The Myatheira Chronicles: Volume Two: Beyond the Veil (56 page)

She blushed at the exaggeration of his words. His clothes weren’t removed. She had merely… looked underneath them. “I did no such thing,” she replied in defense. “What else was there to do? You never would have admitted the extent of your pain and you know it. To be honest, I’m offended that you find it necessary to keep such things from me. Are you really so proud that you cannot open up to me? That you feel compelled to hide your feelings the way you do with your men? I wouldn’t judge you.”

“You have judged me in the past. How can I know you won’t do so again?”

“And you will condemn me for that mistake for the rest of my life?” A stabbing pain shot through her heart at his words, like a knife cutting it to shreds. It was enough that she continued to hate herself for the foolishness of her accusations in Tanispa. She wanted nothing more than to go back in time and hold her tongue from spewing the nonsense which had led to tarnishing the reputation of one of the most loyal and honorable men she had ever met. He knew she’d thrown him to the wolves yet he still risked his life countless times to save hers. She lowered her eyes, not wanting to look at him. It hurt to see the pain she’d caused. The irreparable damage she had done to their friendship.

Callum turned his gaze to the ceiling. Silence hung heavy on the air between them before he finally spoke, his voice quiet. Calm. “I will not condemn you for it, but it will make it more difficult for me to trust you again.”

Although it hurt, she knew it was well-deserved. He had every right to question her. To believe her shallow and unworthy of his confidence. In time she could only hope to gain that trust back the way it had been before he went away and left her embittered by a false belief of abandonment. “I guess you’re right then,” she said hesitantly, suddenly uncomfortable. When she’d lain at his side the night before, it had seemed perfectly acceptable. Now she was no longer sure. She felt she’d crossed a line she wasn’t even aware was present. “I shouldn’t be here with you. If it will aid in your rest and make you more comfortable, I’m sure I can find General Uttae and occupy my time elsewhere.”

She paused, hoping Callum would say something to implore her to stay. Instead he said nothing; lying there on the bed, staring blankly upward, as if not registering the fact that she was still there. Disheartened by his silence she looked away, her legs carrying her slowly toward the door in defeat. Leaving him alone was the last thing she wanted to do while the thought of wandering around this strange house without anyone at her side was frightening.

At the door she let her fingers rest on the rough wood. As a child she had never been the type of girl to waste tears on trivial things, but over the last week she felt as if she was broken. The salty liquid was already building in her eyes despite her efforts to force it back. She hated feeling so helpless. Powerless to change anything that now caused her suffering. Her arm was extended, one leg outside the door when she heard what sounded to be Callum’s voice, soft and gentle, speaking her name quietly from the bed. She stopped, glancing over her shoulder, afraid it was nothing more than her imagination.

“Aiva, please come back.”

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach to realize it wasn’t in her head. He was calling for her. Requesting her to return. Not wanting to make her joy noticeable she stood there, staring forward into the shadows of the hall. With precise motions she turned back to the room, moving only enough to allow her to pull the door closed behind her once again. She could see him struggling to sit up on the bed, gasping from the agony caused by the effort. Hastily, she made her way to his side, resting her palm against his chest in attempts to guide him back down. He shouldn’t be moving. His injuries would never heal if he didn’t keep still.

The pressure of her hand caused him to inhale sharply in obvious distress, her fingers retracting quickly at the sound. “Callum, lie down,” she whispered. She was afraid to touch him. The bruises on his chest and abdomen were visible from under his open shirt. A constant reminder of the torture he endured. “You don’t have to tell me the severity of your injuries. I only ask that you acknowledge them for yourself and trust that you will be no use to anyone if you don’t allow them to heal.”

Heeding her insistent pleas he lowered onto his back, his hand reaching to clasp Aiva’s lightly. He lay there, breathing heavily to regain his composure. After a moment he let his head roll to the side, gazing at Aiva sadly. “Aiva,” he whispered. “Will you lie with me?”

Aiva’s mouth hung open, unsure of how to respond. Lie with him? There were so many implications to a request like that between a man and a woman.
He couldn’t possibly have meant…
she cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Callum, I… you…”

At her sudden awkwardness Callum’s face turned a deep shade of crimson from under the swollen bruises. “I did not mean – ” he let his eyes shift heavenward. “I simply meant that I would like you to lie at my side. I would never be so indecent as to ask anything more of you.”

Relieved, she couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of what she thought he suggested. Once the nervous giggling subsided, she took a moment to think on his request. He wanted her to lie with him? But she had already done so and it was he who argued it to be inappropriate. “I thought you said it was improper.”

“I know what I said. But I am a fool. Surely you know this by now,” he sighed softly. “When I was in Siscal all I could think about – all I dreamt of – was having you by my side. Now in your presence, I can’t understand why I keep pushing you away. I think waking to find you so close just… frightened me. It is difficult to explain.” He lowered his eyes to watch Aiva’s reaction to his words, a faint smile visible amidst the discomfort so evident upon his face. “You’re right, Aiva. We are alone here. There’s no reason for me to be worried. Even if General Uttae were to say anything, he is aware of my condition. Intimacy is not something I am capable of right now, even if we found ourselves considering it. Which of course we’re not…” he coughed. “I’m only asking for your company. As a friend.”

Squeezing his hand Aiva stepped around to the other side of the bed where she had taken her place the night before. She knew it was harmless but for some reason she couldn’t help thinking it a risk. She was letting herself get too close to him. Too attached. If she lay at his side, it was opening her to a greater heartbreak if he denied her request to forgo the annulment. Forcing the thoughts away, she slid carefully onto the hammock-bed. She didn’t care if it broke her heart in the end. Feeling him beside her brought the first semblance of comfort she’d felt in days. Weeks. If she had been stranded in that country with anyone else, she doubted whether she would have had the strength to continue. “See,” she whispered quietly, lifting her face to find her lips hovering beside Callum’s ear. “This is not so bad.”

Under her touch Aiva thought she felt him shiver. Concerned that he might be cold, she pulled his shirt closed, careful not to press on his injuries. The temperature in the room was mild. She felt no chill, keenly aware of the humidity; present, yet not quite to the extent it had been while lost in the jungle. The morning was still young. It would no doubt become more unbearable as the day progressed.

“Be careful,” Callum said softly. “You shouldn’t put too much strain on the sutures in your shoulder. The thread is not sturdy.”

“The thread is sturdy enough. Do not worry about it,” she smiled. While the stitches were uncomfortable, she had paid them little attention since Callum completed the procedure. Her wounds were superficial compared to his. “My concern is for you. Are you cold?”

“How could I possibly be cold in this heat?”

“I thought I felt you shiver.”

Callum was quiet a moment. He started to turn his head toward her, pausing briefly to turn his gaze to the ceiling once again. “It was nothing.”

Leaning her head against his shoulder she let her mind wander. What was there for two people to talk about while in such a position? Personal conversation felt infelicitous. On the same token, there was no superficial topic to be discussed. “So…” she started, trailing off at the sound of Callum speaking at the same time. They both stopped, waiting for the other to continue. “Go ahead,” she urged, grateful for the possibility that Callum might be more capable of breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“I was just – ” he paused, contemplating his words. “We have not had time to really speak with one another since leaving Palinon. My mind wanders to the night of the ambush on the beach, but I never know how to approach the matter. It was a chaotic evening, to say the least.”

“That is one way to describe it,” Aiva nodded. She shuddered at the memory. Everything about that night had been deplorable. Though she loathed to admit, there was no denying that Ireni was a formidable foe; and absolutely insane. Her obsession with Callum was unhealthy. Ireni wanted Aiva dead so she could have Callum to herself. Aiva had no intention of giving him up that easily. “Ireni seems rather infatuated with you still. I expected her to let that go after discovering your lack of interest in her.”

“She will ignore the facts. And if she ever gets her hands on you again, I fear what she will do.”

“Well, she can’t cut my hair much shorter, so I imagine whatever she does will be more violent,” Aiva tried to force a laugh, knowing the comedy of the statement was lost to both of them. It was impossible to laugh at reality. If Ireni wanted Aiva dead, she would make it so. She had no qualms about killing. That was obvious enough in the few times their paths crossed. It was Ireni’s arrow that struck Phelan down in Carpaen; her blade which drove through Kaemin’s body. If Ashoec and Kehprit hadn’t returned when they did, there was no saying what might have happened. “Don’t worry about me,” she said, impressed by the assurance of her tone. “I’m not helpless. She won’t have an easy time taking me down.”

Callum chuckled to himself, groaning with the discomfort it caused. “I believe it,” he agreed. “My curiosity remains, however. What would it take to convince you to tell me what she whispered which resulted in your admirable display?”

This was not the time to speak of such things. Aiva blushed to even consider it. How could she admit to Callum her jealousy at the thought of Ireni being in his bed when Aiva now was the one lying there with him? He wouldn’t understand. And if by some chance he did, it would only serve to make their position more uncomfortable. “It was nothing. I saw an opening and decided to take it.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Propping herself on her elbow Aiva stared at Callum, surprised by the steadiness of his words. Why couldn’t he believe that she acted purely out of defense? “Believe what you will. I know the truth and that’s all that matters.”

“You know the truth and for some reason hesitate to speak of it. I know Ireni well enough to know that she would seek to say exactly what she believes would get under your skin. In this case, based on what I had already heard, I’m under the assumption her private words with you had something to do with me. Is that why you are so embarrassed?”

He wouldn’t let it go. She was sure of that. Part of her wanted to tell him. To hear what he had to say in response. Ireni’s words indicated intimacy between her and Callum. Though Callum admitted to being close, he argued Ireni never successfully seduced her way into his bed. She wanted to hear him deny it. To put her jealous heart at ease. “Fine,” she said flatly. It was better to let it out quickly before she changed her mind. “She asked me how it felt to know she warmed your bed before me. The fact of the matter is that you swore she had never lain in your bed. I like to think this to still be true.”

“I swore it to you because it is the truth,” Callum frowned. “My arms may have embraced her; my lips may have been upon hers, but my bed remained cold. Even if she had succeeded, I don’t think she is capable of warming it. It is why she uses it against you. Because she knows it was you I pictured in my bed and not her.”

Reminded of the details Callum confessed that night in the Feh Noq prison, Aiva felt her unease rise at their current closeness. Apprehensive, she rubbed at her neck, averting her eyes from his. It made her heart beat strangely to think of him picturing her in such a way. Wrapped in his arms, lost in the throes of passion. This time it was she who shivered, drawing a curious glance from Callum.

“Aiva, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she smiled, distracted. The image was hard to force from her mind. Ireni had felt what it was like to be held by him in that way. Regardless of whether it was Aiva he pictured, it was Ireni he embraced in his lust. Jealousy remained in Aiva’s heart at that simple fact. Although it was inappropriate, she wanted to know what it was like. He was her husband, after all. It seemed unfair that another woman would have that experience while she was left with nothing more than fabricated images. “Maybe we should talk about something else.”

Lightly she lowered her head back down to Callum’s shoulder, her arm draped across his chest. Why did it bother her so much to think of Ireni with him? Aiva stared at her hand rested atop Callum’s sternum. She was the one lying with him now. It was her he called to his bed. But he had requested it as a friend.
Stop it
. She was being foolish. Now was hardly the time to be thinking such lewd thoughts. Callum was injured. He suffered because of his heroics in rescuing so many others. He deserved more respect than she gave by considering him so salaciously.

The uncomfortable tension between them was broken by the sound of the door opening, Aiva’s eyes quickly shifting to see who entered, relieved to find it was only Uttae. After the ritual the night before, she had no desire to see Enokih again, though she knew it was inevitable they would cross paths. She and Callum were guests inside her home. With Callum’s injuries so severe, they would both find themselves under her care for at least a few more days.

“Vor’shai Princess,” he announced loudly. “It is time for us to speak, if you will come with me.”

Aiva was on her feet, straightening her tattered dress, discomfited by the interruption. Innocent or not, she was flustered to have been found lying at Callum’s side. Lady Faustine would be appalled if she knew anything about the behavior and thoughts which she’d exhibited since washing upon the Tuniron shore. What was it about their current predicament which made her think such things? “Of course, General,” she stated calmly, hurrying to the door where Uttae stood. Behind her she could hear Callum shift, attempting to rise, finding the act difficult in his condition. The hammock-style of the bed made movement unsteady, rocked side-to-side under his weight. “Callum, you should stay still…”