The Pillow Book of the Flower Samurai (55 page)

I had fulfilled an honourable revenge. I thought of Emi’s smiling face as she recited her prayers with me. Of Misuki, such a devoted and dedicated companion. My beloved Tashiko, lying dead with her neck encircled by that ring of rope-torn flesh. I stared at Goro’s eyes – not wide with pain and fear, but as they were the last time I had viewed them, glinting in candlelight, flickering with power, viciousness, lust and brutality. This had been the Right Action.

Tokikazu confessed later that day that he had positioned archers and samurai around the area. After my first arrow, he had ordered them away. Servants obliterated all footprints, except mine.

I would never have known if he had not told me. Surely he is a Bodhisattva working here on earth.

My delight in taking a life dampened the fires of my victory. What would my father have said? I had taken the honourable path and action without gratification or gladness.

Had Michimori helped Tokikazu protect me? Perhaps not.

That evening, after being ritually cleansed, the entrance to Michimori’s mansion appeared the same; perhaps it was I who had changed.

Michimori sent for me and, with Tokikazu and Akio as escorts, I hurried to his apartments.

‘How did you fare?’ Michimori’s flat voice denied his flashing brown eyes.

He knew. Tears sprang from my eyes before words could form. Alone with my husband, I grabbed his broad chest and breathed with heavy sobs. He combed my hair with his fingers and with his other hand massaged my back. When I stopped crying, he murmured into my hair, ‘It is different. With someone you know. And
for
someone you know. Is it not?’

Pulling back slightly, I said, ‘Yes. I cannot believe Three Eyes is truly gone.’

‘He is dead, my, my—’ Michimori stroked the tears off my face. He pulled me hard against him. ‘Please be wary. Three Eyes was not the last of our enemies.’

‘Oh, Michimori. I will.’ I wanted to be with him as we were before, to be closer to this embodiment of a great leader’s Majestic Calm, his essence, Pure Tranquillity.

He pushed me back and we stood apart. His eyes changed to a distant black, and his voice became dry and flat. ‘I have ordered Captain Tokikazu not to commit
seppuku
after my death. Rather, I have ordered him to protect your life.’

‘You honour me, but I—’

‘Go, Kozaishō. Leave me now.’ He turned away, back muscles twitching and tightening.

I wiped away the rest of my tears, put on a neutral face and left.

How bittersweet my vengeance. I had triumphed over an
oni
, only to perhaps distance my husband.

IV. Vision

Later, Tokikazu and I paused in our shooting practice. The heat penetrated the pavilion, but with the end curtains opened, a whisper of a breeze mitigated the oppressive warmth. The heat had persuaded most archers to return to the monastery’s waterfalls and ponds. I waved the servants away.

After they had left, we were alone, and I observed Tokikazu. He wiped the dampness from his body. Last summer I had been aroused when I had watched him cleanse himself. Now this action had the same effect, but I required only his advice on how to protect my husband, so dear to me.

‘What is it?’ He smiled.

‘I need your advice.’ I looked outside the pavilion to see if anyone lurked. ‘Tokikazu, I am with child.’

‘Sit. What do you need?’ He clutched my shoulders as if I might fall.

I placed a fingertip on his drawn-together eyebrows. ‘I am well. There are plans to leave Rokuhara. You know more about that than I, more than anyone but Michimori and the other Commanders. I have not yet informed him about the child.’

‘Are you happy about it? You look serious. Are you considering . . .?’ He opened his arms.

‘No, not that. Yes, I am . . . content to keep this child if I am able to.’

His arms and his voice dropped. ‘Then what do you require of me?’

‘I need to know if now is the time to tell him or if I should wait.’

‘You protect Michimori. Again. Still.’

‘As is my duty.’

‘Only duty?’

‘No – I have come to love him.’

‘The Gods of Fortune smile on him at every turn.’

‘Perhaps in another time or life . . .’ I lifted my hand to his cheek. I cared for him also.

Tokikazu pulled away as his body stiffened. ‘We both have our duties.’

Had I hurt him? I allowed my hand to fall to my side. ‘Will you assist me?’

We heard a rustling. Tokikazu pulled on his dagger and rushed outside.

In a moment, he returned. ‘Just birds. Kozaishō, you wish to know if now is a convenient or injurious time.’

‘Yes. When can I tell him, “I am carrying your child”? Michimori relies on my observations and suggestions.’

‘Yes, but your concern persists, rather than the jubilation I have seen in my wives.’

‘Military and political matters demand my full attention. You know this.’

I waited and fanned myself. We sipped watered
sake
and ate rice balls. He gazed at the food, seeming flustered and dispirited. Ants trailed across the pavilion’s grassy floor. Mosquitoes and flies hummed in and out of the open curtains. Moorhens and thrushes pecked at the ground, their dark backs shimmering in the heat.

‘And, yes, Tokikazu, I am pleased. I want to say, “I am carrying your child.”’

A sound behind the pavilion. Like the rustling of cloth. Footsteps.

Our heads turned to the east at the same time.

Tokikazu sped outside, dagger fully opened.

Within a short time, he came back, sweat dribbling. ‘I could see no one.’

‘Why did you not follow?’

‘Fear for your life, Kozaishō. It may have been a trap.’

We exchanged wary looks.

‘I say to you, now is
not
the time.’

‘Thank you, Tokikazu.’

‘Back to practice, then.’

I sipped the rest of my watered
sake
and went out into the sweltering sun.

Who had been outside, and what might he have overheard?

I was not yet aware that rumours were already rushing to Michimori.

The first morning after returning to Rokuhara, I walked on to the practice field and heard yelling. It was Michimori – with a savage ferocity I had only overheard in battle. His targets were what alarmed me most: fresh corpses.

That night, I awoke with another vivid dream. I shared it with Michimori.

‘This one you must tell the Council yourself,’ he said.

Never had I spoken directly to them. ‘I cannot.
You
must present it.’

‘This is yours to share. I have loved you for such a long time, yet . . . yet . . .’ His fingers played with my hair as if with Koto Strings. ‘You and your dreams are a great gift to me and the Taira Clan.’ He stopped abruptly.

I knew he loved me, but he hesitated. He had restrained himself the previous night, and many before. He truly did not trust me. I had no knowledge of the rumours about me or who dispersed them.

He said, ‘The message is extremely clear to me. But, let us see the Dream Diviner before we go to the Council.’

I agreed: addressing the Council would be a monumental step.

After the Dream Diviner, the Council assembled again in the middle of the night. A
kich
ō
was brought close for me to sit behind, as was the custom with court women.

‘Kindly listen to Lady Kozaishō’s dream,’ Michimori requested.

After vehement arguments on each side, the Council agreed to allow me to speak.

I began, hoping my voice did not tremble too much with the honour. I had never spoken to the Council openly. My throat constricted. With difficulty, I articulated my words. I was not sure if they could hear me over the pounding of my chest. My ears surged, like an incoming tide.

I relaxed as I did before I loosened an arrow. I began:

‘A red bird is in a grove of trees, each carefully trimmed. It sits on the topmost branch over the Sacred Mirror, singing a
sutra
, and wearing the Sacred Jewels, while holding the Sacred Sword in one claw. A white hawk swoops near the red bird. To save its life, the red bird flies away. It carries the Three Sacred Treasures and flies far west until it reaches a wooden nest near the sea. As the red bird settles on a branch, the hawk advances and the red bird flies away again. This time it flies north.’

Most of the meaning was transparent, but the Dream Diviner spoke to the Council after I had finished. He stated that the red bird was the young emperor and the white hawk the retired emperor, Go-Shirakawa. The danger of the latter to the former was clear, but no one could decipher the second attack.

After the Dream Diviner had left, Oak coughed and declared, ‘First we must see to the safety of our emperor. I believe we have sanctuary in the city of Dazaifu in Kyōshō. Let Purple Grass take the emperor and his family with a swift group to the Old Defence Headquarters in Dazaifu. He will be safe there.’

I heard grunts of assent and saw heads nodding in agreement. Purple Grass said, ‘Yes, and a small group moving quickly will be best.’

‘Let Purple Grass beware,’ Michimori warned. ‘Lady Kozaishō’s dream suggests the Fox has long fingers. Do not settle comfortably in Dazaifu. Be ready to flee again.’

‘We will keep runners available continuously between us.’

That evening, I said several
sutra
s for the safety of our emperor and for us.

Commander Purple Grass left within a day, taking the Emperor Antoku, the royal family, the Three Sacred Treasures, and all the provisions they could manage to safety. Exile. Would they ever return?

Perhaps it was truly the end of our world,
mapp
ō
, as the
kuge
, and also Misuki with her bramblings, had feared. I had predicted it with my dream. What
karma
was that for me?

V. Burned

Misuki placed both hands around one of my ears and whispered, under the noise of the carriage and oxen, ‘Kozaishō, my sweet, I bring unfortunate news.’

I was not worried: it probably related to her astrological formations, which were disparate to this world. I hoped it did not involve her hitting me with sticks again. Or drinking some horrible potion designed to keep me from harm. It was neither.

‘Sadakokai told me he overheard Large Cicada speaking to Lord Michimori.’

My back straightened, and my muscles tensed.

‘Large Cicada spoke about Tokikazu.’

I leaned my ear into her hands to hear more clearly every word.

‘He overheard you say you were carrying Tokikazu’s child. And that your husband had an obligation, if you were disloyal, to take your head or command you to commit
seppuku
.’ She pulled her cupped hands away from my ear and turned directly to my face, shaking her head, her eyes distressed, her hands clasped, as if in prayer.

I took a deep breath to cool the rabid fires in my chest. ‘You know I am not disloyal in any deed, do you not, Misuki?’

‘Naturally. I defended you to Akio when he accused you. I will come to your defence again. I trust you, Kozaishō. Completely.’

I could not speak, only laid my head on her shoulder and loosed furious tears.

Another meeting was called in the night. More samurai guards were stationed outside Grand Room when I slipped behind its screens.

Lamps threw eerie shadows over faces worn from broken slumber and worry. A runner hastily advanced to the sombre group. Oak motioned with a hand and uttered his usual cough. The samurai guard bowed low, then raised his head and torso but remained on his knees, speaking so that I could not hear.

Oak nodded and addressed the group. ‘Fox is preparing for a pilgrimage.’

‘What?’

‘Where?’

‘Mount Hiei.’ Oak waved the guard away who left in silence.

Incredible news! My stomach snapped tighter than the closing of a twenty-five-fold fan. I sat behind my
kich
ō
, but the commanders’ throats strangled with alarm – or perhaps it was mine. With the silence I concentrated on my stomach pain and the repercussions of the Fox’s latest strategy.

The Oak coughed again. ‘We could prevent Fox going, but this does not portend well.’

‘Without Fox, we have only the young emperor to assert our authority, and he, perhaps everything, is in grave danger,’ Michimori stressed, beating one fist into the other hand. He was most handsome when he was fervent.