Time Out (11 page)

Nick had never been
the kind of man who held back. He went after what he wanted no
matter the risk, but when he saw the haunted look in Megan’s eyes,
he questioned his approach. Was he moving too fast? Was he pushing
her away when all he wanted was to draw her closer?

“Say
something,” he whispered. The blank look in her eyes meant she was
shutting down again. And shutting him out.

“I don’t know
what you want me to say.”

Tell me you
want me as much as I want you. Tell me you need me.
“Tell me
what you’re afraid of, sweetheart.”

“I’m not afraid
of anything.”

She tried to
use his shoulders as leverage to get up, to push him off, but he
kept her pinned.

“I’m not gonna
let you run away. I know what you’re afraid of. I just wanna hear
you say it.”

“If you know so
much, you tell me. What am I afraid of?” Her eyes were bright from
her challenge.

“You’re afraid
of what you feel in my arms. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s taken me
by surprise too.” He kissed her cheek.

“I don’t know
what you’re talking about. I don’t feel anything, other than
unfulfilled, at the moment.”

He knew she was
trying to bait him as a means of distraction, but he wouldn’t let
her off the hook that easily. He would force her to acknowledge
what she felt, even if it meant she withdrew again. “Yes, you do.
You feel free. To be yourself, to let your guard down, to let me
in… physically and emotionally. For the first time, maybe ever, you
want to let someone in who might be able to help you heal.”

Nick was
crossing lines. He knew it was too soon to expect her to trust him
completely, but when she’d cried in his arms, he felt her shedding
her armor. As soon as he saw a glimpse of the woman hiding beneath
it, he couldn’t rest until he’d stripped away all of it, leaving
her bare and exposed for his eyes only.

“You don’t know
what you’re talking about.”

He pinned her
arms over her head, leaving her defenseless. He knew it was risky.
She could tell him to back off and refuse to speak to him again,
but to get her to open up, he had to convince her to let him in.
“You’re completely at my mercy right now.” He kissed her tenderly.
“Do you think I would ever hurt you?”

Her eyes
drifted over his face. “Physically? No, never.”

“Is it your
heart you’re tryin’ to protect?”

Megan released
a deep, shuddering breath, and Nick’s heart broke. He heard, in
that exhalation, all the words she was too afraid to say.

“It’s okay,
baby. We’ve all made mistakes, done things we’re not proud of. I
don’t expect you to be perfect, ‘cause I promise you, I’m not.”

She rolled her
eyes. “You’re gorgeous, smart, successful. You have a great family,
good friends. Your life looks pretty damn perfect to me.”

“It may seem
that way, but there’s a void. A pretty big void. I didn’t even
realize it was there until recently.” He was passing the point of
no return, but the biggest risks resulted in the greatest
rewards.

“What do you
mean?”

“I go to bed
alone, but I want you right there next to me.”

“Nick…”

“I know you
don’t wanna go there, but I told you I’d always tell you the truth,
and I am.”

“I don’t know
what you want from me.”

Everything.
“I want you to promise that when we’re together,
you won’t try to shut me out. Just do me a favor: try to let your
guard down. Let me in. I promise I won’t make you regret it.”

“I can’t. I’m
sorry.”

He released her
arms and propped his weight on his elbow so he could look down at
her. “Why not?”

“I’ve trusted
the wrong people too many times, Nick. I promised myself I wouldn’t
do that again. I told you, I’m not looking for forever here. I can
give you a good time, but I can’t give you a long time. If that’s
not enough, I should leave before this goes any further.”

She was lying
naked in his bed. Letting her go was no more an option than
choosing not to breathe. “Fine. If that’s my only choice, I guess
I’ll have to take it.”

Megan rolled to
her side and slid her leg over his. “We could be great together. In
bed. Why can’t that be enough?”

He knew once
they’d made love, letting her go would be the hardest thing he’d
ever had to do. Allowing her to walk away right then wasn’t an
option either, so he found himself in the impossible position of
accepting a deal likely to emotionally bankrupt him. “Fine. We’ll
do this your way.”

She stroked
him, and his body responded to her touch almost immediately. “It’ll
be good. You’ll see.”

He knew it
would be incredible. That was the problem. Instead of talking, or
trying to convince her his way was the only path to happiness, he
gave himself over to her touch. It was as though she had mapped his
body. She knew exactly how to stroke him to maximize his pleasure,
how to kiss him to make him lose control…

Her kiss was so
intimate, so passionate, it went on forever. It was as though the
words she longed to say were trapped in her throat, and the only
way she could express herself was through that kiss.

“Jesus, Meg.”
He was panting and desperate by the time she finally let him up for
air. “Condom.” He tipped his head toward the nightstand.

The wicked
gleam in her eye told him she was more than ready.

He watched in
awe as she sheathed him. Her hands seemed steady while it felt like
every muscle in his body trembled from the effort to maintain his
last shred of control. He wanted their time to be good for her, but
if he didn’t find a way to curb his body’s reaction, it would be
over before it started. That had never happened to him before, and
of all the women he’d ever been with, Megan was the only one he’d
ever been so desperate to satisfy… in every way.

Shifting their
bodies so she was pinned beneath him, he kissed her neck to bring
her closer to the edge while he bought a few more minutes to regain
command of his body. Within seconds, she responded to his touch,
opening herself up to him, trying to coax him to take her.

Their eyes
locked as he inched his way into the closest spot he’d found to
heaven on earth. He’d had a lot of lovers, but he hadn’t found
complete contentment in a woman’s arms.
Until now.
It was
like her body was meant for him… and him alone.

“Nick…”

His name
slipped through her lips as a sense of wonder crossed her face, and
he had no doubt she was as affected by their inexplicable
connection as he was.

He wouldn’t let
her look away or close her eyes. He wanted to see into her soul
while his body found a home in hers. If she was his last lover, he
would die a happy man. That thought blind-sided him. He’d never
thought about a woman in terms of forever.

Their bodies
moved as though they’d stolen moments of ecstasy in each other’s
arms for years. Their hearts and bodies knew what their brains had
yet to process. They were meant to be together.

Every intimate
stroke left Nick wanting a deeper connection. Deep wasn’t deep
enough. Fast wasn’t fast enough. Slow wasn’t slow enough. It wasn’t
enough. He wanted more of her.
He wanted all of her.

Her body
welcomed him in ways her heart couldn’t yet. Her soft sighs filled
him with satisfaction, yet left him wishing she would voice the
contentment he knew she felt.

He wanted the
moment to last forever because he knew when he finally had to let
her go, the walls would go up again. She would slip the veil of
perfection back into place, and he would have to wonder all over
again who or what hurt her so badly.

“I love this,”
he whispered. He needed to say the things she would never let him
say in the bright light of day. He wrestled with his body’s urge to
climax, needing to see her come apart one more time before he
allowed himself to concede. “I love the way you feel. The way you
make me feel.” He kissed her, hoping she felt everything he
couldn’t say in that kiss
. I think you’re the one.

She kissed him
back, proving to him the fire raging inside of him burned her up
too.

He gave her
everything he had, using his body to project her to heights she’d
never experienced. Every caress was intended to hit
the
spot. The look of rapture on her face told him exactly what she
needed and when. Listening to her body’s cues paid off. He was
rewarded with the most incredible sensation he’d ever experienced.
She clenched him in her tight heat, taking them on a wild ride to a
state that felt too staggering to be real.

***

Megan was still
trying to process what she’d just experienced when Nick drew her
into his arms. He held her for a long time, their shallow breathing
the only sound in the room.

“Tell me about
what your life was like before you moved here,” he said.

She felt the
tension seeping back in to replace the utter relaxation she’d felt
only moments before. “There’s not much to tell. You know what I did
for a living. You know I was engaged to Brock-”

“How did you
two meet?”

“At a charity
event.”

He kissed her
shoulder. “Did you know right away he was the man you wanted to
spend the rest of your life with?”

She closed her
eyes as her memory took her back to the first night they’d met.
Brock was so handsome, so charismatic. The perfect man… for another
woman.

“I’m sorry,” he
said quietly, holding her tighter. “If you don’t want to talk about
it, we don’t have to.”

“I don’t mind.”
She hadn’t thought she would ever want to share her past with
anyone, but Nick made opening up so easy, especially in light of
the intimacy they’d just shared.

“So, did you
know right away?” He cleared his throat. “You know, that he was…
the one.”

He linked his
hand with hers, and she let him. He was trying to maintain the bond
he believed they’d forged. “Evidently he wasn’t the one. If he was,
we’d still be together.”

“Do you still…”
He paused as though he was reconsidering his question. “Love
him?”

Megan wished
she had an easy way to explain her feelings for Brock. She’d loved
him as much as she’d ever loved anyone. It wasn’t enough to prevent
her from destroying the fragile foundation they’d built. She knew
from the moment she’d accepted his proposal their engagement had no
hope of ending in happily ever after. She was oil, and
relationships were water. The two simply didn’t mix.

“Meg, I need to
know. Do you still love him?”

“Yes.”
Admitting that, even to herself, wasn’t easy. A part of her would
always love the man who’d shown her love, which she’d always
believed to be a myth, really did exist.

She felt every
muscle in Nick’s body tighten, and she knew his heart had led him
into their affair, despite her warnings it could never be more than
a physical arrangement.

“Do you still
want to be with him?”

“No.”

He relaxed
marginally. “Why?”

“He deserves
better. So do you.” She would never forgive herself if she left
another man broken-hearted and trying to figure out what he’d done
wrong. “That’s why we can’t do this again, Nick.”

“What are you
talkin’ about?” He gripped her shoulder, forcing her to roll onto
her back. “We agreed we would have s… Damn it, what happened
between us was more than sex, and we both know it.” He swore
softly, the frustration evident on his handsome face.

She reached up
to caress the tell-tale crease on his forehead. “That’s the
problem. What happened tonight was… too intense. I don’t want to
get hurt, and I don’t want you to get hurt when I leave.”

“I can take
care of myself. Don’t worry about what this might do to me.”

She ran a hand
over his light dusting of chest hair, wishing she could commit the
entire night to memory because she already knew it would be their
one and only night together. “You say that now, but how will you
feel in months, when it’s time for me to move back to L.A.?”

“Sweetheart,
please…”

The endearment
slipped from his lips effortlessly. Megan knew that was because he
felt deeply and approached love fearlessly, as though it was the
most natural thing in the world. He’d felt the depth of his
parents’ love growing up. He’d been raised with healthy examples of
how people in a committed relationship interacted. She’d never had
that and knew she never would.

“Trust me,” she
said, covering his lips with her fingertips. “This is for the best.
You’ll thank me one day, when you find the woman who’ll make this
night feel like the biggest mistake of your life.” The words felt
like a dagger to her heart. She would remember it as the most
perfect night of her life, but Nick would move on. He would find a
woman who could love him with her whole heart, without the baggage
of a loveless childhood and lifetime of mistakes.

“Don’t say
that. Don’t even think that. I could never think of you that
way.”

Believing he
meant what he said would be easy, but Megan knew men often said
things they didn’t mean before the sheets cooled off and reality
set in. Megan sat up, reaching for her dress. “I thought we could
keep things casual, have fun while I’m here, but I think we both
know now that isn’t going to work. Tonight was too intense. If we
continue, feelings will develop, and one or both of us will get
hurt.”

“Damn it, don’t
go. Just spend the night with me. Please.”

Another woman
would have gladly accepted his proposition without a second
thought, but Megan couldn’t give into the temptation to spend the
night in his arms. Leaving him in the morning would just be harder.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. Tonight was…”
Unforgettable.
“Great,
but I think we should just try to be friends moving forward.”