The Treatment (11 page)

His mouth, his taste—it’s all so familiar and exciting. It’s heavy and suffocating, it’s then and now. “Yes,” I whisper finally, closing my eyes as I snuggle against him. “I’ll marry you someday, James. I’d do anything for you.”

I can feel his jaw shift as he smiles, taking my hand to squeeze his fingers between mine before kissing my ring finger.

BREAKFAST IS ALL SORTS OF
awkward as I sit across from Realm, James next to me with his body turned slightly away. I would have figured James to be more of the possessive type, somehow claiming me in front of Realm while crunching on his Frosted Flakes. But instead he has only a small smirk that I notice between spoonfuls.

“You’re happy today,” Realm says, eyeing him as he drinks black coffee from a Styrofoam cup. Dallas glances over from where she sits on the counter, studying James’s expression until she understands, and then turns away.

“I am so very happy,” James replies to Realm, not looking up.

“It won’t last,” Realm snaps. “You know that.”

James smiles broadly, finally meeting Realm’s suspicious gaze. “You have no idea how long I can last,” James says with a
little laugh. He pushes back from the table, grabbing his bowl. He kisses the top of my head before walking to the sink, pats Dallas’s leg, and then leaves the room—smiling the entire time.

Realm’s dark stare flicks to me; the quiet guy who showed up yesterday is gone. “See the two of you made up,” he says.

I’ve suddenly lost my appetite. The first time I introduced Realm to James, they nearly killed each other, because Realm was being a dick to me. Right now this is feeling pretty familiar. “When were James and I fighting?”

“Before you left Oregon. When you came to my house and kissed me. Unless you forgot about that.”

There’s the clink of a bowl before Dallas hops down from the counter. “That would be my cue to exit,” she says. “Realm, I’ll catch up with you at the site later.”

Realm reaches for her as she starts past him, touching her hand. There’s a slight twinge in my stomach. “Just give me a few minutes, Dal,” he says kindly. She considers, but then after an annoyed look in my direction, she nods and walks out.

The weight of an impending argument floods the room—even though I’m not entirely sure what Realm and I have to fight about. Yes, I kissed him, but that was because of The Program. They tried to erase James, but I still loved him. Even Realm saw that.

“If you’re going to be a jerk,” I start. “Then—”

“What did you expect, Sloane?” Realm puts his elbows on the table, leaning forward like he’s ready to pounce. “I told you to stay away from James—that he’d make you sick again.
And yet here you are on the run because of him, because you were being reckless and The Program was called. Do you think I should applaud that? What the hell do you want from me?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “For you to go back to the way you were in The Program.”

“You mean the way you want me to be.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“It doesn’t work like that. You don’t get to dictate how I act, how I feel.”

“I’m not trying—”

“You’re not?” he shouts, and I straighten up, alarmed by his harsh tone. “Why didn’t you take the pill, Sloane? Why can’t you remember?” I immediately look toward the door, afraid someone might have overheard. Realm’s mouth opens, a knowing expression on his face. “It’s because of him, isn’t it?” he demands. “You didn’t take it because of James.”

“It was an impossible choice! There was only one pill—how could I choose?”

“Easy. I gave it to you.”

I shake my head. “And what about the danger? How was I supposed to take that leap of faith while people are going crazy from their memories? That’s what happened to Lacey!”

“The pill isn’t like recall. It’s not a stress fracture. It brings back what The Program locked away, and sure, it hurts, but it wouldn’t have killed you.”

I lean toward him, trying to keep my voice hushed, but I’m failing. “Oh, that’s very comforting. But this wasn’t just about
James. Your sister told me I might not like what I found in my past. I don’t know who I was, Realm. But I know who I am now. What’s wrong with wanting to live in the now?”

Realm’s expression softens, and he stretches his hand in my direction, just short of touching mine. “There’s nothing wrong with it,” he says. “Was that all Anna told you?”

“She said I might not forgive you. Why? What have you kept from me?” I don’t remember much of my time in The Program. There are fragments, bits where I was playing cards or laughing with Realm. But my past is gone, as are the pasts of others. Somehow Realm held on to my history. He didn’t tell me right away, not until I demanded it. I can feel he has more secrets; his sister all but confirmed that he does. Yet . . . I still trust him. I trust him even though I know he’s lying to me.

“Anna never wanted me to remember. She said the past would be too painful. And to be honest, I can understand where she’s coming from. But I’ve told you everything I can, Sloane,” Realm says, clearly frustrated. “That has to be enough. If you take the pill, you’ll know the truth.”

“And if I don’t take it? If I give it to James, what will he remember?”

Realm’s eyes narrow at the thought of me giving his gift to James instead. “Maybe he’ll realize you don’t belong together.”

I try to retract my hand, but Realm grabs it. “I’m sorry,” he says quickly. “I’m sorry, sweetness. Don’t leave.”

“Like you left me?” The words hit me, and the grief and
worry I felt about Realm’s sudden disappearance crashes down. “You gave me a stupid pill and then you left me,” I whisper.

Realm winces and brings my hand to his lips. “I know,” he murmurs into my skin. “But I love you so much.” He kisses my knuckles. “I wanted you to have a chance to remember.” My wrist. His touch radiates over my skin, twisting me up, confusing me. “Tell me that you missed me too.”

My breathing deepens as Realm kisses my inner forearm. He’s inside my head—I know it. But I can’t deny that I missed him. I did. I really, really did.

“I missed you,” I whisper as his hand slides up my arm, cupping my shoulder to pull me close enough to kiss. In front of me, Realm’s deep brown eyes are earnest but dark. Dark and tortured. It brings me back to my senses, and Realm must read it in my expression because his jaw hardens.

“James doesn’t love you,” he says slowly, his breath warm across my lips. “If he did, he would have
made
you take that pill.”

There’s a sound, and both Realm and I turn to see James standing in the doorway. He’s still, his expression unreadable. I push Realm’s hand away and jump back from the table, but I know it’s too late. James saw—heard—all of that. He doesn’t look at me again, only continues to stare at where I was sitting. And then, without a word, James turns and leaves.

*  *  *

The walk to the bedroom seems endless. My heart thuds, my mouth is dry. James heard my and Realm’s conversation, saw
Realm close enough to kiss me. How could I have let that happen?

“James?” I call softly as I push open the door to our room. The closet door is ajar, the chain for the light still swaying.

“Do you think he’s right?”

I spin and find James in the far corner of the room. He doesn’t sneer, or do anything even remotely hateful. He just looks heartbroken, unable to meet my eyes. In his fist he clutches the plastic Baggie.

“About the pill?” I ask, wanting nothing more than to fix the damage I’ve inflicted. James would never have let another girl get that close to him, and Dallas sure tried.

James looks up, his blue eyes rimmed in red. “About me,” he says. “Do you think I should have made you take the pill?”

I start to say no, but James has already made up his mind. Realm’s words have shaken him, made him doubt everything. It’s as if Realm knows exactly how to hurt us.

James holds out the wrapped pill, but I can’t even look at it, so he shoves it into his back pocket. “James—” I start.

“No more lies,” he interrupts. “Right now, with Realm, what was that? Christ, Sloane. Did you sleep with him?”

“Of course not!”

“I heard you. You missed him.” His lips pull apart in anguish, his eyes weaken. “You nearly kissed him. I . . . I saw all of it, and not once”—he jabs his finger in my direction—“did you tell him to stop.”

Tears drip onto my cheeks, but there’s nothing I can say. I have no excuse. I did miss Realm; I didn’t lie about that. There’s
an unspoken bond between us that doesn’t seem connected to any specific memory. I trust Realm with my life. And sometimes he uses that against me.

“I don’t know you right now,” James says. “Because to me”—he motions toward the hall—“it looks like he’s your boyfriend. And I’m jealous! God, I’m a fucking jealous asshole and I hate it!” He groans, tugging roughly at his hair. “I thought it was me and you, Sloane. It was me and you forever or not at all.”

“I want forever too.”

“He gave you a pill,” James says. “He gave you a way to bring back all your memories. I don’t have that power, and who the hell knows how I would react if I did. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should have made you take it.”

There’s a sound, and James and I both look over to see Dallas standing in the doorway, holding a can of Coke. “What pill?” she asks, not even trying to pretend she wasn’t listening to our conversation. Her dark eyes flick to James, but he only seems annoyed at her interruption. When I don’t respond, Dallas steps into the room. The click of her boots is loud in the small space as she sets her soda on the dresser. “What pill?”

“Ease off,” Realm says. My gut sinks when Realm walks in behind her, shooting a cautious glance at James before addressing Dallas. “I gave it to her.”

Dallas spins on him, but before she can react, James is moving. He crashes into Realm and the two slam into the bare white wall. Realm gets in the first punch, his closed fist
connecting high on James’s cheek with a loud
thwack
. I scream, rushing forward, but then they’re on the ground, a flurry of movement I can’t untangle.

“Stop!” I scream, reaching to grab James’s arm as he pulls back to punch Realm, but he only shakes me off before getting hit again and knocked sideways. Realm scrambles on top of him, but James blasts him in the face, blood spurting instantly from Realm’s nose. Dallas exhales, finally coming over to help. I’m yelling for both guys to stop, but they seem bent on killing each other. Blood is pouring over Realm’s lips as he sputters out random bits of rage; James is swinging at whatever he can hit.

Realm falls to the side and James gets to his knees, fist raised to smash down on Realm’s face, until Dallas pulls something out of her pocket. The switchblade flashes, and then she’s got the knife to James’s throat, stopping him cold. My eyes are wide as Dallas has her arm twisted around James’s neck, the blade biting into his skin. He lifts his eyes to where she is, his chest heaving and a trickle of blood coming from the cut on his cheekbone.

“I can’t let you kill him,” she says. “Sorry, James.”

For a moment we’re all quiet, and then Dallas lowers her knife, and James—watching her the entire time—climbs to his feet. He glances in my direction before walking out. I want to check that he’s okay, but I decide to give him some time to cool off.

Realm sits up, resting his elbows on his bent knees as he lets the blood continue to run down his face. Drops tap on the
wood floor. Dallas looks between us, her expression darkening before she goes over to grab her drink, taking a long swig.

I’m in shock, unable to utter a word, until Dallas throws her half-filled soda at Realm, hitting him in the shoulder before the can falls to the ground, sending out a sticky spray of Coke. I yelp and step back, staring at her as soda foams from the mouth of the can.

“So you got ahold of The Treatment,” she snarls at Realm, “and you gave it to
her 
?” Dallas glares in my direction and I shrink away with immediate guilt.

“Not the time, Dallas,” Realm says. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“Don’t dismiss me. I swear to God, I’ll—”

Realm jumps to his feet, the bottom half of his face still awash with blood. He looks insane, and for the first time I can remember, I’m scared of him. Realm balls his hands into fists, but Dallas doesn’t back away.

“Get out,” he says through clenched teeth.

“Not until you tell me how you got it. Not until you tell me why her!” Dallas is coming undone, her lips quivering like she might cry. I expect Realm to reach for her, call her “sweetness,” and soothe away her anger. But he doesn’t.

“You don’t matter, Dallas,” he says seriously. “You don’t matter the way she does and you know it. I love her. And that’s all I’m going to say about it.”

A terrible silence falls over the room, and Dallas lowers her eyes, injured by Realm’s words. In them I feel betrayal, and
the emotion strikes me as familiar—even though I can’t place where it’s from.

“I hate both of you,” Dallas murmurs, not lifting her head as she leaves.

I don’t care if Dallas hates me—the feeling is mutual. But when Realm’s posture sags, I know there’s more to their relationship than friends with benefits. And yet he was so quick to send her away, crush her. Is that how he cares? When I no longer matter, will he dismiss me, too?

Neither Realm nor I make a move to clean the mess of soda Dallas left behind. My body is still shaking with adrenalin, but underneath I’m drowning in the deep darkness, aching everywhere.

“What’s going on, Realm?” I ask. “What is The Treatment?”

He drags his forearm over his chin to clean off some of the blood. “That little orange pill you’ve been hiding,” he says, “is the cure for The Program—they call it The Treatment. There were only a few prototypes, but after The Program found out about them, they destroyed the laboratory. They destroyed the scientist who made them too. But there was one pill left.”

I don’t deserve this, not when Dallas or James or probably a hundred others would give anything to take it. “Why did you give it to me?”

“Because you needed it,” he says simply. “You went off the grid, broke their rules. The Program wants you back, Sloane. And this was the only way I could protect what’s left of you.”