The Rise (The Alexa Montgomery Saga) (29 page)

Once she dropped to the ground she came striding over to us with a very satisfied look on her face. She looked up at me. “See? I told ya.”

I burst out into laughter so hearty that it sort of shocked me. Tommy gave Soraya a high five. “I have to admit, that was pretty good,” he told her.

Her little chest was still puffed out, her arms slightly back, her walk all pride. “Thanks,” she said, and I saw a little pink bloom behind her cheeks as she looked up at Tommy through her dark lashes.

Soraya pulled us from game to game, and I tried the various foods set out on the tables and was delighted to find that they were all delectable, or maybe I was just really hungry. I was thinking that this wasn’t so bad. In fact, watching Soraya having so much fun and so much excitement was just about the best thing I felt like I could be doing at the moment, even with the other people gawking at me every time I passed. I would have just not paid them any attention, but I couldn’t stop myself from scanning the crowd and searching for Kayden.

I didn’t see him, but I did see someone else I’d been meaning to talk to, even though it was sure to plummet my not-quite-so-awful mood. I told Tommy, Catherine and Soraya that I would be back in a minute, and cut through the crowd toward Patterson. I walked by Simon and Victoria, who were sitting beneath one of the maple trees sucking on each other’s faces, and I wished I hadn’t eaten that last slice of cake. They didn’t notice me as I passed, and I reached Patterson and tapped him on the arm.

His fist flew out as he spun around, and it caught me so off guard that my Monster had to come forward with lightning-fast reflexes and catch his arm before it could connect with my face. His eyes widened when he saw that it was me. I released his arm and he let it fall to his side. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to.” He let out a deep sigh. “Geez. It’s a good thing you’re faster than I remember.”

I waved his apology off. I was too busy looking at how terrible he looked. The skin below his eyes was so dark that it looked almost like bruising, though I knew that it was just from lack of sleep. Grief seemed to be sewed into every fiber of him. He still wore the black Warrior uniform that he had been wearing when we’d arrived here, though it did look like someone had washed it, at least. But other than that, his brown hair was a mess, his thick shoulders slumped and his bottom lip peeling and bleeding a little, as if he had spent hours worrying it with his teeth. His brown eyes held not even a trace of the fight and spark of life that had always been there every time I’d ever seen him.

I had been right. Doing this now was about the surest way to spoil my tiny piece of good mood. Well, I was here now anyway, and just looking at him told me that I couldn’t punk out on this. Patterson needed someone to help him get through this, and the only one who could understand his pain was me. I wasn’t sure there was any kind of pain I
wouldn’t
understand anymore.

“Can we talk?” I asked.

He nodded, just once, and I led him over to a bench that sat off one of the red paths, closer to the edge of the party near the ring of trees, where there were fewer people. I sat down. He sat down beside me. For a moment, I couldn’t for the life of me think of a single thing to say. But Patterson surprised me by speaking first. I could barely hear him over the low music and droning voices of the crowd. If I had to describe his voice in one word, it would be broken.

“How do you do it?” he asked.

I looked over at him, my eyebrows drawn together. “How do I do what?”

“How do you take all the hurt and pain and keep going?” Patterson’s brown eyes were burning now with desperateness so intense that it was almost hard to look at.

“I’ve watched you,” he continued, in that barely audible, broken voice. “What you’ve been going through this past day, and the things you’ve been going through since that old
bitch
sent you to Two Rivers. Looking at you, even now, it’s almost like I can feel the pain burning like a flame inside you, and yet here you sit, expressionless, strong, still breathing. And here
I
am, slowly killing myself with my anguish, torturing myself with thoughts of things that could have been. I just want you to tell me how you…
do it.
”

Though I knew that he didn’t mean it that way, the question felt very much like a slap in the face. I had to clench my teeth so that I wouldn’t cringe visibly. I wanted to help Patterson, but what the hell does someone even say to a question like that?

Words started falling out of my mouth that were news to me even as I spoke them. I realized that they were coming from the
other
half of me, and while I spoke, I made a silent threat that this had better be good, damned good. I could almost feel my Monster rolling its eyes in my head as I decided to let it take the reins on this one.

My voice came out uncharacteristically gentle and soft, surprising me. “I guess I’ve just come to the point where I have no room left to torture myself about the things I can’t control, the things I’ve done and the things I’ve lost. It’s like I’ve reached my maximum capacity and nothing else can hurt me anymore than I’m already hurting inside.” I paused, and could see that Patterson was listening, but that my Monster was hoping its words were sinking into me, too.

“I am so full of the hurt that I’m empty inside,” I continued. “And knowing that nothing else that happens from here on out could be any worse than this feeling of burning nothingness…comforts me.”

Patterson’s eyes had cleared of that half-mad look, and his head was bent down, his face studying very seriously the lines on his large, scarred hands. He was silent for a moment. Then he looked up at me again. “You remind me so much of her,” he said. “You don’t look like her, but I mean
you
, the way you are, your philosophies and strength and stubbornness and even your mannerisms, sometimes. I think I knew from that first day that you entered my class—late— just like Diana always was to her classes when we were kids, and the way you tossed your head and gave me a look like you’d sooner strike me down than apologize for your tardiness, like it was
my
fault or something. I think I knew right then that she had raised you, that you were hers.”

This confession had my head spinning. No one had ever compared me to my Mother before, and at first I felt indignant, and then I felt guilty, and then I just felt nothing again. And that was good. My Monster was right about one thing, I was at full capacity when it came to crappy feelings, and as much as the things Patterson was saying hurt, it couldn’t hurt any
more.
If I got through all of this, then maybe I would sit down someday and ask myself all the hard questions that revolved around my relationship with my Mother. But today was not that day.

“I just want you to know that you’re not alone,” I said. I placed my hand over his and squeezed. These words were mine. I could feel them. “I wish I could sit with you and cry over her. I wish I could tell you that everything will be okay, but I can’t
do
that and I don’t
know
that. All I know right now is that I’m still here, my sister is out there somewhere, and my Mother, wherever she’s gone, still expects me to find Nelly and make her right. I think maybe that’s all I need to know right now. Maybe that’s enough.”

Patterson looked at me, his eyes brimming with tears, but a little of that old light had returned to them, just a flicker. “You’re right,” he said plainly. “That is enough.”

After that we said nothing, and I just sat there next to him staring out at the festivities before us, like two statues on a bench. I had no idea if I had helped Patterson or not, but somehow it didn’t matter. And somehow, I felt like we both knew that.

I left him to his thoughts when I realized that I wanted nothing more right now than to go to back to the room and go to sleep. I passed Soraya and Catherine as I was cutting back through the crowd, and Soraya was still too excited to be disappointed about my departure. That was good. I’d done my duty, put in my time, and now I was free to be alone. I saw Tommy leaning up against one of the maple trees, his ankles crossed one over the other and his blue eyes staring off into the distance. He gave me a small smile when he saw me, and I waved and motioned that I was leaving. He nodded once and returned to staring far away.

I was just about to pass between two maples that belonged to the side of the ring of trees that led back to Silvia’s cottage when I stopped in my tracks and spun on my heels. My eyes found him immediately, as if they had known exactly where to look and where he would be. Kayden. He was on the opposite side of the circle, but despite the crowd and his distance, I knew it was him instantly. He wasn’t looking at me, didn’t seem to be looking at anything, really. He was wearing black suit pants and a white dress shirt, no tie or jacket, golden eyes staring down at his feet. I started off toward him, barely stopping myself from breaking into a run, and then I had to dig my heels into the earth from slamming into someone who had stepped into my path.

I went to move around the person, but he side-stepped with me, cutting off my path again. Now I looked up at who it was, and a growl stopped short in my throat, though I couldn’t really tell you why. It was the Faery I’d seen when I had first arrived here yesterday, the one with the silver hair that had winked at me. He wore the same thing now that he had then; just shorts that fell just pass his knees made of that strange brown material. No shirt or shoes, and a sheath of arrows slung over his wing-tattooed back. He stood not even a foot in front of me, and I had to crane my neck back to look up into his face, which was just as beautiful, maybe even more so, up close.

His black eyes, striking among his fair hair and skin, ran the length of me and a smile pulled up his lips. “There you are,” he said, in voice so smooth that there was something inhuman about it.

I glared up at him. “Yeah,” I said. “And there
you
are, blocking my way.”

This made him laugh deeply, but his black eyes never left mine. “Ah, feisty. Very nice.”

Now the growl did make its way up my throat and seeped into my words. “It would be
very nice
of you to
move
,” I said. “Or do I need to help you?”

The Fae clucked his tongue. “I came here to help
you,
actually, and it is not wise to make threats to people who can help you. I believe you have a question, no? Something about your sister? I have come to deliver you to your answer, however,” He stepped to the side and waved his hand. “Please, feel free to take your attitude yonder.”

My heart was beating so hard I felt like it was going to burst free of my chest. My hand shot out and seized his wrist, panic shooting through me.

He could be lying.

“And he could be telling the truth, too.”

The Fae looked down at where I was touching him, and then his black eyes settled on me and heat flashed behind them, his mouth pulling up into a crooked, but perfect, grin. I released him, but my words came out in a rush. “Wait. I’m sorry. That was very rude of me.” I lowered my voice and glanced around. “Are you going to take me to the Seer?”

His smile grew. “Ah, so you’re not so dense, just confrontational,” he said, and I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. “Yes, I will take you where you wish to go.” He held out a hand. “Are you ready?”

I hesitated, sneaking a glance around him at Kayden. He was still standing across the way, but now his body was tense all over and his golden eyes were staring directly at me. I looked back up at the silver-haired Fae, and then I placed my hand in his. His hand was softer than any I had ever felt, almost velvety. “Yes,” I said, and I felt like it was so much more final than it sounded. “I’m ready.”

Alexa

“I am Arrol, by the way,” said the Fae, as he led me back through the crowd in the opposite direction from Kayden. I could no longer see him, but I could feel his golden eyes burning into my back like heat rays.