Three Stages of Love: Attraction (11 page)

And with those words, and that kiss, I let the conversation die, leaving us only with love and not an inkling of sorrow.

The rest of breakfast was pleasant. We ate and chatted about almost nothing—silly things really. Movies that we wanted to see, funny things we had done in our childhood—things that a normal couple would customarily discuss in the beginning of a relationship. The funny thing was, Alexander and I were far from being a normal couple.

“Hey, I have a meeting tonight with a client. It was supposed to be just us two for dinner, but he is here in town with his wife, and I thought maybe it would be nice for the four of us to go to dinner.”

Alexander’s general itinerary didn’t begin or conclude with a question, and considering my most recent events, I felt weary about having anything contrary to say.

“Sure. I’d love to. I will have to get something appropriate to wear, so just let me know how dressy or casual the locale will be.” Accepting his dinner plans, I went along very willingly.

By the floored look on Alexander’s face as I continued spooning food into his dish, he was taken aback by my easygoing and unquestioning newfound attitude.

Alexander responded slowly, “Um, OK. I’ll have Brant take you up to Saks for something.”

I nodded and smiled graciously and returned to the topic of movies.

Later in the day, Brant obliged and accompanied me to do some shopping while Alexander showered and dressed for the evening. Though I would have much rather stayed with Alexander and helped him lather up his tightened, and sculpted
david-esque
body; Alexander convinced me that being well dressed for the evening was more important.

I wasn’t a stranger to having dinner with clients and when those clients brought their wives along, I knew I had to present my self pristinely but not overly sexy. Even though the business wasn’t my own; I would be on display so I decided on an ensemble by Yves Saint Laurent—a designer that never let down a woman.

I paid for my things—with the American Express card that Alexander insisted I take from him and walked calmly enjoying the quiet through the gallery of designers and down the stairs to the lobby of the glorious department store. Before I reached the bottom level, I passed a mannequin wearing a chiffon scarf designed by
Alviero Martini,
an Italian designer that my mother adored. I realized that in all the madness, I hadn’t called my mother daily as I always had and I suddenly missed her.

“
Bella,
where have you been. I was worried when you didn’t answer your phone but then I reached Samantha and she said you had gone with Alexander. What is going on? Are you alright? When did Alexander return?” My mother answered the phone frantically wanting to get all her questions out in one short breath.

“
Mamma stai calma
,” I urged her to calm down so I could speak. “I am fine. And yes, Alexander has returned and we are trying to figure out the future…I guess.”

My mother sighed into the phone, “When will you learn to stop doubting and guessing about things that you can not predict. What makes you think you are smarter than the wisest of humans out there? You think you can plan or figure out the future?
STOP
! Alexander’s return is fate’s way of giving you a second chance because you were so stupid the first time around.”

I cut her off huffing into my cell phone.

“Mother, you just called me stupid!” I growled in a mumble so not to be heard.

“Yes and as your mother I have every right to do so because it is said with love. Now listen here, you are at a cross road. You can either continue on as you have for the last thirty two years and continue to run love out of your life. You can pretend that the success fills your every need; but I know otherwise. Or, you can take the path that scares you the most and face it head on. The worst that can happen is that it isn’t what you fully desire and then you start fresh—but you have at least gained that knowledge and lost nothing in return. I have faith in love Evangeline and I pray
bella
that you can have some faith too.” My mother mumbled through a monologue that allowed me little room to speak or argue. And with every word and piece of advice, I knew it all held bountiful truths.

My mother had witnessed first hand how love had made me fearful and vulnerable. But she had also seen the loss and hurt that devoured me for months, and that is a vision that no mother wishes to experience with her child.

I thanked her for loving me and swore to her that I would try to love as she had—all her life.

CHAPTER NINE

Leila and Tom Nest met us at Spark’s Steak House in midtown Manhattan at 8:00 p.m. Tom, a CEO of a large software corporation, had come out from LA to meet with Alexander, and Leila decided to tag along, having never been to New York herself.

“Evangeline, that is a stunning outfit. We must go shopping before I head back to LA.” Leila took me by the hand and twirled me around.

Brant had, as Alexander requested, taken me to Saks Fifth Avenue to buy something for this evening’s dinner. The stunning outfit that Leila was referring to was an Yves Saint Laurent strapless cocktail design with a fitted nude satin lining and a crocheted overlay that came down right below my thighs. Short enough to be sexy, but long enough for a presentable dinner meeting.

“Thank you, Leila, and please call me Eva.”

Alexander insisted on introducing me to everyone as Evangeline. And though I had become accustomed to Alexander addressing me by the name, I wasn’t always comfortable with strangers using it.

As we sat at dinner, most of the evening was spent playfully getting to know each other. Tom and Leila were very easy to get along with. Their demeanor was that of old friends who were just catching up. They were seemingly the perfect couple: finishing each other’s sentences, always on point with whatever topic the other was discussing. They were a couple who was very much involved in each other’s lives.

“So, Alexander, shall we talk a little business?” Tom asked.

Alexander nodded in agreement.

Leila nudged my elbow and placed the napkin from her lap onto the table. “Eva, why don’t we make a trip to the powder room while the boys talk shop. This way we can plan our shopping excursion.”

As much as I wanted to hear about the plans that Alexander had to either help or buy out Tom’s company, I didn’t mind some girly time with Leila. “Sure, sounds like more fun,” I said. As I pushed out my chair, both Tom and Alexander stood to help Leila and me out of the table. “Don’t take over the world without me,” I whispered in Alexander’s ear. “You know I love this stuff.”

Grinning, Alexander kissed me on the cheek and said, “Don’t be too long.”

A
man
bothers to take himself to the restroom merely to relieve a urinary need. A
woman
takes time to go to the ladies’ room to make friends, catch up on gossip, and make plans or to tell secrets.

“So tell me, Eva, what is the deal with you and Mr. Gorgeous out there?” Leila snickered her way through her question, but her intrigue was evidently self-serving.

I hid my uncertainty well but made it clear that I was no fool. “Mr. Gorgeous, huh? Are you asking purely for informational purposes, or do I hear some excitement in your question?”

Leila giggled softly as she leaned into the mirror before her and applied a thick layer of red lipstick. She looked at me through the mirror. “Being married doesn’t make you blind, my dear; one can appreciate the same or opposite sex without being a threat. Now, I highly doubt that you are the insecure or jealous type, so should I assume that you are purposely dodging my question?”

“You are correct. I am neither the jealous nor the insecure type, but I am also not dodging your question.”
How will I answer this,
I thought.
My deal is actually a contract that includes sexual, kinky satisfaction, and our goals are to advance our relationship through the forces of intense sexual gratification. Yeah, I’m sure that would go over well with my new friend and Alexander’s new partner.
“There is no deal. We are taking it slow. I care for him, he cares for me, and we are just allowing the relationship to navigate its own way.”

“OK. I’m a little confused. Agreeing to move across the country with a man doesn’t exactly say,
We’re taking it slow
. I don’t mean to prod, but I honestly thought you two were on the verge of wedding bells.” Leila’s look turned more confused than mine.

And my expression merely turned to anger. “I’m sorry, what did you say? Who is moving across the country with what man?”

Leila looked like the cat that ate the canary. With the feather hanging out of her lips, she stuttered, trying to recall her statement. “Eva, I didn’t mean to stick my nose where it didn’t belong. Perhaps we should get back—”

“Perhaps you should continue talking and fill me in on what you obviously already know.” I growled my request quietly so as to not cause a scene and also not be too rude to Leila, as she wasn’t at fault for what I was about to hear.

“Eva, I assumed you knew. When Tom got the call today and he said we were going to be having dinner with you, my understanding was that we were meeting to get to know each other so that when you moved out, you had someone there who was familiar.” Leila’s expression was filled with apologies. Sorry for knowing what she knew and sorrier that she knew what I didn’t.

“Moved out where exactly?” I asked.

“Los Angeles. Alexander has been out in LA getting the merger together with Tom, but his intentions were to have a full partnership instead and base himself there,” Leila added.

I lowered myself onto a cushion-top stool by the vanity in the restroom, trying to grapple with an understanding. “He was in LA while we were separated. I have heard nothing about any move to LA. Perhaps those were his intentions before we got back together.”

“I”—and Leila took a breath before continuing with what she was going to say—“I overheard their discussion yesterday before we left for New York and again today when he confirmed dinner.” Leila took a step toward me and reached out for my hand. “Come on, and let’s get back. I’m sure I misunderstood, and let’s not spoil such a nice dinner and newfound friendship.

We walked lightly and at a slow pace back to our table, where Alexander and Tom sat with serious glances and square shoulders as they discussed their plans and possibly
our move
to LA.

“Are you boys done with the boring stuff yet? Can we get some dessert?”

Leila was trying desperately to keep the mood light and to keep me from blowing up her spot. She let the cat out of the bag, and
the cat
turned me into a lioness ready to pounce.

The ride back to Alexander’s apartment felt long and tension filled. Alexander knew that there was something bothering me, but he dared not ask. We even rode silently in the elevator up to the penthouse. I had to get my words and emotions together before I let all my steam out, directly injuring Alexander.

It was past midnight when we finally got back, and as we passed the entrance to the apartment, my vocal restraints let themselves loose. “Where would you like to begin in your explanation of our move to LA together?” I blurted out loudly, causing Alexander to freeze in his movements.

“I knew I should have discussed that with you before we went to dinner with the Nests—” Alexander said, having figured out that there was only one secret Leila could have shared with me that would have turned me into a beast.

Interrupting his lame excuse, I shouted, my voice growing in crescendo, “Should have discussed with me? More important than what you
should
have discussed with me is the fact that you
should not
have told other people that I was aware of your plans and that I had agreed to move across the country with you.”

“Evangeline, listen,” Alexander pleaded.

But there was very little Alexander could say that would calm me down. “Don’t Evangeline me. I would never agree to move to LA, not with you or anyone else. I am a New Yorker, born and raised, and I will not leave everything I have known and made for myself for anyone. We have been back together for a minute, and here you are moving me across the country? Boy, do you fall fast and hard!”

“Well, I guess that puts me in my place. The trip to LA was a getaway-slash-business trip. I thought it would be good for us to get away,
and
I also had business to do there.” Alexander paused, walking toward me as I braced myself against the dining table. “Why are you here with me? I thought I made it clear to you that if you are here physically but not wholeheartedly, then you are better off leaving. I am doing what I said I would do—what the contract stated I would do:
I accept the keeping of your body for the fulfillment and enhancement of our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs.
You gave me your body for safekeeping in every way, shape, and form, and I am trying to do just that. I know I was wrong for telling someone else before I even discussed it with you.
But
in reference to you not leaving
everything
for
anyone
, well, I assumed that we both had willingly come into this agreement for love. I guess I was wrong.”

It was rare that someone could talk circles around me, but Alexander had just run a marathon in his few words, and I felt like a hypocrite. “Alexander, I—”

But Alexander was on a roll and refused to let me speak.

“The fact that you would come at me spewing this horseshit concept of what you’ve known and what you’ve built is mind-numbing. I don’t get you. You can’t live without me, but somehow when you have me front and center, you have no problem telling me that it is everyone else you cannot live without. But me, you have no problem letting go.” Alexander’s shoulders stiffened as he faced me, only inches apart and with so many mixed feelings reeling between us both. “It’s funny how the minute you are asked to explain yourself, you become mute. Let me put it this way: this life that you’ve built is suddenly not working out the way you planned. You have fallen for a man who will not allow you to hurt yourself and those around you for fear of the outcomes that lay ahead. You’ve also fallen for a man who, if you didn’t already know, is madly in love with you and who has, yes, fallen fast and fallen hard!”