The Princess's Bride (8 page)

Thomas nodded, and Daisy lifted the box off the settee and held it close.

"Have a safe journey, Lord Humphrey," Daisy said and sat back down.

"Knowing you

care for my welfare is enough, my Daisy." Humphrey said her name in a near purr and, with one final farewell to Thomas, he and his messenger boy left.

Daisy ran a finger over the top of the box that held her betrothal gift. Thomas sat in a chair enjoying his spirits.

"Daisy, I know this is all new to you, but you should try a bit harder in giving your affections to your fiancé. I noticed the look on his face when you failed to say his given name again. He was devastated."

"I will try harder, Thomas." Daisy smiled and glanced down at her ring.

"Good girl. It would be a shame to let the tea and these wonderful desserts go to waste.

Afterwards, I will be your escort for a walk around the garden. What do you say?"

Daisy smiled at her brother. He grabbed a biscuit and moaned as he took a bite. She laughed at her brother's hearty appetite. He joined in, and they spent the next hour enjoying their tea.

****

Stephens turned when his employer stomped into the office. He didn't even raise an eyebrow when Humphrey threw his hat across the floor and walked over to the large bay window to look below at his workers.

"I take it that pirate bitch took down another one of my ships?" Humphrey growled and wiped a palm over his mouth.

Stephens stood up from his desk and held out the latest report. Humphrey turned, grabbed the papers and sat down, propping his legs up on his desk. He opened a drawer and lit one of his cigars.

Stephens coughed, took off his glasses and pinched his nose. Even though Humphrey knew about his breathing problems, he continued to smoke those foul-smelling cigars, regardless of the health concerns of his loyal assistant.

"Yes sir. Dread came upon the
St. Cicero
, rammed it and climbed aboard with her crew.

She stole all the crates of silks and barrels of rum."

"Fuck me!" Humphrey stabbed out his cigar and tore it apart. He spewed curses under his breath and jumped up, pacing the length of the room.

Stephen folded his hands behind his back and waited for his employer's tantrum to end.

"Why me? I should have known things were too good to be true when Dread went quiet for three months."

"On the bright side, your future engagement is now a reality," Stephens pointed out.

Humphrey spun on his heels and rubbed his palms together. "Yes. Everything is set. The little princess Daisy will soon be mine. I can't wait to ride that sweet, never-been-touched quim of hers. The look on her face was priceless when I kissed her. I do believe the chit has a crush on me. She will be so easy to mold and do whatever I want with once we are married. Her ass of a brother never lets us have a moment to ourselves." He snarled. "That prig ruined it. I was so close to being alone with her in the garden when your message came. All I needed to do was whisper a few more loving words in her ear, drop a few kisses and touches in all the right places and I would have had my todger in her cunt before she could have said,
'Oh my!
'" Humphrey let out a booming laugh and went to light another one of his cigars. "Her brother and the servants would have found us
in flagrante delicto
. Then there would have been no choice but to move the wedding forward."

"Did your future wife and brother-in-law have any idea about the authenticity of the necklace or ring?"

"Those two? No clue. Thomas is totally oblivious, and Daisy is like most women. They see sparkling jewels and are entranced." Humphrey shrugged. "Who knew cut glass could work as well as the real thing?"

"Well, sir." Stephen coughed and rolled a pen in between his hands. "I do hope you have an expedient wedding. If you don't have access to a large amount of funds in the next few months, your creditors will be breaking down the door and
The Humphrey Shipping Company
will be finished."

"You don't think I know that? I have it all worked out. The night of my charity ball, the one for those pathetic orphans, is where I will ask my innocent fiancée to take a walk with me to show her my massive book collection. She’s so in love with novels that she won't refuse me.

What she doesn't know is that I plan to show her a more massive collection altogether."

Humphrey cupped himself and curled his lip. "Before she can even blink, I will have her bent over my desk and pounding into her. That is when you, her brother and whomever else you can round up will find us together. This will be the quickest engagement on record in Flaundia. Not only will I have the sweetest ass in all of this godforsaken country, but I will have the biggest purse as well."

"You are certain Miss de Fleurre has a large enough inheritance to save the business?"

"You can rest assured, Stephens." Humphrey puffed on his cigar and cracked his knuckles. "Before Conrad keeled over, he gave me his blessing to marry his daughter. To sweeten the deal, he told me all about Daisy's vast inheritance. For what she lacks in tits and ass, she makes up in other areas."

Stephens held back a grimace as Humphrey expounded crudely on his lady's wonderful virtues. He pitied the poor Daisy because she had no idea how drastically her life would change as the wife of Lord Humphrey. During the several times he and Humphrey had visited the brothels, he had witnessed his employer’s sexual finesse. By the end of the night, the majority of the women Humphrey had been with couldn't walk, and a few extra coins would have to be presented to the Madame to ensure her silence.

"Once I have my bride's money, I can build the ultimate ship… no, an armada to chase down Dread and sink that ship of hers. Once I have that whore in my hands, I'm going to hang her crew and keep her to myself for a few months. Let's see how she likes being rammed for a change." Humphrey let loose a chilling laugh and Stephens shivered.

He pitied both the lady pirate and Daisy. They had no idea that, when a man like Humphrey was crossed, the wrath he would unleash upon them was the sort Stephens would not even wish on his own worst enemy.

Fifty miles off the coast of Flaundia, near a group of close to inhabitable islands, was a place called Pirate's Cove. The worst type of degenerates who sailed the seas came there to hide and dock their ships without fear of being found.

The Lady Desire
, commandeered by the feared lady pirate captain, C.W. Dread and her crew of sixty sailors, had set anchor at the Cove's docks to sell their illegal wares, as well as to get rid of some trash. This “trash” was of the human kind: two once-trusted members of Dread's crew. The James siblings, a twin sister and brother duo who had been with Dread ever since she became the captain of her own vessel, had been caught planning a mutiny.

Unfortunately the James' siblings had never been the brightest of individuals. Their major fault was that they couldn't keep their mouths shut and ended up mentioning their plans to almost every crew member on
The Lady Desire
. Dread had found out about their plan fairly quickly and she, along with her trusty first mate, Mister Martin, put a stop to it.

Dread stood on the deck with her arms crossed and most of her crew shouting behind her.

They wanted the blood spilled of the two scallywags who dared to take down their beloved captain after all she had done for them.

"Captain?" Mister Martin stood next to Dread, mimicking her pose, and snarling at the shameless duo who stood with their arms bound by thick ropes.

Dread held up a black gloved hand, and her crew grew quiet. She pulled out a curved, single-edged sabre and shoved it under James’ chin. Her hazel eyes sparkled under her black eye mask as she gave him a cunning grin. James trembled before his former captain and swallowed loudly as he looked at the bright red scar that covered the length of her right cheek down to her chin. She was an intimating sight, dressed in black, from her long-sleeved billowing shirt to her tight breeches and Hessian boots.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Dread asked, pressing the point of her sabre into the brother's neck, causing him to bleed.

"It weren't me, Cap! Judie made me do it."

"Jimmy, shut yer trap!" Judie growled under her breath. She gave her brother a sulky stare.

Dread rolled her eyes. These two had almost driven her crazy with their non-stop bickering. To top it off, though, the initials of their first and last names were the letter 'J'.

Coincidence? Dread thought otherwise.

"Why am I not surprised? I wouldn't put it past your sister to have planned this whole thing." Dread placed her sabre under Judie's chin. "Any last words to save your hides?"

Judie lifted her face proudly. "You better believe I came up with the whole plan! Do your worst. I'm not scared of the likes of you. If you want to take me down to your cabin and tan my hide, there's nuthin' I can do to stop you." She smiled and flicked out her tongue.

Dread stepped away, repulsed. She felt like hitting her forehead with her fist. She would never live down that night she and Judie had gotten drunk on whiskey. They’d ended up having a night together that she still regretted to this day. She swore she still had scars from Judie's nails from when the other woman had clawed her back and legs during their hours of hot, dirty fucking.

Dread turned away and glanced at Mister Martin. He held back a grin and cracked his knuckles. His bulging biceps flexed, and the siblings cowered as he walked toward them.

"Any last words?" he asked as he towered over them and grabbed them both by the scruff of their necks.

"Fuck off, you chump! Yer jealous I never licked your bum like I did the Captain's!"

Judie squealed.

Dread lifted her face up to the clear blue sky and mouthed,
"Why me?
"

Mister Martin pulled them to the front of the ship, and the crew cheered as they followed on his heels. He lifted the scrawny siblings over the side and dropped them overboard. They screamed as they landed in the murky water below.

Dread and her boys leaned over the side and watched the siblings pop up out of the water.

A small dinghy floated by them, and one of the men stopped rowing to pull them in.

"Bring them to shore and leave them there," Dread shouted down and pointed at the two waterlogged fools. "I better not see you again. If I do, I can promise you that my sabre will meet the inside of your stomach."

Judie spat out water and gave Dread the finger. Her brother sat with his head down.

Dread walked down to the hold while the rest of the crew taunted the exiled duo as they were rowed to shore.

Mister Martin followed behind Dread, combing through his dark black goatee with blunt fingers. "Your uncle would be proud of you if he were still alive."

Dread turned to appraise him as she walked down the hall and into her cabin. She opened her door, walked across the multi-colored woven rug that covered more than half the floor and rested her sabre on her desk. She then pulled off her gloves, throwing them on top of her desk, and took off her mask as she cracked her jaw. "Those two have been a pain in my side ever since I became captain of this ship. It would have been much easier to slit their throats and feed them to the sharks, but we're surrounded by enough bloodshed as it is. At least my uncle never went as far as killing people, including those who tried to stab him in the back."

Mister Martin sat back against the desk and scratched his bald head. "God rest his soul.

And of course your mother's."

Dread nodded and walked over to the vanity. She grabbed a bar of tea tree soap and began washing her hands. "I need a stiff drink. What do you say we give the boys the night off and let them enjoy a bit of wenching and carousing?"

Mister Martin looked at Dread in surprise. "Didn't know you were up for a little slap and tickle, Captain."

Dread wiped a damp towel over her chest and neck. She curled her lip at her reflection in the small oval mirror and traced the towel over her scar. "None for me. You and I will find a nice corner table at one of the Cove's pubs and talk."

Martin's brow knitted and he scratched the top of his head. "Sure thing, Captain."

"You look nervous," Dread said as she glanced at Martin in the mirror.

"Me, nervous? Fiddle-faddle. I have some concerns, but that's not the same thing."

"Good. We don’t have time for that. We have more important business to discuss."

"And what does this business entail?"

Dread spun around and threw the damp towel on the floor. She gave him a wide smile.

"Revenge, my man. Sweet revenge."

****

Pickled Pete's Pub was filled with many hearty sailors who had a deep thirst for a few pints of ale, a game of dice or cards and an hour or two with the house wenches, if they still had enough coins left in their pockets. The loud buzz of conversation and a few drunken, bawdy tunes were being sung around a piano.

The crowd enjoyed themselves as the sun started to set. In a few short hours, many would either end up passed out in a dirty alley, or they would climb aboard their ships to sleep off their excesses.

Captain Dread and Mister Martin sipped from the metal mugs their serving wench had just set down on the scarred table. Dread took a deep gulp as the wench whispered something into Martin's ear. She yawned as one of the girl's nipples popped out from her sagging bodice.

Mister Martin shook his head no and gave her a coin, which she bit down on and slid into the gaping front of her tight dress. She walked away with a swing in her hips, looking for her next paying customer.

"Sorry 'bout that, Captain. I just can't help that I'm so irresistible to the ladies." Mister Martin apologized, held up his mug and tapped it with Dread's. He laid his arm on the table and turned to the side to stare around the room. Dread copied his movements.

"It's a shame that the 'ladies' don't have a chance with you," Dread said, giving Mister Martin a light punch on his arm.