To Have and to Hold (32 page)

"Tell me again that you'll miss me," he said.

"I will miss you." But she was thinking of the future.

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Three days after Sebastian left for Rye, a letter arrived, addressed to Rachel, from the Home Secretary in Whitehall. She opened it fearfully, as she did any official document that came her way, never able to shake off a baseless fear that the gates of prison were reopening to take her back. What she found was a letter, signed by the Secretary, ordering an immediate remittal of her ticket of leave. She stared at the one-paragraph message for a full minute, reading it again and again, unable to believe her eyes. The Secretary gave no reason for this astonishing piece of news; he simply stated that Her Majesty was pleased to set aside the remaining conditions of release of Rachel Wade's license to be at large; Mrs. Wade was no longer subject to such conditions and was now and henceforth free of all parole obligations.

No more weekly visits to the parish constable—no more monthly visits to the chief constable's office in Tavistock. No more payments toward her fine.
She was free.

She couldn't contain herself. Happiness and frustration made her feel manic—how could she wait until Sebastian came home to tell him? She was bursting with the news, dying to share it with someone. Who? There wasn't anyone—so she did a little dance on her . sitting-room rug with Dandy, and only stopped when his excited barking threatened to bring the servants knocking at her door.

The next day was Sunday. She dressed with special care, even donning the stylish flowered hat Sebastian had bought for her that long-ago day at Miss Carter's.

Declining a ride in the carriage with the other servants, she walked to church because the day was perfect, and she sat in a back pew and stared at her neighbors through new eyes. Could it be true that her presence disgusted no one, scandalized no one? Certainly the looks she intercepted were bland, sometimes courteous, sometimes even—imagine it—friendly. The inevitable inference was that she herself had been responsible—partly—for her own isolation: she'd turned herself into a pariah by assuming she was one. Could it be true? Lydia Wade was nowhere in sight; if she had been, a very different perception of the atmosphere in All Saints Church this morning would surely have colored her conclusion. But in the absence of the one person in the world who truly hated her, Rachel was free for once to feel
normal. A
resident of a village, a parishioner of a church, an employee of a household—a citizen of the Empire. What power, what an undervalued privilege; what rich contentment ordinariness conveyed. For the first time in many years, she gave thanks to God for a blessing and meant it.

Reverend Christian Morrell delivered one of his fine, rather long sermons, this one on the virtue of tolerance, and afterward he asked the congregation to pray for the repose of the soul of Mrs. Eleanor Weedie, an elderly parishioner who, he said, had died peacefully in her sleep on Thursday evening. Rachel stole a glance through her lashes at Miss Weedie, the deceased's middle-aged daughter, who stood with her head bowed a few pews closer to the chancel. Beside her, hovering over her solicitously, stood Captain Car-nock, one of the magistrates at Rachel's hearing. He was a gentleman farmer when he wasn't administering justice. At the hearing, she'd thought him thick-witted and heartless, but now she saw him in a different light. His face, even his posture looked benign and protective; he cared for the grieving daughter of Mrs.

Weedie, and he seemed to be feeling the same pain she felt.

How many other people had Rachel misjudged?

Outside on the church steps, she shook Reverend Morrell's hand and told him she'd enjoyed his sermon. His handsome face looked skeptical, but he only thanked her, and invited her to attend a "penny reading" in the vicarage meeting room on Friday evening next, when his wife was set to begin reading
Villette
in weekly installments to as many parishioners who cared to come and hear it. "It's a pleasant way to meet people," he added, smiling his rather beatific smile. She murmured noncommittally, but the idea intrigued her.

Just then Anne waved to her from the bottom of the steps, and Rachel bade farewell to the vicar and went to greet his wife. She looked young, fresh, and uncommonly pretty in a tartan skirt and crimson blouse—an ensemble Rachel would not have expected the wife of a minister to wear to church, but which looked charming on her nonetheless. It also failed to even try to hide the interesting fact that she was at least four months pregnant. The two women greeted each other amiably, Rachel mentioning that she'd heard from Miss Deene that Anne had been unwell, and she was happy to find her completely recovered.

"Oh, did Sophie say 'unwell'? How delicate of her," Anne said with warm, laughing eyes. She had a lovely way, Rachel thought, of puncturing social conventions without wounding individuals. "No, as you can see, I'm in the very
pink
of health. Dr. Hesselius is a little old-fashioned; if he and Christy had their way, I'd be in bed till Christmas." Rachel took that to be
her
delicate way of confiding her baby's due date. "But
you,"
she exclaimed, standing back and making a show of looking Rachel up and down. "You look wonderful! I think our little village agrees with you."

Rachel thanked her, coloring a little, but privately delighted with the compliment.

"I understand Lord D'Aubrey's gone to Sussex to visit his father."

"Yes, the earl is very ill. But there's been no word yet, and we don't know how much longer he intends to stay away."

They spoke of casual things for another moment, before Anne hesitated and then said in a low, apologetic voice, "Wyckerley is so tiny, we all know one another's business; and of course it isn't only the servants who gossip, as much as we like to pretend we're above such things." Rachel felt her face tighten, and wondered exactly what bit of gossip had reached Anne's ears. "You may already have heard this, but if not, I thought it would interest you to know that Claude Sully has been seen in the neighborhood."

"Oh," Rachel said, taken aback. It wasn't the news she'd been expecting.

"He's a thoroughly unpleasant person," she went on, nodding as if agreeing with Rachel—who must have given her thoughts away by her expression.

"I wasn't aware that you knew him."

"Yes, I know him. He was a friend of my late husband. I detest him," Anne added with surprising vehemence. "I'm sure he's harmless—cowards usually are—but I thought you should know that he's here."

Rachel remembered the threat Sully had made before Sebastian had thrown him out of the house. It ought not to surprise her that others had heard of it; half the Lynton Hall domestic staff had witnessed the late-night brawl. "Thank you for telling me," she said faintly.

Anne nodded. "You mustn't worry. He's here on business, I believe. Evidently he has some financial interests he inherited from ..."

"From
my
late husband," Rachel finished for her. There was a short, awkward pause.

"Now that I'm all well again, why don't you come and visit me one day soon?" Anne suggested. "Come for tea—I'd love that."

"I will. I'd like it very much."

"Good. Oh—there's Honoria Vanstone." Rachel turned slightly, to watch Anne bow and smile formally as Miss Vanstone drew near. "Good morning," she said without much enthusiasm. "Nice to see you."

"Good morning, Mrs. Morrell. You're looking . . . colorful." Miss Vanstone laughed artificially; she kept her shoulders turned away from Rachel and didn't look at her. "My father and I were wondering if you and the vicar would be free to come to Wyck House for dinner on Wednesday evening."

"How kind. I'll ask Christy about his schedule and let you know, shall I? Thank you so much." There was a pause. "I'm sorry—do you know Mrs. Wade?" She touched Rachel's arm lightly. "This is—"

"No, I do not," Miss Vanstone announced in cool, firm tones. "Do let us know about Wednesday. Good day to you, Mrs. Morrell." Still without looking in Rachel's direction, she nodded once, pivoted, and walked off.

Anne looked mortified. "Oh," she exclaimed in a low voice. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Rachel, forgive me—I had no idea. That was
unconscionably
rude."

"It's nothing, nothing at all."

"No, but she's an insufferable woman! I've never been able to stand her."

A second passed, and then Rachel said, "Neither have I."

They stared at each other with relief and new interest—and frank admiration. Rachel was amazed, in addition, to discover how much better pure, uncomplicated anger felt than humiliation or embarrassment.

"Wyck House," Anne muttered disgustedly, gray eyes twinkling. "That's another thing—I
hate it
when people name their houses. Not very English of me, I suppose, but it's pretentious, don't you think?"

"I don't know." She laughed almost gaily. "Is it?"

"Let's get to the bottom of it tomorrow. Come to tea then, won't you? If we leave our date indefinite, it could be weeks before either of us does anything about it. Can you come tomorrow?"

"I would love to."

"Shall we say three o'clock?"

"Yes, three. It sounds perfect."

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At home, another novel trial awaited her.

In Sebastian's absence, she'd begun sorting and shelving his new books and trying to decide what to do with the old ones. It was dusty work. After lunch, she changed out of her Sunday best and set to work with Susan, pulling down musty-smelling volumes, dusting them, then reshelving them or putting them in boxes for the parish library. Violet, who had the morning off, had been told last night that she would be expected to help in this fairly pleasant task, but by two o'clock she hadn't appeared. According to Susan, she had a new beau; she claimed he gave her expensive presents, but no one had ever seen him.

At two forty-five, Rachel looked up and saw her leaning in the library doorway, looking vacant, nibbling on a slice of bread.

"You're late."

Violet shrugged.

"Almost three hours late."

Violet chewed her bread and stared back, impudence in every line of her body.

Rachel sighed inwardly. Pointing, she said, "You can begin by taking the books down from those shelves, please, and putting them in boxes. Dust the shelves, and if there's mildew, wash it off with soap and water. There's the bucket."

The maid didn't move. She swallowed the last bite of bread and brushed crumbs from the bosom of her dress. Even from this distance, Rachel could smell the odor of her cheap perfume. "I don't want to get my gown dirty," she protested languidly, pulling the flounced skirt out to the side to show it off. "It's my best."

"Then go up and change," Rachel said shortly.

"Anyway, it's the Sabbath. I shouldn't ought t' be doing any work a'tall."

Susan, motionless on the floor beside a stack of books, turned her wide-eyed gaze back and forth between them, as if watching a particularly engrossing badminton match.

Rachel spoke quietly. "Violet. I'd like you to go .upstairs and change your dress, quickly, then come down and help us with these books. Do you understand?"

"No."

"What is it you—"

"I understand. I'm not doing it."

Silence followed this pronouncement, a tense, dangerous hush that unnerved Susan so much, she went back to her dusting, head down and cheeks flaming. Rachel wondered why it didn't unnerve her as well. But it wasn't intimidating, she realized; in fact, in a strange way, it was exhilarating.

"Susan," she said slowly, "would you mind leaving Violet and me alone?"

"Yes, ma'am. I mean, no, ma'am." She scrambled up and was gone in seconds.

Rachel dropped her dusty rag on the floor and moved closer to Violet. She was still slouching in the doorway, although her indolent posture looked forced now, contradicted by the nervous glitter in her small black eyes. "I've given you an instruction," Rachel told her in a steady voice. "Are you going to do what I've asked?"

"I don't have to." She had a nasty, derisive smile. "What are you going to do about it?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm going to discharge you."

Violet's face registered shock for a split second, then hostility. "You can't do that."

"What makes you think I can't?"

"Because. Who do you think you are? You're nobody. You're a
convict."

"Yes. But I'm also your superior. I'll give you.two weeks' wages but no reference, and I want you gone by dinnertime."

Violet couldn't speak for a full minute. She had family in the neighborhood—Rachel wasn't casting her out into the cold. But she was almost past caring about it one way or the other. If the girl had backed down now, apologized and asked for another chance, she'd have given it to her. Reluctantly.

But she didn't. She found her voice and said scathingly, "Keep yer bloody two weeks' pay, I don't need it. And I'm glad to be shut o' you, you stuck-up, murdering slut."

"Get out. Pack your things and leave now."

"I'll leave, all right, but you hear this." She sighted down a long, pointing finger and vowed,
"You're going to be sorry."