The Widow and the Orphan (16 page)

Aiden stood on the front steps of the Stafford Inn directing traffic amongst the various vendors as flowers and decorations were brought in for the wedding the next day. His cell phone went off every few seconds with either a text, voicemail notification, email notification or some other sound. He ignored them all because the focus was on making sure that Gabe and Pepper’s wedding went off without a hitch.

When he finally found five minutes to sit down and scarf a sandwich, he thumbed through his phone, trying to figure out who all the missed calls were from. Some he recognized as vendors and he knew those calls already had their solutions. Some were from the office and he shot off a couple of quick texts to put out those fires. But there were several more from the “unknown” caller who’d been tracking him all week but not leaving messages.

“Oh well,” he sniffed, “no message, no call back.”

Finishing the last bite of his sandwich, Aiden forced himself to forget it and move on. Nothing was going to ruin this wedding, not while he was on the job.

Pepper smoothed the silk of her dress as she stood in front of the mirror in her suite at the Inn. Everything was perfect for this, her wedding day. Aiden had every single detail under control, down to the last flower and hors d’oeuvre. Vivienne was out in the main garden area where the ceremony would take place, trying to help Aiden in any way she could without being a nuisance. It was the first and probably only time Pepper would have to herself that day and she tried to muster up the unadulterated happiness she had every right to feel.

But she couldn’t. All night she had tossed and turned, awful visions of hospitals and doctors’ offices filling her head. When she did sleep, she had nightmares about funerals and coffins and being alone. She slumped down onto the foot stool next to the cream colored wingback chair and sighed. She could feel the tears coming and tried to control them with the same iron will she’d been exercising for the last several months.

“Fuck,” she muttered, as the wetness spilled out of her eyes, threatening to ruin her so carefully applied makeup. She grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table and dabbed at her face, trying not to smear things up. The makeup artist and hair stylist had left and would not be coming back. Just then, Vivienne came through the door, all smiles and gushing about the arriving guests and how beautiful this was or that was.

Pepper jumped up and turned away, hoping she could hide her distress before Vivienne saw it, but that was a pipe dream. Her best friend always knew when something was wrong, because nothing was ever wrong with Pepper.

“What’s going on?”

Vivienne was at her side with a cool hand to the arm.

“Nothing, just having a moment.” Pepper sniffed. She breathed in deep and blew the air out in a violent rush. “I’m great.”

Viv tugged on her arm gently, making her turn around. “I call bullshit.”

Pepper tried a smile and when it stuck, she made it spread wider. She bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “Nerves, I guess.”

Viv sighed and put her arm around Pepper’s waist but said nothing. The tears spilled over onto her hot cheeks, and she dabbed furiously at them so they wouldn’t streak her makeup. “Stop. Just stop,” she whispered. She didn’t know if she was talking to the tears or Vivienne.

“It’s okay,” Viv whispered. She grabbed a tissue and helped. “I can’t even imagine how difficult this is for you, hun. I really can’t. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.”

“Yep,” Pepper hiccupped. She hated to cry. Loathed it, actually. She was never weak. She was never at a loss. Since her breakdown at Viv’s, Pepper hadn’t let anyone see her cry. The wetness on her cheeks was like a slap in the face, a traitor. Her emotions were taking control and she hated them.

Pepper was the “at least” girl. She always knew someone was worse off than her and she never gave in to self-pity. How could all of this shit come back at her now, on her wedding day? She kept throwing her head back and sniffing as if that would make the crying stop and she could shake the water away like a dog just out of the bathtub.

“I c-can’t s-seem to get a h-h–”

Pepper stamped her foot and growled with a ferocity she thought would make her head explode right off her shoulders. Once the floodgates opened, she usually had to cry until it was gone, but there just wasn’t time for that. “I can’t seem to get a hold of myself,” she said through gritted teeth in one long breath.

Viv cocked her head to side and shook it a little. “You don’t have to.”

That was Pepper’s undoing. She collapsed into the chair and held her face in her hands. She wept while Vivienne held her, not giving a rat’s ass anymore about the cosmetics on her face. Up until that point, she had convinced herself she was lucky to have any time with Gabe at all, no matter what his prognosis. Whether one day or a hundred or a thousand, she would cherish every single moment. They would fight, together, to try and be a part of that single digit percentage of people who beat the odds.

As her body shook with sobs, the reality of what was happening hit Pepper like an unexpected tsunami on a beach. How could she possibly be happy when she knew that eventually it would all be for nothing? Gabe was going to die. The cancer was racing through his body and she was going to lose him. What the hell was the point? The press was already labeling her a pariah, marrying a cancer riddled man just for his money. She had no family to stand up with her, other than Will and Viv.

During all the preparations and planning for the big day, Pepper had been able to avoid all of those thoughts and feelings. With every decision to be made, it helped to push all the morbidity to the farthest reaches of her mind. Now that there were no more choices being thrown at her and no more waiting for the wedding day, everything rushed at her, crushing her fragile spirit and heart.

She wanted to tell Vivienne what was going on in her head, explain why she was such a mess, but speech wasn’t possible. Every time she tried, she couldn’t catch her breath and it made her cry that much harder. The tiny part of her brain that was still rational wondered if this is what Viv had felt like when her mother, Olivia, had died.
This must be like déjà vu for her
. Pepper’s thoughts were completely coherent, it was her voice that wouldn’t cooperate and spit the words out.

Pepper moaned when a knock sounded at the door. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. She could hear Will’s muffled voice, but couldn’t make out the words. She knew it was probably something to do with why things hadn’t gotten started yet. Then, she heard Aiden’s voice in the mix and Pepper wanted to throw up.
Too many people, too much
.
I wish I could talk to Gabe
.

“Pepper?”

That was Gabe’s voice at the door and Pepper squeaked in terror, not expecting to hear it.

“Y-yeah,” she stammered.

“May I come in?”

“No!” She glanced at herself in the mirror at the horror she’d become. Her mascara was in black streaks down her face, her lipstick was smeared on her chin, and her cheeks were ashen in spite of the bronzer placed there not a half an hour before.

“Darling,” Gabe pleaded. “What’s happened? Please just tell me you’re all right.”

Pepper shook her head and sighed. Of course, he was worried about her. He never gave a thought to himself. He never bothered to think about what a strain this whole day would be on his compromised health. As usual, she was taking all the attention for herself and now there was a crowd in the other room on pins and needles. Grabbing some toilet paper, she wiped away the black rivulets on her face before they could become permanent and then swiped her chin. Reaching for the door, she pulled it open just an inch. “You and only you. No one else.”

Gabe pressed on the door until it opened wide enough for him to slip inside. Pepper dipped her head, so he couldn’t see her and he didn’t try to make her face him. He just pulled her into his arms and squeezed.

“Lovely girl, what on Earth is going on?”

“Can’t you tell?” she murmured into his chest. “I’m throwing a Pepper tantrum.”

Gabe’s laughter made his chest quiver and the familiarity of it calmed her instantly, as if she’d just slipped into a bath full of warm water. She rested against him even more and was infinitely grateful that he had the strength to hold her up, if even for just a couple of moments.

Keeping her in his arms, Gabe walked her backwards toward the toilet and then pushed her down to sit. He took a spot on the side of the Jacuzzi tub. “All right then, now that we’ve had a bit of a laugh, let’s hash this out, shall we?”

Pepper smiled weakly, her right hand fluttering up toward her face to try and hide the wreck she was. He patted at her hands and then took them both in his. “Hmm? What’s all this about?”

Pepper tried to form the words she wanted to say to explain, but nothing she thought of sounded even remotely plausible. “I freaked out,” was all she ended up being able to manage.

“Clearly.” Gabe raised an eyebrow at her. “Don’t you want to marry me?”

Pepper’s eyes bulged open and her mouth formed an “o” of surprise. “Of course I do! Oh my God, Gabe, that isn’t the issue!” She squeezed his hands and leaned over to kiss him hard. “I just… I mean, uh…” She trailed off, tearing her eyes away.

Gabe stared at her hard. “Then tell me what the problem is.”

Pepper lowered her head and rested it on their still linked fingers. “I think everything just kind of caught up with me. I’ve been pretending to be happy a lot.”

Gabe sighed and pulled his hands away to place them on either side of her face. He forced her to look at him. As their eyes met, he gave her a smile. “That’s the first honest thing you’ve said to me in ages, my dear. I’m glad.”

Pepper opened her mouth to speak again, but he squeezed gently and then pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

“No. Don’t say anything.”

* * * * *

Gabe searched for the right words to assuage his bride’s fears, but knew he needed to tread carefully. Anything he might say could send her swirling back into panic mode or into a fit of rage. This was definitely uncharted territory for them, and he wanted nothing more than to be able to make it all go away. Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to be the case. They were in their particular spot because God had seen fit to slap him with a terminal disease. Pepper insisted that she didn’t believe in God, but Gabe thought she did, at least in some way, deep down. There wasn’t much either of them could do about it, other than pray and keep taking every opportunity modern medicine offered them. None of it really mattered, though. All he wanted was to marry the woman he’d fallen madly in love with and spend whatever time he had left with her.

So that’s what he said to Pepper. “As difficult as it may be, my love, you must set it aside. This day was meant to be perfect and if you don’t calm down, it’ll be sad. Neither one of us wants that.”

“No,” Pepper whispered.

“I know what people are saying,” Gabe admitted. There was no way to avoid the gossip of tabloid fodder. The rags had Pepper pegged as a black widow, just waiting for him to die so she could take all of his money. He hated that for her and did everything in his power to dispel the notion, but people who didn’t know them ate up all the falsehoods with a gilded spoon. “You mustn’t pay any attention to them. As long as we know the truth, that’s all that matters.”

Pepper sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. “But it hurts.”

Oh, how she must have hated admitting that to him. Gabe knew all too well that Pepper put up a hard front to everyone in her life, even those she loved the most. Knowing she was hurting inside by the idle gossip made his heart break just a little more for her. As if it wasn’t already in pieces over his diagnosis and shortened time with her.

“I know it does. It hurts me, too. But if we let it get between us, then they will have won. I already have a big enough battle on my hands. I certainly don’t need another. I love you with all of my heart, as you well know. You have done nothing to convince me you feel otherwise about me.”

Pepper nodded and dipped her chin, a tiny smile played at the corner of her lips. He loved the way her eyelashes batted at him in that impish way she had. He’d once asked her how she could do that, but Pepper had never admitted knowing that she did it.

“Then let’s get married in front of all these people and show them a good time. I want this day to be the shining beacon to focus on when life gets a little darker, yeah?”

Pepper’s full smile spread slowly across her face, blotting out any dark thoughts that might have shadowed the room. The way her eyes sparkled as they looked deep into his made Gabe’s heart swell. No matter how sick or scared he felt, he would hide it and keep it secret just to see that smile on her face. He might not have that much time left, but he was going to make damn sure every day counted. He would get that smile out of her as many times a day as he could.

* * * * *

“Perfect!” Vivienne confirmed when Pepper turned from the mirror. “You don’t look like you’re heading to a bridal photo shoot.”

“Thanks a
lot
!” Pepper flipped her the bird. “Why didn’t you say something before?”

Vivienne shrugged, embarrassment making her cheeks pink up. “You didn’t look
bad
. I just like you more natural, that’s all.”

Pepper rolled her eyes and grinned. She checked her face one more time and had to agree. It had taken her nearly a half hour to wash off all the professional grade cosmetics and reapply her normal, everyday stuff. Now that she could see the difference, she liked how much more normal she looked with a fresher face.

Vivienne handed over the bouquet of white daisies and deep purple tulips that made up her wedding bouquet. Pepper smoothed her dress one more time before taking it and then holding it primly in front of her. They left the bridal suite and proceeded to the lobby of the inn. Just outside in the patio area, all of the guests were seated, waiting patiently for the ceremony to begin. Further past them Gabe, Will, and the minister waited near a beautifully decorated gazebo. Pepper took a final deep breath before telling Aiden to go ahead and open the doors.