Chapter 19
Xavier
Life had a funny way of throwing unexpected twists and turns your way and watching the pieces fall where they may.
I definitely wasn't expecting to receive a Facebook e-mail from Kendall. Yes, at the advice of my publicist, I had created a page. However, when she suggested we meet for lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, which used to be
our
favorite restaurant, I certainly wasn't going to analyze it. Like always, I didn't think it through, simply reacted to the opportunity that presented itself.
As I found myself pulling into the restaurant parking lot, I was slightly distracted. I had received a somewhat disturbing phone call that Bailey had been involved in a terrible accident and was in the hospital. I still had not received the full story, only that she had somehow tumbled down the stairs in her apartment building and had suffered a concussion, broken arms, and a broken leg. All that information I received from her agent.
To be honest, I was kind of looking forward to seeing her this week. She was scheduled to arrive on Thursday evening; however, I guessed that wasn't happening now or anytime soon.
Apparently, Bailey was very lucky, because she could have broken her neck during the fall. On the other end, she had a long recovery ahead of her. I had my newly hired assistant send flowers and a card, and asked her agent to keep me abreast of her condition and to let me know if there was anything I could do. When Bailey was physically able and feeling better, I hoped to speak with her.
All thoughts of Bailey were quickly pushed to the back of my mind when I walked into the trendy spot and spotted Kendall waving me over near the bar area.
I closed the short distance between us. “Hi, Kendall,” I stated, hugging and kissing her on the cheek. “You look nice.”
“Hello, and thank you,” she said, leaning into the hug a bit too long as her breasts rubbed against my chest.
“Have you been waiting long?”
“No, just a few minutes.”
“Good, because I was running a little late and the traffic didn't give me any breaks, but here I am.”
“Let me get the hostess, and we can be seated. I was just waiting up here for you,” she said, waving the friendly hostess over.
“Sounds good.”
A few minutes later we were seated in a semiprivate, cozy, very intimate section of the restaurant. I took the liberty of pulling out her chair and casually walked around to seat myself. I stared at Kendall, waiting for her to speak first, as she took a sip of water.
“What?” she asked, noticing that my attention was focused on her. “You are staring at me.”
“Nothing. I just can't believe you contacted me on Facebook, and, well, here we are, together. I didn't think I would ever see the day when we could be civil to one another, or should I say, you to me?”
“Don't feel so shocked, Xavier. People grow and mature with time. Besides, you did say you wanted to speak with me, and to be honest, I was curious as to what you could possibly have to say.”
“Yeah, but you were so adamant about not seeing me,” I said, watching her intently.
“Well, I had a chance to think about it and ...” Her voice trailed off.
“And what? Go on.”
“After the scene that played out at your house, we never really had closure. I had my say, stormed out with a broken heart, and that was pretty much it. End of story.”
“True,” I stated, still unable to stop myself from staring at the woman I used to love. “You were pretty upset that day.”
“That's an understatement,” she said with nervous laughter.
There was always that one woman you never forgot no matter how hard you tried. Kendall was it for me. Believe me when I say I had tried. The others, and there were many, didn't mean anything to me, nada. They were simply distractions and then on to the next one. The others were something to do, someone to do, something to pass the time while in the different cities of my book tours, random, meaningless faces and bodies. Kendall, she was the real deal, and I blew it by sleeping with Pilar, a crazed stalker.
“How have you been?” she asked, looking everywhere but in my eyes and at my face. I knew she was asking only out of politeness, to keep the conversation flowing.
“Kendall, you don't have to be nervous around me. We used to be comfortable with one another,” I stated, instinctively reaching for her small hand.
She reacted by slowly pulling it away and placing it in her lap. “That was then, and this is now. Things change. Much has changed. I've changed.”
“That they do, sometimes because of the stupidity of others. I want to take this time to apologize for any hurt I may have caused. I didn't mean to hurt you. Believe me when I say that was the farthest thing from my mind.”
“But you did hurt me.” Her eyes finally found mine and settled within, giving me a glimpse of the pain and betrayal she'd suffered because of my actions.
“I know I did, and if I could, I would take it all back. I would rewind time. I can only hope that you will accept my apology someday. Kendall, I was such a fool, but I never stopped loving you, and I do realize what a good woman I lost because of my infidelity.”
Our waiter chose that exact moment to step to us for drink and lunch orders. I think Kendall was relieved that the conversation had been briefly interrupted, because of my declaration of still loving her. I had surprised even myself with that statement.
Kendall and I placed our orders, and it was weird because it was what we had always ordered in the past, whenever we dined there. That much hadn't changed. As the waiter hurried away and stopped at a table nearby, Kendall was quiet. She looked around, played with her hair, which she now wore in a stylish cut and basically did everything but address what I had stated.
“Do you, Kendall?”
“Do I what?”
“Forgive me.”
She paused for only a second. “I did that a long time ago so I could move on with my life. I was so consumed with hating you and what you did to me, to us, that I became stagnant. I had to forgive you in order to save myself.”
“Thank you.”
“There is no need to thank me. Understand I did it for myself, not for you. Be very mindful of the fact that I didn't forget. I know what type of person you are, Xavier, and you will probably always be that way. I knew that going in. Stupid me. I really thought my love, our love, was greater than what you put me through.”
I lowered my head in shame because I didn't know how to respond. Now I was the one unable to meet her lingering, accusing eyes.
“Watching
Diary of a Stalker
shed some light on the situation you were dealing with, and my heart unfroze a bit more. If it hadn't been for my husband, I don't know if I would have survived our breakup. I loved you so much, Xavier, but I couldn't live a life filled with lies and infidelity. So, I loved myself more and moved on.”
I finally looked up. “Do you love him?”
She smiled, a haunting smile filled with mystery. “Yes. I do love him. Not in the way I loved you. That was different. Our love, what you and I shared, was intoxicating, breathless, and passionate. I love my husband in a less complicated way than what we shared.”
I was silent, speculating on the meaning behind her words, reading between the lines.
“Did you expect me to say no?” Kendall asked.
I didn't respond. To be honest, I wasn't quite sure what I expected her to say.
“I'm happy, Xavier, happier than I have been in a long time. You hurt me. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. My studies suffered, and I went into a deep depression. With the support of my family and church, I survived.”
“I'm sorry, Kendall.”
“I never wanted to be one of those women.”
“What kind of woman is that?”
“The type of woman who lets a man break her down to the core and then hates all men because of one bad apple.”
“Ouch. I guess I deserved that. I didn't meanâ”
“Hear me out. Do I miss you and wonder what we could have become together? Yes, all the time, but I realize life is a cycle of mishaps, adventures, traveled paths, and then sometimes the fork in the road throws a detour. Two people can come together but not really complement each other. Our time has passed, so I'm asking you to please let me go.”
“Kendall, you know I wish you nothing but the best. My one regret is that things didn't work out between us. Believe it or not, I want you to be happy, even if it is with someone besides myself. I wish you the very best that life has to offer.”
“That is sweet,” she said, giving me a look of adoration that I hadn't seen since before our breakup.
“I mean it. It's straight from the heart. So, are we cool?”
“We're cool, Xavier.”
For the first time since we sat down to dine, Kendall appeared relaxed.
“Tell me what's going on in your life, Mr. Writer-Slash-Executive-Producer. I am so proud of your success. I remember when we would lie in bed and talk about our dreams and goals for the future. Remember that?” She smiled, thinking about the good times we shared.
“Of course. You were going to finish law school, pass the bar the first time around, and become this big-shot attorney. How could I forget all the happy times we spent together? There were definitely more happy than bad, and I'll always cherish those memories.”
“Yeah, I remember how you would always hog the sheets, too.”
We laughed, and another layer slipped away.
“To answer your question, I'm chillin' for a minute.”
“Oh, you chillin', huh?” She laughed, mocking me. “Sure you are.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I questioned.
“Xavier, you don't know how to relax. You don't know the meaning of the word. That's what I used to like about you... . You were always so driven.”
“Seriously, I'm trying to enjoy my success and get my life in order. I'm not getting any younger. I'm attempting to get my priorities straight and be the great man I know I can be.”
“You'll get there. We are all a work in progress,” Kendall shared.
“Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”
She smiled.
I smiled back.
“You aren't working on anything?”
I paused, playfully looked up at the ceiling, pretending I hadn't heard her question.
“Xavier?”
“Huh? Did you say something?”
“See, I knew it! It's in your blood. You have to write and follow your passion, or you aren't complete.”
“That's what I always loved about you, Kendall. You always got me. Got me like no other.” My eyes softly caressed her, and she blushed.
She looked down at her hands, unwilling to read the unspoken words my eyes were sending.
“Kendall, am I making you uncomfortable? I don't mean to. I'm simply being honest. I have decided to try honesty going forward.”
“I'm okay. It's just hard knowing what we could have had together. By now, we would have been married, probably working on starting a family,” she explained, looking melancholy. “Remember, we were going to have a girl and boy and name them ...”
“Alexandria and Alexander,” I said, completing her sentence for her.
She caught my eye and smiled a bittersweet smile.
“You remembered.”
I cleared my throat. “Of course. What's going on in your life, Mrs. Married Lady?” I asked to change the subject.
She smiled a big toothy smile. “I passed the bar exam the first time,” she said, pretending to pop her collar.
“Congratulations, baby! I'm so proud of you.”
She blushed. “Don't call me that.”
“What?”
“Baby.”
“I'm sorry. Habit, I guess. Should I attach
esquire
to your name now?”
“You are silly.”
“You always liked it.”
I instinctively reached for her hand, and this time she didn't pull away.
“I am so proud of you. I know this was your dream, and I'm certain you are going to make a wonderful attorney.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that, Xavier.”
For a few seconds we were lost in each other's eyes. Our silence spoke volumes.
“Does he know you're here?” I asked to break the spell and bring us back to reality.
“What do you think?”