The Winter Wife (9 page)

Chapter Four

ALICIA
STUDIED
THE expressions that crossed Sebastian’s striking face. Somewhere in the last years, perhaps only since they’d entered this room and laid down their weapons against each other, she’d learned to read him.
When they’d first
married, she hadn’t known how

to pierce his shell of physical perfection to reach the man beneath. He’d seemed a godlike creature, too far above lowly mortals for her to feel worthy of being his wife.

But the man who stood before her, superb in his nakedness, was heartbreakingly human.

For all his strength and beauty, he was vulnerable. Even more, he was vulnerable to her. She’d always felt powerless in this marriage. Now she recognized his overwhelming longing for her.
And with a shock, realized that he’d longed for her when they’d first
married, too. How had she never seen that before?

Tonight she’d also learned that he blamed himself for their difficulties.
How odd, when finally
she admitted that she’d been at least as much at fault as he. She’d been over-indulged, demanding, headstrong, quick to take umbrage, slow to offer understanding or tolerance.

Tonight she surveyed her husband’s powerful body and rejoiced in a woman’s desire.
And a woman’s ability to forgive. She’d finally
cast away the chains of hatred and prejudice. Sensual need raged in her blood, made her heart pump with eagerness to know this man’s possession. Fear lurked as well, but she refused to succumb to it. Fear had crippled her for far too long.

She saw also that he was still unsure of her, unaware how much

she’d changed. He didn’t know that, after a long and difficult
road,

she’d discovered exactly where she ought to be.

In Kinvarra’s arms. Forever.

How had she ever imagined that weak, inadequate Harold Fenton could compare with the wonderful man she’d married?

“
Sebastian, I want you,” she said softly, surprised at how easily the words emerged. “Don’t make me wait.”

Something in her voice or her smile must have convinced him she’d grown beyond the skittish girl who had fled
his passion. Determination lit his face, hardened his jaw, set his eyes glinting in a way that, for all her arousal, made her pulse race with trepidation.

And excitement.

How had she never understood what an exciting man she’d married? The seventeen-year-old
Alicia must have been blind.
And insane.

This was no time for regrets. Not when her tall, handsome, overwhelmingly virile husband prowled toward her with such purpose. There was none of his earlier reticence in the way he drew her into his arms and tugged her under him.
There was just hunger and a masculine strength that made her feel both delicate as a lily and stronger than steel.

She thought she’d measured his passion in his kisses. But now he was insatiable. He touched her everywhere, kissing her as if he couldn’t get enough of her mouth, whispering praise until she trembled with delight.

He touched her between her legs, stroking the sleek folds. She shuddered against him as frenzied response flared.
New, strange, astonishing pleasure. She cried out his name and jerked her hips up to meet him. She wanted him to take her, to fill
the lonely reaches of her soul, to feed her starving senses. Her arms closed hard around him, feeling the coil and release of the muscles in his back as he moved over her.

He rose above her, caging her between his arms, and she caught the turbulent emotion in his face as he stared down at her.
The moment spun into eternity, then shattered when with a single commanding thrust, he joined his body to hers.

Her muscles tightened in instinctive protest at his powerful possession.
After the years without him, the invasion felt unfamiliar,

uncomfortable. He was a large man and she’d been chaste for so long. She dragged in a shuddering breath, struggling to adjust to his size and vigor.

Another breath, heavy with Sebastian’s musky, male essence. She shifted, angled her hips, felt him slide further inside her.
Then magically all awkwardness flowed
away, and with perfect naturalness, she arched up to join him in a union as much of soul as body.

And
recognized with despairing clarity that she’d never stopped loving him.

Her fingers
curled into the hot, bare skin of his shoulders as the inexorable truth rolled over her like a huge wave.
Then she closed her eyes and gave herself up to Sebastian.

Right now he was hers. She refused to let the old, unsure
Alicia ruin this ultimate closeness. She clenched around him in a silent plea to stay with her, never to leave.

She felt his tension as he held himself still, then with hard, purposeful strokes that built her arousal to an inferno, he began to move.
The dance wasn’t new to her, although this moment’s radiant intimacy was.

She soared higher and higher until she touched the burning sky. She shook and sighed and clung to him, blind to everything but the rising tension inside her.
This was beyond anything she’d ever felt. Beyond anything she’d even imagined.

At the peak, glittering light blinded her and she cried out. Such

fierce
rapture. Such glory.

Such love.

Vaguely through the swirling storm of passion, she heard Sebastian’s deep groan. He shuddered and plunged deep, spilling liquid heat inside her. For a long moment, he held himself taut before he slumped over

her, his body heavy with satisfaction.

Alicia lay in a haze of physical sensation. So this was what a man’s possession could be. She’d been a wife for eleven years, yet she’d had no idea. No idea at all what she’d missed.

The air was redolent of their lovemaking. It was as if she breathed the memory of pleasure. She tightened her grip on Sebastian’s back, feeling the sinews flex
as he settled himself against her without

withdrawing. She’d never felt so close to another person. For the first

time in her life, she felt whole.

The fire
burned low, leaving the room in twilight.
Alicia stared up at the ceiling, watching the shadows gather. Nothing could dull the glow she felt. She felt made anew. She felt capable of conquering the world. She felt tired and languorous and ready to sleep for a week. Maintaining the long pretense that she cared nothing for her husband had exhausted her, like a huge weight dragging behind her wherever she went.

Right now, she felt lighter than air. Free. Fulfilled.

With sudden desperation, her fingers
dug into his back. Oh, dear heaven, don’t let fate take Sebastian away now that she’d discovered him again. Not now that she was finally
woman enough to be his wife in every sense.

He’d undoubtedly wanted her when he’d taken her. Not even the most inexperienced woman could have assumed otherwise. But had Sebastian intended this night to be a last goodbye to an unhappy past? Or had they taken the first
step in a long, joyful journey together?

***

Kinvarra gasped for breath, his heartbeat drumming wildly in his ears. An ocean of satisfaction flooded
his body, even as he cursed himself for losing control. He’d planned to take his time, prepare
Alicia, raise her

to peak after peak of ecstasy before he sought his own relief. But when he’d touched his wife’s naked body and read desire in her shining eyes, he hadn’t been able to hold back.

He’d been hungry, even hungrier than he’d been as an eager boy, although at least this time, praise the angels, she hadn’t closed away in fear. Instead she’d achieved her own delight in his arms. He’d felt the way she tightened, milking him, and he hadn’t mistaken her broken cry as she’d arched to take him deep in the final
moments.

His big body still pressed her into the mattress. She must feel crushed, suffocated. He was a swine not to shift away.

But how sweet it was to lie here in the aftermath, to let his hands wander her silky skin, to listen to the soft music of her breathing, to rest

surrounded by
Alicia.

Heaven couldn’t offer an eternity of bliss purer than this moment. Making love to his wife offered a profundity of experience he’d

never known. He’d grieve forever if this was the sum of happiness allotted to him. If he was to possess her only this once.

Tonight they’d moved from hostility through a brittle trust to a conflagration
of rapture. But was this truce only a pause in ongoing warfare? Or could it form the foundations of a life together?

He prayed so, but years of futile yearning had taught him not to rely on the promise of happiness.

Just like that, reality descended. He and
Alicia had enjoyed blazing pleasure tonight, but it didn’t answer the larger questions. He needed her commitment beyond one tumble between the sheets, no matter how earth-shaking that tumble was.

He’d wanted this woman since he’d first
seen her.
And as more than his lover, however powerful his desire. He wanted to know her as the other half of his spirit. He wanted to build a family with her. He wanted to grow old at her side. Nothing in ten years of separation had changed that.

But he was wise enough now to know that wanting wasn’t enough. He could probably compel her to return to him.
After all, the law

was on his side. But for all his faults, he’d never been a bully.
And he couldn’t bear to have her hating him again. He’d glimpsed something in her eyes tonight that had set his heart dancing.
Although after being hurt for so long, it was impossible to be sure.

Could he face letting her go if she rose from this bed and announced she went back to London alone?

He might not be a bully, but the primitive who skulked inside him howled denial at the prospect of losing her again.

Slowly he raised himself on his elbows to stare down at her. He smoothed the disheveled blond hair away from her face. She looked beautiful, replete, weary. In spite of his good intentions, he’d used her ruthlessly. He’d wanted to cherish her, but passion had swept them

up into a whirlwind where all that mattered was the drive to blinding consummation.

Piercing tenderness overwhelmed him and he bent his head to

kiss her gently on the lips. Not the hard, demanding kisses of earlier, although the ghost of hunger lingered in the soft touch. “Are you all right?”

She smiled up at him and he struggled against believing that the light in her eyes was love. “Better than all right.” Her slender throat worked as she swallowed. “That was…that was remarkable.”

“
Yes.” He fought against saying more. She was tired and defenseless. It wasn’t fair just now to harangue her about the future. Instead he kissed her again then rolled to the side. “It’s nearly morning.”

“
Mmm.”

When he drew her against his side, she was slack with exhaustion,

a delicious bundle of warm, sated womanhood. He paused to savor the moment, praying again that it spoke of a new start and not an ending. He’d sell his soul for the chance to hold her like this for the rest of their lives.