The Mousetrap and Other Plays (68 page)

MAYHEW
. Yes, damnable. Did you win your case, Wilfrid?

SIR
WILFRID
. Yes, I'm glad to say.

MAYHEW
. It always gives you satisfaction to beat Myers, doesn't it?

SIR
WILFRID
. It gives me satisfaction to beat anyone.

MAYHEW
. But especially Myers.

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Taking the bow tie from
CARTER
) Especially Myers. (
He crosses to the mirror
R
.) He's an irritating—gentleman. (
He puts on his bow tie.
) He always seems to bring out the worst in me.

MAYHEW
. That would appear to be mutual. You irritate him because you hardly ever let him finish a sentence.

(
CARTER
exits, taking the wig, gown, jacket and bands with him.
)

SIR
WILFRID
. He irritates me because of that mannerism of his. (
He turns and stands
R
.
of the desk.
) It's this—(
He clears his throat and adjusts an imaginary wig.
) that drives me to distraction, and he will call me Ro-barts—Ro-barts. But he's a very able advocate, if only he'd remember not to ask leading questions when he knows damn well he shouldn't. But let's get down to business.

MAYHEW
. (
Moving above the desk
) Yes. I brought Vole here, because I am anxious for you to hear his story exactly as he told it to me. (
He takes some typewritten papers from his brief-case.
) There is some urgency in the matter, it seems. (
He hands the papers to
SIR
WILFRID
.)

SIR
WILFRID
. Oh?

LEONARD
. My wife thinks I'm going to be arrested. (
He looks embarrassed.
) She's much cleverer than I am—so she may be right.

SIR
WILFRID
. Arrested for what?

LEONARD
. (
Still more embarrassed.
) Well—for murder.

(
SIR
WILFRID
perches himself on the down
R
.
corner of the desk.
)

MAYHEW
. (
Crossing to
C
.) It's the case of Miss Emily French. You've probably seen the reports in the Press?

(
SIR
WILFRID
nods.
)

She was a maiden lady, living alone but for an elderly housekeeper, in a house at Hampstead. On the night of October the fourteenth her housekeeper returned at eleven o'clock to find that apparently the place had been broken into, and that her mistress had been coshed on the back of the head and killed. (
To
LEONARD
.) That is right?

LEONARD
. That's right. It's quite an ordinary sort of thing to happen nowadays. And then, the other day, the papers said that the police were anxious to interview a Mr. Leonard Vole, who had visited Miss French earlier on the evening in question, as they thought he might be able to give them useful information. So of course I went along to the police station and they asked me a lot of questions.

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Sharply.
) Did they caution you?

LEONARD
. (
Vaguely.
) I don't quite know. I mean they said would I like to make a statement and they'd write it down, and it might be used in Court. Is that cautioning me?

(
SIR
WILFRID
exchanges a glance with
MAYHEW
, and speaks more to him than to
LEONARD
.)

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Rising
) Oh well, can't be helped now. (
He crosses above the desk to
L
.)

LEONARD
. Anyway, it sounded damned silly to me. I told them all I could and they were very polite and seemed quite satisfied and all that. When I got home and told Romaine about it—my wife that is—well, she got the wind up. She seemed to think that they—well—that they'd got hold of the idea that I might have done it.

(
SIR
WILFRID
moves the chair from
L
.
of the fireplace to
C
.
for
MAYHEW
, who sits.
)

So I thought perhaps I ought to get hold of a solicitor—(
To
MAYHEW
.) so I came along to you. I thought you'd be able to tell me what I ought to do about it. (
He looks anxiously from one to the other.
)

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Moving down
L
.) You knew Miss French well?

(
LEONARD
rises, but
SIR
WILFRID
motions him to sit.
)

LEONARD
. Oh yes, she'd been frightfully kind to me. (
He resumes his seat.
) Actually it was a bit of a bore sometimes—she positively fussed over me, but she meant it very well, and when I saw in the paper that she'd been killed I was awfully upset, because, you see, I'd really got fond of her.

MAYHEW
. Tell Sir Wilfrid, just as you told me, how it was you came to make Miss French's acquaintance.

LEONARD
. (
Turning obediently to
SIR
WILFRID
) Well, it was one day in Oxford Street. I saw an old lady crossing the road carrying a lot of parcels and in the middle of the street she dropped them, tried to get hold of them again and found a bus was almost on top of her.

(
SIR
WILFRID
crosses slowly below the others to
R
.
of desk.
)

Just managed to get to the curb safely. Well, I recovered her parcels from the street, wiped some of the mud off them as best I could, tied up one again that had burst open with string and generally soothed the old dear down. You know the sort of thing.

SIR
WILFRID
. And she was grateful?

LEONARD
. Oh yes, she seemed very grateful. Thanked me a lot and all that. Anyone would think I'd saved her life instead of her parcels.

SIR
WILFRID
. There was actually no question of your having saved her life? (
He takes a packet of cigarettes from the desk drawer.
)

LEONARD
. Oh, no. Nothing heroic. I never expected to see her again.

SIR
WILFRID
. Cigarette?

LEONARD
. No, thanks, sir, never do. But by an extraordinary coincidence, two days later I happened to be sitting behind her in the theatre. She looked round and recognized me and we began to talk, and in the end she asked me to come and see her.

SIR
WILFRID
. And you went?

LEONARD
. Yes. She'd urged me to name a day specially and it seemed rather churlish to refuse. So I said I'd go on the following Saturday.

SIR
WILFRID
. And you went to her house at. . . (
He looks at one of the papers.
)

MAYHEW
. Hampstead.

LEONARD
. Yes.

SIR
WILFRID
. What did you know about her when you first went to the house? (
He perches himself on the down
R
.
corner of the desk.
)

LEONARD
. Well, nothing really but what she'd told me, that she lived alone and hadn't very many friends. Something of that kind.

SIR
WILFRID
. She lived with only a housekeeper?

LEONARD
. That's right. She had eight cats, though. Eight of them. The house was beautifully furnished and all that, but it smelt a bit of cat.

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Rising and moving above the desk
) Had you reason to believe she was well off?

LEONARD
. Well, she talked as though she was.

SIR
WILFRID
. And you yourself? (
He crosses and stands up
L
.
of
LEONARD
.)

LEONARD
. (
Cheerfully.
) Oh, I'm practically stony broke and have been for a long time.

SIR
WILFRID
. Unfortunate.

LEONARD
. Yes, it is rather. Oh, you mean people will say I was sucking up to her for her money?

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Disarmed.
) I shouldn't have put it quite like that, but in essence, yes, that is possibly what people might say.

LEONARD
. It isn't really true, you know. As a matter of fact, I was sorry for her. I thought she was lonely. I was brought up by an old aunt, my Aunt Betsy, and I like old ladies.

SIR
WILFRID
. You say old ladies. Do you know what age Miss French was?

LEONARD
. Well, I didn't know, but I read it in the paper after she was murdered. She was fifty-six.

SIR
WILFRID
. Fifty-six. You consider that old, Mr. Vole, but I should doubt if Miss Emily French considered herself old.

LEONARD
. But you can't call it a chicken, can you?

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Crossing above the desk and sitting
R
.
of it
) Well, let us get on. You went to see Miss French fairly frequently?

LEONARD
. Yes, I should say once, twice a week perhaps.

SIR
WILFRID
. Did you take your wife with you?

LEONARD
. (
Slightly embarrassed.
) No, no, I didn't.

SIR
WILFRID
. Why didn't you?

LEONARD
. Well—well, frankly, I don't think it would have gone down very well if I had.

SIR
WILFRID
. Do you mean with your wife or with Miss French?

LEONARD
. Oh, with Miss French. (
He hesitates.
)

MAYHEW
. Go on, go on.

LEONARD
. You see, she got rather fond of me.

SIR
WILFRID
. You mean, she fell in love with you?

LEONARD
. (
Horrified.
) Oh, good Lord, no, nothing of that kind. Just sort of pampered me and spoiled me, that sort of thing.

SIR
WILFRID
. (
After a short pause.
) You see, Mr. Vole, I have no doubt part of the police case against you, if there
is
a case against you which as yet we have no definite reason to suppose, will be why did you, young, good-looking, married, devote so much of your time to an elderly woman with whom you could hardly have very much in common?

LEONARD
. (
Gloomily.
) Yes, I know they'll say I was after her for her money. And in a way perhaps that's true. But only in a way.

SIR
WILFRID
. (
Slightly disarmed.
) Well, at least you're frank, Mr. Vole. Can you explain a little more clearly?

LEONARD
. (
Rising and moving to the fireplace
) Well, she made no secret of the fact that she was rolling in money. As I told you, Romaine and I—that's my wife—are pretty hard up. (
He moves and stands above his chair.
) I'll admit that I did hope that if I was really in a tight place she'd lend me some money. I'm being honest about it.

SIR
WILFRID
. Did you ask her for a loan?

LEONARD
. No, I didn't. I mean, things weren't desperate. (
He becomes suddenly rather more serious as though he realized the gravity of that.
) Of course I can see—it does look rather bad for me. (
He resumes his seat.
)

SIR
WILFRID
. Miss French knew you were a married man?

LEONARD
. Oh, yes.

SIR
WILFRID
. But she didn't suggest that you should bring your wife to see her?

LEONARD
. (
Slightly embarrassed.
) No. She—well, she seemed to take it for granted my wife and I didn't get on.

SIR
WILFRID
. Did you deliberately give her that impression?

LEONARD
. No, I didn't. Indeed I didn't. But she seemed to—well, assume it, and I thought perhaps if I kept dragging Romaine into it she'd, well, lose interest in me. I didn't want exactly to cadge money from her, but I'd invented a gadget for a car—a really good idea it is—and if I could have persuaded her to finance that, well, I mean it would have been
her
money, and it might have brought her in a lot. Oh, it's very difficult to explain—but I wasn't sponging on her, Sir Wilfrid, really I wasn't.

SIR
WILFRID
. What sums of money did you obtain at any time from Miss French?

LEONARD
. None. None at all.

SIR
WILFRID
. Tell me something about the housekeeper.

LEONARD
. Janet MacKenzie? She was a regular old tyrant, you know, Janet was. Fairly bullied poor Miss French. Looked after her very well and all that, but the poor old dear couldn't call her soul her own when Janet was about. (
Thoughtfully.
) Janet didn't like me at all.