The Phoenix Conspiracy (35 page)

"Okay, the truth..." she paused. "I
met someone. Dark eyes and gorgeous black hair. Killer smile..."
Calvin automatically hated this person, whoever it was. But he
smiled anyway as she spoke.

"I was young," she paused briefly.
"And sort of... impressionable. When I was about seventeen this
nineteen year old midshipman boarded at our house for awhile. He'd
talk about the stars and seeing exotic places and how much he loved
not just being in the Empire but actually a part of it." She
laughed. "He told me all these ridiculous stories about how
romantic and adventurous the navy was... I know now how silly and
wrong they were. Military life isn't even close to how he described
it."

"You know what they say, hindsight is
20/20."

"Yeah..." she said, musing, lost in
her past. "But I'm still glad I joined. Even if midshipman Howe was
completely full of hot air. My father," she laughed again. "He
wasn't happy about it. Of course, he didn't like anything about
Edward. Especially when we spent time together."

"Edward?"

"Midshipman Howe. His name was
Edward... and he was my first. You never really forget your first,
do you?"

Despite himself, Calvin felt a ping of
jealousy hearing her talk about Edward Howe. And a little anger. He
didn't like it; it was unbecoming, but... still... seeing Summers
there next to him. Thinking of how beautiful she was. And thinking
of some older navy officer spinning stories to take advantage of
her. It bothered him. He'd always hated guys like that. And for
reasons unknown to him, they always seemed to get the girl—in the
end.

"Who was your first?" she
asked.

His eyes widened. "That's a rather
personal question, don't you think?” he asked. It was automatic.
This wasn't a subject he'd ever been comfortable talking
about.

"I'm sorry," she said and suddenly he
felt bad. He didn't know what it was, but the look she gave him, it
pierced right through him and somehow, it became very hard to not
be as open with her as she was with him.

"I only ever had one," he admitted.
"Christine was my first and my only. Don't get the wrong idea. I
had several relationships growing up... but... they were all
empty," he looked away. Several choice memories flowed through his
mind followed by a parade of unwanted ones. He had many
regrets.

"So where is Christine now?" asked
Summers.

He swallowed hard and, for a moment,
debated whether or not he should tell her the truth. It had been
years since then and mostly he’d managed to block out the memory,
but lately it had haunted his dreams night and day, making him
wonder if closure was ever really possible.

"You remember that story I told you,
about the Trinity?" She nodded and he continued. "The young woman
at Ops, the one who was infected and died later at the hospital...
her name was Christine."

Summers didn't say anything with her
mouth, but her eyes spoke volumes. And, very tenderly, she placed
her hand closer to his. Not touching his, but almost. She
hesitated. Like she wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. But
Calvin took her hand and held it, drawing comfort from its
warmth.

"We met when I came aboard. In fact,
we were in the same transfer. And we really hit it off right away,
she was very playful and fun," he shook his head once, feeling hot
dry tears burn behind his eyes. "God, I loved her. Everything about
her." He was again staring off into the blackness of space,
wondering if that's where she was now. Some kind of peaceful,
mindless, bliss.

"We—" he couldn't get himself to speak
further. In part because he'd never really confronted the memory of
their time together. It was still too painful. What was a few years
later anyway? It felt like nothing. And Calvin didn't want to
appear weak or overly sentimental in front of Summers. He bit his
tongue and kept his emotions inside.

She came even closer, until she was
pressed up against him. He felt her warmth against his shoulder and
against his leg. He wanted to reach around and hold her so much...
but he resisted.

When he felt he'd regained his
composure he looked her in the eyes once more and, to his surprise,
he thought he saw conflict in her. Uncertainty. And then it donned
on him that she might be regretting this little heart-to-heart chat
she'd initiated. Perhaps he'd said too much.

"I'm sorry if I went overboard there,"
he made a half-hearted attempt at a laugh and wiped his left
eye.

"No, no, it's not that," she
hesitated. "Do you ever think... have you ever had to do something
that felt wrong and you hated having to do it, but you knew you had
to, like you had no other choice?"

He thought about her question for a
moment. At first wondering why she asked it. Was her mind
conflicted over something or was she just trying to change the
subject from where it had strayed? Perhaps both.

Then he considered the question itself
and said, "I think sometimes we do what we have to do. Medicine can
taste bad. Physical therapy can hurt..." he looked into her eyes
"or apologizing to someone and making peace with them, that can be
hard too." Strangely, she looked away when he said that. That
bothered him and he let go of her hand. But he didn't move
away.

There was an awkward pause and he
started thinking it was best for him to escape the situation. He'd
make sense of it all later, if that were even possible, but now he
needed to get away. He started thinking of excuses but before he
could use one she spoke again. "Look at us..." she glanced up at
him with a weak smile, their reflections were somewhat visible on
the window’s surface. He returned the smile gently.

As he thought of his excuse to leave,
and thought the peaceful silence was the perfect opportunity to get
away, he couldn't get his mouth to open. Feeling her there, how
warm she was, and being able to open up about things that he'd kept
bottled inside for years... it was hard to walk away from that kind
of comfort.

So, as he went to explain why he
should go he ended up saying, "What about Raidan?"

"Raidan?" She looked genuinely
confused, not defensive.

"It's obvious to me that Raidan, what
he did, affected you deeply. You had some kind of feelings for him.
What were they? What are they? What is he to you?" She seemed
surprised by the questions and, honestly, he was too. Because it
took her off guard she withdrew, just a bit, before
answering.

"In the past, Raidan was a mentor and
a friend. And we were … close, once. But not anymore. That ended
when he showed his true colors and hurt a lot of innocent
people."

"How close were you?"

"We were never really... you know.
We'd spend a lot of time together, and talk and... he manipulated
me. Made me believe we were building something, the two of us. But
he became more and more secretive. And he lied to me," she closed
her eyes, jaw clenched. "He lied to all of us. Again and again. And
we didn’t know it, we trusted him. Then one day he ordered the ship
to do terrible, terrible things and... I just let it
happen."

Calvin actually felt pity for her.
And, for the first time since she'd arrived, he understood why
she'd kept such a hawk eye on him. Not just because she wanted
revenge on Raidan, though that was certainly true, but because she
didn't want to repeat past mistakes. And now here he was, another
CO keeping secrets from her, and he too had ordered the ship to go
dark. If only she could understand why he did what he did. He tried
to find words to explain it to her. But he feared they'd start an
argument and erase the beauty of the moment.

"I said too much," Summers looked
down. And then, without thinking about it, he stepped behind her
and massaged her shoulders. She was extremely tense. She retreated
at first, ever so slightly, then she encouraged him.

He could feel her relaxing as he
rubbed her for several minutes and they made small talk. He tried
the whole time to keep his mind from thinking about her body, but
smelling her hair and feeling her soft back and shoulders... he
lost sight of himself. And before he really understood what had
happened, he took her by the arm and, as she turned, he pulled her
in tight. She cooed and he began kissing her. Just as his hand
slipped to her waist she pulled away.

"Stop," she said gently. He didn’t
know what to think and let go of her completely. Just as he felt
ashamed for letting it happen, she grabbed him by the hand and with
a smile said, "not here, let's go somewhere else."

They moved quickly through the
corridors, resisting the urge to run. Wanting to keep up proper
appearances, they made a silent agreement not to touch in the
halls, not even hold hands. Before long they were in her room. As
the door closed he went after her but she stopped him.

"Not here."

"Why not?"

"The walls are paper thin;
let's go to the
captain's
quarters."

"Okay," he said, excited by
the idea of satiating his appetite for her. Even though a tiny
alarm inside him was urging him to slow down.
This is too fast
.
This can't be right
. He ignored it
and asked, "so why are we here?"

"To get this," she opened her small
liquor cabinet. In it were two low-proof bottles, the maximum
allowed for an officer on a starship.

Before Summers could, Calvin reached
in and snatched a bottle. "Okay, here we go then."

"
No
," she snapped. Her reaction was
sharp enough to take him off guard. But she softened immediately.
"No, it has to be this one." She took out a separate bottle and
made him return the one he had. Then, together, they
left.

They passed two crewmen and Summers
made no effort to hide the wine in her hands—Calvin had no idea
where she could hide it anyway. Instead she spoke up so the other
officers could hear. "And then, Captain, I found this contraband in
his room!" she barked.

Picking up immediately, Calvin
replied. "Now, now I don't think there's any need for serious
discipline."

Once they were alone again they both
snickered. "Did you see the look on their faces?"

They soon arrived at his quarters and,
just before pressing his thumb to the plate, Calvin remembered the
bottle of equarius sitting open on the desk.

He hesitated. Part of him wanted
Summers so unbelievably bad he would have done almost anything. But
another part held back, reminding him of the consequences. If she
did find the equarius... that would be the end of
everything.

She seemed to notice his hesitation.
"What's the matter?"

"Oh nothing," he said and pressed his
thumb to the plate, certain he could dart into the room and stash
the pills away before she could get a good look at them.

***

Summers watched Calvin unlock the door
and race inside. Was he really as eager as all that? He didn’t seem
the type to be that desperate, it was unbecoming.

Once inside, she saw him pick
something up from the desk and stuff it away in his safe. It looked
like pills. She raised a curious eyebrow.

"What was that?"

"Just a prescription," said Calvin
with an innocent shrug as he hurried back over to her. The door
slid shut, leaving them alone. She made it a point to look around
the apartment before he could make his move on her. It was somewhat
messy but not overly so, though his bed wasn't even made and he
still had a couple of boxes he hadn't unpacked. At least the room
didn't smell bad.

To her dismay, nothing incriminating
was in sight. Calvin didn't even have a liquor cabinet. And the
only drinks, true to his word, were water bottles.

In hardly a moment, he was there
again, reaching for her. She stopped him. "Wait a sec," and popped
the cork. The bottle smoked a bit, giving the authentic impression
it had never been opened—something she’d achieved by injecting her
surprise through the cork rather than removing it.

She offered him some. "Go ahead and
drink it right out of the bottle," she gave him the sexiest smile
she knew how to give. His eyes lit up and he returned the smile,
but refused the drink.

"I really hate the stuff, can't stand
it."

She felt her heart race. She'd come
way too far for this plan to fail now. "Come on, smell it," she
said. He took a whiff and started coughing. Her mind panicked,
seeking a way to salvage the situation if she couldn't get him to
take a drink.

"I was hoping we'd drink it together,"
she said with big eyes and a pouty face. She absolutely hated
resorting to that but Calvin was making this hard. And she was so
very close.

"Sorry, love," he said.

She paused for a moment,
he'd called her
love
. That bit her, so she blinked it from her mind.
Must focus on the mission
!

She took a large drink herself,
careful not to swallow, and then invited him to take her in his
arms. He scooped her up like a feather, the quick motion almost
causing her to spit out the wine.