The Mousetrap and Other Plays (13 page)

ARMSTRONG
. He's dead—Shot through the head—

VERA
. (
Leans against window up Left
) One got in Chancery—and then there were four—

ARMSTRONG
. Miss Claythorne.

LOMBARD
. Vera.

VERA
. You got me out of the way. You got me to go upstairs for cigarettes. You put that seaweed there—You did it all so that you could kill that helpless old man in the dark—you're mad—all of you—crazy. (
Her voice is low and full of horror
) That's why you wanted the red curtain and the knitting wool—It was all planned—long ago—for
that
—Oh, my God, let me get out of here—(
She edges to the Left 1 door and rushes out, as—
)

CURTAIN

Scene II

The following morning.

It is brilliant sunshine. The room is as it was the night before.

BLORE
,
LOMBARD
AND
VERA
ARE SITTING ON THE
L
EFT SOFA, BACKS TO THE AUDIENCE, EATING TINNED TONGUE ON TRAY

LOMBARD
.

Three little Indian boys,

Sitting in a row.

Thinking as they guzzle

Who's next to go?

VERA
. Oh, Philip!

BLORE
. That's all right, Miss Claythorne. I don't mind joking on a full stomach.

VERA
. I must say I was hungry. But all the same, I don't think I shall ever fancy tinned tongue again.

BLORE
. I was wanting that meal! I feel a new man.

LOMBARD
. We'd been nearly twenty-four hours without food. That does lower the morale.

VERA
. Somehow, in the daylight, everything seems different.

LOMBARD
. You mustn't forget there's a dangerous homicidal lunatic somewhere loose on this island.

VERA
. Why is it one doesn't feel jittery about it any more?

LOMBARD
. Because we know now, beyond any possible doubt, who it is, eh, Blore?

BLORE
. That's right.

LOMBARD
. It was the uncertainty before—looking at each other, wondering which.

VERA
. I said all along it was Doctor Armstrong.

LOMBARD
. You did, my sweet, you did. Until, of course, you went completely bats and suspected us all.

VERA
. (
Rises to mantelpiece; takes three cigarettes out of box
) It seems rather silly in the light of day.

LOMBARD
. Very silly.

BLORE
. Allowing it is Armstrong, what's happened to him?

LOMBARD
. We know what he wants us to think has happened to him.

VERA
. (
Crosses Centre; gives
BLORE
and
LOMBARD
cigarette
) What exactly did you find?

LOMBARD
. One shoe—just one shoe—sitting prettily on the cliff edge. Inference—Doctor Armstrong has gone completely off his onion and committed suicide.

BLORE
. (
Rises
) All very circumstantial—even to one little china Indian broken over there in the doorway.

VERA
. I think that was rather overdoing it. A man wouldn't think of doing that if he was going to drown himself.

LOMBARD
. Quite so. But we're fairly sure he didn't drown himself. But he had to make it appear as though he were the seventh victim all according to plan.

VERA
. Supposing he really is dead?

LOMBARD
. I'm a bit suspicious of death without bodies.

VERA
. How extraordinary to think that there are five dead bodies in there, and here we've been eating tinned tongue.

LOMBARD
. The delightful feminine disregard for facts—there are six dead bodies and they are not all in there.

BLORE
. Oh, no, no. She's right. There are only five.

LOMBARD
. What about Mrs. Rogers?

BLORE
. I've counted her. She makes the fifth.

LOMBARD
. (
Rises. A little exasperated
) Now look here: Marston, one. Mrs. Rogers, two. General MacKenzie, three. Rogers, four. Emily Brent, five, and Wargrave, six.

(
VERA
takes tray to table up Left.
)

BLORE
. (
Counting themselves
) Seven, eight, nine—Armstrong, ten. That's right, old man. Sorry. (
Sits Left sofa.
)

LOMBARD
. (
Sits Left sofa
) Don't you think it would be an idea if we brought Mrs. Rogers downstairs and shoved her in the morgue, too?

BLORE
. I'm a detective, not an undertaker.

VERA
. (
Sits chair Right Centre
) For Heaven's sake, stop talking about bodies. The point is, Armstrong murdered them.

LOMBARD
. We ought to have realized it was Armstrong straight away.

BLORE
. How do you think Armstrong got hold of your revolver?

LOMBARD
. Haven't the slightest idea.

VERA
. Tell me exactly what happened in the night?

LOMBARD
. Well, after you threw a fit of hysterics and locked yourself in your room, we all thought we'd better go to bed.

BLORE
. So we all went to bed—and locked ourselves in our rooms.

LOMBARD
. About an hour later, I heard someone pass my door. I came out and tapped on Blore's door. He was there all right. Then I went to Armstrong's room. It was empty. That's when I tapped on your door and told you to sit tight—whatever happened. Then I came down here. The window on the balcony was open—and my revolver was lying just beside it.

BLORE
. But why the devil should Armstrong chuck that revolver away?

LOMBARD
. Don't ask me—either an accident or he's crazy.

VERA
. Where do you think he is?

LOMBARD
. Lurking somewhere, waiting to have a crack at one of us.

VERA
. We ought to search the house.

BLORE
. What—and walk into an ambush?

VERA
. (
Rises
) Oh—I never thought of that.

LOMBARD
. Are you quite sure you heard no one moving about after we went out?

VERA
. (
Above Right sofa
) Oh, I imagined all sorts of things—but nothing short of setting the house on fire would have got me to unlock my door.

LOMBARD
. I see—just thoroughly suspicious.

BLORE
. (
Rises to Right
) What's the use of talking? What are we going to do?

LOMBARD
. If you ask me—do nothing. Sit tight and take no risks.

BLORE
. Look here, I want to go after that fellow.

LOMBARD
. What a dog of the bulldog breed you are, Blore. By the way, between friends and without prejudice, you did go in for that little spot of perjury, didn't you?

(
VERA
sits Left end Right sofa.
)

BLORE
. (
Sits Right Centre. Hesitating
) Well, I don't suppose it makes any odds now. Landor was innocent, all right. The gang squared me and between us we put him away for a stretch. Mind you, I wouldn't admit it now if it wasn't that—

LOMBARD
. You think we're all in the same boat?

BLORE
. Well, I couldn't admit it in front of Mr. Justice Wargrave, could I?

LOMBARD
. No, hardly.

BLORE
. (
Rises
) I say, that fellow Seton, do you think he was innocent?

LOMBARD
. I'm quite sure of it. Wargrave had a reason for wanting him out of the way. Well, Blore, I'm delighted you've come off your virtuous perch. I hope you made a tidy bit out of it?

BLORE
. (
Injured
) Nothing like what I ought to have done. They're a mean lot, that Benny gang. I got my promotion, though.

LOMBARD
. And Landor got penal servitude and died in gaol.

BLORE
. I couldn't tell he was going to die, could I?

LOMBARD
. No, that was your bad luck.

BLORE
. His, you mean.

LOMBARD
. Yours, too. Because as a result of that fact you may get your life cut short unpleasantly soon.

BLORE
. What? Me? By Armstrong? I'll watch it.

LOMBARD
. You'll have to. Remember there are only three Indians there.

BLORE
. Well, what about you?

LOMBARD
. I shall be quite all right, thank you. I've been in tight places before and I've got out of them. And I mean to get out of this one. (
Pause
) Besides, I've got a revolver.

BLORE
. (
Right end Right sofa
) Yes—that revolver. Now listen. You said you found it lying down there. What's to prove you haven't had it all the time?

LOMBARD
. Same old gramophone record! No room in your head for more than one idea at a time, is there?

BLORE
. No, but it's a good idea.

LOMBARD
. And you're sticking to it.

BLORE
. And I would have thought up a better story than that, if I were you.

LOMBARD
. I only wanted something simple that a policeman could understand.

BLORE
. What's wrong with the police?

LOMBARD
. Nothing—now that you've left the Force.

BLORE
. (
Above Right sofa
) Now look here, Captain Lombard, if you're an honest man, as you pretend—

LOMBARD
. Oh, come, Blore, we're neither of us honest.

BLORE
. If you're telling the truth for once, you ought to do the square thing and chuck that revolver down there.

LOMBARD
. Don't be an ass.

BLORE
. I've said I'll go through the house looking for Armstrong, haven't I? If I'm willing to do that, will you lend me that revolver?

LOMBARD
. (
Rises to down Centre
) No, I won't. That revolver's mine. It's my revolver and I'm sticking to it.

BLORE
. (
Angrily
) Then do you know what I'm beginning to think?

LOMBARD
. You're not beginning to think it, you square-headed flattie. You thought it last night, and now you've gone back to your original idea. I'm the one and only U.N. Unknown Owen. Is that it?

BLORE
. I won't contradict you.

LOMBARD
. Well, think what you damned well please. But I warn you—

VERA
. (
Incisively
) I think you are both behaving like a pair of children.

(
They
BOTH
look at her rather sheepishly.
)

LOMBARD
. Sorry, Teacher.

VERA
. (
To
BLORE
;
scornfully
) Of course, Captain Lombard isn't the unknown. The Unknown Owen is Armstrong—and I'll tell you one very good proof of it.

BLORE
. Oh, what?

VERA
. Think of the rhyme. “Four little Indian boys—going out to sea. A red herring swallowed one, and then there were three.” Don't you see the subtlety of it? A red herring? That's Armstrong's pretended suicide, but it's only a red herring—so really he isn't dead!

BLORE
. That's very ingenious.

VERA
. To my mind, it's absolute proof. You see, it's all mad because
he's
mad. He takes a queer, childish, crazy pleasure in sticking to the rhyme and making everything happen in that way. Dressing up the Judge, killing Rogers when he was chopping sticks; using a hypodermic on Miss Brent, when he might just as well have drugged her. He's got to make it all fit in.

BLORE
. And that might give us a pointer. Where do we go from here? (
Goes up to mantelpiece and reads
)

“Three little Indian boys walking in the Zoo.

A big bear hugged one and then there were two.”

(
He laughs
) He'll have a job with that one. There's no Zoo on this island! (
His laughter is cut short as he sees the big bear rug on which he is standing. He edges off the rug and turns to
LOMBARD
.)

BLORE
. I say, Captain Lombard, what about a nice bottle of beer?

LOMBARD
. Do stop thinking about your stomach, Blore. This craving for food and drink will be your undoing.

BLORE
. But there's plenty of beer in the kitchen.

LOMBARD
. Yes, and if anyone wanted to get rid of you, the first place they'd think of putting a lethal dose would be in a nice bottle of beer.

(
From outside comes the sound of a motorboat hooter.
)

BLORE
. What's that? A boat! A boat!

(
ALL
rush to balcony to Left.
BLORE
rushes out into balcony. There is a scream, then a crash and thud.
)

VERA
. Oh, God! (
Puts hands over eyes.
)