The Saint's Mistress (29 page)

room.” We had reached the house. I kissed Adeo one more time, and reluctantly allowed him to

follow his father to their chambers at the interior of the house.

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“And that’s why we need a scholar priest in Hippo,” Quintus explained over supper. “We

need someone who has a solid education and who knows the Manichees’ arguments. Their

strength is in their claims of scientific reason. We need someone here who can fight them on

their own terms.”

“I’m not yet ordained,” Aurelius pointed out. “And Hippo already has a bishop.”

Quintus waved his hand. “He wants you, too. You have a reputation.”

“Why not yourself?”

Quintus sighed, sipped his wine and then leaned towards Aurelius. “You have something that

I have always lacked, Aurelius. What shall I call it? Charisma? You’re big. You’re handsome.

And I’m – “ He grimaced and gestured at his pale, thin body with its bubble of a stomach. “And

you’re a powerful speaker. The Donatists still plague us. The Manichean heresy is stamped out

almost everywhere in the Empire. Right here, in our own backyard, is the last place where it is

still strong. We need to wipe it out here.” He swung a veiny fist across his front to emphasize his

point. “You’re the man to do it,” he concluded. “And you can bring Adeo along as a scribe. If

he’s anything like his father, he’ll have a good future in the Church as well.”

“If you think I’m equal to it, then, of course, I must consider it,” Aurelius replied.

I frowned. It was unlike him to show self-doubt. His vice had always been in the other

direction, along lines of self-importance and over-confidence.

“Yes, you must,” Quintus agreed cheerfully, and set down his wine glass. “But , the bishop

will convince you when you meet him, I am sure of it, and we have the land to discuss, too.”

“Certainly. You may have my seal tomorrow.”

“Your mother was a good woman. Acreage is vital to the Church. Rome speaks only the

language of power, and they have an urban peasantry to feed. The church with the acres to help

them do that can secure its position.”

I sat straighter in my chair. “You’re planning to use the acres to produce more grain to sell to

Rome?”

“Of course. What else would we do with it?” Quintus speared a slice of spiced goat with his

knife and folded it whole into his mouth.

“I thought it would feed our own people.”

“It can be better used in trade.”

I felt my face flush. “What are our own peasants supposed to eat? Most of the land they work

now is fully earmarked for the state or the Church.”

“You forget yourself, Sister,” Quintus snapped. “Don’t try to interfere in things that you don’t

understand.”

Aurelius was silent, and Adeo looked down at his plate. I thought that I must be embarrassing

my son, so I compressed my lips. “Of course, Bishop,” I murmured.

“Well,” Quintus said, “you and I can talk some more tomorrow, Aurelius. My work here

alone tires me and so now I will retire to my chamber and leave you and your son to catch up

with his mother.”

Work alone? As if the rest of us did nothing. My anger flared, as it so often did around

Quintus, and I had to say a silent prayer of contrition.

Already, Quintus’ servants were silently clearing the table of the remains of our supper of

bread and cheese and goat meat, fruit and wine. Quintus stood and made the sign of the cross

before us. “God keep you overnight,” he said and swept out of the room, his small legs rippling

the surface of his robe.

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Silence smothered the room when Quintus was gone, as if, after the first flush of our joyful

reunion, Aurelius, Adeo and I had nothing to say to each other. Adeo’s face looked pale to me,

his eyes shrunk in shadow. I opened my mouth to ask Adeo if he was tired and would like to rest,

when Aurelius finally spoke.

“So you keep well?” he asked me.

“I have plenty to do. I proofread copy for the priests and do some of my own copy work. I

have you to thank for my work.” I smiled at him, but his face remained politely impersonal.

“And my health is still good, thanks be to God. Were you sorry to leave Milan?”

He shrugged. “I go now where God calls.”

The words burst from me without forethought. “Aurelius, don’t let Quintus dedicate that land

to Rome.”

“My mother left it to the Church. He can do as he likes with it.” Aurelius poured himself

another cup of water. I noticed that he had taken no wine during our meal.

“Not so. He needs your mark for the transfer to be complete. He said so himself. You can put

conditions on it.”

“Leona, your bishop is correct. This is none of your affair.”

“It is my affair! The people here are half starving, and I have to watch it happen every day:

mothers who are too weak to survive childbirth, babies too weak to survive infancy. My brother

is your age and has lost almost all of his teeth. This in the richest empire the world has ever seen!

It isn’t right, Aurelius. These are your people. You grew up among them.”
Let me convince him,

Lord
, I prayed silently, and then added,
if it’s your will.

Aurelius looked away from me and rubbed his forehead. “Leona, you tire me. My mother’s

few acres can’t solve the problems of the Empire.”

“Father, Mother is right.”

We both looked at Adeo.

He continued, “Our Lord Jesus said ‘I was hungry and you gave me to eat.’ He himself was

one of the poor when he lived among us.”

Joy and pride swelled my heart. I could have died happy at that moment, no matter what

happened to Monnica’s acres.

Aurelius was silent, frowning and staring out the window at the darkening sky.

“The psalmist said it, too,” Adeo went on, “’Happy is he who gives food to the hungry.’ And

in 2 James verse 5…”

Aurelius held up a hand. “Yes, yes, Adeo, yes.” He turned to me. “You see I’ve done a good

job of educating our son as a Christian.”

“Yes, you have, and he’s right.”

“Remember how grandmother was always buying slaves and freeing them?” Adeo said. “She

used her money to help the poor. I think she would have wanted her acres to help them.”

With a pang, I suddenly missed Monnica, who had always felt like an enemy to me.

Aurelius nodded, and placed his fingers to his forehead again, eyes closed, forehead creased. I

understood that he was praying. Finally, he looked up at me. “And I suppose you have thoughts

on how this could be effected?”

“Yes, I do.”

Aurelius rolled his eyes and nodded. “I thought so. Let’s hear it.”

“Sign over the acres to the women’s house instead of the bishop.”

“Peasant women can’t own property, Leona. You of all people know that.”

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“But our community includes a woman of the citizen class. Leave it to the women’s house in

her name.”

Aurelius toyed with his water cup, avoiding my eyes. “Quintus will never agree to it.”

“Quintus owes me, Aurelius. I got his ridiculous relic back for him. And, if memory serves, I

once saved him from prison. Let me see if I remember his words at that time. I believe he said

he’d do anything for me. He will do this if you are determined.”

Aurelius thought for a few seconds again and finally broke into a reluctant smile. “My wife

and my son. Gifts from God to keep me righteous. All right, then. I’ll do as you ask.”

Adeo and I smiled at each other. I wondered if Adeo had been as startled by the word “wife”

as I had, but he had seemed not to notice, and I, too, forgot it for the moment, in the joy of

gazing into the eyes of my son and knowing that he had grown to be a good man. I noticed again

that there were shadows under his eyes, and his head seemed to slump towards one shoulder.

“You look tired, Adeo,” I said.

“I’m sorry, mother,” he replied, “I am. Would you mind if I just went up to bed? We can talk

some more tomorrow.”

“Let me walk up to your chamber with you,” I said.

“No need, mother.”

“Please let me. I long to be your mother again. Let me tuck you into your bed and kiss your

forehead like I did when you were little.”

“All right, then.”

Adeo’s bed chamber was small, and his father waited outside while I went in to put our boy to

bed. His face held an inward, pinched look while he removed his outer clothing, and he moved

slowly, as if he had to consciously remember exactly how to do it. He had his father’s muscular

build. I fleetingly thought it a shame that he seemed destined for the Church. What a prize he

would have been for some pretty girl, and what beautiful grandchildren they could have made for

me. Then I said a quick, mental prayer of contrition. He was God’s, as are we all.

He lay down on his bed, clad only in his tunic, and managed a faint smile. “Will you sing to

me, too, mother?” he teased.

“If you like.”

I sat on the edge of his bed, just as I had when he was a small boy, and smoothed his hair

away from his face, humming softly. Still stroking his face, I sang the song he had liked to hear

at bedtime back in Carthage.

My baby is as small and as plump as an olive in the tree

Sheltered by the side of a hill.

My baby is as fair and gay as young lambs on the lea

Leaping in the sun as they will.

Sleep little baby.

Fish eye protect you.

Sleep like a lamb in his cote.

Sleep little baby

Safe from fox and lion

In the shade of my cool olive grove.

“I remember that,” he said sleepily.

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“I didn’t get to hear much about your life,” I complained. “Your father and the bishop did

most of the talking during dinner.”

“Father tends to do that,” he admitted, smiling a little again.

“We can catch up tomorrow.”

“Mmm-hmm.” His eyes were closing already. I sat at his bedside for a few more minutes,

until I was sure that he was asleep. With his full lips relaxed in sleep, and his thick eyelashes

sweeping down over his high cheekbones, he looked to me like an angel or a young pagan god. I

knew it was sinful to be vain of my child’s beauty, but I gave myself over to it for this brief

interval, drinking him in like nectar, until his breath deepened and I kissed his warm forehead

and tiptoed from the room.

Aurelius waited outside his door

“He’s so handsome,” I whispered.

“Physical beauty is fleeting and vain. Don’t encourage him to think of himself that way.”

“No, of course. Is he - ? He was always so smart. I trust he’s a good help to you?” We came to

the end of the hallway and walked out into Quintus’ courtyard.

Aurelius warmed to the topic of Adeo’s intellect. “He puts me to shame, Leona. He’s the best

scribe I’ve ever had, and a brilliant rhetoritician. I set him the task of drafting an answer to the

Manichean heresy for me, and he thought of points that I’d never even considered. I’ll include

them in my first sermon in Hippo. He will go much, much farther than I ever will. He’s more

worthy to be a bishop than I am.”

I smiled inwardly at his tacit admission that he would go to Hippo and preach as Quintus had

urged him. “Your mother would be proud,” I said.

Aurelius looked away from me. “I regret the pain that I caused my mother over the years.”

The moon cast a bluish light on him, and darkened the creases in his face. I waited for what he

would say next.

“I don’t blame you,” he assured me. “I sinned of my own volition with you. You were a

young girl and I seduced you, and then we were captive to our sinful desires. It was you, after all,

who finally forced me to chastity. It had been my lifelong goal, but I could never achieve it until

God saw fit to grant you that grace first.”

“There’s been no one since?”

“No one.”

I had to ask, “And what about the disappointed ten-year-old?”

He scowled. “Don’t you think it’s beneath you to ask that?”

“Yes. But I’d still like to know what happened.”

“When I finally accepted the One True God, I knew that I could only live a life of chastity and

poverty. Her family found her another fiancé very quickly.”

We came to a stone bench, sheltered by a small grape arbor, and we sat quietly for a moment,

looking down at the stones of the courtyard. “You called me your wife tonight,” I said finally.

“Did I?”

“Yes, right before Adeo went to bed. You said ‘My wife and my son. God’s gifts to keep me

righteous.’”

“I guess I did. Why are you surprised? I always thought of you as my wife. You were too

insecure, Leona. You never believed me. You were always the wife of my heart, and you always

will be. But God had other plans for both of us.”

“How were you finally won, Aurelius? You resisted for so long.”

He stood now and gazed up at the watery moon. At first I thought he wouldn’t answer.

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“It was Ambrose,” Aurelius finally replied. “I finally gave in to my mother’s pleadings and

became acquainted with him. I couldn’t just shut off my mind, Leona. There was too much in the