The Train (3 page)

    "I don't see what the big deal is," Lewis said to Kerry. "The guy is dead. Burned to death when his car hit that wall. It's not like he's going to be bugging you during the trip."

    "Lewis!" Hannah cried. "That's gross!"

    Jean Marie nodded. "He was only seventeen, Lewis. What happened to him was horrible. I know he wasn't very nice, but nobody deserves to die that way." She paused, and then added, "My dad said the firemen worked for forty minutes to get him out of that car. It was twisted like a pretzel and they couldn't open the doors. Then it burst into flames--" She. stopped, so appalled by the image that she couldn't continue.

    "I know he lived with his grandmother," Hannah said, feeling better now that Mack's safe, solid bulk was there beside her, close enough that she could feel its warmth, "but he must have family in California." She glanced around the table. "He wouldn't be on the train if there wasn't someone there, waiting.."

    "His parents," Jean Marie offered. "They couldn't cope with him, so they sent him here, to live with his grandmother. But… she had a heart attack right after Frog's accident. She's in the hospital."

    "They dumped him?" Lewis said, incredulous. "His folks dumped him?" Lewis's own parents were fiercely proud of their son, and would have fought anyone who tried to take him from them.

    Hannah didn't blame them. Lewis was neat. A great kid. Not at all like Frog…

    "You know, my mother works in the school office," Jean Marie said. "Well, she said his records showed that he skipped school a lot in California and he was picked up by the police a couple of times for stuff like speeding and shoplifting. I guess his parents got tired of the hassles, so they shipped him here."

    They all fell silent then, thinking about Frog.

    After a few moments, Mack said slowly, "I remember the first class I had with him. Bio. He showed up in December, right before the midterms. Here was this big, hulking kid with long greasy hair and bad skin and anyone could see he had an attitude problem, and here he was coming in in the middle of the year - social death for a junior in high school. Everyone checked him out real quick and then wrote him off, know what I mean?"

    They all nodded silently. They knew.

    "Brutus" - Mack's nickname for their biology teacher - "told him to write his name on the blackboard. Frog made a face, but he did it. When he went up to the board, everyone could see his jeans were filthy and he hadn't shaved in a couple of days." Mack grinned slightly. "And we're not talking fashion statement here, guys. He just didn't care."

    More nods. Whatever it was that Frog had cared about, it hadn't been his appearance.

    "He wasn't poor," Kerry said. "His grandmother had money… that big house and a new car every year. He didn't have to be a slob." There was awe in Kerry's voice as she tried to comprehend appearance not being important to someone.

    "Anyway," Mack continued, "Frog started to write his name, Frederick Roger Drummond. He never used the Frederick, so he wrote the initial F, then R-O-G. And when he got that far, I yelled, `Hey, the guy's name is Frog! "Remembering, Mack flushed with shame. "I don't know why I did it. It was a rotten thing to do. But some guys wouldn't have minded. If Frog had laughed, maybe everyone would have liked him even though he looked pretty scuzzy, and things would have been different. But he didn't laugh. Everyone else did, though. And the name stuck."

    No one said anything. Hannah told herself Mack hadn't meant to be cruel, but she couldn't help think-ing what it must have felt like to Frog, being the target of everyone's laughter on his first day at Parker.

    "I keep seeing his face when he finished and turned away from the blackboard," Mack added, his voice quiet and serious. "He looked like he was going to explode: red face, eyes popping, fists clenched… like he wanted to smash someone's face in. Mine, I guess. Every time I passed him in the hall after that, he looked at me like he'd love to crush me under the heel of his boot."

    Another long silence passed, broken only by the carefree sounds from other tables, where no one was thinking of a dead boy or a cogin.

    Finally, Kerry spoke up. "You weren't the only one who was mean to Frog," she said, her eyes on the bright red tabletop. "I was, too."

    Then she fell silent.

    

    

    

    When Kerry didn't elaborate, Lewis volunteered, "Don't waste time on guilt, Kerry. I don't think anyone at Parker qualifies for the Be-Kind-To-Frog award." He glanced around the table, mild annoyance on his face. "But what good does it do Frog to spin your wheels feeling guilty now?"

    Kerry flushed an unhappy scarlet. "I didn't say it did any good! I just meant, after seeing that… coffin… I couldn't atop thinking about what I did to him."

    "It couldn't have been anything so terrible, Kerry," Hannah said loyally. "You're not a mean person." She meant it. Kerry was spoiled and a little shallow, but she wasn't mean.

    "Before he started dating Lolly Slocum," Kerry said, "Frog asked me out."

    Lewis laughed out loud, and Mack whistled.

    "It's not funny! He made me mad right at the start, acting like he was doing me a favor. Strutted right up to me, hands in his pockets, the whole macho routine." She made her voice go very deep.

    "Hey, babe, how about a movie tonight?" Kerry sighed. `I've never been rude to boys, even when I couldn't stand them. I know it's hard for them, never knowing if they're going to be shot down when they ask a girl out. So I try to be nice when I say no."

    "You weren't that terrific when I asked you out the first time," Lewis teased. "You said you had to wash your hair. We all know what that means. It means you find us totally repulsive."

    Kerry didn't laugh. "I did have to wash my hair. Anyway," she added crossly, "you were just too sure I'd say yes. That bugged me."

    "If you were nice to Frog when you turned him down," Jean Marie said, "you don't have anything to feel guilty about."

    Kerry lifted her head. "But that's just it. I wasn't nice! He was so creepy-looking. Something about his eyes. They were empty - nothing there, you know? And I don't think I ever saw him smile." Kerry shuddered, remembering. "When I said no, I couldn't go out with him, he actually argued with me. He asked me why I wouldn't, and I gave him some stupid excuse like I had to go shopping with my mother or something, but he still didn't leave. He said he was as good as anybody else at Parker and if I didn't give him a really good reason why I'd said no, I'd-be sorry."

    Hannah gasped. Frog had threatened Kerry? "You never told me that, Kerry. Why didn't you?"

    "I forgot about it. Really."

    "So far," Lewis said, "I haven't heard word oneabout how you were mean to Frog. Sounds to me like it was the other way around."

    "I laughed at him." Kerry shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "He made me so nervous, making this big fuss right there in the hall with a whole bunch of people around staring at us, that it was either laugh or cry. I look awful when I cry, so I laughed."

    "Now I hear mean," Lewis said grimly. "Something every guy lives in terror of is being shot down with laughter when he asks a girl out."

    "I know that, Lewis!" Kerry cried. "And I'd never, ever done it before. And I'll never do it again. The look on his face… it was like you said, Mack -like he wanted to strangle me, right there in front of everybody. It made my blood freeze." She frowned. "I never could understand what Lolly saw in him. She was so quiet, like she was afraid of her own shadow, and Frog…" Kerry fell silent.

    No one said anything, and after a minute or two of silence, Kerry added, "I knew it was rotten to laugh at him. And now he's dead, and I can't tell him I'm sorry.)t 'Vould you have if he'd lived?" Lewis asked pointedly.

    Kerry thought for a minute and then said softly, "No. I guess not."

    "Then quit thinking about it now when it doesn't do any good."

    Hannah was surprised by his tone of voice. It wasn't like Lewis to be unsympathetic, especially with Kerry.

    She learned why a moment later. Lewis sankback in the booth and let out a long breath of air. "Okay," he said, his mouth tense, "since this seems to be true confession time, and since Kerry seems determined to beat herself up as if she were the only person in the world who eighty-sixed Frog, I don't mind admitting that she wasn't."

    "I know that, Lewis," Kerry said quietly. "Nobody liked him. Except for Lolly - and Eugene and Dale. And that was only because they didn't have anyone else."

    "I didn't just dislike him," Lewis persisted. "I got him kicked out of gym class."

    Surprise flooded Kerry's features. "You did? Really?" She knew, as did Hannah and Mack and Jean Marie, that Lewis brought home every stray animal he came across, had once torn down his treehouse and rebuilt it elsewhere because it was interfering with the home of an owl and its family, and coached Little League baseball during the summer. If Lewis had a mean bone in his body, it was well-hidden.

    But Lewis nodded. "I was captain of one of the basketball teams in gym when Frog showed up. Coach told me to pick him, so he'd feel at home." Lewis shook his thatch of rusty hair. "But the guy looked like he had two left feet, and I had a bet with Mack that my team would win. Anyway, I knew if I picked the new guy, we'd lose. We had a good chance against Mack's team, but putting that Neanderthal on the team could have screwed things up. So I gave Coach a hard time about it. And Frog heard us arguing."Hannah listened silently. Her stomach was churning again. She told herself it was from the gently rocking motion of the train as it sped along the tracks, but she didn't quite believe it. Was that really it? Or was it because they kept talking about Frog? She knew he couldn't hear them. Hannah glanced around nervously. She wouldn't want Frog's friends overhearing this conversation. It would upset them.

    "I remember that day," Mack was saying to Lewis. "Frog's first day in gym. And he wasn't the only one who heard you, Lewis. We all heard you. When you get excited, your voice really carries."

    Lewis nodded in agreement. "I know. I guess I got carried away. Didn't even think about how the guy might be feeling if he overheard me. Geez, why didn't you stop me, Mack?"

    Mack leaned back against the booth and laughed. "Are you kidding? You were on a roll, Lewis. There's no stopping you when you get wound up like that."

    "Also true. Anyway, the guy heard me and stomped over. Started calling me names. He got madder and madder and when it looked like he was about to take a swing at me, Coach kicked him nut. Sent him to Decker's office."

    Decker was Parker High's vice-principal. No one liked him, possibly because he was an effective disciplinarian.

    "I heard later that he suspended Frog for two days," Lewis added, his voiced edged with regret.

    "A crummy way to start school in a new place, right?"

    Hannah thought so. But she said nothing. Lewis was feeling bad enough.

    "If you were the one who was arguing with Coach," Jean Marie asked, "why weren't you kicked out of gym, too?"

    "Because he's a varsity basketball hotshot," Mack said with a sardonic grin. "Coach is no fool. He needs Lewis this season. He knew he didn't need Frog. You could tell just by looking at the guy that he'd be a disaster out on the floor."

    "That shouldn't have mattered," Jean Marie argued. "Coach should have given Frog a chance. And so should you, Lewis."

    He didn't argue with her. There was a bleak expression on his face that made Hannah want to reach out and pat his hand. But she said nothing. All she wanted now was a change of subject.

    "I'm starving!" she announced, although the very thought of food made her ill. "Let's order something to eat, okay?"

    But, lost in guilt, Lewis and Kerry shook their heads silently and Jean Marie said, "He came into the journalism office, too, asking if he could be a reporter."

    Jean Marie was the editor of the Parker Pen, the school newspaper. "I took one look at him and knew I couldn't use him." Her hands, wrapped around a glass of soda, tightened until the knuckles turned white. "It was so unfair of me. I never even asked him if he'd worked on a school newspaper before or if he was interested in writing. I just told him, flat out, that there weren't any openings for reporters. I said they'd all been assigned at the beginning of the year, and he was too late."

    "Well, that's true, isn't it?" Kerry asked.

    Jean Marie shook her head. "No, it's not. Students can come in any time and sign up. And Frog probably found that out soon enough. He would have figured out then, if he hadn't earlier, that I just didn't like him."

    After another long silence broken only by the train wheels whispering to Hannah, Go-back, go- back, go-back, Kerry turned to her and said, "Hannah? You're the only one who hasn't said anything. Wasn't Frog in your English class? Did you ever talk to him? What I really want to know is, did you make him mad like the rest of us? What's your story?"

    "I don't have one," Hannah replied. Then saying, "Excuse me," she slid past Mack and out of the booth to hurry to the counter.

    "Well!" Kerry cried, offended.

    Hannah ignored her. She didn't turn around in an effort to make amends. She stood stiffly at the counter, her back to her friends, listening as the train wheels repeated their warning.

    Go-back, go-back, go-back…

    

    

    

    Hannah stood at the counter, alone, sipping the Coke she'd ordered. Laughter and music and chatter surrounded her, but she heard only the warning of the wheels telling her to go back.