Authors: Lucy di Legge
Mr. Macpherson blinked rapidly a few times and then reached to shake her hand. “Ms. Spencer, I’d just like to say…” his sentence trailed off as he began to choke up.
Mrs. Macpherson put her arm around him and finished his thought for him. “Dillon had so many nice things to say about you. The internship experience meant so much to him – the short time that he spent working with you.”
Mr. Macpherson noisily inhaled a gulp of air, his face reddening. “What they said at the memorial service – about duty? – it means nothing.”
“Donald,” the woman said in rebuking voice.
“No, I mean it. It’s not about duty. It’s about love. Dillon loved his work in Westminster. He got up every morning excited to go into the office, even if it was just to fetch you a coffee,” he said.
Harriet felt immediately embarrassed and didn’t know what to say. She wished she wasn’t holding a cup of coffee at that very moment.
Mr. Macpherson continued, “Anyway, my son found something he loved. And if he had to go… at least it was while doing what he loved.”
He shook her hand again while Mrs. Macpherson gave her an apologetic look. She said, “Thank you for stopping us and introducing yourself. It was very kind of you.” She led Mr. Macpherson away, and Harriet took that as a signal to walk in the opposite direction.
#
That night, Harriet sat at the end of her dining room table, the door to the kitchen propped open, and looked across the marble floor. She saw where Daniel’s body had been and, not so far away, where she had killed – murdered – Joanna. Her breath caught as she thought about it in those terms for the first time. She had murdered. And for what?
“Daniel,” Harriet said aloud, looking vaguely up, “I wish you were here now.”
She thought about what Dillon’s father had said about love. She thought about what she had left for her in her life, how those at Bermondsey Street walked on eggshells around her, afraid of incurring her wrath. She didn’t think they worried about her physically harming them but rather they seemed to relate to each other less and less. Even Thomas had distanced himself of late, perhaps resentful of what she had asked him to do. What did she love anymore?
“I love Charlie,” Harriet said to the empty kitchen.
Still in her suit from work that day, she took the Tube across town to Erin’s flat. As soon as Erin opened her door, wearing a faded blue robe, Harriet blurted, “You were right.”
Erin grinned and said sleepily, “If only it were every day that a woman would show up at my door and say those words to me.”
Harriet shot her a look that said she was being serious, and that she wasn’t in the mood for light-hearted flirtations. Unable to contain herself, she said, “I meant, it’s not my job holding me back and keeping me here in London, away from Charlie.”
Erin pushed the door open wider and said, “Come on in.”
Harriet walked just inside the threshold, far enough in that Erin could close the door behind her. She observed Erin’s dimly lit flat, looking into the kitchen where a light was turned on above the stove, the kettle resting on a burner as if waiting at attention for uninvited guests to show up and need a cup of tea. This was Erin’s home, a place of warmth.
Harriet turned to her and, struggling with her words, said, “At first, my job really was the reason why I stayed – I thought I was needed here with my position in Westminster. And Charlie’s departure was so sudden that I didn’t have time to think about what I wanted or what was right for me. She couldn’t have expected me to just pick up and move with her the very next day.”
“And now? Have you figured out what you want?” Erin asked, her voice steady and gentle.
Harriet felt the naked emotion in her eyes as she looked at Erin. “I love her. I want to be with her – if she’ll still have me, that is. I want to go to Edinburgh and try to make it work.”
“What about your job?” Erin asked.
“Like you said before, there’s a workaround. I’m sure there will be someone eager to take my place. And perhaps I could do something just as meaningful, perhaps start a Scottish branch of the SDO.” She saw the look of disapproval on Erin’s face, and she added, “A fresh start for the organization, too.”
“And your house?” she asked.
Harriet shook her head and said, “There are too many bad memories. Charlie was right about that.” She was lost in thought for a moment, thinking about the kitchen. She regained focus and said, “If you’d be willing, I’d sign over the papers for you to manage the estate. As far as the house is concerned, live in it, sell it… burn it, for all I care.”
Erin was quiet for a moment before she replied, “It’s worth substantially more if it’s not burned down, not that it seems you have to worry all that much about money.”
Harriet smiled, and realized it had been a long time since she last had a reason to smile. She told her, “Then live in it or sell it. Rent it out. Whatever.”
Erin returned her smile and said, “So you’re really going to go?”
Harriet nodded and said, “I have to try.”
Erin pulled her into a hug. “Good luck,” she said warmly.
As they broke contact, Harriet thought about how she would miss her.
#
Harriet departed on the morning train north to Edinburgh with two small pieces of luggage – the bare essentials. She had decided only to take what she could easily carry without any need for a porter or help from any stranger. At just over two hours on the fast train, she would arrive shortly after eight o’clock.
As the train sped through the countryside, past fields that blurred together in broad brushstrokes of yellow, tan, and green, Harriet felt her shoulders relax, dropping away from her ears. She had worn plain slacks, a blouse, a light jacket, and sensible shoes, feeling as though she could dispense with her more formal attire for the time being. She had nothing to prove to the world, no image to uphold, no power to wield over anyone else. In short, she could finally just dress for herself.
A middle-aged man, perhaps a decade older than herself, with bright red hair and a reddish-gray beard sat down in the seat opposite Harriet and looked out the window. “It’s beautiful, innit? There’s nothing like going home,” he said in a thick Doric accent.
Harriet smiled at him and said, “Yes, it certainly is beautiful.”
“You’re English, aren’t you?” he asked, his brow furrowed.
Harriet nodded, thinking how Charlotte and she both would have outsiders’ accents. Somehow that seemed fitting, as though they could make a clean start together in a place where neither of them had had a beginning.
“Do you work up north? In Edinburgh?” the stranger asked, apparently having decided that her being English wasn’t so severe of a crime that he couldn’t continue a conversation with her.
Harriet paused and then said, “Actually, I’m unemployed at the moment.” It felt strange to say it aloud, but it was the truth. She had been working for her entire adult life up until so recently.
“Aww, don’t you worry. You’ll find something that fits you,” he said with confidence. Harriet was touched by his kindness.
Harriet listened as he proceeded to tell her about his life – his family, the shop that he ran with his daughters, and how he was always eager to return to the north where everything seemed more peaceful. At the end of the train ride, as they pulled into Edinburgh’s Waverley Station, he shook her hand and said he hoped she would find what she was looking for.
Less than an hour later, Harriet sat on a simple wooden bench outside of Charlotte’s building, hoping Charlotte hadn’t already arrived but willing to sit there until she came back out again. Her luggage rested on the ground to the side of the bench. She appreciated that although, relatively speaking, she hadn’t traveled terribly far north, it was noticeably cooler outside than it was in London. She could actually enjoy the breeze rustling the leaves on the trees and blowing strands of her hair across her face.
Harriet didn’t know whether Charlotte would smile and rush into her arms, as overjoyed to see her as Harriet knew she herself would be to see Charlotte again, or whether Charlotte’s eyes would narrow with resentment and she would walk in the other direction away from her. Perhaps Charlotte would walk right past her without acknowledging her presence.
Harriet looked over at the oversized main door, wondering if she should inquire within about whether Charlotte was already at her desk. But then she thought how Charlotte probably wouldn’t appreciate it if Harriet involved someone else, especially if Charlotte wasn’t happy to see her. And Harriet didn’t think she could handle it if she walked through her floor, past desks of her colleagues with perhaps some of them milling about, only to have Charlotte turn her away.
Harriet tried to push those thoughts away as she studied the exterior of the building, thinking how it was handsome and how she could imagine Charlotte working inside such a building, which seemed appropriately rooted in time and place.
Harriet turned back and looked at the path. Her breath caught as she spotted Charlotte, her gait interrupted as she saw Harriet and made eye contact. For a moment, Harriet thought Charlotte was going to flee.
And then Charlotte smiled.
About the Author
Lucy, her wife, and their cat currently live someplace cold but hope to someday again live somewhere warm. Lucy dreams of the ocean, the mountains, the life of a hermit in the woods, and also the activity of a vibrant metropolis. An introvert by nature, she spends her days interacting with hundreds of people and fantasizing about being a writer. This is her second novel.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-Eight
Chapter Forty-Nine
Chapter Fifty
Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter Fifty-Two
Chapter Fifty-Three
Chapter Fifty-Four
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chapter Fifty-Six
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Chapter Sixty
Chapter Sixty-One
Chapter Sixty-Two
Chapter Sixty-Three
Chapter Sixty-Four
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chapter Sixty-Six
Chapter Sixty-Seven