The Riches of Mercy (6 page)

She heard the door shut. She lay in pain until the door opened again, and someone pressed pills and a paper cup into her hand. She took the pills without opening her eyes and she waited for the pain to ebb so she could sleep.

# #

Chapter Seven

Natalie woke to pain. Worse than before. Light shone against her eyes. Morning. She was afraid the pain was so bad she couldn't breathe. But, she reminded herself, she'd been breathing before she woke up. She could do so now.

Shooting pain ran through her leg and hip and shoulder and neck. Tears came to her eyes, but it hurt to cry--it hurt to be tense with the need to sob. She tried to breathe more slowly. In and out. If Meredith were here, Meredith would be telling her to breathe. Even though she was already breathing and it wasn't helping.

The room stayed filled with light. Natalie sank into it, and closed her eyes and let the light glow on the backs of her eyelids. The room was so empty and so quiet she couldn't tell if it was early morning light, pure and cold, before everyone woke up, or afternoon light, warm and beating down on everyone who was too busy to interrupt a sleeping woman in a hospital bed.

The pain came in waves. After one subsided, she breathed deeply--into soreness in her chest that was pleasant, after the sharper pains, and turned her head to see the clock. 6:36 in the morning.

She was clear-headed.

The button to call the nurses was by her side. But she'd never called them. She would wait. They'd be in around 7:30, she supposed.

Whatever Meredith had given her last night hadn't lasted, and they'd taken off her IV bag. Nothing dripped through her veins since they established her stomach, kidneys, and intestines, though enveloped by bruised skin, were functioning adequately. Mostly adequately. One of her kidneys, she'd learned when Teresa let her read her chart, frightened Wheeler enough he'd considered scooping it out. But it was still there.

Her back hurt. She shifted, prodding her abdomen, wondering if she was bleeding internally.

At 6:42 she reached for the button, crying before her fingers even brushed the knob. She'd never felt this helpless. She'd never wanted to ask for help this badly in her life.

The doctors and nurses earned her trust in the last two weeks. They took care of her and saved her and cleaned her and put her back together, she should trust them now--maybe the pain was normal.

Maybe she was just being a baby about how much she hurt. Maybe she should pray. Find a way to be stronger.

She clutched the call-button remote in her hand and closed her eyes and tried to open herself up to the universe. The pain ebbed and flowed through her. The light in the room stayed constant. Everything around her was ordinary hospital furniture, and she felt ordinary, too.

God would probably tell her to push the damn button and stop being so full of herself. He was busy and had doctors for that sort of thing.

She squeezed, just as the door slid open.

Colleen, the nurses' aide, came in carrying breakfast and a newspaper.

"Oh, thank God," Natalie said.

Colleen rushed to her side, and put her hand on Natalie's forehead. "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere."

Colleen studied Natalie's chart, and then picked up the phone by Natalie's bed and called someone. When she hung up, she sat on the edge of the bed. Natalie sniffled.

Colleen gently pried the remote control out of Natalie's fingers and placed it by her side. "Good morning. The P.A. is on her way."

"Is it going to be like this every morning?"

"They took you off the codeine. I don't know what they'll give you for the long-term pain management." Colleen looked over her shoulder, and then lowered her voice. "Your doctor should tell you this, but yes You're going to be in some discomfort for a very long time."

"Okay."

Wheeler came in, carrying a syringe case and some medication. "I ran into the P.A. when I was coming in this morning. You're doing badly?"

"Worse than ever."

Natalie's tears stopped and her face, she hoped, was less puffy. She could even move around a little.

"We're going to put you on Percocet, since the stuff you were on before hasn't made you nauseous. Same family, different branch. You're going to feel great."

"I don't want--" she started, but Wheeler cut her off.

"You can have the addiction discussion with your pain therapist, okay? I already signed three sheets of paper just to get this out of the cabinet. You might as well try it."

She held out her arm.

Colleen got alcohol and a cotton ball from the cabinet. Natalie felt about two years old, but she let Wheeler give her the shot without complaint, even though it stung.

"Give it about twenty minutes. I'll be back. Try and have some breakfast when you can, but don't worry too much if you can't."

"I never worry," Natalie said.

He closed the door behind him.

Colleen laid out her breakfast tray and stuck the newspaper next to it.

"I'm sorry to cause so much trouble."

"You're not." Colleen put a hand on her shoulder. "Try harder. I mean it. Give us something to do around here."

"I will." The pain in her hip started to ease and her head was floating. Food? She didn't care about food. Anxiety? She'd call the nurses a thousand times. She grinned goofily at Colleen.

Colleen grinned back, and then left her in peace with her breakfast.

The county school board met last night, she read in the headlines.

Drama ensued.

Natalie decided to nap instead.

#

The drugs had mostly worn off and the pain and soreness returned. Back to normal. Natalie's head still felt heavy when Meredith came in with the chess board and dinner. Natalie was relieved to see her. Meredith's brow furrowed in concern.

"Were you bored today?" Meredith asked.

Natalie shook her head. "It was a bad day."

Without the IV drugs, it was a lot harder to explain herself. She missed feeling invulnerable and not caring. Especially in front of Meredith, who crept over, trying to see her face.

"Don't worry, Wheeler hooked me up."

"Are you ready for this? We could just watch TV."

The thought of television had never been more appealing in her life, which scared her. Maybe it was a sign of healing, to want to lie in bed and watch sitcoms, like she'd done at home, between work and late night prep. They were her friends. She might be ready for the outside world again.

She sighed. "What did you bring to eat?"

"Chinese. I thought about Greek, but the aides would kill me if I gave you that much fatty meat."

Natalie laughed. "You should only feed me asparagus and carrots."

Meredith grinned and pulled out small white cardboard boxes.

"Are there many Chinese? I mean, around here?"

"There are mostly Laotians. And Koreans? There are Koreans with the boys in day care when they go. And a great barbeque place. I'll take you when you can--Though, I think it's mostly, uh," she faltered, contemplating the boxes.

"Branding?"

Meredith snapped her fingers. "Bingo. Most of the Chinese places are run by Hispanics." She pulled out chopsticks.

"Is there a fork?"

Meredith blinked. She searched the bag, and sheepishly said, "No."

Natalie took the chopsticks and examined the instructions on the wrapper.

"They're not hard," Meredith said.

"I'm Eastern European," Natalie said. "If I ever ate out, I'd have learned, but… I mostly ate at home. And my mother used forks." She stopped explaining and pulled apart the chopsticks and held one in each hand, pointing them at Meredith. "Is stabbing an option?"

The blood drained from Meredith's face so fast Natalie yanked her hands down.

"I'll teach you. I tried teaching the boys, but their motor skills aren't quite up to it. Maybe next year. They like to eat the little corns with their hands, though, like it's real corn."

Natalie kept her hands in her lap until Meredith clasped one and took the sticks from her, positioning them in her fingers. Meredith's hands were cold, and slightly scented. Natalie inhaled.

Meredith pulled back. "Sorry. Lotion."

"It's fine. It's nice."

Meredith lifted Natalie's hand by the wrist. "Now. Like they're scissors."

Natalie scissored. A chopstick fell to the bed.

Meredith laughed. "Try again."

Natalie tried. The scissors ended up perpendicular. She frowned.

Meredith giggled. "I'm sorry. I'm being so impolite. You're doing great."

"Let me practice."

Meredith gestured to the box of food.

Natalie inhaled the steam and the scent of brown sauce and the chicken and broccoli and water chestnuts soaking in it. Hunger gnawed at her. Pain left her. She carefully closed her chopsticks on a piece of chicken and squeezed as hard as she could. The chicken lifted out of the box, and then fell back with a splat. She stuck the sticks in the box, feeling chagrined.

"Here." Meredith scooped up a piece of broccoli and waved it at Natalie.

Natalie opened her mouth and Meredith dropped the broccoli inside.

"Impressive coordination," Natalie said.

"You're easier to feed than a four year old." She tilted her head and frowned at Natalie. "A little."

Natalie snorted.

"Watch me do rice." Meredith opened the smaller box of rice and scooped some up on her chopsticks.

"Wow."

Meredith popped the rice into her own mouth, and then scooped more out for Natalie. She paused. "This is unsanitary."

"I don't care."

"I could have mono."

"You're already my nurse."

"Good point."

Natalie opened wide.

Meredith couldn't quite get the rice close enough because she'd doubled over in laughter.

Natalie tried to look hurt.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll get you a fork."

"You don't have to--" Natalie started, but Meredith was out of the room before she finished. Natalie scooped some rice out with her fingers.

When Meredith came back, Natalie asked, "What did you give me last night?"

"What?"

"I mean, the medication."

"Oh. Tylenol, did it help?"

Natalie nodded. "Yup."

"I'm glad."

"Me too. Real glad."

Meredith chopped her chopsticks. "You're making fun of me."

"Just joining in."

"Welcome, then. In a week or two you'll be up to barbeque and lemonade."

"You keep promising me food. Is this some sort of ritual?"

"Just hearth and home and family. I guess so." Meredith glanced down, and plucked out a baby corn. She offered it to Natalie, like a peace offering, and said, "You look like you're not eating enough vegetables."

"I've been eating Jell-O with the fruit in it. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Sure it does. Why do you think we put the fruit in it?"

Natalie grasped Meredith's wrist and steadied it while she took the corn between her teeth. Sweet and crunchy and a little cold. Meredith stayed still, letting Natalie hold her hand. Natalie met her eyes.

Meredith grinned. "You're feeling better."

"Think they'll let me out of here?"

"You?"

Natalie took another piece of chicken with her fork and chewed thoughtfully and thinking things over. The food was warm and fortifying, and gave some steadying weight to the nervousness in her stomach.

"Wheeler's specialist is coming tomorrow afternoon. He might want to operate, or move me up to Duke, or--I don't know." Natalie the contents of her box. Chicken and broccoli lay limply together. "I don't know."

"I don't, either."

Natalie nodded.

"If I did, I'd tell you."

"You'd reveal all the secrets in the universe?"

Meredith shrugged. "Tell me about your case. Papers say the jury has it."

"I don't want to talk about the case." The case felt far removed from this little hospital in this little town.

"You're not on the news anymore."

"Good." Natalie ran her hand through her hair. She closed her container and put it on the table, away from Meredith's reach. "I'm done for now. That's for later."

"Don't tell Teresa where you got it, okay?"

"I won't. Your secret is safe with me."

"One at a time, then," Meredith said. She put away the rest of the food. "Here's your chance to redeem yourself at chess."

"I didn't lose so badly."

"Oh, Natalie."

"I let you win!"

"Oh, I know you did," Meredith said, in the most condescending tone she could manage while grinning.

Natalie hadn't known she could be provoked into seeking revenge in a chess match, but energy came through her to wake up her brain and make her fingers tingle. The pieces waited.

She lost anyway.

#

A hand on Natalie's shoulder shook her awake. She grunted, groggy and sore. Slowly she opened her eyes. Teresa stood by her bed. Her hand touched Natalie's cheek.

"Ungh?"

"Take these," Teresa said, helping Natalie sit up and pressing two pills into her hand.

Natalie oriented and wet her lips, and then took the cup of water Teresa offered. She took the pills, then the water, and then handed everything back so she could lie down and gaze out the window. No stars were out. The only light came from the half-open door leading into the hallway.

"I'm going off shift, but Merrybelle wanted me to give you these on my way," Teresa said.

"What are they?"

"Just Tylenol."

"Make a note in my chart." Natalie yawned.

"Already taken care of. Go back to sleep."

# #

Chapter Eight

The specialist from Duke arrived a half hour early and he and Wheeler came in to see Natalie during her lunch break with Colleen.
All My Children
was on, but Colleen turned it off and guiltily scrambled off the side of the bed.

"Doctor Wheeler," Colleen said.

"Colleen. Mind giving us some privacy?"

"Sure." She slipped past them and through the door.

The doctor, a short man with graying hair and clay-colored skin offered his hand. He said, "I'm Doctor Bhatti." His accent was a blend of foreign and Southern. The result was a melodic lilt.