The Not Gate (Tom and Alice #1) (8 page)

FUEL TO THE FIRE

Thursday
9
th
November

T
he field at the bottom of the boy’s dormitories was hidden by a scattering of oaks, a monkey puzzle tree and low hedges. Some of the girls had strung paper streamers along them, with the occasional tea light lantern hanging from a branch. Grant had wired his CD Walkman into a set of small speakers so if you stayed within two metres of it you could hear the music relatively well.

Ellie’s older sister had bought her a bottle of Archers. Lucy had acquired Tequila from somewhere and most of the boys were already well on their way to drunk with cans of White Lighting and beer.

This was her party and for what little resources they had her friends had really made a sterling effort. She’d been given a few lovely little gifts and Emily had plaited Alice’s hair across her head to one side and pushed little flowers into it. She looked bohemian and a little wild, she loved it.

It was about 10pm but a lot milder than the last few days and with all the dancing and drinking it actually felt quite pleasant. Alice had already drunk two Archers and lemonade and Lucy was making her take shots of Tequila. She was feeling the warming sensation in her blood that she wasn’t used to. Her knees felt a bit wobbly, but she had to admit she liked the feeling.

She tried not to think about Tom all day, but like now, her mind always swung back to his tortured and powerful face. She looked around the group to take her thoughts away from him, clinging onto anything that might distract her. Cara was dancing with Jack to
Mr Boombastic
, well it was more gyration than dance. Alice laughed, they were childhood sweethearts and had been a couple since the beginning of secondary school. Even though every other week there was a bust up of some kind, they always made up and were actually really sickeningly sweet.

‘What’re the chances of being caught out here with this booze?’ Ellie huddled near to her looking slightly worried.

‘High, I suppose,’ Alice replied.

‘Worth it though. Hey, how did it go walking around in the dark with Mr Hot Stuff the other night? I forgot to ask,’ Ellie questioned excitedly.

‘Dark, wet and cold,’ Alice looked away.

Amazing…

‘That good, huh?’ she joked.

‘That good,’ Alice agreed casting her eyes down to her hands and playing with her glass.

‘How about Steve then, he’s been checking you out all evening? I think the cat woman thing definitely fuelled his imagination,’ Ellie laughed.

Alice couldn’t think of anything she wanted less than a boy pursuing her right now. There was nothing wrong with Steve. He was a popular lad, experienced and sporty, everything a teenage girl should want in an admirer, but he wasn’t Tom, nowhere near unfortunately.

Two nights ago she was kissed, kissed within a heartbeat of ecstasy by a man she could never have. She had felt his hard erection press against her more than once and it had sent her wild with a passion she didn’t know she had inside her, and that memory played over and over in her mind.

‘
You’re as special as it gets, Alice
.’

‘I don’t know he’s probably just looking for a snog,’ she answered half-heartedly.

‘Nothing wrong with a bit of a kiss with a fit guy Alice, even I know that,’ Ellie was just as innocent as Alice was, but it didn’t stop her from joining in with a bit of fun every now and then.

‘I guess not?’ Alice glanced over in Steve’s direction. She felt fairly drunk and it
was
her birthday. Tom didn’t want her, her virginity scared him, what did she have to lose? Maybe if she could bring herself to sleep with Steve, she might be more attractive to Tom. But as soon as she thought it, she pushed it aside. What a stupid, silly desperate, girl thing to think. She would never cheapen herself like that no matter how much she wanted him. God, what was going on in her head?

She grabbed another shot of Tequila and downed it quickly… nothing wrong with a kiss though. She looked over again and this time he was staring at her. An old memory suddenly came back to her. Her grandad, a beautiful rogue soul who had now passed away, once wrote her a little note about life and youth. It had simply said
Flirt-
Fool
-
Forget
. She hadn’t understood it at the time, but kept it anyway as it held a mystery she one day wanted to solve.

‘Hey Alice, have I wished you a happy birthday yet?’ Steve said as he walked over to her. He plonked himself down on the blanket she sat on. Ellie moved off to talk to someone else.

Subtle.

‘Yeah, I think you did but thanks again,’ Alice smiled at him.

‘Enjoying your party?’

‘Yes, it’s really lovely of everyone to go to the trouble,’ she looked at him, he was a good looking boy, but she felt nothing. People say you need to get back on the horse after a fall so she was willing to go with the flow for now.

‘You’re so worth it. Everyone’s having a good time. Getting a bit drunk. That’s what Hill End’s about at the end of the day… and birthdays of course,’ he smiled at her, his young features so different from Tom’s in close quarters.

‘You want some lager?’ he offered her his can, but she put her hand up quickly and shook her head.

‘I’m good thanks. I’ve had too many shots anyway… I’m feeling it,’ she wobbled her head in a drunk way and he laughed.

‘Fancy a dance then?’ he motioned with his head to the few couples who had paired off and were dancing in front of them. Clearly the drinks were having the desired effect as the boys would never normally dance willingly.

The night had a good vibe, people were enjoying the atmosphere. This was the one of the last times they would socially spend in each other’s company as a group. That was a sad thought, their school days were slipping away. They would never be able to wish them back, just hold on to the defining moments.

‘Why not,’ she whispered.

He smiled at her and held out his hand. They walked to where the others were swaying. He put his arms around her waist and she put hers around his neck and they started to move in that awkward teenage way. It hadn’t felt awkward or teenage with Tom.

‘You alright?’ Steve whispered into her ear. She could smell the lager on his breath so close to her. She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. He slowly lowered his hands to rest on her bum. After two slow songs he grabbed her hand and tried to lead her away from the others. She pulled back a little, he was obviously going to move in for a kiss.

‘Come on Alice, let’s go for a walk,’ he suggested.

‘No, let’s just stay here.’

‘Come on it’s your birthday, let’s get some privacy,’ he smiled at her and she didn’t know what to do? She closed her eyes and remembered begging Tom to make love to her and she felt sick, totally sick of herself.

‘Okay then a walk,’ she said.

They strolled hand in hand towards the bottom of the field and she heard some of the guy’s cat calling after them. But she really didn’t care.

‘Ignore them, they’re only jealous, you’re the hottest girl here.’

‘I’m flattered,’ Alice smiled, ‘even if it is a lie.’

‘It’s not.’

He led her down a grassy slope and towards some trees. It was quieter down there and without the low light and music they suddenly felt very much alone.

Steve turned around and started to back her playfully towards the trunk of one of the trees, his hands on her waist. Here it comes she thought. What made her think this was going to be a good idea?

‘Can I kiss you?’ he asked his lips almost touching hers and his speech slurring.

‘Um…’ she cringed, not being able to think of any other way out of the situation without looking like a total frigid moron.

He leaned in and pressed his lips hard to her own. His tongue delved into her mouth and he trapped her body between his arms and the tree. She felt sick. The smell of alcohol was making it worse. She felt him move his arms to her sides and stroke up and down her waist. She wanted it over now, it all felt so wrong.

‘You’re so fit,’ he said pulling away for a moment.

‘We should go back, Steve,’ she said just before he lunged at her again. His kiss was wet and drunken and she’d had enough.

She pushed at him gently trying not to hurt his feelings. He suddenly grabbed her breast with his right hand and squeezed. She pushed back harder.

‘No! Don’t do that!’

He stopped and looked at her.

‘Everyone shags at Hill End. Alice, you’re seventeen today you need to loosen up a bit,’ he pushed her back again and tried to continue the kiss. What she wanted was clearly irrelevant.

‘No, I don’t want to, let me go,’ she talked against his mouth. Feeling more and more flustered and scared.

‘Don’t be so tight, Alice! Let’s lay down here for a bit. I’ll make it good for you,’ he was totally drunk. How had she not realised that before? He grabbed for her again. Then a flash of something came out of nowhere.

Tom.

In three seconds she was flung behind his corded body with massive force and he had Steve pinned against the tree, his fists tight and his forearm against his throat, pure rage set his features into those strong angles.

Oh holy shit!

‘Mr Chambers, it’s okay, he’s drunk that’s all!’ Alice shrieked stumbling towards him.

‘Alice, stay back. I heard what he said,’ his Irish accent strong. Not soothing now but hard and menacing.

‘Mr Chambers, we’re just having a laugh, messing around, sir,’ Steve sounded scared.

‘She didn’t sound like she was having a good time to me,’ Tom gritted out.

Stop it please!

‘It’s okay, we’ve had a drink and it’s my fault, I’m so sorry,’ Alice tried again to pacify the situation. Tom turned to look at her. He was so angry. She wrapped her thick cardigan around her body tightly in protection against his stare.

‘You think this is your fault?’ he asked sternly, letting Steve’s shoulder go a little.

‘Our fault?’ she muttered.

Tom turned to Steve, ‘get yourself straight to Mr Griffiths, boy. I’ll let him know what’s been going on, he can deal with you, because right now you really need to be away from me,’ Tom roared inches from his face and then turned to her.

‘Young lady, follow me. You need to sober up and talk me through this episode,’ he spoke to her in his pissed off teacher voice. She didn’t know if he was doing it for Steve’s benefit or if he was indeed a pissed off teacher?

‘Yes, sir,’ she managed.

Tom marched them to the teachers’ block where Mr Griffiths was sipping a hot drink. He pulled him aside and explained the situation.

‘I’ll get the relevant information from Alice, make sure she’s sober and see her back to her room,’ Tom said shaking his head.

‘Okay, Mr Chambers, shall I call his parents?’ Mr Griffiths seemed really annoyed for being dragged in to deal with a drunk student, as it really wasn’t his bag.

‘I’ll leave that up to you, Ernie, but I would certainly consider it,’ he said throwing a dangerous look in Steve’s direction.

‘No problem, Tom, I’ll handle him. You better sort Miss Rutherford out,’ Mr Griffiths tusked to himself.

‘I’ll get to the bottom of it.’

Tom all but frog marched her to his own chalet as soon as Mr Griffiths had disappeared with Steve.

He unlocked the door in silence and held it open for her. She stepped inside the tiny room. It was lit by a single table lamp and his books and papers were scattered across the desk as if he’d been working. He walked in behind her and bolted the door from the inside.

She had no idea what to say to him, or what he would say to her… she didn’t have to wait long to find out.

‘What the fuck was that?’ he shouted swinging round to face her, his eyes filled with anger.

‘I’m sorry, sir…’ she didn’t want to look at him when he was this mad with her.

‘What were you thinking? Getting drunk, letting some boy touch you! Have you lost your mind?’ he hissed wringing his hands together.

Alice started to cry, tears rolled down her cheeks and suddenly she couldn’t stop them.

‘Yes. I think I have, no thanks to you,’ she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

‘You think I don’t know this is my fault? This
is
my fault, Alice. But you should never walk off alone with a drunk man, ever. Not to prove a point to me, to yourself or anyone. You’ll get yourself raped or worse!’ Tom cursed, walking towards her now.

‘What do you care anyway? You don’t want me or you can’t let yourself have me. So no one else can, is that it?’ she shouted back at him, screw it, she wanted some control here too.

‘That’s exactly it,’ he growled.

‘Well it doesn’t work like that.’

‘Yes, it does,’ he watched her like she was prey.

‘I’m not yours just because you fill my every thought you know? Because you charge my body with energy and make me feel alive. To be someone’s they have to want you back. Not just stand on the side-lines with an extendable dog lead, pulling at it whenever I seem to be doing something that makes you uncomfortable,’ Alice breathed a lungful of air and continued, ‘Okay it went further than I had wanted tonight and I’m glad you were there when you were, but you can’t play with me like that. You’re not my lover… you don’t want to be. So don’t act like a bloody jealous one whenever you feel like it… I can’t handle this,’ she sniffed.

Tom grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. His face that was always so expressive, was pained, ‘that’s enough.’

‘It’s not enough.’

‘Do you have any idea how it felt to see you with him tonight? Then, when it became apparent to me you wanted out of that situation and he was touching you… fuck, I couldn’t run there fast enough.’

Alice bit her lip as he swore harshly.

‘Do you know how close I was to punching a young lad, ripping his fucking head off? Do you? I was jealous. Bloody jealous and I don’t care admitting it. Alice, what happened the other night, I wanted to talk to you but you wouldn’t see me. It was amazing but I fucked it up by making you feel unwanted. You are wanted,’ Tom pushed his teeth together, ‘I do want you and I want no one else to have you.’