The Wooden Chair (37 page)

When she awoke sometime in the middle of the night, she was clammy with sweat, the taste in her mouth foul as if she’d eaten rotten eggs or worse. Next to her she heard the soft soughing from Bill, and the house past the door was dark. Her sleep must have been like a coma because she didn’t hear him come to bed. As noiseless as possible, she slipped into the bathroom and stood under the warm shower until the stiffness in her neck softened, and the jackhammer in her head stopped drilling holes in her brain. In bed, she slipped under the comforter, scooted to Bill’s side and snuggled close. With clenched jaw, nails digging into the palms of her hands, she kept whispering, “I’m not like Mira. I am not.”

Next morning, while he was shaving, the bathroom door to the bedroom wide open as was their habit, Bill asked how she felt.

“I’m terribly ashamed.”

“Well, you did drink too much. It worries me that you drink to run away from problems.”

“You make it sound as if I always do it. I don’t, this was a mistake.”

“I’m concerned because in your position as alcoholism counselor, you shouldn’t drink at all.”

“I’m on maternity leave so this doesn’t affect my job performance.”

“Well, I just told you what I think about you drinking alcohol when you’re provoked. Now let’s forget about it.”

“Thank you,” she whispered so low she didn’t think he didn’t hear her for the running water.

A towel wrapped around his waist, Bill returned to the bedroom. “How do you feel about going to Helsinki?”

“Terrified. I’m so scared.” She sighed. “If this was only about going to Helsinki I’d have no hesitations.” With the heals of her hands she rubbed burning eyes. “But, still, therapy with Dr. Morgenthaler must count for something, so maybe I simply need to decide to go, come face to face with Mira and be done with it. Waiting isn’t going to make it easier.”

“Want my opinion?”

“Maybe not, but you’ll give it to me anyway.”

With a faint smile on his lips, he nodded. “I tend to agree with Papi…it’s been long enough. I think we should go.”

After holding her breath for a moment, she expelled it like a heavy gust of air. “Okay. Let’s go. Finland in July is pretty wonderful.”

After Bill left for work, she placed a call to Papi. While she waited for it to go through, she stood by the window, gazing at the garden. Bathed in a hazy sunlight, the lawn resembled a carpet of brilliant green velvet. She didn’t want to leave their new home so soon after they moved in. It would only be for a short while, but, still, a twinge of regret murmured inside. She wanted to spend their first summer in their house, loving the idea of Hannele and Nutella cavorting in the yard, Yigal sleeping in his pram sheltered from the wind and sun.
It’s not as if we’d be gone forever, only a week.

The ringing of the phone interrupted her restless thoughts.

“Papi,” she said after greetings and some small talk. “We’ve decided to come…”

“That’s absolutely wonderful, my Leini. You can’t imagine how happy I am! When are you planning on coming, do you know?”

“Last week of July when Bill’s vacation starts, how’s that?”

“Suits us fine. How long will you stay?”

“I’m afraid it will be a short visit. One week, no more.”

“That is short. Wouldn’t you consider staying longer?”

“The children are so small. Hannele in particular is used to the outdoors since we moved into the house. She’s so energetic and full of life, keeping her cooped up in a hotel room is going to be stressful.”

“We have this new place in the country, you know? The children would thrive there.”

She had a vague recollection of Papi telling her last year they purchased a summer place in the country by a lake; ten acres of land, and plenty of room in the cottage.

“Papi, please. Don’t push it. I can manage a week. It’s a beginning.”

If he was disappointed, he didn’t say so. He agreed time away from home with such young children would be trying.

“Karl is in France on vacation. Thought I’d mention it, so you don’t expect to see him.”

“Oh? Well, too bad. I hope to see him in the fall when he comes to Geneva for the antiquities auctions. Will Samy be there?”

“No, he won’t. Only a couple of weeks ago, there was an opening to substitute as an adjunct judge in the north, so he left in a rush, as these opportunities are hard to come by for a law student. I’m sure he’ll be sorry he missed seeing you.”

A twinge of disappointment at his absence touched her. “If he has a phone where he is, I’ll call him once I’m there.”

“When you’ve made your travel arrangements, call me. I’ll meet you at the airport.”

Her reply was spontaneous. “Thanks. It’s good of you to offer, but I’d rather take a taxi to the hotel. I’ll call you as soon as we’re organized and the children settled. Maybe we could have dinner together, you, Bill, me.” She was determined to meet Mira for the first time after more than two years under the best possible circumstance. The bustling airport, two cranky children and herself stressed and tired after the flight wasn’t her idea of the ideal conditions for an encounter she dreaded.

* * *

The plane trip was a first for the children. To travel with them was also a first to both Leini and Bill. The plane was full. It was past Hannele’s nap time; too excited to settle, she wanted her own bed. She kept climbing from Bill’s lap to Leini’s, not finding a place where she was comfortable. Bill held her attention for a short while as he played with his pocket watch against her nose. Then she wanted to sit with Leini to look out the porthole. The bag of coloring books and pens the hostess gave her grabbed her interest for a short while. Overtired and impatient with the confined space, she grew whiny, rubbing eyes with her knuckles. Yigal slept through the touchdown in Brussels, screaming on and off for the remainder of the more than three-hour flight.

By the time they landed at Vantaa airport, Leini was exhausted and harassed.
I should have my head examined for making this trip with two babies.
With their mountain of luggage and the irate and weary children, they crammed into a taxi. Leini gave the address to their hotel and sagged on the seat, too exhausted to notice the high blue sky and bright sunshine.

Bill teased her the night before in Geneva as she crammed fruit and cookies in her carryall. In their hotel room Leini now congratulated herself on her foresight to have some food at hand. Hannele was way too tired for anything more than a light snack. Snug on Bill’s lap while he read her a story, she was asleep before he turned the first page.

The shower relieved Leini of her stress. On the balcony to their room, she inhaled the invigorating air redolent with brine and seaweed. Bill came to stand by her side, an arm around her shoulders.

He pointed at the shimmering sea spread before them “Look at this the view! I can’t stop marveling at the bright nights this time of year.” Flipping the lid on his pocket watch, he glanced at it. “Past nine in the evening, but the sun is high in the sky.” He pulled her closer and kissed her on the cheek. “Aren’t you happy we came?”

“I’m happy, of course I am. I love Finland. This time of year it’s almost a fairyland.” She heaved a deep sigh. “If only I didn’t have to meet Mira. Which reminds me, I promised to call Papi. What shall I tell him?”

“Check with him if he’ll have dinner with us tonight. If not, we’ll take the children to their place in the morning.”

Twining and untwining a lock of hair around her finger, she dialed the number, hoping Papi would answer, not knowing how to deal with Mira if she picked up. Relief flooded her when his warm voice reached her.

“How was the trip?”

“Ouch. Imagine a full plane, two cranky, disgruntled kids and you’ve got the picture.”

He chuckled. “What are your plans for tonight?”

“The children are asleep. Bill and I are planning to have dinner. Care to join us?”

“Mira knows you’re here. I couldn’t possibly come without her. I’m sure you understand.”

“I do, Papi. Let’s forget about tonight. We’ll come visit with the children tomorrow.”

If Papi was disappointed, he didn’t say.
I hope he’s all right with this. I’ve missed him, but I have to do this my way. Tomorrow, I’ll be rested, better prepared to meet Mira.

By ten-thirty the next morning they were ready. Hannele didn’t stop admiring her reflection in the full-length mirror. Taking Bill by the hand, she pulled him with her and pointed. “Pretty dress.” The skirt, the color of misty rose, ballooned around her from the pirouette she managed. Looking for approval, she hugged Bill’s legs, gazing at him. “Hannele pretty.”

“Yes, honey. You’re very pretty, my pet.”

Bill hoisted her up in the air. She screamed with laughter. Holding her to him, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

When Leini emerged from the bathroom, Bill stared at her, grinned and gave a wolf whistle, strident and false. “Wow! If I didn’t know better, I’d bet my socks you have a gallant rendezvous.”

“Keep your socks. I’m so nervous, I’m ready to have a hissy fit. How do I look?”

“Those dove gray slacks are perfect with the coral pink top against your tan. Grandma Britta’s pendant goes well with the scalloped neck. You look wonderful.”

During the drive to her parents’, Leini pointed out trees and flowers to Hannele, giving their Swedish names. Hannele prattled, pointed, head pivoting as she tried to look at boats on the sound as they rushed by the cab window. Smiling and clucking with gladness, she was her usual sunny self.
A good night’s sleep will cure almost anything at her age.
Yigal slept, dense eyelashes like a butterfly’s wings, cheeks rosy, hair like a halo of blond curls.

While Bill paid the driver, Leini collected diaper bag and children. By the entrance, she ushered them, waiting for Bill to catch up. She glanced at her hands, surprised they didn’t shake as inside worry and fear buzzed like a swarm of angry bees.

“
Ohmegod
, if it isn’t Leini with Mr. Gardet and the babies.”

At the sound of his voice, Leini turned so fast she stumbled and fell into his arms. “Harry! Here, let me hug you.” Her throat felt like she’d swallowed a lump of dough. “It’s great to see you.” Released from his arms, she took Hannele by the hand, but not before she brushed at the wetness on her cheeks. “Meet my daughter, Hannele.”

Somewhat timid, Hannele hid behind Leini, before curiosity won over shyness. She stared at Harry. A moment’s hesitation and she put her hand in his; the toe of one foot behind the other, knee bended, she curtsied.

With her hand in his, Harry bowed from the waist. “Nice to meet you, Hannele. You look very much like your mami when she was your age. Long legs and dark blond curly hair. A real princess you are.”

Same Harry, he hasn’t changed. He seems ancient to me because he’s always been here, save for the war. He must be in his early fifties, like Papi. Still a young man.
His back was as straight as ever, face tanned, hair as red and lush as she remembered it.

Bill handed him a shopping bag. “A few souvenirs from Switzerland. Anja still likes chocolate, I hope? Some wine and cheese.”

Harry shook Bill’s hand and squeezed Leini’s shoulder. Leaning over Yigal’s buggy, he chuckled. “Your children are lovely.”

“Thanks, Harry. We’re crazy about them.”

“Mr. Bauman told me you were coming. He was so excited, came down here a while ago, all flushed and abuzz. He kept looking at the watch all the time. Now, here’s the elevator. Welcome to Helsinki, hope you’ll have a pleasant stay.” Holding the door open, he added, “If there’s anything you need, let me know.”

Chapter 39

Helsinki, Summer 1963

In Papi’s bone-crushing hug, as she gazed into his misty eyes, Leini knew she’d made the right choice in coming. Her throat swelled from tears as she leaned her cheek against his, inhaling the familiar aroma of bay rum and his own scent.
I’ve missed him so very much.

As Bill released Mira after a brief hug, Leini took a step toward her.
Two years, but her looks still haven’t changed.
Mira was the same petite woman, well groomed, gray hair with a bluish rinse worn in a bun at the nape of her neck. The drab clothes seemed identical in texture and color to what Leini was used to seeing her wear. Even her mouth was the same red slash in her pale face. Not knowing how to approach her, Leini held out her hand to shake. Mira glanced at her hand, slipped her own inside, pulling Leini to her, cheek pressed against Leini’s.

“Welcome back,” Mira said. She scrutinized Leini. “You look good. Not an extra pound on you, and two children one after the other. Admirable.”

Leini opened eyes wide at the reluctant approval in Mira’s voice. A faint smile tickled the corners of her lips when she remembered Mira once say, “The most beautiful expression in any language is ‘You’ve lost weight’!” Mira was still obsessed with weight control.

Mira lit a cigarette. “You shouldn’t have gone to a hotel. Your old rooms stand empty.”

Before she said anything, Leini cast about in her mind for the right response, one that wouldn’t antagonize Mira. “Thanks, but I’m sure you understand a hotel is more practical as the children are so small.” Not sure of her reasoning, she was relieved when Mira didn’t argue.

Keeping to the sidelines, determined to let the grandparents enjoy Hannele and Yigal to their hearts’ content, Leini was amazed at Mira’s effortless manner with both of them. Bill snapped a picture of Mira seated on the balcony as she spooned baby food into Yigal’s gaping mouth. While she gave him his formula, his little fist gripped her middle finger, green eyes unwavering on her face. After a light lunch, Hannele fell asleep on Mira’s bed, her head in the crook of her arm, a hand in Mira’s. Observing them from the threshold to the bedroom, for the second time this day, Leini’s throat clogged from emotions that rose from deep within her.
It would have been selfish to refuse this trip. It’s good for us all.

Gratitude sent a little shiver along her spine. She was happy her children had this opportunity to get to know their only grandparents, moved by Mira’s motherliness.