This House Is Not for Sale (8 page)

According to those who saw it, they said Seleto's manhood was still there but it had shrunk and was looking like it wanted to run back into wherever it originally emerged from.

—We thought you said it is gone but it is still there—they said to Seleto's wife.

“You look at it with your two eyes—does it look alive to you?”

—If it is dead, then you go wake it up. After all, you are his wife—

“It wasn't dead until he started coming here. That was when he stopped looking at me like a woman.”

—You better leave if you do not want us to lock you up—she was told.

As we later heard, Grandpa called Brother Julius aside and asked him to go back overseas and promise never to come back, that he would have all his expenses taken care of. He agreed. He departed with none of the fanfare with which he had returned. He departed like a thief in the night.

Those who asked after him were told that he had been offered a job abroad because there was no company in the country that could retain the services of a specialist in international criminology like Brother Julius.

B
aby lived in the Family House. Though she was older than us, we all called her Baby. Baby was not really a name as such. It was more of a placeholder. A baby born in the father's absence, perhaps the father was on a journey, was called Baby until the father returned from his trip, and then there would be a ceremony when the baby was properly christened with a proper name.

Baby was often described as behaving like someone who fell off a moving train. We sometimes saw overloaded trains with passengers hanging on the door and windows and some who were squatting on the roof hurtled down the rail tracks on its way to the terminal. To imagine someone falling off this
train and surviving it was difficult to do, but anyone who did must have had their brains pretty shook up.

There were many stories about Baby. It was said that the reason she was banned from going to the major department store was because she was in the habit of quarreling with the mannequins.

“Am I not greeting you?” she was said to have said to one, and hissed.

“At least, if you do not have the courtesy to greet, you should have the courtesy to respond to people's greetings.”

And when there was still no response from the mannequin she had called to a passerby and complained.

“See this lady, she would not greet me and when I greeted her, would not respond,” she complained.

All outlandish deeds were attributed to her. She was said to have nearly killed a little baby in her care who was running a fever. She had tried to force the baby into Grandpa's Frigidaire. When she was accosted she had responded that it was not her fault. She had been told that items went into the freezer hot and emerged cold.

We played pranks on her. At night we would call her and ask her to blow out the flashlight the way you would blow out a flame. She would blow at the flashlight furiously and we would laugh at her.

One of Grandpa's favorite sayings is that no person is completely useless in this life. So he put Baby to use and made her try her hand at many things. She was first in the machete shop selling stuff, but she could not tell the difference
between large and small bills. She would give customers change that was more than the amount paid. It was noticed that whenever she was the one in the store the place filled up quickly because those customers she had given change or undersold items to would tell others, who in turn would tell others that Baby was the one selling. After that experience she was soon sent to hawk iced water in cellophane packs. Each was sold for one naira so nobody could cheat her. She was told not to sell to anybody who did not have the exact amount.

Baby hawked sachets of cold water on a construction site to workers building an overhead bridge. The workers were mostly from neighboring foreign countries. They loved Baby because they could grope her as much as they wanted without any objections from her. She laughed at every action. She would sell two dozen sachets during lunch break and go back to the store and bring back more. They all paid her. No one tried to cheat her. As long as she was willing to be groped they were all happy. There was one guy who didn't grope her. He would talk with her and was satisfied even if all she did was grin. His name was Asare. He was also from one of the neighboring countries. He was a bricklayer but worked with the construction company as a laborer because it paid more. He talked to her about missing his country. He talked to her about how people here were always in a hurry, unlike in his own country. One day he told her to come back to the construction site when everyone had left. He took her behind a concrete mixer, lifted her dress, and entered her. He was
quickly done. He gave her money and told her to dump all the unsold water sachets into the lagoon. She complied.

Three months later Baby wouldn't eat. She grew pale. Someone heard her retching in the toilet. She cried. Grandpa asked her who was responsible for the pregnancy. She said it was
Akwanumadede
.
Akwanumadede
was a popular highlife song from one of the neighboring countries, and most of the construction workers from there were nicknamed
Akwanumadede
by their counterparts. She was asked to take them to the worksite. By the time they got to the construction site, the bridge was already completed and the workers had dispersed.

There was a childless rich trader who owned lots of stores close to Grandpa's store. The rich trader's name was Janet. She was a big distributor of smoked catfish, which she bought cheaply from the North, where they had it in abundance, and sold at a profit. She had her own house, a two-story building with the legend
LET THEM SAY
written on the entrance. She loved gold and had gold rings on every finger and a massive gold chain and pendant on her neck. People greeted her politely but talked behind her back.

—With no child of her own when she's gone, who will she leave all her wealth to?—

—Her womb produces money, not children—

—In life some people choose before they are born between wealth and children—

—And why does one need to choose when it is possible to be blessed with both—

—Her relatives will share all her stuff when she is gone. They will even sell that castle of peace mansion—

Nobody knows whose idea it was, but between both of them it was agreed that Janet should marry Baby. She would also become the father of the child that was in Baby's womb when the child was born. Baby would live with her and would meet as many men as she wanted to, but any child she had in the process would be Janet's child.

There was some talk that money had changed hands. There was talk of the unborn baby having a price tag, but since no one was there when Janet and Grandpa met, these were mere rumors.

Though they were both women and this was said not to be a common practice, it was known to happen. Though we were not told this, a woman could marry another woman. Baby would live under Janet's roof and cook and wash and take care of Janet as a wife would. Baby was free to pick any man she wanted. The baby born out of such a relationship would belong to Janet. It was going to be a big event. Janet was the husband to be and was going to pay for food, music, and drinks.

On the street people whispered about the strange wedding of Baby to another woman.

—It has never happened before for a woman to marry another, some said. The world is coming to an end, strange things are happening—

—Surely, the world is coming to an end—

—Oh it has. It used to be quite commonplace but that was in the olden days—

—They are doing this to her because she behaves like someone that fell off the train. This is what they usually do with people like her—

—So much evil goes on in that house—

—I think they are helping her, otherwise who else is going to marry her—

Baby began to be treated with a lot of generosity and kindness. People in the house were warned to stop addressing her as Baby and start calling her by her new name, Patience. How the name was arrived at, nobody knew. It was not a baptismal name, but all agreed that patience was a virtue and that Baby had lots of it and would need tons of patience in her new role. She was given the choicest portions of food. She got some new nice clothes. She was encouraged to take a walk around the neighborhood to show off her new clothes and her new look. As she walked around on her stroll people congratulated her on her forthcoming wedding. Her response to every comment was a sheepish smile. Behind her back people whispered.

—If they had a chance in that house, they would turn human beings into goats just so they can sell them off for profit—

—That is the kind of house that sold people into slavery in days gone by—

—What do you mean in days gone by? How is what they are doing these days different from slavery?—

—She is even lucky. She may likely have an easier life with Janet than she has had in that evil house—

—So she is to have no choice; any man that comes she opens her legs—

—Not really. Some choose to settle for one man, have all their children through the one man so the children don't look too different from each other—

—That Baby that laughs at everything. She is never going to be able to choose. She'll accept whatever is thrown at her—

The event was planned to be grand. Baby was taken to the market to shop for new clothes. She was taken to have her hair braided in a beautiful style. She was encouraged to invite her friends, but alas poor Baby had no friends. It was the first time that the whole street was invited to a party in the Family House. Janet invited her fellow traders. It was assumed by some of them that a relative of hers was getting married.

It was during the dry season and everywhere was hot. Sheds were built. Big red-and-blue metal drums were filled with cold water, and drinks were packed into the water to keep them cool. Women were hired to fry beef and cook
jollof
rice and
moin-moin
.

—Not even for a proper marriage between man and woman have I seen such preparation—

—So much food being cooked, so many drinks being cooled—

—I heard they slaughtered two cows and countless chickens—

—I don't blame the woman, though. It is a terrible thing to come to this world and leave empty-handed with no one to answer your name when you are gone—

—But what about the poor girl? It is almost as if they are selling her off—

—It is not just her they are selling off, they are selling off the unborn baby as well—

—Well, as for me, I have never been known to reject free food—

—Me neither, not when they have free drinks thrown in as well—

—Be very careful what you eat in that house—

—Why, it is food cooked for the public? Don't tell me you think they'll poison everybody?—

—There are things worse than poison. And poison may be even better, because it kills you and that is the end—

—So what is worse than poison, eh, tell me?—

—What if after eating you turn to
mumu
, a doddering fool?—

—
Mumu
for what? For eating
jollof
and chicken?—

—Why do you think they are able to keep all the people who work for them acting like
mumu
?—

—Ah, one has to be careful, I tell you—

—Once it has gone into the mouth and the stomach, it is not coming out again and the damage is already done—

—I don't think they are that totally gone to try to turn all the invited guests to
mumu
—

—I think at worst you can call it appeasement. They are using the food as
sara
—

—Which wouldn't be a bad thing. They need forgiveness for all they have done—

There was not much to the ceremony. The only major thing done was that drink was poured into a glass cup. Baby was expected to look around at the invited guests and give the drink to her husband. She had been warned ahead of time not to embarrass the guests by giving the drink to Janet. She knelt down and gave the drink to a young man seated next to Janet who was also dressed in white. The young man took a sip and handed the glass back to her and she drank. A large box was handed to Grandpa's representatives. Some said it was filled with money, some said gifts. That was the end of the ceremony, now guests could go outside to eat and drink their fill. When Baby said she had a headache and was going inside to rest, people said it was not surprising. Her new hairstyle must have given her a headache. She should wash her face with cold water and rest for a while.

People ate and drank and some even took some food home in plastic bags. Many who attended invited those they met on the way.

—They are still serving food. No discrimination, everyone who shows up gets served—

The plan was that on the next day, Baby would be taken to her new husband's house. This would be done quietly and not with the usual fanfare that would accompany someone moving into a man's house. This would have required singing and dancing and another round of feasting.

Everyone on the street woke up to hear that Baby was gone. The bride had disappeared. She left. Who had seen her?
Apparently at some point that night Baby had disappeared from the Family House without taking anything with her. She had left no trace or clues behind. She had confided in no one. This was strange, that she had planned and executed her escape. Even though she was considered to be feeble-brained by all, it was a surprise. Coupled with the fact that the walls in the Family House were known by all to have cavernous ears.

—That boy from the neighboring country who owns the pregnancy must have come for her—

—And you won't believe this but she was all smiles yesterday, nobody knew what she was planning—

—Is there a time that she doesn't smile?—

—She must have decided not to exchange a harsh master for a harsh madam—

—Who knows? It may all be their plan. You know how they are in that house—

—So what is going to happen to all the money the woman spent on the ceremony?—

—What about the gifts and the box filled with money that she gave to them?—

—What about the things you can't see, like the shame she is going to suffer at the hands of her fellow traders?—

—Some people are destined not to have children. That is her destiny. She cannot wash it away no matter how much she tries—

—It is not an easy destiny to live with—

—Is this not the reason why it is called destiny? Good or bad, you have to accept it because destiny can never be changed—

—One thing I know was that the food was great and nobody is going to ask me to return what has already settled finely in my stomach—

—Mine has already been converted to proteins and vitamins in my body—

—As for me, all I can say is it serves them right. What kind of abomination is that? A woman being given in marriage to another woman—