The Strange Healing (12 page)

Sara looked exasperated, but said, “As long as you can assure me she's fine, I suppose I can wait.”

“I give you my word, Heather is fine.”

“
Okay, good.  Now, what else do you want to talk about?”

“
You.  Sara, I'm concerned about you and the guilt you've been carrying around with you needlessly.  I have an idea that I'd like to implement to change that.”

“
What do you mean needlessly?”

“
Exactly that.”  Taking one of her hands in his and keeping his other arm around her, he explained, “Sara, you've been taking the blame for a lot of things that were not your fault.  Then you feel guilty, and they weren't you fault at all.”

“
I have not!  Like what?”

“
For starters, Honey, it was not your fault that your mother was in an accident.”

“
But if I wouldn't have left her she probably wouldn't have been running that errand and wouldn't have been in the accident.  It's just like those ladies said.”

“
Sara, those ladies were wrong.  The accident was just that - an accident.  It wasn't your fault at all.  It was caused by the car that pulled out in front of her.  Just like the accident at the exit ramp wasn't your fault.”

“
But I should have been paying closer attention to what was going on.”

“
How would that have helped?  That man was running a scam, plain and simple.  There was nothing that would have made any difference, unless you would have had a camera in your car that would have recorded it.  And no one does that.” 

Pulling her closer to him, he told her, “Honey, you have to realize there are things that happen that are not your fault.  Did your parents used to blame you for things when you were growing up?”

“Well, they always said you should take responsibility for what you do.  They hated people who try to get out of things or shirk their responsibility.”

“
Can you give me some examples of what they blamed you for?”

They spent the next hour talking about a few such examples, and Heath patiently explained why most of those examples were not her fault.  He talked about knowing the difference between doing right and wrong, and you only take the fault when you do wrong
- not anytime something goes wrong.  Oddly, that seemed like a new concept to Sara, who apparently had gotten used to taking the blame anytime something bad happened.

He used each of the examples she gave of something that was her fault, and tried to turn it around.

“The two ladies at the supermarket who said you should have been with your mom, were they friends of your mom's?”

“
Yes, they'd been friends for years.”

“
Do they drive?”

“
Yes, they both do.”

“
Then could they have taken your mom that day?”

“
Yes, I guess, but why would they?”

“
For the same reason you would have.”

“
What do you mean?”

“
Honey, what did your mom think of you getting that job offer; was she happy about it?”

Sara smiled as she answered, “She was so proud of me.  I think she was as happy as I was.  She knew working for that company had always been a dream of mine.”

“So she was in favor of you taking the job?”

“
Oh, yes.”

“
Did she want you to stay living at home and driving 50 miles every day?”

“
No, of course not.”

“
So she was in favor of you getting an apartment there?”

“
Yes.  She said it would be a new adventure in my life and she was happy for me.”

Heath watched Sara's face as he offered, “So, your mom was in favor of you going there to live, and she was quite capable of driving herself around town, an experienced, capable driver.  Those two women at the store were friends of hers and they were here in town.  The way I see it, if they were concerned about her driving, they should have offered to drive her.”

Frowning, Sara said, “I guess they could have.”

“
Of course they could have.  And if they would have, then the accident might not have happened.  So, does that mean the accident was their fault?”

“
No, of course not.”

“
Why not?”

“
Because they didn't do anything to cause it.”

“
But they could have offered to drive her that day.”

“
But they had no idea there was going to be an accident.”

“
Did you know there was going to be an accident?”

“
No, of course not.”

“
Then how is it your fault any more than it was theirs?”

“
Because if I wouldn't have moved out of the house –"

“
You would have disappointed your mother.  You wouldn't have been working at your dream job and starting a new adventure in your life.  I thought you said she was proud of you.”

“
She was.”

“
So would it have been better to stay living at home and disappoint her?”

Sara looked up at him with a new understanding on her face.  She even smiled a bit as she said, “No, it wouldn't have.”

“That's my girl.”  He hugged her.  He then went over several other examples she gave where she readily accepted the blame for something that wasn't her fault.  He did the same thing, breaking each one down and talking her through it.

Two hours later she had a new understanding and was feeling much lighter.  She looked at him with concern on her face, though, and asked, “You said I'm carrying around a lot of guilt needlessly?”

“You are.  You're carrying around guilt for things that were not your fault.”

“
So how do you know when something is your fault?  I mean, I'm sure I've done things in my life I should take responsibility for.  How do you know when to take the blame and when not to?”

“
At least for a while, until you readily see it yourself, whenever something doesn't go the way you expected, we'll talk about it, like we just did.”

“
Then I'll know what really was my fault and I'll just have to carry around the guilt for those things?”

He smiled and said, “That's where Part B of my plan comes into play.”

“Part B?”

“
Yeah.  Part A was to get you to realize you can't always blame yourself for everything.  Part B is to erase the guilt.  I want you to see what it's like without having all that guilt weighing you down.”

“
But how can you do that?”

“
With consequences.”

“
Huh?”

“
Like a penalty, or a punishment.”

“
You mean like in school if you didn't do your homework and the teacher would give you extra homework to do the next night?”

“
That's a consequence, yes, or a punishment.  That way you paid the price for not doing what you should have done in the first place.”

She giggled as she asked, “So you're going to give me extra homework to do every time I mess up?”

“No, I'm going to spank you.”

She was still smiling when she asked, “No, seriously, what are you going to do?”

“Seriously, Sara, I'm going to spank you.  Have you ever been spanked before?”

Her smile was gone when she answered, “No, of course not.”

“Then you don't know all the benefits of a spanking.”

“
Benefits?”

“
Yes, benefits.  They're quick, they're effective, they do no real harm, they pay for your crime so you no longer have to feel guilty, and then you're forgiven and you move on.  It's forgotten.”  He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head as he added, “When a man cares enough about a woman to correct her, it's done with love in his heart, and she feels that love.”

He gave her some time to think about what he'd said.  Eventually, she asked, “So you think if he does it with love in his heart, she feels that love?”

Smiling, he said, “At the time she's getting spanked she mostly feels his hand smacking her butt, but afterward, when he's holding her and comforting her, yes, she'll feel how much he cares for her.”

“
And that's what you –”

He gently lifted her chin so she was looking at him as he said, “Yes, I care enough about you to do that.”

She smiled, and cuddled up against his chest, thinking.  “But it sounds like it will hurt.”

“
It will.”  When she jerked her head up to look into his eyes again, he told her honestly, “I'm not going to lie to you, Sara.  It will hurt and you won't like it at the time.  But it's meant to be a lesson, a deterrent so you don't do it again.  If you don't do it again you won't have the guilt again.  And if it doesn't hurt, how will it serve as a deterrent?  But afterward, I'll hold you in my arms, much like we're doing now, and I'll let you know you're forgiven, and I think you'll be surprised how much better you'll feel without the guilt.”

“
But whoever heard of a grown woman needing help to get rid of a little guilt?”

“
It's more common than you'd think, Sara.  A lot of women have a big heart, like you and Heather, and you often think with your heart instead of your head.  Then you get yourselves in trouble, and the guilt you feel can overwhelm you.  Much like you've felt overwhelmed with guilt lately, Sara.”

She lowered her head, and was deep in thought.  Heath knew she was now admitting to herself that she had indeed been overwhelmed with guilt.  “Sara, I think if you let me help you like this you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel.”

“But it would be really embarrassing.  I would be the only grown woman I know that gets spanked.”

“
Again, Honey, you might be surprised.”

“
What do you mean?”

Heath sighed.  He wanted to tell her about Heather, but he didn't feel it was his place
to. He knew his sister wouldn't object, especially under the circumstances.  In fact, she'd probably be happy to have someone she could talk to about it, that would be able to relate to her.  After all, they'd have this in common.  Still, he'd feel better if Heather told her herself.

He had an idea.  Checking his watch, he said, “I'm sorry, Sara, but I just remembered, there is one errand I have to run this morning.  It won't take long, I promise.  How about if I get Heather to come up here and you have that talk with her about what you heard last night?  I'll be back shortly, and I promise we'll finish our talk.  Then we'll have lunch with Phil and Heather if you want.”

She looked a bit confused, but readily agreed.  “Sure, if you have something you have to do, please go ahead.  I am kind of anxious to talk to Heather.  Maybe she can help me figure some things out.”

He smiled as he said, “I'll bet she can help you figure several things out, Honey.” 

He called his sister, who readily agreed to come talk to Sara while he ran an errand.  When she got there he got them both some lemonade, and Sara excused herself to the restroom.  Heath took the opportunity to explain what Sara wanted to talk to her about, and also what he had proposed as a means to help her.  He asked his sister if she minded talking to Sara openly about her experience with spanking, and how it had helped her.

Heather was shocked by the abundance of info in the short time, but quickly recovered and assured her brother she'd help all she could.

Sara came back out to the kitchen, and Heath kissed her good-bye, promising to be back shortly. 

The errand he told Sara he had to run was going to talk to Phil.
He told his brother-in-law basically what he'd told Heather, both about what Sara heard last night, and a very brief explanation of why he thought she would benefit from a spanking when she earned one.

Phil laughed.  “I don't know what the problem is she's trying to work through, but I think
there are a lot of women out there that could benefit from a spanking when they earn one, so you won't get any argument from me there.”

“
I really do think it will help her,” Heath said with a chuckle, “but I have to sell her on the idea.  Do you think Heather will help my cause or work against me?”

“
You know as well as I do how much she benefits from it.  She usually admits it, as well.  Let's just hope she admits it to Sara.”

The men talked a bit more, and Phil said, “Heath, if Sara agrees to this, the timing might be good to put your plan into play.  You were right about what Sara heard last night.  Heather got a good butt warming, and
I warned her she's on a short leash the next little while.  She's been wandering too far off the path lately, and she knows I'm going to be strict with her a while until she's back on the straight and narrow again.  It might be good to introduce your little gal to spanking while she's staying with us for a while.  I mean, you know your sister; she's going to find herself over my knees a few times over the next several days.  If Sara finds herself over yours, as well, it might not feel so unusual to her.”