hula moves the Hula Maidens could never hope to master.

That didn’t keep the Maidens from cavorting around the edges of the pond, posing on low black lava rocks or hanging on gas tiki torch poles as their fans and tourists snapped photos.

The Kamakanis sat on their beach chairs on the grassy area surrounding the pond playing a lively
hapa haole
tune that tourists loved. There was a calabash full of tips on the ground in front of Byron.

From the look of all the cameras slung around his neck, a professional Japanese photographer and Trish were in deep conversation, no doubt speaking the international language of apertures, blown highlights, and depth of field.

Kiki disengaged from one of the torch poles when she saw Em and Roland and came running over.

“I heard you were here, Roland.” She momentarily ignored Em. Women only had eyes for Roland when he was around. “Have you found Louie’s Booze Bible yet?”

“He just arrived this morning,” Em reminded her.

“Not yet,” Roland said. “Things are a little more complicated than they seem.”

“Oh, what’s up?” Kiki looked from Roland to Em and back. “Tell! You’ve got to tell me.”

“We don’t know anything definitive yet,” he said. “We could use your help though.”

Kiki puffed up like a peacock. “Of course you’ve got it.”

“Louie needs to get the monkey back to its owner. He needs someone to put it back into the cage.”

Kiki started backing away, shaking her head. “Not me. No way, no how. That thing tore my hair out by the roots.” She separated her hair and showed him a scabby bald spot.

“Maybe one of the musicians will do it. They’re making a lot of money off you ladies. Seems like they owe you,” he said.

Kiki glanced over her shoulder. “Maybe Big Estelle can talk Byron into it. Promise a couple of favors.”

“Speaking of Big Estelle, her mom’s back from the recording studio. She’s at Tapa Bar rapping for the Shriners,” Em said.

Across the pond, Big Estelle was trying to imitate one of the massive bronze hula dancers without actually kneeling.

“Uh, oh,” Kiki said. “If she pulls her back out we’ll be down two dancers instead of one.” She cupped her hands and hollered, “Big Estelle, knock it off!”

“Where’s Pat?” Em scanned the group of Maidens.

“At the airport. They found our cooler, but it was going to take them all day to deliver it, so she went to pick it up,” Kiki said.

Roland nudged Em. “We’ve got to go, Kiki,” Em said.

“Where?”

“To grab some lunch,” Roland said.

“If you could just see about caging the monkey . . .” Em hoped she sounded desperate.

“That thing hates women,” Kiki told Roland.

“Maybe it will like Pat,” Em suggested. “Maybe he’ll think she’s a man.”

“Probably not,” Kiki said. “I have a feeling that monkey is cagier than all of us put together.”

27

KIKI SIDESTEPPED two tourists clamoring for her autograph and headed over to Big Estelle, who was signing the back of someone’s T-shirt.

When she was finished she said, “Don’t forget to leave a tip in that wooden bowl over there in front of our ukulele player and ma-
ha
-lo.” Big Estelle waved goodbye as the delighted tourist walked away.

“Em said your mom’s back safe and sound. So far anyway. She’s at Tapa Bar,” Kiki said.

“That’s a relief. Kind of.”

“Between you and me, something’s going on, and Em’s clammed up about it.”

“You mean, between
all
of us.” Lillian walked up with Precious and Flora beside her. “Em’s got a secret?”

Kiki hadn’t really looked at Lillian until now.

“What happened to your face?” The woman was covered in foundation makeup that ended at her jawline. It gave the impression she was wearing a mask. Her eyes were so heavily outlined with shadow and liner that she was beyond smoky-eyed. She was downright scary.

Lillian’s lower lip trembled. “I ran into a couple of the Mindy’s women I knew in Iowa. They took one look at me and dragged me off to an intervention and gave me a makeover before they left. They threatened to have my Miracle Maker status revoked.”

“What do you care?” Kiki wondered aloud. “You aren’t selling that stuff anymore.”

“Well, I do have a few boxes piled up in the garage. In case anything ever happens, and the container ships can’t get to the islands, I’ll have enough product to go around.”

Precious tugged on Kiki’s muumuu to get her attention. “I’ve been thinking about what Em’s secret might be. Maybe she and Roland are getting married, and that’s why he’s here.”