To Love Again: A Sweet Romance (Forty and Free Book 1) (8 page)

When she took it he smiled.

As they walked down the path it really did seem to disappear into the woods. He drew back a branch and held it as she stepped through the narrow corridor between two thick trees.
 

“We’re pretty far off the path.” She glanced around as he followed behind her. “Do you think we’ll be able to find our way back?”
 

“I guess that depends on whether we want to.” He matched her pace as the path widened again.
 

“Yes, I don’t want to be bear food.” She laughed.
 

He looked over at her with a lopsided smile. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”
 

She quirked an eyebrow and paused to look at him. “You think you could take on a bear?”
 

“To protect you? Absolutely.” He leaned back against the thick trunk of a nearby tree.
 

“Sure.” She shook her head, but he could still see her smile.
 

“There you go doubting me again.” He tried to catch her eye, but she was looking at the assortment of wild flowers that sprung up from the grass around them.
 

“There you go, trying to charm me.” She reached down and traced her fingertips across the yellow petals of one of the flowers. Her hair tumbled forward along the curve of her cheek, shielding her face from his view a bit.

The languid motion of her body, the way she savored the delicate beauty without any interest in destroying it by picking the flower, all of it worked together to captivate him. He crouched down beside her and finally managed to catch her eye as she looked over at him.
 

“Is it working?” Though he meant his words to be lighthearted, his voice wavered as he spoke them. All at once the weight of his desire for her to feel for him what he felt for her, became quite heavy on his mind.
 

“I can’t say just yet.” Her lips drew into a thin tight line.

His heart skipped. Was it possible that she wasn’t experiencing the same intense connection that he was?

Without thought to consequence, he reached out and trailed his fingertips along the curve of her cheek, just as she had caressed the flower petal. With a gentle pressure he turned her face toward his. Her lips were close enough to his that a subtle loss of balance would engage her in a kiss. Beneath his touch he felt the muscles in her jaw twitch and the subtle retreat of her head from his proximity, but it was only for a moment before she closed her eyes and her lips relaxed.
 

“Nic, you are so beautiful.” It was the wrong time, it was laying it on too thick, it made him vulnerable to her, yet he couldn’t resist giving words to the sensation that flooded him as he continued to stroke her cheek. “I’ll do anything—fight bears, wrestle lions, climb mountains.” He leaned forward just enough that he could feel the heat of her lips and faint traces of her breath against the curve of his own mouth.

The allure of her warmth, the anticipation of how her lips would feel—how they would taste—was too much for him to ignore. He leaned forward more and tilted his head to the side.

At the moment that they would have connected in what he hoped would be the first of many kisses, she stood up. She pulled away from his hand on her cheek, his lips on their journey to hers, and moved so quickly that he almost lost his balance.

He sunk his hands into the thick soil to steady himself and looked up at her. His stomach lurched with the absence of her in a way that concerned him. What was going on inside of him that he had become so absolutely taken with this woman? As he stood up, she kept her back to him. He thought it might be appropriate to apologize, but he didn’t want to. His entire body ached for a connection with her, and yet she so easily turned away.
 

“Maybe I’m the one that’s being charmed.” He cleared his throat as he heard the harshness in his voice. “I’m not trying to force anything that you don’t want, Nicole. Just be clear with me. Please, above all else, be honest with me. I’ve been honest with you. If you’re not interested, all you have to do is say it.”

He stared at her back as he awaited her response. She didn’t even attempt to turn around. He took a step toward her as his frustration mounted.
 

“Is it so wrong for me to want to kiss you?” He reached out and touched her shoulder in the hopes of getting some kind of response from her. The moment his hand connected with her body he felt the deep shudders that coursed through her. His chest tightened and his fingers curved along her shoulder. “Nic?” He breathed her name and tugged at her shoulder.

She resisted his attempt to turn her toward him, and raised a hand to cover her face.

He ignored all of the warnings in his mind that told him to respect her wishes and not pressure her. With more force he turned her entire body toward his. She surrendered to the movement but kept her hand over her face. It did nothing to hide the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

His muscles tensed with the desire to protect her, though he didn’t know what from. It wasn’t a bear that had frightened Nicole. It wasn’t anything that he could see or touch.

Without another word he wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest. If he could have drawn her directly into his heart, he would have. Instead, he could only place a feathery kiss on the curve of her forehead just below her hairline.

She shivered in his grasp but didn’t pull away.

He stroked one hand back through her hair while his other arm kept her close to him.
 

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear it as her lips brushed against the material of his shirt. “I’m so sorry, Gavin.”

Chapter 17

“Sh, none of that.” Gavin continued to work his fingers through her hair.

Nicole was mortified as she buried her face in his shirt. His scent engulfed her in a mixture of emotions—from flat-out need, to absolute fear.
 

“You must think I’m nuts to cry like this. I’m sorry.” As hard as she tried to stop the flow of tears, the panic she felt over his witnessing them only made more form.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
 

“No, you’re right.” She gathered herself enough to pull away from his arms. “I’ve been sending mixed signals. But that’s only because I’m so confused. I thought I was in for a solitary vacation at a resort. Now, this.” She glanced at him.
 

“It’s powerful, I know.” He reached for her again but she sidestepped his grasp.
 

“I’m sorry,
 
I just can’t, Gavin. It’s not you—”
 

“—Don’t.” He held up one hand. “Please, don’t finish that sentence.”
 

“But it’s true. I can’t handle this. I’m a mess.”
 

“You’re not a mess.”
 

“Yes, I am.” She wiped at her eyes and stared hard at the ground.

He ducked his head to catch her eye. “Hey, look at me.”
 

She shook her head and pressed her hands over her face and then felt his strong grasp peel away her hands. She didn’t put up much of a fight, but was still stunned that he would make such an effort.

“You don’t have to hide from me. Understand?”

She blinked back fresh tears and tried to hold his gaze. “I want to be able to just enjoy this but I guess I’m not ready. I thought maybe I was, but clearly I’m not. I shouldn’t have stayed.”

“No, don’t say that.” He cupped her shoulders with his hands. His eyes tensed as he looked at her. “You don’t have to be ready for anything. Just don’t tell me that you regret staying, because I can’t think of another place I’d rather be. I’m enjoying our time together—no matter where it leads.”
 

“Are you sure?” She searched his eyes for any hint of deception. “How can you be this patient?”

He frowned as he studied her. “You’re not the only one who has reason to hesitate. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I know it’s what I want. For years I believed that I would never want to try again, but all of that changed the moment I met you. I can’t explain it. In fact, I can’t quite believe it myself. But it’s happened and here we are.”

She felt his palm coast along hers, then his fingers closed around her hand.

“I’m not here to force you into anything. If you don’t feel the same way, you can tell me.”
 

“It’s not that. I mean, I don’t know how I feel.” She tried to form the words that would explain, but they were hard to find. “I guess all of this is just so unexpected.”
 

“But what is it that you want, Nicole?”
 

Her heart pounded in response to his question.
 

“I thought you weren’t going to force me into anything?”
 

His eyes tightened enough that the strain was visible. “I’m not. But I know what I feel. I can’t say I expected to feel it. But I do. I know what I want. I’m waiting for you to know the same. If you want to be friends, I’ll be your friend. But that’s not what I want. You don’t have to tell me now, you don’t have to tell me at all, but I think it would be best for you if you figure out what you want.”
 

“But how can I know that? You make it sound so simple. But is it? What exactly is it that you want?”
 

“You.” He took a step closer to her. “Sure it’s fast, sure it’s unexpected, but I’m not going to ignore something as intense as what I feel for you.”
 

“What does that even mean?” She held his gaze, unwilling to let him charm his way out of an answer. “What is it that you expect this to become? I’m not interested in a fling, Gavin. I know it’s popular now to be casual but—”
 

“That’s what you still think of me?” He sighed and looked away from her for several seconds before he spoke again. “You know what, Nicole? I think you’re right.”
 

“How so?”
 

“Maybe you’re the sane one in all of this. I got caught up in the moment and thought there was something between us that obviously isn’t.” He frowned. “I never should have tried to draw you into it.”
 

“That’s it then?” Her heart dropped. “All because I don’t want something casual?”
 

“No, Nic. That’s not it at all.” He turned back to her. “It’s because you think I do. You have an idea in your head of what and who I am. Just because I seized a moment that felt like the ideal time to kiss you, that doesn’t make me some kind of predator that only wants one thing from you. I’m attracted to you. I think that’s clear. But if that’s what you think of me, then we are not seeing eye-to-eye.”
 

“I guess you’re right.” She turned away from him and started to walk back up the path.

As furious as she was inside, she refused to let him see it. If he wanted to toss things out so easily, then there hadn’t much there to begin with. She was almost back to the resort when she heard him just behind her.
 

“Nic.”
 

“No more Nic. It’s Nicole—just Nicole.”
 

He grabbed her hand where it hung at her side. “It’s okay to be scared.”
 

“Is it?” She stole a glance at him. “All of that back there made me think it’s not.”
 

“It’s okay to be scared, as long as you’re honest with me. I want to spend the rest of this time with you. I promise—no pressure, no strings. But all of this is confusing to me too. I can’t keep my head on straight when I’m around you. It’s like everything in my body is drawn to you, and I’m fighting a battle to keep my feelings at bay.”
 

“Why do you think it’s so strong?” She traced a fingertip down along his chest. “What is this, between us?”
 

“I don’t know how to define it. I’ve never felt it before. But I want to explore it. I hope that you’ll give me that chance. I know you’ve been hurt, Nicole. I know that you’ve probably decided that you never want to allow yourself to be hurt again. I’ve decided that same thing. But now that I look into your eyes, now that I feel this unnameable lure, I can’t just walk away. If you tell me to go, I will. But I will be different because of you.” He reached up and cupped her cheek. “If you tell me not to kiss you, I won’t. But I will be thinking of it—dreaming of it—until the day you let me. If that’s too much for you, there’s nothing that I can do. This is me, telling you the truth. Your smile weakens me in ways I didn’t think possible. That’s not a line, it’s not a con, it’s not an attempt to gain your affection. It’s the mystery that I’m facing. All I want to know is if I’m facing it alone.”

Chapter 18
 

Gavin’s heart pounded hard in his ears. Somehow a simple walk had turned into far more than he’d anticipated, and he knew that it was because of him. As the ultimatum he proposed echoed through his ears, he was well aware that he’d probably taken things a step too far. But there was no backing up now. The truth was, he did want to know. He needed to be in control of what happened to him when Nicole looked in his direction, and so far he’d been failing at that.

Nicole shifted as if she might turn away from him, but looked up at him instead. “I am facing it too, Gavin. I can’t say that I’m not. And yes, it’s scary for me. I just can’t promise you that it won’t be too much.”
 

“I’m not asking for that. I’m a grown man, who takes my own risks. This risk, I feel privileged to take. I think we ended up here together for a reason.”
 

“I think you’re right. I just don’t know how much risk I can take.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I’m not as strong as I’d like to be.”
 

“You don’t have to be strong.” He brushed the back of his hand along the rise of her cheek. “This doesn’t have to be a war. What if, just for the time we’re here, we let go of the past? What if we allow ourselves to be in the moment with one another—just allow things to develop? What do you think of that?”
 

“I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Her voice was quiet, but she was smiling now.