Tiger's Voyage (42 page)

He brushed my cheek with his thumb, touching me lightly, gently. A part of me screamed that I needed him, that I belonged with him, that I couldn’t deny this. But another part of me felt guilty, remembered there was another who loved me, who cared for me, who would be hurt. And I’d made him a promise. I moved back and took a step away from Ren’s all-consuming presence so I could shake off my reaction to him. It didn’t work, but I sucked in a breath determined to pursue my course.

“Hmm,” he trailed his finger from my temple down my cheek to my lips and touched my bottom lip lightly. “That’s interesting.”

Sighing, I asked, “What’s interesting?”

“Despite your protestations, I would say that your
lips
definitely want …
me
.”

I let out a cry of frustration, more at my own betrayal than with him, pushed him aside, and brushed my lips with the back of my hand.

“Kelsey.”

“Don’t.” I held up a hand. “Just … just don’t, Ren. I can’t
do
this. I’m not this kind of a person. I can’t
be
this way with you anymore.”

“Kelsey, please—”

“No!” I ran out of his room though he called after me.

At that moment, something shook the ship. Ren barreled out of his room toward me, grabbed my hand and yanked me all the way to the wheelhouse. We entered at the same time and got stuck together in the door. Ren thought that was a wonderful opportunity to put his arms around me while I yelled at him. When I finally got through and headed for Kishan, he was frowning, and Ren was smirking. The ship lurched again and I fell into the bookcase and hit my head.

“Can’t you at least make sure she doesn’t get hurt?” Ren hollered.

“He protects me just fine!” I yelled back.

Kishan pulled me into his arms and rubbed the bump on my head. “Don’t let him egg you on, Kells. He’s only trying to get a rise out of you.”

“Perhaps you three could continue this conversation when the ship is not under attack?” Mr. Kadam said. “Nilima! Take the helm!”

Ren grabbed his trident and rushed to the stairs that led to the top of the wheelhouse. Kishan grabbed his
chakram
and ran to the front of the boat. I took the rear.

Ren shouted loudly, “I can see it! It’s a big fish of some kind.”

I stared at the water and gasped as I made out a huge tail. “It’s heading toward you, Kishan!”

The giant body shoved the boat until it leaned dangerously to one side. When we straightened and the boat fell with a splash, I took off running to Kishan’s side. Because the
chakram
couldn’t cut through the water, I hit the creature with lightning, and it circled and dove. Everything was silent for a few forbidding minutes, and then a huge shape rose out of the water behind Ren.

My mouth opened in amazement. It was a giant monster fish. Its lower jaw protruded several feet past the upper jaw. Its mouth gaped. Huge vampire-like teeth stuck out from thick gray lips and a giant yellow eye fixed on Ren. Two long flippers whirred in the air like a hummingbird and long black stripes ran from head to tail. Its jaw suddenly snapped shut like a vise.

“Ren! Behind you!”

He spun and thrust the trident into the belly of the fish several times. Black blood pooled from the circular holes. The fish angled its body, and it fell partway onto the top of the tower. Ren fell overboard and slid down the slick fish’s body into the churning water below.

“Ren! Kishan, help him!”

Kishan at once dove into the water after Ren.

I screamed at the men below, “How’s that going to help?” and ran to the wheelhouse. The fish was circling the area and trying to snap at the two brothers floating next to the ship. Ren used his trident, but he wasn’t making much headway. It helped that the fish’s bottom jaw seemed too big to get close enough for a bite; it kept banging against the boat instead. I grabbed the Scarf and ran back to the side. By now, the fish had given up on biting them and was trying to smash them into the boat.

I mumbled, “Trying to make a couple of Indian prince pancakes? Well, not on my watch.”

I shot the heaviest bursts of lightning I could through my hand, and hit the fish in several places. It twisted angrily in the water, trying to get out of my reach. At the same time, I had the Scarf make a rope ladder that trailed from the railing, down the side of the yacht, to the sea, and yelled at the brothers to grab it. I kept the fish off them long enough that they could climb up.

When they were aboard, dripping and tired, I yelled at Nilima, “Get us out of here!”

I kept blasting bolts at the fish until we were far enough away that it gave up. When I felt that we were finally out of danger, I glared at both the brothers, and then ignored them and stomped up to the wheelhouse.

I shoved in the door and said, “Well, the barrier theory is a sound one. I suggest we plot a course between all those spots. When the boys show up, tell them I said they’re idiots, they’re welcome, and to leave me alone for a while.”

Nilima and Mr. Kadam said nothing. With that, I huffed out of the wheelhouse and went to my room. I locked both doors and filled the Jacuzzi for a good soak. While I soaked, I thought guiltily about the kiss.
Apparently, I’m going to have to strengthen my resolve if I want to be loyal
to Kishan. I can’t let Ren get me alone. I just don’t have the willpower to
resist him. He’s too … too potent.
Despite my self-chastisement, I ended up thinking about him the entire time. I felt a rumble. The boat was moving, so obviously we were headed for the green dragon’s lair. I sighed, opened my eyes, and stepped out of the tub.

After I dressed, I went back to the wheelhouse. Everything was quiet. The sun had gone down, and neither Ren nor Kishan was around. I found Nilima alone steering the boat, carefully following Mr. Kadam’s instructions. Grabbing a blanket, I cozied up in a nearby chair. She glanced at me from time to time, but I was totally absorbed in my own thoughts.

“You’re wondering what to do now, aren’t you?”

I sighed. “Yes. I’m wondering how to make Ren understand we can’t be together now.”

“Oh?” She shifted to look at me. “Is that what you are wondering? I was thinking you’d be wondering which one of them will make you happy.”

“Nope. That’s not what I’m wondering at all.”

“I see. So you are determined to be with Kishan, then?”

“I made a promise to him. A commitment.”

“Did you not also do the same with Ren?”

I winced. “Yes. But that was a long time ago.”

“Perhaps not so long to him.” Nilima stared ahead at the blackness.

“Perhaps not.” I studied my hands in my lap. “What do
you
think I should do?” I asked.

She stretched prettily and then settled back into her former position. “You like to write in your journal, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then I suggest you write about both of them. Write of their strengths and weaknesses. Record what you love about them. Put down what you wish was different. It may help you to see your thoughts on paper.”

“That’s a good idea. Thanks, Nilima.”

I spent the next few days recording my thoughts about both brothers but found I had lots of things both good and bad to say about Ren, and though my list for Kishan was all good, it was also short. I didn’t feel I was doing a good job focusing on him, so I set out to spend time with him. I asked him hundreds of questions and then stubbornly recorded his answers in my journal.

I kissed him several times in a clinical way, trying to gauge my reactions to him. He seemed oblivious to my “tests” and enjoyed the kisses for what they were. Not
once
did kissing him cause the same reaction it did when kissing Ren. Despite my best efforts, I found I couldn’t duplicate the feeling from that first night either, that first kiss with Kishan, the one when Ren got his memory back. I started to suspect my reaction had not come because of Kishan at all.

One evening, I was strolling the deck with Kishan and had an idea for another test. “Kishan? I want to try something. Do you mind helping me?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Stand right here. No, behind me. Good. Now stay there for a second.”

I aimed my firepower down at the water. White light shot out of my palm and hit the ocean. A cloud of steam rose up. “Okay, now step up behind me and pull me back against your chest.”

“Like this?”

“Yes. Good. Now lean your head on my shoulder and touch my arms. Put yours on top of mine.”

He ran his hands up and down my arms. I concentrated and pushed with all my energy, but the light didn’t change. There was no intense golden burst of power. I wasn’t overwhelmed with a sense of connection. My power fizzled and died out. I stared hard at the water.

“What is it?” Kishan asked. “Is something wrong?”

Plastering a smile on my face, I turned toward him. After pecking him on the lips, I said, “No. Nothing’s wrong at all. Just a silly idea I had. No big deal.”

I heard a noise above us and saw Ren leaning against a post. He was smirking at me knowingly. I glared at him and kissed Kishan hard. Kishan wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed me back, soundly. When I looked back again, Ren was frowning.

Later that evening, I was lying in a deck chair looking up at the stars while Kishan was working out. I felt a warm tug, a familiar pull on my heart and knew
he
was near.

A deep hypnotic voice asked, “May I sit?”

“No.”

“I’d like to talk with you.”

“Talk all you like because I’m leaving. I think I’ve had too much sun.”

“The sun’s not out. Sit down and stay put.”

Ren dragged a lounge chair over next to mine and lay down with his hands behind his head.

“How long are you going to let this go on, Kelsey?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you? I saw you testing Kishan earlier today. You don’t feel for him what you feel for me. You don’t feel
with
him the way you feel with me.”

“You’re wrong. Being with Kishan is … it’s like heaven.”

“‘The
love of heaven
makes one heavenly.’”

“Exactly, our love is heavenly.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It means what
I
interpret it to mean.”

“Fine. Then you should have no problem interpreting this one. ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks,’ or how about ‘O, how this spring of love resembleth the uncertain glory of an April day; which now shows all the beauty of the sun, and by and by a cloud takes all away.’”

“A cloud didn’t take our love away, you did. I warned you what the consequences would be, and you said, and I quote, ‘I won’t need another chance. I won’t be seeking you out again.’ Are those
not
your
exact
words, Ren?”

He flinched. “They
were
. But—”

“No. There is no ‘but.’ There’s no coming back from this one, Ren.”

“But, Kelsey, I did it for you. Not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to save you.”

“I understand that, but what’s done is done. I’m not going to hurt Kishan because you changed your mind. You’re going to have to live with the consequences of your choices just as I do.”

He got up and knelt beside my chair. Picking up my hand, he twined his fingers with mine. “You’re forgetting something,
iadala
. Love is not a consequence. Love is not a choice. Love is a
thirst
—a need as vital to the soul as water is to the body. Love is a precious draft that not only soothes a parched throat but also vitalizes a man. It fortifies him enough that he is willing to slay dragons for the woman who offers it. Take that draft of love from me, and I will shrivel to dust. To take it from a man dying of thirst and give it to another while he watches is a cruelty I never thought you capable of.”

I snorted and he sighed.

“‘Thou art to me a delicious torment,’ Kelsey.”

“Who said that?”

“The first part? Me. That last line, Emerson.”

“I see. Go on. You were speaking of your parts being vitalized?”

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re mocking me.”

“Well, don’t you think you’re being overdramatic,” I held up my fingers in a pinch, “just a teensy bit?”

“Maybe. Perhaps it’s because I’m a coward. Shakespeare wrote, ‘Cowards die many times before their deaths, the valiant never taste of death but once.’”

“How does that make you a coward?”

“Because I’ve died many deaths, mostly over you, and I’m still alive. Trying to have a relationship with you is like trying to rescue someone from Hades. Only a fool would keep going back to get a woman who fights him every step of the way.”

“Ah, but that makes you a fool, not a coward.”

He frowned and said, “Perhaps I am both.” He studied my face and asked quietly, “Was it too much to ask you to wait for me? To believe in me? Don’t you know how much I love you?”

I squirmed under his gaze.

Ren pressed on, “I die a little death every time we’re separated, Kelsey.”

I swallowed the guilt and let pride take over. “Lucky for you, cats have nine lives. I only have one life and one heart, and it’s been jerked around so much I’m surprised it still beats.”

“It would help if you stop offering your heart to every man you meet,” he suggested dryly.

“I don’t fall in love with every man I meet despite what you think, Mr. Exaggeration.” I poked him in the chest. “At least
I
don’t parade scantily clad suitors with artificial bosoms around. Besides,
you
pushed
me
away, not the other way around. It’s your own fault.”

“Well, I didn’t expect that you’d immediately settle down with someone
else
now, did I? It’s a small ship, I figured. But
no
, leave Kelsey alone for five minutes, and she suddenly has a line of boyfriends. Every man on board immediately moves in, don’t they?”

I glared at him. “You
said
Kishan and I should—”

He angrily ran a hand through his hair. “I
know
what I said. It made sense at the time. But even so, a part of me believed you’d never do it. I didn’t think I could actually convince you that I didn’t love you anymore. It was a bad decision with obviously negative ramifications. I made a mistake. A huge one. But now we’re even. You left me, and I left you. Now we’re done with that. We can set it aside and forget about it.”