Mog also had some medicine in a brown bottle. ‘Give her a couple of teaspoons of this every three or four hours, it will help the pain and keep her temperature down,’ she said. ‘Now, I’m going to tell Jimmy you’ve gone over to see Lisette for the night as Noah is away and she’s lonely. He’ll be fine about that, with her in the family way an’ all. But you’ll have to straighten it out with Lisette later so she doesn’t let the cat out the bag.’
Belle ran upstairs to get a few things, and when she got back she found Mog packing an overnight bag, and another smaller one with a jar of soup to heat up, some apple pie and a small bottle of brandy.
‘Just some bits in case you are hungry,’ she said, taking the things from Belle’s arms and putting them in the bag. ‘And brandy in warm milk might help to settle her afterwards.’
Belle put her arms around Mog and hugged her tightly. ‘You are such a good person,’ she said. ‘Thank you for not being angry with me.’
Mog pulled away, but held Belle’s arms and looked straight at her. ‘How could I be angry with you for having a big heart?’ she said. ‘I’ll pop up there tomorrow morning before the men are about. Just to see how she is. Keep her clean, boil some water up for washing her down below. She might be sick when it finally happens, don’t be too alarmed by that. But if she loses consciousness or there is a fast flow of blood, call the doctor immediately, whatever she says.’
Belle realized then that Mog must have helped girls through this before, just another part of her past she had never revealed.
‘I will,’ she said, suddenly scared by what she had let herself in for.
Mog hugged her again. ‘I’ll be there with you in spirit, if not in the flesh. Now go, before Jimmy gets back.’
Miranda was sitting on a stool by the open back door when Belle came struggling through the yard gate with her two big bags. She was still dressed and her face looked grey with anxiety.
‘It’s so hot,’ she whimpered. ‘And my stomach aches.’
‘That’s a good sign,’ Belle said briskly. ‘It means it’s starting to happen. Why didn’t you take off your dress?’
‘I couldn’t do the buttons,’ she said. ‘We have a maid at home, she always does that.’
‘Well, there’s no maid here,’ Belle said, and putting down the bags, she turned Miranda around and unfastened her dress. The corset beneath her petticoat was laced so tightly it was a miracle she could breathe. Belle quickly unlaced it for her. ‘Take everything else off too,’ she said, and rummaged in the overnight bag for the nightdress she’d brought for her.
Miranda turned away as she took off her chemise and camisole, and Belle winced as she saw the vivid red marks the corset had made on her naked back and waist. She slipped the clean nightdress over Miranda’s head, then indicated she was to take off her drawers and stockings too.
‘I’m going to heat up some water for you to wash yourself properly down there,’ Belle said. ‘But sit down for now while I make up the bed for you.’
It was dark by nine o’clock and much cooler. Miranda lay on the bed, now made up with clean sheets, and Belle had brought one of the shop chairs in to sit on. Miranda had eaten a little soup and bread, and seemed more relaxed, and with just the light Belle used on her workbench, the workroom looked cosy.
‘Tell me about the man,’ Belle said. She could see Miranda was having regular pains, but so far she said they were no worse than her monthlies. ‘Is he someone your family knows?’
Miranda had already said she was one of four children: two older brothers who were both married with homes of their own, and a younger sister called Amy who was twenty and engaged to a solicitor. Miranda was twenty-three.
When Belle had asked her earlier what her father did for a living, Miranda had looked surprised. ‘A living?’ she’d said. ‘He runs the estate in Sussex of course. Is that what you meant?’
By that Belle had to assume that Mr Forbes-Alton had inherited wealth and all he had to do was keep an eye on those who worked on his country estate and brought in the money to keep a grand London house. Miranda had said they’d only recently come back from a month in Sussex. She said she had been panicking her mother would want to stay longer, as she knew she must get the abortion done quickly.
‘No, my family don’t know him,’ she said. ‘I met him in Greenwich Park back in the spring. I’d gone for a walk on my own, and I tripped on some mud. He helped me up, and as I had hurt my ankle, he offered to walk me home. He was so charming, funny, interesting and kind. My parents have been trying to get me married off for the past few years, but the gentlemen they think are suitable are always so dull and earnest.’
‘And I imagine you weren’t supposed to go out walking on your own either?’ Belle suggested.
Miranda half smiled. ‘No, Mama would’ve been furious if she knew. I couldn’t ask Frank to call on me either as we hadn’t been introduced by friends or family. So right from the start we had to meet in secret.’
Belle guessed that Frank was a complete cad. He’d taken advantage of Miranda knowing full well that as she couldn’t invite him to meet her parents, he could make up any cock-and-bull story about himself without fear of being exposed.
‘What did he tell you about himself?’ she asked.
‘Not a great deal. What was there to tell? A gentleman with private means.’ She shrugged. ‘He dressed well, and he said he lived in Westminster.’
‘Where did you go with him?’ Belle asked.
‘We went for walks mostly, usually down to Greenwich because I didn’t dare let anyone in Blackheath see me with him. Sometimes we took a boat up river and we’d have lunch out. I could only see him about once a week or my absence would’ve been noticed.’
‘I meant where did he take you to seduce you?’ Belle asked.
Miranda blushed. ‘To a room in Greenwich.’
Belle shook her head. ‘Didn’t that strike you as odd when he’d told you he lived in Westminster?’
‘He said his servants might talk,’ she said. ‘I was so in love with him by then I would’ve gone anywhere with him.’
‘And when did he tell you he was married?’
‘When I told him I thought I might be having a baby.’ Her eyes filled with tears again. ‘I really believed he’d tell me not to worry and we’d get married straight away. But he wouldn’t even look at me. We were in a tea shop, and he just looked out of the window and said, “Then you’ve got a problem,” not even “we’ve”. I started crying and I could see that irritated him. We left the tea shop and then he said I knew all along he was married.’
‘How crafty to make out it was your fault!’ Belle exclaimed. ‘What a cad!’
Miranda sighed, and screwed up her face as she got another stronger pain. ‘We always made arrangements for our next meeting. When he said he’d meet me at the usual time in the rose garden in Greenwich Park the following week I felt hopeful that would give him time to think it through and he’d find a solution. He kissed me goodbye down by the Naval College in Greenwich just as tenderly as he always had. But that was the last time I saw him.’
‘And I suppose you had no way of contacting him?’
Miranda shook her head. ‘I had no address, nothing but little stories about people that I suspect now probably weren’t even true. I went into the tea shop we often went to in Greenwich and asked the girl behind the counter if she’d seen him, but she said, “He only ever came in here with you.” What else was there to do? I’d already been round to the house where he took me a few times, he’d said a friend of his owned it. But I’m afraid when I spoke to someone there it became clear to me it was a place where rooms were rented out by the hour.’
Belle took Miranda’s hand and squeezed it. She could guess that finding out she’d been used as a whore, without even being paid, was the worst humiliation.
‘When tonight is over you must put all this behind you,’ she said gently. ‘Most of us have something in our past we are ashamed of. But all you are guilty of is being a little gullible. He is the bad person for pretending he loved you.’
‘That’s the part that hurts most,’ Miranda said. ‘I really loved him, I risked everything to be with him. Why would anyone do that to another person?’
‘I think some people are born wicked,’ Belle said. ‘I’d say he was a practised philanderer, but at least he didn’t try to get money out of you.’
Miranda looked shamefaced. ‘I did give him fifty pounds,’ she admitted. ‘It was just a couple of weeks before I told him I thought I was having his baby. He’d been telling me for some little time that he knew of some land just out of London that was ripe for building on. He even showed me some sketches of small houses, just perfect for young married couples who wanted an inexpensive house in the countryside but could travel into the city for their work.’
Belle could see what was coming. ‘I suppose he told you his funds were tied up and he needed cash to secure the land?’
‘How did you know that?’ Miranda said in surprise.
‘Instinct,’ Belle said. ‘And you volunteered your savings?’
‘He wanted a hundred, but I didn’t have that much,’ she said. ‘He promised he would give it back just as soon as he’d sold some shares.’
Belle felt a tight ball of anger in her stomach at anyone being so low. ‘I hate to say this to you, Miranda, but I think you must face the fact that getting money out of you was his intention from the moment he discovered where you lived,’ she said. ‘His good clothes, his manner and even where you met him, indicate that he was actively looking for someone to cheat. He’s clearly a man who lives on his wits.’
‘Then you don’t think he was married either?’
She asked that question with such hope in her eyes that Belle almost laughed at her stupidity. The loss of her money, not turning up to meet her when he said he would, wasn’t evidence to her of a scoundrel; she still chose to believe he’d let her down because he was married.
‘He might be, to someone as gullible as you,’ Belle replied. ‘But it’s more likely he’s got a whole string of women around London, all doting on him, keeping him and believing they are his true love.’
Belle had heard Jimmy and Garth talking many times about such men they knew back in Seven Dials who made a living out of cheating women. Mog had always said that until women woke up, got the vote and insisted on a society which wasn’t run just by men, for men, there would always be a hiding place for cads and bounders.
‘How did you find out about the woman who “helped” you?’ Belle asked. She couldn’t imagine how any woman with a family background like Miranda’s had made contact with such a person.
‘From a woman in the house in Greenwich,’ Miranda said. ‘I started to cry when the man who ran that place was sharp with me and said he didn’t know Frank. She came after me and asked if she could help. I was so upset, and she was so kind, I told her about the baby, and she gave me the address in Bermondsey.’
Belle nodded. She guessed the woman in question was a whore, and one with a heart too. Sometimes she thought that the only women with big hearts were fallen women.
‘It was an awful place she sent me to,’ Miranda confided. ‘I’ve never seen anything like it. There were ragged, dirty children everywhere, broken doors and windows, it was so dirty and smelly I wanted to turn and run away. But I couldn’t, I had to go through with it.’
Belle could imagine what the place was like, a rotting, overcrowded tenement like the ones around Seven Dials. ‘You were very brave. But if you could go through that, you can go through anything. Now, how are you feeling?’
‘I think I’m losing some blood now.’ She blushed scarlet at having to reveal something so personal.
‘Lie back and let me look,’ Belle said. ‘Don’t be embarrassed. You haven’t got anything I haven’t, and just think of me as a nurse.’
Miranda was bleeding a little, but it was mostly the soapy water the woman had used running out of her. Belle had been told by one of the girls in New Orleans who had gone through it herself that the practice was to open the sealed end of the cervix, then pump soapy water in, which acted as an irritant and made the woman miscarry. It didn’t bear dwelling on what they made the opening to the cervix with.
Belle washed Miranda and fixed a piece of clean rag beneath her. She felt it wouldn’t be much longer now and gave her a dose of the medicine Mog had supplied.
It was almost one in the morning when Miranda’s pains became really bad. Belle could sense the strength of them by the sweat on her brow and the way she arched her back and grimaced. But she didn’t scream out, only held tightly on to Belle’s hand.
By half past two Belle was exhausted herself, wondering just how much longer anyone could be in such terrible pain. ‘You are being very brave,’ she said as yet again she wiped Miranda’s face with cold water. She was writhing with the pain now, biting her bottom lip to stop crying out.
When she began to retch Belle quickly got a bowl and held it for her but with her spare hand she pushed back the sheet to look. There was a lot of fresh blood, and as Miranda once again retched, there was a rush of what looked like pieces of liver. Knowing what that meant made Belle want to retch too.
‘Is that it?’ Miranda gasped out.
Belle gathered up the bloody rags, placing clean ones beneath Miranda. She didn’t want to look closely, but felt she must before she put them in the bucket. But there was something pale and tadpole-shaped, and knowing that must be the baby, she couldn’t stop herself from crying. It was even more distressing to think she had a baby in her own womb which would be wanted and loved, while that poor little mite had to be destroyed.
‘Yes, that’s it,’ she managed to get out through her tears. ‘Has the pain gone now?’
‘Yes, I just ache,’ Miranda whispered hoarsely. ‘What would I have done without you?’
Belle hoped that if she lived to be a hundred she’d never have to see something as hideous as that again. Silently she cursed Frank, wished he could see what his greed and wickedness had done tonight, and that he’d suffer because of it.
She washed Miranda all over and covered her up with the sheet. ‘Next time you meet a young man, you bring him to me to sound out,’ she whispered, and kissed her forehead. ‘Now I’ll make you some hot milk with some brandy in it. Then you can go to sleep.’