knew.
Nell rolled slowly toward him in the shadows. He watched, hating her chair. She’d once moved so gracefully on
her long legs; now the jerky movements of her chair seemed so out of place.
“Want some company?”
“If you don’t mind the smoke.”
She pul ed her chair beside the swing. “Did I ever tel you that I took up smoking my last year of school?”
“No.” He smiled, wondering if she were lying. When she’d been a kid, she’d sometimes think of the worst story
possible so when he discovered the truth about some little something she’d done, he wouldn’t think it was so
bad compared to the tale.
“Several of the girls did.” Her voice was low. “We’d climb up in the attic and open an old, forgotten window.
Then we’d al sit around shivering while we smoked. I never got the hang of it, but I liked the smell.”
“You did?”
“Sure. It reminded me of busy nights in the old days when it always seemed like all the men smoked and all the
women laughed. Fat Alice would make me go to bed early, but I could hear the partying happening below my
room up in the attic.”
“I forgot you lived up there when you first came.”
“Fat Alice had my meals sent up with extra water and food so I’d have no reason to come down after dark. It
wasn’t long after I came that she closed the business, and I guess you could say she went into private practice.
Only her longtime customers were allowed to call.”
Nel brushed the bandage over the back of his hand. “Does it hurt?”
He stretched his fingers. “Not much.” He ran one finger over her palm, watching her long fingers curl slightly to
his touch. “I’m glad to be back.”
“Jacob.” She moved her hand up his arm. “Do you think you could ever see me as a woman and not just some
kid you protected?”
He leaned closer. “I do think of you as a woman. Hell, Nell, half the time I’m thinking of you, I’m trying not to
think of you as a woman.”
Even in the shadows he saw her smile. “Why?”
Jacob took a long breath. He didn’t know how to answer her. He thought of himself as a man of action, not
words. But she needed the words. “Sometimes, when I’m out sleeping alone under the stars, I feel like I’m the
only man alive. There’s a kind of loneliness that settles over me that aches all the way through my bones. When
I get like that, I think of you. Not the kid I’ve known, but the woman who ran to me that day at the train station
when you came home that last time from school. You were al woman, and I couldn’t believe you were running
with your arms wide open toward me.”
She was still smiling.
“I swung you around in my arms wishing the whole world could see what a fine lady you were and wishing you’d
never let go. I have to remind myself you’re my friend and maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about you like I do
sometimes.”
He heard the lock click on the sides of her chair and watched her use the arms to stand.
“Wil you hold me now?” she whispered as she extended her arm.
He circled her waist with his hands and gently sat her beside him. Lifting her legs over his knee, he pushed the
swing in motion.
For a long while they moved gently with the breeze, cuddled against one another.
“Nel ,” he whispered. “Would you mind if I kissed you again?” He thought about just leaning over, but after
she’d told him she wouldn’t marry him, he didn’t know how she’d feel about him kissing her again.
She hesitated and final y whispered, “Would you mind touching me first?”
Jacob froze. That wasn’t the answer he’d expected. “Al right,” he said for lack of something better. “Where
would you like me to touch you?”
He expected her to hold his hand or put his fingers to the side of her face. After all, she was quite a bit younger
than him, and maybe that was what she thought a man and woman should do first. He hadn’t been around
women enough to know what they wanted. Maybe when he’d kissed her before, she’d thought he was leaving
out a few steps along the way.
She lifted his hand and laid it over her left breast.
Jacob didn’t move. Touching her here hadn’t been in the top ten places he would have guessed she’d wanted to
be touched.
“I know you can’t feel much through your bandage and my dress, but can you feel my heart beating?” She
placed her hand on top of his.
“I can,” he lied, for his heart pounded so hard he wouldn’t have heard thunder in his ear. And what he felt
beneath his fingers had nothing to do with her heart.
She took a deep breath, her breast rising and fal ing in his hand. He thought of tel ing her that what they were
doing was far from proper, but then she might suggest stopping.
He leaned forward and touched his lips to hers and heard her moan softly. He’d meant only one light kiss, but a
hunger rushed through his blood, and he deepened the kiss.
When she answered his need, Jacob closed his hand around the softness below layers of cotton and felt her
moan of pleasure against his lips.
This definitely beat holding hands.
NELL CURLED BENEATH THE COVERS AND CLOSED her eyes even before Mrs. O’Daniel had time to turn down
the wick on her night-light. She needed to be alone with her thoughts. She wanted to remember every detail of
what she and Jacob had shared on the porch. The way he’d kissed her so tenderly took her breath away, and the
way his hand had warmed over her breast made her feel alive.
She’d been afraid to ask him to touch her, but she wanted him to see her as a woman, and just kissing might
take forever before he woke up to the fact. He treated her like a kid one minute and like some kind of china doll
that might break the next. Nel grinned. She’d given him something to think about tonight. She could almost
picture him downstairs on the couch trying to figure out what happened in the shadows of the porch.
He probably believed it was the man who made the advances. She fought down a laugh. Her ranger had a lot to
learn. Maybe he never married because he didn’t understand how much a man needs a woman? Wel , he was
about to find out. Even if she couldn’t marry him and have his children, she’d develop the hunger in him. Once
he realized he needed a woman, it wouldn’t take him long to find one.
She didn’t want to admit how much the thought of him with another hurt. Nel had to think of his happiness.
Jacob had spent all his life learning to be tough; it was time he developed a taste for love.
She checked the Colt beneath the extra pil ow on her bed. Tonight she’d be safe, but she’d never forget to check
before she fel asleep. Mrs. O’Daniel’s rubdowns and baths relaxed her enough to help her rest, and the exercise
exhausted her during the day. Since the nurse came to live with Nell, she’d been sleeping more, eating more,
and beginning to hope that someday she might walk. She could hardly wait until Dr. McClellan saw her progress.
Nel had often felt guilty when the doctor and his nurse made the train trip down to her and she remained the
same. Even though they never complained, she felt she was wasting their valuable time.
Nell fell asleep dreaming of what life would be like if she could walk. If she could just walk a few steps by herself, she’d never take it for granted again.
Deep in her dreams, she heard a voice.
“Miss Nell?”
She rol ed over, the sound pul ing her awake.
“Miss Nell?”
She stretched and felt a hand touch her shoulder.
Nel ’s dreams vanished as she opened her eyes and saw Wednesday’s little round face.
Wednesday tried to smile, but fear filled her eyes. “Miss Nell, I think I’m leaking.”
Nell rose to her elbows and tried to see in the darkness. “What?” Maybe she was stil dreaming.
Wednesday looked embarrassed. “I can’t seem to stop. Water’s coming out of me.”
Nel had no idea what was happening but tried not to look as frightened as the girl did. “I’m sure it’s all right. Get Mrs. O’Daniel.”
Wednesday nodded, happy to have a plan. She waddled off to the nurse’s room. A few minutes later, Mrs.
O’Daniel tromped down the stairs at ful speed. When she hit the ground floor, she yelled, with no regard to
Jacob sleeping on the couch, “Marla! I’m going to need water. Gypsy, wake up! We’ve got a baby coming, and
I’m going to need lots of towels and sheets.”
Nel stood and pul ed her robe around her, then sat in her wheelchair. She rol ed to the landing as lights were lit
downstairs. Jacob had sat up, the firelight flickering off his bare chest. “Anything I can do to help?” he bellowed
as Mrs. O’Daniel ran past him with a load of towels.
“No. Go back to sleep and stay out of my way,” the nurse answered.
He shrugged and turned his back as he lay down.
Nell wanted to yell for him to go get the preacher and Harrison but realized this emergency was one for the
women in the house. The men could be of no help. The men might as wel sleep.
She rolled down the hal way. When she reached Wednesday’s door, the girl stood beside her bed, crying softly.
Nell went into the room and took her hand, surprised to find it cold as ice.
Wednesday sniffed. “Mrs. O’Daniel told me to change my gown and get into bed, but I’m too scared. I hurt al
inside. The pain comes and goes.”
Nell didn’t know what to say. The girl had a right to be afraid. Almost half the women in the cemetery had died
in childbirth. It wasn’t an easy thing for any woman, and Wednesday’s body didn’t even look ful y grown.
“I’l help you al I can,” Nel whispered. She wished she could do something more.
The girl nodded, then turned her back and pul ed off her wet gown. Before she slipped on a fresh one, Nel had
time to study the scars on Wednesday’s back. Most were healed, but the marks of her beating would never go
away.
As Wednesday awkwardly crawled into bed, Nell whispered, “The water you lost is natural. I read about it in a
book at school. All mothers-to-be have it. The baby floats in a bag inside you, and the bag is full of water.”
Wednesday’s eyes widened in interest now, as if Nell were only telling her a fairy tale and nothing more.
Nell wished she’d paid more attention in her final classes. Many of the girls in her school were going on to be
nurses, so she’d heard conversations about all kinds of things. “Next comes what they call labor. It’s going to be
hard work to move the baby out.”
The girl didn’t look like she wanted to hear more. “It ain’t fair, Miss Nell. It hurt when I got pregnant, and now
you’re tel ing me it’s going to hurt again. I don’t like this. I don’t want to grow up. I don’t want to be a woman.”
She started to cry harder. “I don’t know how to be a mother. I’m not sure I can do this.”
Nell wouldn’t lie to her. “We’ve got Mrs. O’Daniel, who told me a few days ago that she’s delivered several
babies. She’l know what to do.” Nel thought of sending for the doctor. He’d been good to come when Jacob
was brought in, but other times, he’d been reluctant to venture out to the house by the tracks. He might not
consider this an emergency worth his time. “You’re a very brave girl, and you’re going to get through this.”
Wednesday nodded, but she didn’t look like she believed Nel was tel ing her the truth.
“I’ll have Marla make you some tea. Would you like that?”
Wednesday nodded again, her eyes closed tightly as she gripped her middle. “It hurts something terrible, miss.”
Nel took one of the girl’s hands. “You help me know when it hurts. When it starts, you hold my hand real tight.
Then I’l know.”
Wednesday took a deep breath. “It’s gone now.”
Five minutes later, she gripped Nell’s hand, and they both held tight through the next pain.
When the other women hurried into the room, Nel started to move back, knowing that her chair would be in
the way.
“No, miss,” Wednesday said. “Don’t leave me.”
Mrs. O’Daniel agreed. “I can work around you and that chair. We may need al the hands we got to get this baby
born. You stay at her head, Miss Nell, and keep talking to her.”
Nel wanted to say she real y didn’t want to be in the room. She’d never seen a woman in labor. But she couldn’t
back out now. When Nel glanced up, she saw her panic reflected in Marla’s eyes. She, too, must have never
witnessed a birth.
Mrs. O’Daniel came to the cook’s aid. “Marla, I’l need you in the kitchen keeping water on to boil and coffee
coming. Gypsy and Nel can help me here, but we’l need coffee to stay alert, and if hours pass, something that
we can eat fast to keep going. The last birthing I helped with took almost two days.”
The cook nodded. “I’l check in every thirty minutes or so. The kitchen’s right below. Just stomp on the floor, and
I’l come running to see what’s needed.” She vanished like a rabbit.
Gypsy moved to the nurse’s side. “I’ve assisted a few times. I know what needs to be done.”
Mrs. O’Daniel nodded and, for the first time that Nell knew of, smiled at the tiny old prostitute.
Wednesday held Nel ’s hand as the contractions grew closer together. Nel wiped the girl’s ashen face and
watched the clock. The pains didn’t last long, and Nel guessed when each was half over. She’d lean close to
Wednesday and whisper, “We’re on the downhil slope now. Hang on. Hang on. The time’s counting down.”
When the contraction was over, she’d whisper, “That’s one less.”
Wednesday would try to smile and nod as if she and Nel were playing some kind of game with the clock.
In less than three hours, Mrs. O’Daniel smiled. “Bless my soul, the baby’s crowning. It won’t be long now.”