To Tame a Renegade (29 page)

“What are you doing?” she managed to whisper.

He raised his head and gave her a wicked smile. “I was so eager for you, I didn’t love you properly the first time.”

Sarah sent him a provocative grin. “I thought you did just fine.”

Chad thought so too, but that didn’t stop him from loving her again.

While Sarah slept blissfully in Chad’s arms, a thousand thoughts marched through his head. He was jealous, there was no doubt about it Jealous of his own brother. Of any man, should the truth be known. The emotion was so foreign to him, it left him stunned. What in the hell was he going to do about it? Before he could include Sarah and Abner in his future, he had to mend the emotional shambles he’d made of his life.

After struggling a time with the problems he had to resolve, Chad arrived at a decision he couldn’t have made had he not met Sarah. He wasn’t going to leave the ranch. Not yet, anyway. Leaving would give Ryan free rein with Sarah, and he didn’t want his roguish brother to break her heart. With his life finally falling into place, Chad eased out of bed so as not to disturb Sarah, dressed quickly, and departed. He stepped out of Sarah’s room and ran into Ryan.

“Are you coming or going, brother?” Ryan asked with a hint of amusement.

Chad sent Ryan a fulminating look. “Come into my room. We need to talk.”

Ryan nodded, following Chad into his room. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked, closing the door behind him.

“Sarah. Don’t think you can add her to your list of conquests. Admit it. You’re just amusing yourself with her.”

Ryan gloated in secret mirth. He’d been right about his brother. Chad was jealous. Ryan shrugged, pretending indifference. “Why should you care? You’re leaving soon. You said so yourself. If you cared about Sarah, you wouldn’t leave her.”

“I brought Sarah here for protection. You’re my brother. I expected you to protect her, not seduce her.”

Ryan grinned. He understood his brother better than Chad understood himself. “You realize, of course, that leaving now is not in Sarah’s best interest. She could be carrying your child.”

“Are you suggesting that I marry Sarah? You, a man dead set against marriage?” Chad laughed harshly. “Since when have you become an advocate of marriage?”

“Since you came home and I saw how good Sarah is for you, and how much you care about her and Abner. But,” he added by way of warning, “if you leave now, beloved brother or not, Sarah becomes fair game.”

“Well
beloved brother
, I’m staying.”

Ryan wanted to whoop with joy.

“But don’t get your hopes up. And don’t give me one of your sanctimonious sermons. Sarah’s father has given me enough of those to last a lifetime. I admit Sarah and I are… more than friends, but I won’t marry her until I’m sure I can be the kind of husband she needs. There are ghosts rattling around in my past. Unless I can banish them, Sarah is better off without me.”

“I don’t know who is more stubborn, you or Pierce,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “Seriously, though, I’m glad you’re staying. The only way you can confront your problems is to face them head on. Running from them won’t work.”

“What about your problems, Ryan? You’re just as fearful of marriage and distrustful of women as I am.”

Ryan’s eyes sparkled mischievously.
“I like
women, Chad. They have a definite place in my life.”

“In your bed,” Chad muttered. “That’s one place Sarah will never occupy.”

“That’s up to you,” Ryan challenged. “At least I have the good sense not to fall in love. I’m perfectly happy bedding whores, obliging widows, and ladies willing to sacrifice their virtue for pleasure.”

Chad stiffened. “In which of those three categories have you placed Sarah?”

“Perhaps I’ll create a special one for Sarah,” Ryan said easily.

Chad gave his brother a rueful smile. “You’ll get nowhere with Sarah. I’ve already warned her to steer clear of Rogue Ryan.” He clapped his brother on the shoulder, unable to remain angry. “I don’t want to fight with you, Ryan. I know you wouldn’t hurt Sarah. We’re arguing over nothing.”

Ryan returned his grin. “Welcome home, brother. I’m glad you decided to stay. As for Sarah, don’t keep her waiting too long. She’s not the kind of woman who beds a man without making a commitment to him. Whether you know it or not, she wouldn’t give me a second glance with you around. Good night, Chad.”

“Good night, Ryan.”

Chad removed his clothes and climbed into bed. He still had a lot to think about and many things to resolve within himself. Tomorrow he’d take the first step toward healing his emotions. He’d do whatever was necessary to banish his demons forever.

Sarah awoke from a wonderful dream. Or had it been a dream? Did Chad really say he wasn’t leaving? She glanced out the window, saw that it was still early, and decided to bathe before the household stirred. She could feel the sticky residue of Chad’s seed between her legs, and as much as she loved his scent upon her, it needed to be washed away. She donned a robe and went down the hall to the bathing room. She met Ryan in the hallway. He gave her a conspiratorial smile as he set the buckets down on the floor.

“It’s working, isn’t it?” he asked gleefully. “Chad is so jealous he can’t see straight.” He thought it best not to mention that he saw Chad leaving her room last night.

“Chad is difficult to read,” Sarah murmured. “He
did
seem perturbed, though, didn’t he?”

“Perturbed is too mild a word.” He gave her a quick hug. “I’ve done my part, Sarah, the rest is up to you.”

Chad watched the tender scene from his open door. “What’s going on?”

Both Ryan and Sarah whirled at the sound of Chad’s voice. Nonplussed, Ryan said, “Not a thing. Sarah is on her way to take a bath. We met in the hallway by accident.”

He stared hard at Ryan before accepting his explanation with a curt nod. “I suggest we leave Sarah to her bath.” He motioned for Ryan to precede him out the door.

Sarah bathed quickly, then hurried down to the kitchen. Cookie was doing dishes. “Where are Chad and Ryan?”

“Already gone,” Cookie said.

“Did they mention where they’d be today?”

“Ryan said he was going out with the hands to distribute hay to the stock in the south pasture. Chad didn’t say where he was off to. Sit down, Miz Sarah, I’ll have a hearty breakfast before you in no time. You could stand a little meat on your bones.”

Sarah ate mechanically, barely tasting her food. She was almost finished when Abner trailed into the kitchen and announced that he was starving. While Abner ate, Sarah stared absently out the window. She saw Chad riding Flint out of the yard, saw him head north, and wondered where he was going.

“Cookie, what’s north of here?” Sarah asked casually.

“Not much, Miz Sarah. The stock has already been moved down from the north pasture. ‘Course there’s the Rocking D, with nothing in between but empty acres, hundreds of ‘em.”

“That’s all?”

Cookie scratched his head, rearranging the thatch of sparse gray hair growing there. “There’s a cemetery between here and the Rocking D. Some of the families in the area use it to bury their loved ones.”

Sarah glanced out the window again. The leaden skies held a promise of snow, but so far the weather had been exceptionally mild. Sarah didn’t know where Chad was going, but she felt strongly that she should be with him.

“Would you keep an eye on Abner for me?” Sarah asked Cookie.

“Sure thing, Miz Sarah. Bundle up, it’s cold out there.”

She donned coat, muffler, and gloves, then hurried out to the barn. She saddled a horse and a few minutes later, took off after Chad.

Two men who were hiding in the woods behind the house watched her ride off.

“Is that the woman, Freddie?”

Freddie Jackson gave his swarthy companion a cocky grin. “Yeah, Sanchez, that’s her.”

“Should I go after her, señor?”

“Naw, it’s the kid I want. My kid,” he added proudly. “As soon as I get him, we’re gonna head to Mexico. The money from the bank we robbed in Dry Gulch yesterday is gonna help us get there. I’m taking my kid with me. I’ll find some sweet little senorita to take care of both of us.”

“There’s no one at the ranch house now, señnor. We’ve been watching since dawn, they all rode off except your kid and the old man.”

“Yeah, let’s do it now, Sanchez. We ain’t never gonna have another chance like this.”

Sarah caught up with Chad at the cemetery. It was located in a peaceful valley surrounded by forest and lofty mountains. But Sarah could see no serenity in the slump of Chad’s shoulders as he stood with his head bowed before a cluster of graves.

Sarah dismounted and quietly watched from the cover of tall pines, unwilling to intrude upon his solitude. She was more than a little startled when she saw Chad fall to his knees and bury his head in his hands. He looked so forlorn, so utterly dejected, that Sarah could almost feel his pain. She started forward, determined to offer what little comfort she could. At the sound of her soft footsteps, he raised his head and turned in her direction.

“What are you doing here?” he asked with a slight edge of wariness.

“I followed you.”

He let out a furious oath and turned away. “How did you know about the cemetery?”

“Cookie told me.”

“You’ve come out here for nothing,” Chad said harshly. “Go back to the ranch.”

Sarah shook her head emphatically. “I’m staying. I’m not going to leave you alone, Chad.”

The stark planes of his face stood out in vivid contrast to the burning intensity of his eyes. “Dammit, Sarah, don’t coddle me. Healing has to come from within myself. No one can help me.”

He returned his gaze to the graves he’d been contemplating just moments before. Sarah’s stomach clenched painfully when she read the names on the markers. Doolittle. Cora Lee, Hal, Edward, and Baby Doolittle. She gazed at Chad in silent commiseration. His face was a study of intense pain and deep concentration. She could almost feel his anguish, see him struggling with some dark force within himself.

She remained absolutely still, watching, waiting for some sign to indicate he’d won his battle. The wind whistled through the trees, breaking the eerie silence of this desolate place, and she shivered as an icy blast penetrated her coat. Nothing short of imminent death could make her leave Chad now.

Suddenly Chad leaped to his feet, grasped his horse’s reins, and threw himself upon his back. He would have ridden off without so much as a thought for Sarah if she hadn’t called out to him. He appeared to have forgotten she was there.

“Chad! Where are you going?”

Chad reined in sharply. ‘To the Rocking D.”

“Wait! I’m coming with you.”

He offered no objection as he waited for her to mount Her feet had barely settled in the stirrups when he kneed Flint into a brisk gallop. She reached the Rocking D several minutes behind Chad. She found him standing on the porch talking to Frank Frasier, the man who was buying the ranch. She dismounted and walked over to join them.

“Howdy, ma’am,” Frasier said, doffing his hat. “I was just telling your husband that I got the loan from the bank and was on my way to town to pick up the money. Was there something special you wanted?” he asked Chad.

“Just wanted to take a last look around,” Chad said. His face gave away nothing of the turmoil roiling inside him.

“Sure thing, take your time. I’m fixing to leave, but you know your way around. I’m keeping on the foreman and hiring back the hands that were let go, so I’m kinda anxious to get going and sign them on before someone else does.”

“Don’t let me stop you,” Chad said. “This isn’t going to take long.”

Frasier nodded and headed to the barn to get his horse. Chad waited until Frasier rode off before he let himself into the house.

“Why are you doing this?” Sarah asked as she followed Chad through the door.

“Because I have to. Ryan was right. I can’t go on running forever. Problems have a way of following wherever you go; you can’t outrun them. All my problems are directly related to this house.”

Chad paused at the foot of the stairs, resting his hand on the newel post. He was surprised to find his fingers shaking and he jerked his hand away, struggling to gain control. After a moment he was able to pull himself together, and he reached for Sarah’s hand. She grasped it, and they ascended the staircase together.

Sarah felt Chad tense and tighten his hand around hers when they reached Cora Lee’s bedroom. She could almost taste the fierce battle waging within him as he stepped inside the room and stared at the bed. She wondered what he was thinking as one emotion after another flashed across his face, each more profound and seething than the previous, each expanding and spilling over, stunning Sarah with the sheer intensity of his pain.

“Say something,” Sarah whispered, squeezing his hand. “What do you feel?”

“Drained. Tired of living in the past and sick of fighting guilt.”

His feet dragged as he approached the bed and glanced down at the floor where Hal Doolittle had died in a pool of blood. He shuddered and pulled Sarah into his arms, holding her so tightly she could hardly breathe. “I want it to be over,” he said on a groan. “Help me, Sarah.”