Authors: Dixie Lynn Dwyer
Tags: #Romance
“But she’s been through enough. I just want to make sure Ava wants to see them.”
“It’s okay, Alexa. I’m fine,” Ava said. Now Ava was left alone with Evan and Colton, and they didn’t look happy with her. Chad’s description of them as “her men” made her suddenly feel worried. Two dates and a shared attraction didn’t make her their woman. Somewhere deep inside of her, the idea made her happy, but her own reservations and fears of what might go wrong in her life next kept her from acknowledging it fully. She took a deep breath and waited for Chad and Alexa to leave the room.
She slowly sat up, taking her time as she took an unsteady breath.
“Come on in and sit down,” she whispered. Evan looked at Colton then back at her before he walked over toward the couch where she was sitting. She was glad she had taken a shower and did her hair already. At least she might look presentable as opposed to looking exhausted.
Evan hesitated touching her. He reached his fingers out to touch her then pulled back. That move made her feel a mix of emotions. It was bad enough that she would most likely have a scar from the surgery, but she couldn’t bear it if either man would be turned off by that scar. She swallowed hard. She was jumping to conclusions. Making assumptions in her mind that she still had a chance to be intimate with Evan and Colton even though she was fearful of what bad thing might happen next. But perhaps they were already so insulted and angry that she had ruined any chance of salvaging a relationship in the future with them. Either way, she really wasn’t physically or emotionally ready for this encounter with Evan and Colton.
Evan took her hand and held it. She tensed a moment as she absorbed the masculinity and strength of his hand. A man his size surely made her feel protected. She had done a good job of holding up that imaginary shield for weeks now. Evan and Colton’s presence was instantly weakening her need to handle the recovery solo.
“Baby, why didn’t you tell us? Did you think we wouldn’t care?” Evan asked and she felt terrible. She hadn’t thought that at all. In fact, her sole reason for not telling them was that their relationship was new and this was a burden they didn’t deserve to bear. Not after everything they went through with their own mother and the war. She wasn’t anyone’s burden. Not as an orphan child who escaped to live her life and succeed, and not now as a grown woman who sustained more than her share of burdens.
“We just met, Evan. We had, what, two dates? How was I supposed to say how wonderful of a time I was having with both of you, but hey, I have breast cancer, and tomorrow I’ll have surgery then find out if I’ll live or die.”
“Oh Jesus, honey.” Evan gently pulled her into his arms and she moaned. He immediately pulled back.
“Sorry. Damn, does it really hurt? What did they do? What went down? How bad is it, Ava? We want to know everything.”
“Before you answer, Ava, there’s something else I want to know,” Colton said as he approached the couch. He looked so big, tall, and intimidating. He was a man who held grudges yet would be there to help someone if they needed it. He showed that side of him at the club, when that guy was bothering her about the guest list for the private party. He also had a lot of anger built up inside of him from his own scars and his past, yet he put that aside and worried about Evan, the ranch, and their future. He was a good man. She could see the fabric of his black T-shirt stretched tight across his biceps. He was muscular and manly, and she adored him.
“Yes, Colton.”
“Did you feel the power of the attraction between the three of us last week, or was that just us? Because, damn it, woman, I can’t get you off my mind. Evan and I want to take care of you and get to know you. Blocking us out is not a good start.”
“I’m sorry, Colton. I felt that it was the right thing to do. I did feel that same power and attraction between the three of us, but you have to understand where I was coming from. I found out I had breast cancer. I was scared, I was depressed, I was reminiscing about Jonathan and then I meet you two and go out on a date. I had an amazing time on both occasions. The timing was just so bad. I had to deal with this on my own. I couldn’t get myself to pour this on your shoulders after everything you went through with your mom, serving in the military, and then finally having your dreams of the ranch come true. You would have been sad and worried instead of happy. I just couldn’t bear to do that to either of you.”
She was looking down at her lap when she felt Colton’s fingertips under her chin as he knelt on the floor in front of her.
“Darlin’, when people care for one another and are in a relationship, they have to learn to lean on each other as well as encourage. When we found out from Everett what you had gone through, we were hurt and scared for you. Evan and I would have been there for you, and whether you like it or not, we’re here now. Baby, being away and thinking that you left town for a week killed us inside. I know we only had two dates, but that time together was the best times of our lives. Evan and I talked about it. We want more.” He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips.
She pulled back. She still wasn’t sure she wanted them to be part of this. It just didn’t seem fair, nor a normal way to begin a relationship. Plus, when they kissed her, she wanted more, too. She wanted to make love with them, but now, her body was different. Things were different, whether in her mind or on the surface, and she just couldn’t explain that to them.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t think that now is a good time to explore our attraction. I have so much on my plate and other fears to deal with.”
“No more sorrys. No more thinking that this attraction we share is too early, or bad timing. Did you ever think that perhaps a higher power is at hand here, Ava? Maybe we’re meant for each other. How about we don’t worry about the dating thing, and you just let us continue to get to know you?” Colton asked.
She was touched by his words. Could he be right? Could they be meant for each other? The three of them in a happy, loving relationship, despite her bad luck? She suddenly felt hopeful. Perhaps her inability to allow them to be involved with this from the start was just her own damn fear and her need to feel in control of the situation. She couldn’t explain it in words.
“Can you give me some time? I just need to handle this my way. Please, Colton, Evan, I need to get through this.”
Evan squeezed her hand, and Colton appeared as if he were biting the inside of his cheek and holding back words.
“As long as you’re not giving up on us. We are here for you whether you want us to be or not,” Evan whispered.
She nodded her head and both men smiled.
“Now how about you explain the whole thing, and let us know what we can do to help you. Did they remove the lump?” Colton asked.
“Yes. Dr. Nickles said they got it all. I’ll go back in a few days to get the stitches out. The preliminary reports from the pathologist show that he got all the cancer and the surrounding tissue is clear. I’ll go for some blood work next week and then again in a few weeks after that. They’ll monitor it for a while to be certain.”
“That’s fantastic news,” Evan stated as he squeezed her hand.
She stared at him a moment. It was amazing that having them here in the room with her brought her peace and made her feel so much better. She preferred handling things on her own. That was what she’d had to do her entire life. Work hard, worry about surviving on her own and never opening up her heart again. There were times when she cursed Jonathan for leaving her when he did. If he hadn’t gone to war, they could have had years of marriage and time together.
She eventually forgave him, knowing that it was her own desire to still have him alive and with her. She eventually accepted her fate as well as the idea of spending eternity alone. Just as she accepted never feeling that deep, sexual attraction toward a man, she met Evan and Colton and received those unbelievable vibes, double-time. Now, if she could only let go of her need to control life and allow life to play out its part, then maybe she could learn to accept love again.
* * * *
Colton and Evan made a point of stopping by to spend time with Ava the next few days. Today, they sat on the back porch on the swing bench and talked about the things they wanted in life.
Ava stared out across the grass and inhaled the scents of flowers and summertime. “It’s so nice out here. I feel at peace and I like having both of you with me.” Ava closed her eyes and leaned back against the wood.
“We like being here with you. Maybe tomorrow, you can come over to our place and we could have lunch and relax on the couch and watch a movie or something?” Evan asked.
“That sounds like fun. I’ll let you know.”
She felt Evan’s hand on her knee and then the palm of his hand moved higher, under her skirt. He leaned over and kissed her neck.
“Your skin feels soft and you smell so good.”
She grabbed his hand to stop him from moving any farther.
“Evan, I need time.”
He held her gaze and smiled.
“Sorry, I just can’t seem to resist touching you,” he admitted as he gave her thigh a squeeze. He didn’t remove it from her upper thigh and he didn’t go any farther. She supposed she could let him remain like that. After all, she wanted to be with them and explore their bodies as much as she wanted them to explore hers, but now she had the bruising and the bandage. In another day, she would get the stitches removed and things might be better.
“You got awfully quiet, Ava. You know we want you and that we’re willing to wait until you’re ready to make love,” Colton whispered as he caressed her hair from her shoulder. She looked at him and nibbled her bottom lip. He gently used his thumb to press her lip from her teeth.
“Why are you so worried about being intimate?”
“Does it have something to do with Jonathan?”
Oh God, he was such a good man. She had spoken to Evan and Colton about Jonathan, and of course the baby, a couple times in the past few days. She’d told them that he had been wonderful and caring about her emotions. But Jonathan had nothing to do with her reservations.
She shook her head.
“It’s not that. He was my one and only. I haven’t had sex with anyone else.”
“No one, in so many years?” Evan asked and she shook her head.
“Well, that will make it even more special for the three of us, when the time comes. We’re older, have more experience in that category, but we’re also old enough to know what we want in a relationship,” Colton said.
“I want you both, too, it’s just that, now my body is different. I feel different, and then there’s the scar. It’s not so pretty over here anymore.” She gently rubbed her thumb over her breast then shivered.
Colton placed his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.
“None of that matters to us. Our feelings for you go beyond the physical. We realize that,” Evan told her as Colton gently squeezed her shoulders.
“How? How do you know? How can you say that this isn’t more than physical between us?”
“You’ve shared a lot about your life with us, Ava, but I failed to share with you the second-worst time of my life. I thought that I knew what I wanted,” Evan began to say, then looked out toward the fields as if trying to gain the confidence he needed to continue. Her heart began to race. She wondered what other tragedy or pain he had encountered in life.
“I met a pretty, young, and energetic woman who drooled all over me and made me feel like a god. We were together for a couple of months when I needed to head back into the service. I had another tour of duty, but planned on maybe making things legit with Chelsea when I returned. Anyway, she told me she was pregnant with my child.”
“Oh God. What happened?”
“Colton didn’t want me to marry Chelsea. He said she wasn’t right for me and that I needed to really look at the type of woman she was. Anyway, a few days before I left, I went to her place to surprise visit her and she wasn’t alone. I found out that the baby wasn’t mine and that she had been cheating on me all along. Despite all that, I offered to care for the baby because she said that the guy I had seen at her place wanted nothing to do with the baby. Turns out she lied about that, too.”
“How did you find out?”
“They were together when they had a car accident. They had been drinking and were completely intoxicated. They all died.”
“Oh God, Evan, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.”
“I was angry at the time and I haven’t trusted any woman since, until I met you. I want a future with you, Ava. Colton and I both do.”
She smiled at him as the tears filled her eyes.
“I lied to you and didn’t tell you about the surgery and the cancer. You must have felt horrible,” she whispered.
“I was angry, but I understood why you felt you needed to hide this. It seems we’ve all had our share of bad times, of heartache, but just as you have helped us take a chance on opening up our hearts, we’re hoping you’ll take the chance to open your heart to us, too.”
She reached up and placed her palm against his cheek. “You two are special. Just be patient with me. I’ll get over this and we’ll be together.”
“Well that’s a given. I can’t get you out of my mind, and I don’t plan on trying to either,” Colton said then hugged her to his side. She closed her eyes and absorbed the feel of both men holding her. This felt right. Colton and Evan were part of her already.