Read The Name of This Book Is Secret Online

Authors: Pseudonymous Bosch

The Name of This Book Is Secret (29 page)

 

*
T
HAT SAID, NOT ALL ALCHEMISTS ARE QUACKS OR CRIMINALS
. C
HEMISTRY BEGAN WITH ALCHEMY
. P
SYCHOLOGY, TOO
. S
IR
I
SAAC
N
EWTON

THE MAN WHO DISCOVERED GRAVITY

WAS AN ALCHEMIST
. S
O WAS THE MAN WHO INVENTED MODERN MEDICINE
. N
EXT TIME YOU GO FOR A CHECKUP, ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF HE OR SHE BELIEVES IN ALCHEMY
. I
F THE ANSWER IS NO, TELL YOUR DOCTOR TO GO INTO ANOTHER BUSINESS
!
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*
S
ERIOUSLY

IS THAT WHAT MAKES SOMETHING FUNNY
? T
HE THREAT OF DEATH
? M
AYBE
. B
UT HERE
I
THINK IT HAS MORE TO DO WITH THE SPECIAL UNDERSTANDING THAT EXISTS WHEN TWO PEOPLE HAVE LIVED THROUGH THE SAME EXPERIENCE

AN EXPERIENCE THAT IN THIS CASE WAS VERY DANGEROUS AND QUITE UNIQUE
. N
OT ENOUGH FOR ONE, JUST RIGHT FOR TWO, AND TOO MUCH FOR THREE

SOMETIMES SHARING A JOKE IS JUST LIKE SHARING A SECRET
.
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*
W
HEN YOU TAKE OVER THIS CHAPTER, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY REWRITE THAT LAST SENTENCE TO READ
, “T
HERE ARE LEVELS OF CRUELTY OF WHICH EVEN
I
AM NOT CAPABLE
.” T
EACHERS DON’T LIKE IT WHEN YOU END SENTENCES WITH PREPOSITIONS LIKE OF OR IN
. T
HEN AGAIN, YOU SHOULDN’T BE SHOWING THIS BOOK TO YOUR TEACHER ANYWAY
.
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*
T
HE LEGEND CONCERNED A
B
UDDHIST MONK WHO KEPT FALLING ASLEEP WHENEVER HE TRIED TO MEDITATE
. T
HIS MONK GOT SO FRUSTRATED THAT HE EVENTUALLY CUT OUT HIS OWN EYELIDS
. (I
KNOW

OWWW
!) A
CCORDING TO THE LEGEND, THE WORLD’S FIRST TEA BUSHES GREW IN THE SPOT WHERE HIS EYELIDS FELL
. A
ND THAT IS WHY, TO THIS VERY DAY, DRINKING TEA HELPS PEOPLE KEEP THEIR EYES OPEN WHEN THEY’RE TIRED
.
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*
I
F YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DECIPHER A KEYWORD CODE YOURSELF, CHECK THE APPENDIX
.
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*
S
EE
, I
WARNED YOU ABOUT ENDINGS
.
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*
A
PPENDIX USUALLY MEANS

SMALL OUTGROWTH FROM LARGE INTESTINE
,”
BUT IN THIS CASE IT MEANS

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ACCOMPANYING MAIN TEXT
.” O
R ARE THOSE REALLY THE SAME THINGS
? T
HINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU INSULT THIS BOOK
.
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