The Stranger Within (16 page)

I almost forget to breathe. “Oh? What do you think it’s about?” But there is only one explanation. She saw Rhys the other night. My stomach sinks to the floor. It might be easy to make an excuse for why he came over, but it would be much harder to explain why he left after midnight in a cab.

“No idea,” James says.

“Well, how about I go and see her? Find out what she wants.”

James looks at me strangely. “Are you sure? I think I should do it. I don’t want her having a go at you again. You know what she’s like.”

“Honestly, it’s fine. I wanted to ask her about the flowers in her back garden anyway.”

It is a desperate thing to have said and James doesn’t look convinced. I have never before shown an interest in gardening and he knows Mrs Simmons is not so easily won over. But eventually he nods. “Okay. Thanks. Just don’t let her get to you. And let me know what she says.”

But I have no intention of doing that.

Later I sit at the garden table trying to get my head around my next assignment. It is due in a week and I haven’t written a word or taken in much of what I have read since Saturday.

I have been next door three times to see Mrs Simmons but she isn’t answering her door. She rarely goes out so I can only assume she is ignoring me. But I will try her again tomorrow; I am bound to spot her at her window so she can’t avoid me forever, and hopefully I will get to her before she has a chance to grab James.

My wooden chair is uncomfortable and I am certain it couldn’t have been Lauren’s choice. She would at least have got seat cushions. How funny that all this time I thought Lauren was the only threat to my marriage, but now I know Tabitha is a far greater one.

So what does that make Rhys, then?

I look up at Dillon’s window and see him watching me. There is no smile on his face and he doesn’t turn away when our eyes meet. I won’t look away either. I won’t let him see that he unnerves me.

When I first met Dillon and Luke, they thought James and I were just friends. That’s the lie James told them to help them get used to me. “They need to get to know you without thinking you’re taking their Mum’s place,” he had said, and although I was sceptical, it made sense. And it worked for a time. Both boys were okay towards me and I caught glimpses of their warmer personalities. I never anticipated their hatred. Now I know misleading them was a grave error. Perhaps that is a huge part of why they resent me so much? We lied. They trusted us and we lied. They can forgive their father, but I have to pay for our lie.

I look away from Dillon to take a sip of lemonade and when I glance up again he has disappeared. Back to whatever he is doing up there. It crosses my mind how different this house would be – and my life for that matter – if Dillon didn’t live here. Luke would still cause problems but I’m convinced he wouldn’t be half as bad without his older brother’s influence. But there are at least three years to go before he’s old enough to leave home, and who’s to say he’ll even go to university? Even if he does, there are plenty of good ones in London, so the chances of him going to live away are slim.

As I pick up my book, I hear something rustling behind me. On my guard, I spin around, expecting Luke to be up to something. But a skinny black cat sits staring at me. I have never seen him before and he is such a wretched-looking thing that he must be a stray. His fur is dull, and there are patches of bare skin scattered over his body. I don’t even know if he
is
male, but somehow he doesn’t seem female.

“Hey, fella,” I call, holding out my fingers. He trots towards me and rubs his mangy head against my hand. “You look just how I feel.”

I go inside to look for some food for him, but the only suitable thing I find is some cheese. I have never owned a cat so have no idea if they like it, but he scoffs it down and doesn’t leave my side for the next hour.

Sometime later, I look up at Dillon’s window and wonder if the boys would like to keep him. Perhaps a pet will give us something to bond over? I know he looks bedraggled but with a bit of care he’ll be healthy in no time.

“I think your name should be Jazzy,” I say to him. “Because you’re so far from jazzy, aren’t you?”

Excited by my idea, I let him into the house and call the boys down. Slowly they appear, both eyeing me suspiciously. “Look what I’ve found! Shall we keep him?”

As if sensing it is time for his appearance, Jazzy pads to the bottom of the stairs and peers up at Dillon and Luke.

The boys stare at him and then Dillon says, “What is
that
doing in here?”

Appalled by his response, I try to keep my voice calm. “I thought we could keep him. What do you think?”

Dillon looks at Luke, forcing the half-smile from his younger brother’s face. “I don’t like cats. Mum didn’t either. That thing is filthy and it’s probably got fleas! Dad won’t let him in here.”

He turns and heads back to his room, while Luke’s eyes remain glued to the cat. I am about to ask what he thinks, but then he too disappears.

Scooping Jazzy up, I take him back outside. But I am not ready to give up on this poor creature. Nobody uses the shed in the corner of the garden, and all that’s in it is an old lawnmower and some junk, so I fetch a spare duvet from upstairs and make a bed for him.

“This can be your new home,” I tell him, as I fold it into a comfortable bed. “But I’ll come and visit.”

Seeing the cat’s pitiful expression makes me loathe the boys even more. It is all I can do not to drag them out and throw them in the shed to see how
they
like sleeping in there.

We are all seated around the table and I can feel Rhys’ eyes burning into me, all the while he is chatting away to Dillon. Every now and again Dillon also looks over at me, and I wonder if Rhys has told him anything about what happened on Saturday. I have ignored his calls and texts so how can I expect any loyalty? But this can’t be the case. If it were, we would not all be sitting down to dinner.

James has ordered an Indian takeaway. It’s tasty enough, but there is too much noise at the table and I struggle to make out any strands of conversation. I am the only one who is silent. I lift my glass of wine to my lips but put it down again. It is a disturbing reminder of Saturday night.

Somehow I make it through the meal, even though I have barely touched the food on my plate, and begin clearing away the dishes. Rhys asks if I need any help but I assure him I’m fine. I wonder if he notices the look he gets from Dillon.

When I’ve finished I linger a moment longer in the kitchen. Hopefully when I go back into the lounge, the boys will all have disappeared.

But then James appears at my side, Dillon and Luke following him. He nudges them forward and Luke holds out a plastic bag.

“This is for you.” He stares at the floor. “Sorry we didn’t wrap it.”

I take the bag and thank them, reaching inside to find what feels like a bottle. Pulling it out, I see it is eau de toilette. I smile and lean forward to hug them both, all of us rigid. As I draw back, I notice Dillon smirking as he and Luke hurry out of the room. He knows that I have never worn perfume in my life.

“And I got you this.” James hands me an envelope.

It is a gift card for my favourite clothes shop. “Thank you,” I say, moving forward to hug him. Something still doesn’t feel right. He no longer feels like mine.

“Better get back and check what they’re doing in there,” he says, oblivious to my sadness. “By the way, Rhys and Harry are staying the night.”

This is all I need. I have been counting the minutes until it is time for Rhys to go, but now we will be under the same roof for several hours more. How will I be able to sleep knowing he is just metres away?

Once James has left, I go outside to check on Jazzy. I don’t know if the boys have told him about the cat but he hasn’t mentioned it. Perhaps they are saving it up to use as ammunition against me. If only they knew that they already have the best weapon they could possibly ask for to end my marriage to their father for good.

Rhys.

It is nearly two a.m. but I am still awake. Even though I got through the evening, and Rhys left me alone, I am worried about Mrs Simmons. I will have to get to her first thing in the morning, before James leaves for work, or she might flag him down on his way out.

James is as far across the bed as it’s possible to get, a physical manifestation of the state of our marriage. It would be easier to handle if I thought only the boys are responsible for our problems. But my knowledge of his affair with Tabitha makes our distance a hundred times worse.

Sickened again by the thought of James and Tabitha together, I lift the duvet and slide out of bed. I need to use the bathroom and then I will make myself a chamomile tea. I doubt it will help me sleep, but it’s better than lying on my back, staring at the ceiling.

When I open the bathroom door, Rhys is standing before me in the darkness.

“Rhys? What –”

“Sshh,” he says, ushering me in and closing the door behind us. I quickly make a grab for the small shaving light by the mirror, and the room is bathed in a soft, dull glow. “I just wanted to give you this.”

He places a small box in my hand. It is neatly wrapped in purple paper and adorned with a matching ribbon.

I make no move to unwrap it. “Rhys, we can’t –”

“Please, Callie, open it. I just want you to have it, that’s all.”

So I sit on the side of the bath and start unwrapping my gift, careful not to tear the paper because he’s gone to so much effort. Inside is a blue Swarovski box. “You shouldn’t have done this.” I almost don’t want to open it. I know whatever is inside I will love, but won’t be able to keep.

“Open it,” he repeats. He sits next to me.

Inside the box is beautiful crystal horseshoe pendant. “It’s lovely. How did you know I would like this?”

He shrugs. “I just did. It’s just you, isn’t it? It’s meant to bring you luck.”

I hug him hard, pulling him into me and nestling my head on his shoulder. He will never know how much his gift means. “You know I can’t keep it, Rhys,” I say, finally pulling away. “Don’t you?”

He chews his lip. “Yes, you can.”

“I’m sorry I ignored your calls. It was wrong of me, you don’t deserve that. But most of all I’m sorry about Saturday night.”

Rhys shakes his head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Nothing happened, did it? But I can’t lie, Callie, I wanted it to. I want you.” He leans towards me again. “I’m not some stupid kid, okay?”

This time when our bodies touch, the surge is even stronger. And when he cups my face in his hands and presses his lips against mine, I am powerless to stop him.

Chapter Seventeen

Now

“Don’t look at me like that. Please. I already hate myself enough. It was wrong to kiss Rhys, or let him kiss me, I know that.”

              DS Connolly turns to his colleague and again they share a secret thought. “Well,” he finally says, “legally speaking, Rhys wasn’t underage.”

              My hands are clammy and I clench them, hoping the two officers won’t notice the sweat. I see it clearly now, how easily things might have turned out differently, if only I hadn’t stepped over that line with Rhys. “But morality is another matter, isn’t it?” I say. “I was married and he was too young for me.”

              “So you knew before the kiss that he had feelings for you. Why didn’t you just refuse to be alone with him in the bathroom?”

              “I’ve wondered that many times. It was a reckless action. I was paranoid and scared that everything was crumbling around me. But it’s easy to see this now. Then I only thought of how good he made me feel, how much I needed his comfort.”

              DS Connolly frowns. Perhaps he finds it hard to understand how an eighteen-year-old can offer any comfort to a woman my age.

              “I was so full of self-doubt. I felt that I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t be a mum to the boys or keep my marriage together. But Rhys made me feel different. Like myself. He looked at me and really saw
me.
He gave me a break from everything else. I needed that from him.”

              DS Connolly opens his mouth to speak but someone raps on the door, throwing it open without waiting for an answer. It is a uniformed male officer and he rushes over, whispering something I am clearly not meant to hear. DS Connolly glances at me and turns off the tape recorder, saying he’ll be back in a minute. He stands up and heads out of the door, the uniformed officer following him.

              Left alone, neither DC Barnes nor I speak for a few minutes.

“He’ll be back soon,” she says eventually, her voice stern.

              I am relieved when the door opens and DS Connolly reappears, carrying more paperwork. “Sorry for the delay,” he says, and I wonder why he is still being kind to me. If we were alone I would ask him this question, but I can already tell DC Barnes would not approve of overfamiliarity.

              “Now, where were we?” He sits down, setting his pile of papers to one side. “Oh, yes. The kiss.”

              I lean forward. “I felt awful, DS Connolly. Words can’t describe my guilt. But the problem was, I also felt…great. That doesn’t make sense, does it? How could it feel so good when I loved James? I’m not sure. All I know is that my feelings for Rhys had been growing, and I’d tried my best to shove them aside. Until that kiss. That kiss changed everything.”