Read The Nightmares of Carlos Fuentes Online

Authors: Rashid Razaq,Hassan Blasim

The Nightmares of Carlos Fuentes (3 page)

First published in 2014 by Oberon Books Ltd

521 Caledonian Road, London N7 9RH

Tel: +44 (0) 20 7607 3637 / Fax: +44 (0) 20 7607 3629

www.oberonbooks.com

Based on the short story © Hassan Blasim, 2014

Rashid Razaq is hereby identified as author of this play in accordance with section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. The author has asserted his moral rights.

All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to the author c/o Oberon Books. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained, and no alterations may be made in the title or the text of the play without the author’s prior written consent.

You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or binding or by any means (print, electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

PB ISBN: 978-1-78319-153-6

EPUB ISBN: 978-1-78319-652-4

Cover design by James Illman

Printed, bound and converted

by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY.

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Characters

CARLOS FUENTES (30s)

LYDIA KING (50s)

CASE WORKER/SAHAR HUSAIN

KEVIN/KHALED AL HAMRANI

Contents

ONE

August 2007
.

A hotel room. A double bed. A chair towards the foot of it. On a bedside table there is a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket
.

CARLOS
, wearing a hotel dressing gown, is in bed, handcuffed to a bedpost.
LYDIA
, wearing a slip, is on her hands and knees looking for the key to the handcuffs. Her dress is draped over the chair. A pair of stilettos lie on the floor along with
CARLOS
’ discarded clothes and shoes
.

CARLOS
is pointing to a spot on the floor with his foot. He has a strong Iraqi accent
.

CARLOS:
Over there.

LYDIA:
Where?

CARLOS:
(Pointing.)
There.

She looks to where he is pointing
.

LYDIA:
Here?

CARLOS:
No.
(His foot can’t reach so he indicates with his eyes.)
Look.

LYDIA:
(Looking on the floor.)
I can’t see anything.

CARLOS:
Look eyes!

LYDIA:
What do you think I’m looking with!?

CARLOS:
No. Look in my eyes.

LYDIA:
In?

CARLOS:
My eyes.

LYDIA:
(Confused.)
Your eyes? You want me to look
with
your eyes?

CARLOS:
No!

CARLOS
indicates with his head and eyes
.

LYDIA:
Oh! You want me to look
at
your eyes.

CARLOS:
Yes!

LYDIA:
You’re going to try hypnosis?

CARLOS:
Hypno…what? I want key. What is hip-nose?

LYDIA:
It’s…never mind. Where am I looking? Show me again.

CARLOS
indicates again.
LYDIA
looks to where he is pointing
.

CARLOS:
See?

LYDIA:
Oh.

CARLOS:
Something?

LYDIA:
Yes.

LYDIA
picks up something from the floor and looks at it
.

CARLOS:
Is key?
(He pulls at his handcuffs.)
Lydia?

LYDIA:
Afraid not. It’s your ring.

She gives him the ring. It is a large silver ring with a bright red stone
.

CARLOS:
Why is this on floor?

LYDIA
sits down in the armchair with a sigh. She picks up a glass of champagne and takes a drink
.

CARLOS:
Who put this here?

LYDIA:
Don’t look at me.

CARLOS:
I put in pocket.

LYDIA:
It must have fallen out. Do you want me to keep looking for the key?

CARLOS:
Yes, yes. I need to go toilet.

LYDIA:
Oh you do, do you?

LYDIA
smiles
.

CARLOS:
Why are you smiling?

LYDIA
walks over to
CARLOS
.

CARLOS:
Why are you looking at me like this?

LYDIA
jumps on
CARLOS
and tickles him under the armpits. He lets out a girlish scream.
LYDIA
tickles him again mercilessly.
CARLOS
bursts into uncontrollable giggles.
LYDIA
laughs with glee as she continues to torment her helpless prisoner
.

CARLOS:
STOP IT PLEASE! I’M GOING TO MAKE WATER! I’M GOING TO… PLEASE LYDIA!

LYDIA
relents and gets off the bed. She takes a swig of champagne
.

CARLOS:
You are terrible, terrible woman!

LYDIA:
Only playing darling.

CARLOS:
Playing!? I…
(Checks if he pissed himself.)
I almost. What if I make piss in bed? Would you like this?

LYDIA:
Well, some people are into that kind of thing.

CARLOS:
Uckhh!

LYDIA:
They call it watersports.

CARLOS:
I don’t like to play this sport I think.

LYDIA:
Well we could finish the champers and you could go in the bottle.

LYDIA
offers the bottle to
CARLOS
.

CARLOS:
I’m not a monkey.

LYDIA:
Well, what do you want me to do? I’ve looked everywhere.

CARLOS:
Lydia, please. I don’t want to play this game.

LYDIA:
OK.

LYDIA
finishes her glass and makes to leave
.

CARLOS:
Where are you going?

LYDIA:
To reception. See if they’ve got something to get you out. Failing that we’ll have to call the fire brigade.

CARLOS:
I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

LYDIA
shrugs. She picks up her stilettos and puts on her left shoe. She goes to put on her right shoe. The key falls out. She picks it up and turns around slowly to show
CARLOS
.

CARLOS:
Thank God!

LYDIA
releases
CARLOS
. He leaps out of bed and runs to the bathroom off-stage. The sound of
CARLOS
relieving himself
.

CARLOS
returns beaming
.

LYDIA:
Better?

CARLOS:
Much better.

LYDIA
pours
CARLOS
a glass and hands it to him. She refills her glass
.

LYDIA:
A toast.

CARLOS:
To our one month anniversary?

LYDIA:
It can’t be an anniversary if it’s less than a year. To a… work in progress.

LYDIA
touches glasses with
CARLOS
.

CARLOS:
Work?

LYDIA:
Yes.

CARLOS:
I am working?

LYDIA:
No.
You’re
the work. Do you understand?

Beat
.

CARLOS:
Yes. Yes. Of course I understand.

LYDIA
takes a drink and sits down on the bed. She pats the bed for
CARLOS
to join her, but he is busy looking inside his rucksack
.

LYDIA:
What are you doing?

CARLOS
takes out a book – The History of The British Isles
.

CARLOS:
Working.

LYDIA:
That’s not what I meant.

CARLOS:
I must study for test.

CARLOS
opens the book and starts reading.
LYDIA
snatches the book
.

CARLOS:
Oy!

LYDIA:
You can’t sit the citizenship test for another four years.

CARLOS:
Four years? But I am ready now! Ask me question. I will show. I am Britishman best as you.

LYDIA:
Carlos?

CARLOS:
Yes.

LYDIA:
This is a dirty weekend, yes?

CARLOS:
Yes.

LYDIA:
I paid good money for this hotel room, yes?

CARLOS:
Yes.

LYDIA:
So get in the fucking bed.

CARLOS:
But darling, I want to make progress.

LYDIA:
Bed.

Pause
.

CARLOS
tries to grab the book.
LYDIA
pulls it away
.

CARLOS:
Hah! Sssh! Lydia! You promise you help me. How can I be Britishman if I do not pass test?

Pause
.

LYDIA:
OK. Five minutes. That’s it.
(Reading from the book.)
An inspirational leader to the British people during the Second World War?

CARLOS:
Winston Church-hill.

LYDIA:
Correct. Name the British queen who fought against the Romans.

CARLOS:
(Uncertain.)
Bod-ica?

LYDIA:
Boudica. Or Boudicea. But correct.
(Reading.)
Who is the eleventh-century English king who…

CARLOS:
I know this. I know this.
(Beat.)
King Cunt.

LYDIA:
Can-oot. King Canute. Cunt means…something else.

CARLOS:
Oh. I see. What is next? Come. Test me.

LYDIA:
Feeling confident are we?

CARLOS:
Maybe.

LYDIA:
You’ve clearly been doing your homework. How about we make it more interesting? How about for every question you get wrong, you have to remove an item of clothing.

CARLOS:
But I’m not wearing anything under this dressing gown.

LYDIA:
Well, you better not get any wrong then.

LYDIA
smiles.
CARLOS
smiles. She looks at the book
.

LYDIA:
Let’s see. When was the Magna Carta?

CARLOS:
1215.

LYDIA:
When was the Battle of Agincourt?

CARLOS:
1415.

LYDIA:
Who was the English king who defeated the French?

CARLOS:
Henry Vee?

LYDIA:
Fifth. It’s Henry the Fifth.

CARLOS:
Oh. Come Lydia. This is too easy. Ask me something only a British would know.

LYDIA:
You are feeling confident. OK.
(Flicking through the book.)
Henry the Eighth. That’s Henry with a V and three ones. Who are his six wives?

CARLOS:
All of them?

LYDIA:
Yes.

CARLOS:
They do not ask this on the test.

LYDIA:
Well, I’m asking you. Don’t you know?

Beat
.

CARLOS:
Catherine Aragon.

LYDIA:
Correct.

CARLOS:
Anne Bol-een.

LYDIA:
Boleyn.

CARLOS:
Catherine Aragon. Anne Boleyn. Jane Seymours?

LYDIA:
Three down.

CARLOS:
Anne…Anne Cleeves?

LYDIA:
Very good. Two more to go.

CARLOS:
Catherine…
(Beat.)
Howard!

LYDIA:
Last one.

CARLOS:
It is another Catherine.

LYDIA:
Yes. But who?

CARLOS:
Um…

LYDIA:
Don’t know?

CARLOS:
No. I know.

Beat
.

LYDIA:
Take it off.

CARLOS:
I know this.

LYDIA:
Take it off Carlos.

CARLOS:
Wait. Wait…
(Beat.)
OK. I will take it off.

LYDIA
smiles
.

CARLOS
puts his hand on his dressing gown cord to undo it. He comes in close to
LYDIA
.

CARLOS:
Parr. Catherine Parr. Is Henry the Eighth’s six wife.

LYDIA:
You bastard.

They laugh. They kiss.
LYDIA
takes the bottle of champagne from the ice bucket and takes a swig. She comes over and hands it to
CARLOS
. He takes the bottle from her and tries to pull her close, but she coquettishly pulls away and walks over to the opposite side of the stage
.

They look at each other
.

CARLOS
takes a swig from the bottle without breaking eye contact with
LYDIA
.

CARLOS:
Darling?

LYDIA:
Yes.

CARLOS:
This is dirty weekend yes?

LYDIA:
Bit clean so far if you ask me.

CARLOS:
Yes. What if we do something
different
?

LYDIA:
How do you mean?

CARLOS:
What if.
(Beat.)
I was boss?

CARLOS
picks up the handcuffs and a blindfold and dangles them in front of
LYDIA
.

LYDIA:
Something
different
?

CARLOS:
What do you think?