The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (25 page)

In the Western world, personal space is considered to be on
average a circle of about 4 feet (1.2 m) around us, but there is an intimate zone within just 1.5 feet (0.5 m) from our bodies. This intimate zone is reserved for only a select few we do not mind being close to — those we trust.

Your goal is to eventually be able to step inside the intimate zone of the woman you want, but the first time you approach her, you have to start by stepping into her personal space to get her full attention and to have a normal conversation without having to raise your voice. Being able to do this in a relaxed and confident manner is one of the keys to speeding up the process of getting to know each other. Complete strangers usually keep their distance with a good margin, often staying outside the personal space, and a woman is normally never that close to someone unless she has known that person for a while, which means that you nonverbally assume rapport when you move in closer faster.

Once you are inside a woman’s personal space and have started to flirt with her, the idea is to slowly and gradually move toward her intimate zone. Do this as though it is no big deal and without drawing any attention to it while you are talking to her. It takes some time to build enough trust and make her feel comfortable enough not to consciously react negatively to this move by stepping back, but how long exactly will vary greatly depending on the situation. Do not move so fast as to scare her, but do not take so long that you have become good friends already.

Abruptly invading someone’s personal or intimate space will be seen as an act of aggression, and from this act stems the expression, “get in someone’s face.” You definitely do not want to do that to a woman you like, so make sure she is comfortable before you move in.

Depending on the situation you happen to find the woman in, other people’s personal space may be getting in the way, acting
as an invisible barrier between you and her. However, this must never stop you. There is no point in bothering other people just for the sake of it, but when it is necessary, you have to put yourself first as a man. Although you may have been raised with absurd ideas about putting other unimportant people before yourself in the name of “respect,” it is not a winning concept. You only win if you can convince
others
to believe
you
are more important than they are.

Invading other people’s personal space takes a lot of confidence, sometimes even audacity, which is exactly why it is so essential to have the
ability
to do it in front of women. However, I do not mean that it is
necessary
to invade others’ personal space when you approach a woman; all I mean is that the opportunities that call for such behavior work to your advantage rather than against you. Take advantage of these opportunities instead of avoiding them.

Your “instincts” will probably tell you to wait until the woman is alone or for others to clear the way for you, but that would be the timid and powerless way of approaching her, which has not brought you or any other male on earth an abundance of women so far, so that is what you should avoid.

For instance, imagine a circle of five people talking outside a nightclub, one of them a woman you want. Such a situation is usually too intimidating for most males, and if they dare to approach her at all that night, they will usually wait to do so. But that is not what a man would do. He would gently break the circle, step inside it, and start talking to the woman he wants right in front of her friends. By doing this, he completely invades the personal space of the group, interrupts the conversation, and takes actions other people would consider totally out of the question, demonstrating his confidence loud and clear.

Another reason it is essential to get close to a woman is to be close enough to touch her, but before you make physical contact for the first time, you should have made eye contact.

Gaze

Women often say that a male’s eyes are one of his most attractive physical features. Eyes earn far more points with women than big muscles or rock-hard abs do, and luckily, we all have interesting eyes, assuming that we use them properly.

However, few males do — they divert their gaze from the woman’s instead and are unable to keep eye contact for very long or at all. It is not that their actual eyes look dull or repulsive, but they simply do not let women see them long enough to appreciate them.

This is not the reason you have to be able to control your gaze, however. It is not that the eyes really are “the window to your soul,” but they
do
reveal your personality. A woman will easily read your level of confidence by how fearlessly you can look her straight in the eyes, and she can measure your charm by how interested in her you really are in the way that you look at her, for how long, and how quickly you look away as you make eye contact.

Males with a lot of confidence and charm, usually from a lot of experience with women, look at them a lot
more
, especially directly into their eyes. They maintain eye contact longer than most males do and never look away as an automatic response, and they do this effortlessly without having to struggle to keep the eye contact and without becoming nervous while doing it.

We are all born with this ability, but it is suppressed as we grow up and become socialized, as we are not only told that it is impolite to stare, but that simply
looking
at someone for a long time is the same as staring. As you might have noticed, young children usually have no problem looking you straight in the eyes
without saying anything for much longer than most adults can, even if they are old enough to talk. But for most adult males, it takes a lot of experience or practice to be able to look women they do not know in the eyes for more than a couple of seconds.

The males who are most influenced by bad socialization, those who feel most inadequate for or intimidated by women, demonstrate this social inferiority nonverbally by
quickly
breaking eye contact as an automatic response, often immediately, or by avoiding women’s gaze entirely.

However, simply deciding to make eye contact and maintaining it with women until
they
look away first rarely works until you have addressed all of the erroneous beliefs that we have discussed so far. You should still try to, of course, but do not expect it to be easy at first, and remember that your beliefs govern your behavior if you catch yourself
automatically
breaking eye contact.

When you are able to confidently hold the gaze of women with the intent of waiting for
them
to nonverbally submit and look away first, you will notice that some women simply never do. Some even start smiling or blushing, and some look away for a split second only to resume the eye contact immediately. When a woman does this, it is because you just gave her a very powerful nonverbal compliment; you told her that she is attractive and interesting to you, an attractive (confident enough to keep eye contact) person yourself. This is perhaps the oldest form of compliment available to mankind. It is entirely universal, and it conveys the same message all over the world. It is one of the few things you have to rely on when you want to seduce women in countries where you do not speak the same language, but it is useful everywhere you go and in fact an essential companion to all of your
verbal
compliments.

Your gaze reveals not only your personality, but also what you are really interested in, as that is what we as humans focus our
attention on. To make it clear how much more significant your nonverbal message is than your verbal message, think about a conversation you have had with someone who kept looking over your shoulder or to the side at something
else
. This is disrespectful as it conveys an unwillingness to invest attention in the other person. By not “paying” attention, this person is demonstrating how little they value you, which makes you feel unattractive.

Earlier I referred to time as a resource. Focus is another resource that is essential to
spend
on the women you want, unlike money. Not only should you spend these two resources (time and focus) generously on the women you want, but you should also be generous with compliments, both verbal and nonverbal. With your gaze you are able to make women feel much more attractive than your words ever can. Although women do still like to
hear
compliments,
seeing
them will truly make their day and increase the impression that you are charming.

Whenever you admire women, you should look at them directly and rotate your head so that your eyes face the same way as your nose. Never look at women indirectly through reflections, do not glance to the sides through the corner of your eyes, and do not wait until after they have walked past you before you turn around to see more of them. Make it a habit to be shameless. Do not be embarrassed to follow a woman with your eyes the entire time she is walking toward you or to turn your head and even your entire body to check out a woman as she walks past you.

Plenty of males intentionally buy sunglasses to be able to check out sparsely clad women when the weather is warm without anyone knowing what they are
really
looking at behind the shades. However, a male
with
confidence would never be embarrassed about anything, and an attractive male who is successful with women would definitely not be hiding his interest in them
or rob women of nonverbal compliments he knows they would appreciate.

Part of showing your intentions to women nonverbally includes not being afraid to check them out, and when you do, you should not be afraid to do so directly, which mostly means to look women in their eyes. Attractive females are obviously used to males checking them out, but they are not used to males looking deep into their
eyes
for more than a few split seconds. When you do, they absolutely love it, and sometimes they actually think that you can see into their soul. This is why they sometimes ask what you can see in their eyes if you hold their gaze for a while. If they do ask, make up something romantic to say, unless you really can see something special.

You should look at women’s eyes most of the time before you approach and whenever you talk to them. It is perfectly okay to look at their breasts for a moment if you wish, and many males instinctively focus on a woman’s chest before looking at her face, but make sure to return to her eyes when you talk to her or when she is talking to you.

The fact that you admire her entire body is nothing but flattering to her, as long as she does not get the idea that you are inexperienced and have never seen a woman’s body up close before or if you talk to her chest instead of her face.

When you are not afraid or ashamed to admire a woman’s body, she may comment about it, but then make sure not to apologize for your behavior or pretend that you are not admiring her. To do so would be counterproductive, as you would retract your nonverbal compliment and make her feel
less
attractive. It is not polite; it is only foolish and unflattering.

Instead, if confronted, explain to her that she is a very attractive woman and that you find her very sexy, particularly mentioning
the bodily feature you enjoy the most, which she “caught” you admiring. Incidentally, the very idea that a male can get
caught
admiring a woman proves how preposterous our society is, as if sexual admiration is a crime, something to be ashamed of and cover up.

There is nothing wrong with looking at women, but you should never
stare
at them, so you have to know the difference. Staring is not the same thing as merely keeping eye contact for a long time, the way parents lead their children to believe. Staring means maintaining an expressionless look while keeping eye contact, particularly without smiling, and it makes other people uncomfortable because you seem dead or hostile. As soon as you start to smile and there is some movement in your facial expression, the woman’s perception of you will be, “he is looking at me,” which is good, instead of “he is staring at me,” which is bad.

What you do with your mouth is an essential part of your gaze, because people have a hard time telling them apart. When they say someone’s eyes looked angry, for instance, it was often the mouth that communicated anger, as it makes up a large part of your facial expression.

Take care to smile whenever you meet a woman for the first time, but also when you meet her for dates later on. However, you should not fake a big smile or expose too much teeth for any long period of time. A fake smile might be okay for the first minute or so, but if you hold this expression much longer, women will surely notice its insincerity, and if they cannot read your
real
emotions through your facial expressions, they will believe you are hiding something and become uncomfortable.

Of course, it is best to smile automatically and naturally as soon as you see a woman you are interested in, as you are excited to meet her and feel good in her presence. Otherwise, you have to
force a genuine-looking, relaxed, or sly smile for the first minute, until you actually do feel the urge to smile naturally. A man smiles because he is happy to see women, and he approaches them with a sly smile because he knows they are in for a treat. He does not walk around with a goofy and exaggerated grin because he is so overly excited from a lack of experience or because he cannot believe how lucky he is.

When you get good at maintaining eye contact, particularly at giving women nonverbal compliments, they will likely describe your eyes as intense or special. Although it is possible to caress and excite a woman with your eyes, and you should, it is much easier using your hands.

Touch

Females appear more tactile than males. In much the same way males can lose their heads from
looking
at a woman, such as a good stripper who can hypnotize her customers with her appearance, females can lose their heads from being touched, caressed, or massaged by a man.