The Rancher's First Love (17 page)

Chapter Seventeen

O
n a typical day, Samantha could deal with surprises. Today wasn't one of those days. She stood back as Remington led John Wayne through the children's ward, taking the horse from room to room. Dr. Jackson had personally invited the cowboy and his horse. It was Saturday and the children needed to be entertained. They needed to be distracted. She agreed. But did it have to be Remington and John Wayne doing the entertaining?

She lurked, trying to stay out of his way. She couldn't quite make herself stop watching him, though. Even as she took a seat behind the nurse's desk to finish up some paperwork, she found her gaze searching him out. And he caught her staring. He was leading John into another room and happened to look her way just as she happened to look at him. He didn't smile.

“Parker is having the time of his life, being the big guy who went home but came back to see his friends,” one of the other nurses said as she took a seat next to Sam and logged in to her computer.

“I'm glad he brought Parker. He's doing so well and his confidence is contagious.” Sam watched Parker zoom ahead of Remington.

“Is it?” Beth asked. “Because if anyone could use a boost, Samantha, it's you.”

“I'm fine,” she assured the other woman. “I'm just tired.”

“Stop taking all of the extra shifts. There's a temp service we can call and nurses who would like the hours.”

“I didn't mean to take hours from anyone else,” Sam said. “I was just trying to stay busy.”

“Honey, I know that. I'm just saying, we can find someone to take those extra shifts. And I know you want to be here Monday when Lizzy has her going-home party.”

“The Duncans? Right?” Sam asked, remembering the family that had stopped by a few times in the past week, getting to know Lizzy and learning about her care and rehab. “I'm so glad they're the ones.”

“It just goes to show you how God works, Sam. We were all upset when those other families turned our Lizzy down. But if they hadn't backed out, she wouldn't be going home with this family.”

“Yes, it did work out for the best.”

Sam pushed aside the file in front of her and signed out of her computer. “I'm going to check on Danny before I go home.”

“You're actually going home?” Beth looked up from her computer. “That's good. Get some sunshine and fresh air.”

Sam nodded and headed for Danny's room. She peeked in, a little bit afraid she'd find Remington and John Wayne at the boy's bedside. Instead she found Danny sitting on the edge of his bed, playing a game.

“Hey, kiddo, how are you feeling?”

Danny looked up from the game. “I beat level four. That's giant.”

“I'm sure it is. Do you need anything before I go home?”

Danny shook his head. “Where's Parker?”

“He's somewhere out there. We told him to let you sleep. But now that you're awake I'll give him the all clear.”

“Thanks!”

She found Parker in the hallway just leaving another room. “Parker, my friend.”

Parker gave her a fist bump and a big grin. “Is he awake now?”

“He is awake. He's wondering what's taking you so long to get in there.”

Parker laughed at that. “He didn't say that, you did. Guess what.”

“What?”

Parker backed up and went forward. “I can do wheelies.”

“Oh, great, that's exciting and terrifying.”

Then he was gone, heading through the door with a shout. She heard Danny say something about his crutches. He'd tossed aside his prosthetic for now because it had caused some hot spots that made it hard to wear. As she eavesdropped, Danny told Parker about the new treatment and his move to Dallas that would happen at the end of the week. He made it sound like an adventure, leaving out the details of the treatment. He promised he'd call and write Parker, and when he was better, they'd get together.

She prayed it would all work out exactly the way Danny planned.

With her mind on the two boys, she didn't see Remington in front of her until it was too late. She came to a halt just short of bumping into John Wayne. The little horse snorted and shook his head.

“Oops, sorry. I was just...” Remington was standing in front of her, blue jeans, blue shirt and a cowboy hat pulled low. He reminded her of her favorite blanket, the one she loved to curl up with because it made her feel warm and secure. She shook her head at that thought.

“Avoiding me?” The corner of Remington's mouth kicked up.

“No, not avoiding you.” Okay, she had been. But she had a reason to avoid him. She had many reasons.

“Sam, we need to talk.”

“Rem, I don't want to talk.”

“No, you want to push everyone away.”

“Are you here to tell me you know how I feel?” She sighed and started to reach for him, but that would be too much. “I'm sorry, that wasn't fair.”

“No, it wasn't. But I'm sure you've had a few people telling you how to feel and it makes sense that you're a little sensitive. I guess I'm here for more personal reasons. I've been trying to call and you're avoiding me.”

Nervous, she licked her lips. “Yes, I know. I'm not sure what to say. I miss you. And missing you this much scares me.”

“You wouldn't have to miss me if you'd answer the phone. Or if you'd let me come over and check on you.”

“Check on me, why?”

He gave her a look. “Because seeing your mom after all of these years had to be tough.”

“I'm fine. You really don't have to check on me.”

He took a step back, still giving her that steady, careful gaze with gray eyes that seemed to see too much. She wanted to look away but didn't. She held his gaze, wanting him to see she was fine.

“Okay, I won't check on you. I'll leave you to your work.”

“Rem,” she called out to him.

“Sam, I'm not going to force my way into your life. I've been banging on the door, trying to make you see that I love you and I want to be a part of your life. But you're building up walls faster than I can knock them down.”

“I'm not... I just...” He'd just said he loved her. She took a deep breath and met his gaze head-on. “I don't know how to be the person you want or need me to be. I don't bake casseroles. I'm not a pianist or a Sunday school teacher.”

“Are those the qualifications for a pastor's wife?” A glimmer of amusement settled in his eyes. The look quickly faded back to serious.

“The ones I can think of right now.”

He pulled the small horse close to his side. “I guess I didn't get that list. Because what I'm looking for is someone who will be my partner. A woman who trusts me enough to call me when she needs someone. A woman who wants me by her side when she goes through hard times. And I want that same woman to be that person for me.”

He walked away, leaving her standing there in the hall, wondering how she'd recover from an
I love you
and what sounded like goodbye.

She knew that Remington meant what he said. He loved her. And she loved him. It was all of the stuff in between that threatened their happiness.

What frightened her the most was the part about being who he needed her to be. Because if she couldn't be that person, and he walked away, what would be left of her?

* * *

The ride back to Martin's Crossing from the Braswell hospital didn't take long. With Parker talking nonstop about Danny, and about Lizzy's going-home party, it felt even shorter. The kid had a lot to say about their visit at the hospital.

“So, why are you and Sam fighting?” Parker asked as they drove up to the barn at the Rocking J.

“Why do you think we're fighting?”

“Because I saw the two of you. I'm almost ten, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. That makes you a relationship expert?” Remington eased on the brake to keep John Wayne from getting jolted too badly.

“Yeah, kind of.” Parker grinned and laughed a little. “Gus said you've got it worse than any lovesick kid he's ever seen.”

“I'm not a kid. I'm a grown man.”

“With a crush. That's what Aunt Lee called it.”

“It isn't a crush.” And then he shook his head. “I'm not having this conversation with you.”

“Sometimes we have to face our feelings. That's what I learned in therapy. We can't hide it, because it's going to come out. And that's never good. At least that's what I think Dr. James said.”

Remington sighed as he got out of the truck and walked around to the back to retrieve Parker's wheelchair.

“Have you told her how you feel?” Parker asked as he settled in his chair.

“Of course,” he said. Hadn't he?

“Gus said never take it for granted that a woman knows how you feel. You'll end up in trouble.” Parker looked up at him. “Women like gestures. That's what Gus said.”

Remington grabbed the handles of the wheelchair and helped the boy maneuver over rough ground. “He told you that? Because you're having relationship troubles. At nine.”

“Almost ten,” Parker reminded. “And yes, he told me when we were talking about you and Sam.”

“You're nine going on ninety. Head for the house, kid. I'm going to unload John and take care of the other livestock.”

“I can help,” Parker said, stopping his chair.

“I'd kind of like to be alone.”

Parker gave the wheels a good push and glanced back over his shoulder as he headed for the house. His brown hair was messy and his eyes sparkled with amusement. “Okay. But if you need to talk...”

“I know where to find you.” Remington smiled as he said it. How could he not smile at that kid?

Remington unloaded John Wayne. It wasn't much of a challenge. He opened the back of the trailer, the horse backed out and headed for the barn. When Remington got to the barn, John was already inside his stall, waiting at a bucket that he thought should hold feed.

“You're full of yourself, John.”

At that, John rubbed his head on Remington's leg.

He gave the horse a scoop of grain, then checked his water bucket. John was munching on grain, letting oats drip from his mouth as he went for a drink of water. The water dribbled from his dark muzzle. Remington gave the horse a pat and walked away.

From his stall at the end of the barn, the new stallion let out a whinny that shook the rafters. Remington headed that way. The horse had his head out, waiting for attention. His ears were pricked forward and his luminous brown eyes were watching, taking in his new surroundings. He was young, but he had a lot of promise. Remington hoped he'd made the right choice. The horse had a good temperament, strong confirmation and the best bloodlines.

“Parker said you saw Samantha at the hospital,” Gus said from behind him.

“Didn't see you come in.” Remington patted the horse's neck and moved away from the stall. He knew his granddad would follow.

“I'm sneaky. How's she doing?”

“Good as can be expected.”

“How are you doing?” Gus asked, his gray eyes squinty beneath silver brows that almost met in the center.

“Now I know where Parker gets it.” He walked through the back door of the barn and to the fence, scanning the cattle that grazed. “Have you seen number 213?”

“Now that you mention it, no I haven't. She's probably gone off to have that calf.”

“I didn't notice her this morning, either. I'll take a drive and see if I can find her.”

“Her mama was about the worst cow in the world for needing a calf pulled. I'll go with you,” Gus offered.

“I don't think you ought to,” Remington countered.

And he meant it. His granddad had trouble walking on level ground. The last thing he needed was to fall and get hurt.

“I'm a grown man and I'll do what I want. Remington, I'm careful. But I'm not going to sit back in my rocking chair and stop working.”

Remington let out a breath. “I know, Gus. I'm sorry.”

“No, you're just all worked up, trying to figure out how to make things right with Sam. I guess the best thing you can do for that little girl is let her know you're going to be here for her when she needs you.”

“I've done that. I've told her every way I know how that I'm here for her. And she doesn't seem to want that.”

“Give her time,” Gus said as he pulled himself into the truck.

Rem got behind the wheel and they took off through the field, both of them watching for a red hide hidden in tall grass or a stand of trees.

“How much time do I give her, Gus?” Remington hadn't meant to ask the question, but it slipped out and he couldn't take it back.

“I guess as long as she needs to work through whatever is holding her back.”

“That could take a long time. What if
I'm
what's holding her back?”

“I reckon that might be part of it. She's been on her own for a bit.”

“Yeah, I guess she has.” Remington spotted the cow. “There's our cow. Looks like she's down.”

“Hand me that cane in the back and I'll follow you. Do you want me to call the doc?”

“I don't see a reason why. She's got more important things to deal with than a downed cow. It's not like we haven't pulled a few calves in our time.”

“Yeah, but I'm not much help these days.”

“You're still good help.” Remington headed toward the cow. “Bring the ropes.”

“Got them,” Gus called out. “Just think how nice it would be for you and Sam to run this ranch together.”

“Stop,” Remington called back to his granddad. “I'm not going to push my way into anyone's life, so you need to realize Sam and I are probably never going to be more than just friends.”

Gus mumbled something under his breath that sounded like “if I leave it up to you, that's what I'm afraid will happen.”