The Man Every Woman Wants (13 page)

‘Y
OUR
family's not that bad, Laura,' were Ryan's first words as they drove away from the house.

Laura sighed. ‘They were greatly improved this weekend,' she admitted. ‘But that was because of your influence. You had Gran eating out of your hand over lunch. What on earth did you say to her during that drive? She seemed much brighter than yesterday.'

‘I hardly said a word; she did most of the talking. Told me where to drive. I just followed orders. She showed me the village and the church, the one near the Hunter Valley gardens. By the way, she said to tell you that that was where she wanted her funeral service to be held.'

‘Oh, for pity's sake!'

‘She wasn't being maudlin, Laura. Just practical.'

‘But she won't die now. Not for ages. What else did she say? She didn't drop any hints about our getting engaged, did she?'

‘Not directly. Though she did point out that they use that church for a lot weddings as well.'

‘And what did you say to that?'

‘Nothing, that I recall.'

‘You must have said something to make her look so pleased with you.'

‘I did promise to come to her eightieth-birthday party in November.'

‘Oh no. Do you think that was a good idea?'

‘I don't see why not.'

‘Well, I mean, we might not last that long.' Laura's conversation with Alison had made her determined not to get any silly female hopes up where Ryan was concerned.

His sharp sideways glance startled her. ‘My girlfriends usually last more than two months, Miss Cynical.'

Laura tried to remain looking cool but it was difficult when her heart had just turned over with a ridiculous burst of happiness. ‘You mean you want to make our relationship a public one?'

Now he looked quite annoyed. ‘Well, of course I do! What had you been envisaging? That I would keep you as some dirty little secret? Why on earth would I do that?'

Laura knew she couldn't tell him the truth—that she'd been imagining just that. ‘I guess because I'm not the kind of gorgeous, glamorous female that you usually date,' she said instead.

‘Good God, Laura, did you get a look at yourself last night? You are just as gorgeous and glamorous-looking as any of my previous girlfriends.'

‘But I don't usually look like that on a day-to-day basis, as you well know.'

‘There's no reason why you can't. All you have to do is go shopping for some more new clothes and wear a bit of makeup occasionally.'

‘People at work will wonder what's happened to me.'

‘So? Do you honestly care what they think?'

‘Yes, I do,' she admitted. The end result of such a radical makeover was slowly sinking in. She didn't want her colleagues laughing at her behind her back. She would look a complete fool if she went in there all glammed up and told them Ryan could no longer be her client because she was dating him. They all knew what he was like. The women there had often made caustic remarks about his being a serial lady-killer.

‘No, Ryan,' she said firmly, surprising herself.

He slanted her a startled glance. ‘No
what
?'

‘No, I don't want to buy a whole new wardrobe and, no, I don't want to be your girlfriend.'

The sudden silence inside the car was electric with unspoken tension. She saw his knuckles go white as he gripped the steering wheel; saw his shoulders rise.

‘You don't mean that,' he said at last, his tone one of sheer disbelief.

‘But I do.'

‘You don't want to sleep with me any more?'

‘I didn't say that.'

His head whipped round, shock written all over his face. Laura was pretty shocked herself—at herself, for voicing out loud what had suddenly entered her head. That it was
he
she wanted to keep as
her
dirty little secret, not the other way round.

When his car drifted dangerously close to the lane next to them—and the truck which was rumbling along at high speed—Ryan quickly returned his attention to his driving, swearing volubly as he righted the car, slowing down appreciably before he spoke again.

‘You can't be seriously suggesting what I think you're suggesting,' he bit out, obviously not happy with being cast in the role of her secret lover.

Now that the initial shock of her suggestion had worn off, Laura found herself quite taken with the idea. How better to protect herself from future hurt and humiliation than by keeping their affair strictly sexual and, yes, totally secret? Not to mention brief. No one knew better than Laura that time and sustained intimacy—even that of a strictly sexual nature—would ultimately be her undoing. A week or two should be long enough to burn out a good degree of the lust that was still plaguing her, she decided. Long enough too to satisfy her curiosity over all those wildly erotic things Ryan claimed he could show her.

‘It would be the best solution all round,' she said, feeling
strangely exhilarated at having taken control of her destiny. ‘You're a great lover, Ryan. Possibly the best I'll ever have in my lifetime. Which is why I want to sample some more of your incredible talent in the bedroom.

‘But we both know you won't ever give me what I really want—which is a husband and a family. Added to that is the fact that I'm not getting any younger. Frankly, becoming your girlfriend, even for a few months, is a waste of my valuable time.

‘The truth is I just want to have some more sex with you, but not for too long. A couple of weeks should do the trick. I appreciate my somewhat radical proposal might be a blow to your ego, but think of the plus side—you won't have to take me out anywhere or buy me expensive dinners. You won't have to meet my friends. All you have to do is—'

‘Don't you dare use that word!' Ryan broke in savagely.

Laura found his outrage extremely hypocritical, something which he said he despised. ‘I was only going to say
shag
,' she invented. She'd actually been going to say ‘make love to me' in a momentary lack of concentration.

‘I hate that word too.'

‘Lord, but aren't we the sensitive one all of a sudden? And this from a man who had no qualms pointing out to me that all he was good for was sex. What would you prefer to call it then? Bonk? Screw?'

‘I would prefer that you agreed to become my girlfriend for real!' he snapped.

Laura's back teeth clenched together hard in her jaw, as the temptation to say yes was almost overwhelming.

‘Sorry,' she bit out. ‘No can do.'

‘Sorry?'
he retorted, throwing her a savage glance. ‘I don't think you're sorry at all.'

‘And I think you should keep your eyes on the road,' she said when the car drifted once again.

He swore, using the four-letter word he hadn't wanted her to say. He didn't apologise, however. Instead, he fell silent and
sped up, the car eating up the miles as only a powerful sports car could. Laura fell stubbornly silent too, determined not to weaken in her resolve to retain control of her life and this affair. They'd crossed the Hawkesbury River Bridge and were drawing near the outer suburbs of Sydney before Ryan spoke again.

‘Right,' he said abruptly. ‘Now that I've calmed down, this is the way I see the situation. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that all I want from you is sex. I like you, Laura. Like your company and your conversation. I would enjoy taking you places and buying you expensive dinners. I would especially enjoy seeing you throw off that ridiculously tough façade you've been hiding behind and become the warm, beautiful, sexy, sophisticated woman which I know you could be.

‘As for my wasting your valuable time, I don't believe any time you spend with me would be a waste. Life should not always be lived for the future, but sometimes for the here and now.'

He paused for a long moment, perhaps waiting for his quite seductive argument to work its magic on her. But Laura wasn't at all convinced. She did not believe in that live-for-the-moment rubbish. Unless fate stepped in with an unfortunately terminal accident or disease, the future inevitably arrived, during which you had to live with what you'd done in the past. It was all right for him; he didn't fall in love. But she did! And she wasn't going to. Not this time!

‘I see,' he said with a rueful glance at her unmoved face. ‘Obviously what I believe is irrelevant. Look, I'm not in the business of trying to change a woman's mind. But neither am I going to agree to such a ridiculous scheme. At the same time, I still want you, Laura—with a rather irrational desire, I am discovering. So I will stay with you tonight and endeavour to give you lots of the only thing you want from me. But, come tomorrow morning, that will be that. Our ways will part, never to be crossed again. That's my counter proposal. If you don't agree, then I'm afraid it will be quits today at your door.'

Laura sucked in sharply, her emotions in immediate disarray. So much for her façade of cool control!

Fury that he'd accused her of callously using him mingled with panic at the possibility that she would never be with him again. Which would be the case if she didn't agree to his ‘counter proposal'. But how
could
she agree now? He'd already made her sound like some sex-crazed fool who'd thrown away any chance of a real relationship in exchange for a fortnight's sex. To agree to just one night of the same seemed so much worse. She wasn't
that
desperate, was she?

‘I'm sorry you think so badly of me,' she said, her voice sounding calm despite a trembling starting deep inside. ‘I was just trying to be honest with you with my proposal, and not hypocritical. I don't think you can blame me for suggesting a sex-only affair when you yourself said you couldn't offer me any form of commitment. But I can see now that such an arrangement won't work for me, even for one more night. It is far better that we call it quits today, then you can move on the way you say you always do, and so will I. Hopefully, the next time I find a man I fancy, he'll want more than a temporary relationship.'

Ryan clenched his teeth down hard in his jaw as he listened to her quite stunning rejection of his proposal. And there he'd been, thinking she would not dare knock him back, not when she'd virtually admitted she was mad for him. He'd imagined that he'd backed her into a corner where he'd be the one in control and she would come begging for more. Which was what he wanted—more of Laura, naked and willing, in his arms. But on his terms, not hers. A man did have his pride.

Unfortunately, pride did have its downside.
He
was the one backed into a corner now. And there'd be no begging from
his
corner.

‘Fine,' he bit out. ‘We'll call it quits today.'

It was like a physical blow to Laura. She struggled not to cry out, then not to cry. Oh God, what had she done? Suddenly even one night with him was better than this…this emptiness.

‘I will leave it up to you to arrange for another lawyer to be sent to me every Friday afternoon,' he went on, his voice sounding bitter. ‘I don't care what excuse you give.'

‘All right,' she said, her own voice sounding bleak.

‘Now, if you don't mind, I don't want to talk any more.' And he turned on the radio, at the same time pressing whatever button it took for the roof automatically to go back into place.

Laura's heart sank. The roof closing was like a sign that everything was over.
They
were over.

She turned her face away towards the passenger window so Ryan couldn't see the tears filling her eyes.

I
T STARTED
to rain not long after they left the motorway, a grey drizzle which reflected the condition of Laura's emotions. She ached to say something to take away the horribly strained silence which had permeated the car since their argument, but could not seem to find the courage to speak up.

Or was it common sense keeping her quiet?

If she were brutally honest, Laura suspected that if she opened her mouth she would start apologising wildly, then agreeing to whatever Ryan wanted just so that he wouldn't drop her at her door. The thought of never seeing him again was appalling, so appalling that she began to wonder if she'd already fallen in love with him. It seemed unlikely, but why else would she feel so devastated? Surely it couldn't still be just lust driving her feelings?

But, even as she speculated on the reason behind her despair, her eyes slid over to where Ryan's hands were wrapped around the steering wheel. His hands were large, with long, strong fingers which had no doubt helped make him become a success as a goalkeeper. But none of that mattered to Laura. All she could think about when she looked at his hands was how gentle they'd been on her. Gentle, yet knowing. They'd explored all her orifices with stunning intimacy. She could feel them now, inside her, stroking, teasing, arousing.

Oh God
, she thought as her body was suddenly overwhelmed by the most intense longing; her belly tightened as
did her nipples.
At least now I know
, she thought wildly as hot blood roared around her veins, flushing her cheeks and making her break out into strangely chilling goose-bumps. Not love—still just lust.

She almost died of shame when he glanced over at her at that precise moment. It was impossible to hide the telling evidence of her flaming face. Impossible to look anything but what she was: desperate for him.

Yet he didn't say a single word. He just stared at her for a long moment before returning his attention to the road. But she saw that his knuckles had whitened, and she could feel an answering tension in him. He knew what she wanted, and he wanted the same thing.

Not a word was spoken when he pulled up outside her house. They climbed out in the most appalling silence. Ryan helped her to carry her things up onto the front porch. Rambo didn't make an appearance, which surprised her. Possibly he was curled up asleep in the neighbour's rocking chair which was something he liked to do when she was away. She was left to fumble with her keys. Once the door was open, she turned to face Ryan, terrified that he would still leave, and equally terrified that he wouldn't.

‘Ryan, I—'

‘Just shut up,' he broke in, his face and eyes tormented as he dropped everything he was holding onto the verandah and pushed her inside the hallway, kicking the door shut behind him.

There was no question of fighting him, or even protesting, because she wanted him to do what it was obvious he was going to do. The trembling had already started inside. The trembling and the wild, uncontrollable excitement.

Yes, yes, slam me up against the wall
, she urged silently as he did exactly that.
Kiss me till I can't think. Rip my clothes off. Ravish me.

‘God help me!' she cried out when he finally surged up into her.

It was a manic mating; raw, rough and totally beyond reason. Beyond everything in this world which smacked of common sense and control.

And she revelled in it, her mouth gasping wide as he plundered her depths with the most primal passion. He came first, the fierce spasms of his flesh triggering her own cataclysmic climax. Laura's release was so intense, so overwhelming, that she started to sob afterwards, tears streaming down her face as her arms flopped down by her side and her legs went to jelly. She might have slid down to the floor if Ryan's body hadn't been holding her up.

‘Oh God, Laura,' he groaned, then clasped her tightly to him. ‘I'm so sorry. So dreadfully sorry.'

‘It… It's all right…' she somehow managed to stammer between sobs.

‘No,' he said, taking her by the shoulders as he levered his body away from hers, his abrupt withdrawal bringing a startled gasp from her lungs. His eyes when they met hers were haunted. ‘It's not all right. What I did just now… It was all wrong.'

His distress forced her to get control of her weeping so she could reassure him that he hadn't raped her, if that was what he was thinking. She'd been with him all the way. She could have struggled, could have said no, but she hadn't.

‘I'm as much to blame as you, Ryan,' she choked out, not quite in control of her voice just yet.

‘I can't accept that,' he ground out as he zipped up his jeans then set about helping her with her clothes, which hadn't been properly removed either, just enough to let him have his way with her. ‘I forced myself on you. And I didn't use protection. What if you fall pregnant? I should be put up against a wall and shot!'

‘You didn't
force
me, Ryan,' she reiterated firmly. ‘I have free will and I wanted you to do what you did. I enjoyed it. You know I did.'

He just stared at her.

‘Let me assure you that my chances of getting pregnant are negligible,' she went on, thankful that she was one of those girls who kept dates pretty clear in her head—not that her head was all that clear at the moment. ‘My period is due on Wednesday and I'm as regular as clockwork. It's a very safe time for me in that regard.

‘Unless, of course,' she added, her heart jolting as another not very nice thought came to her, ‘You're worried about my catching something far worse than a baby.' There was no use pretending that he wasn't a player with a stream of partners behind him. Maybe he'd done this kind of thing before—had unsafe sex, and with someone not as safe as she was.

He looked genuinely shocked at her enquiry. ‘You have my word that your health is at no risk from me. I have never before had unsafe sex. Not once. This is a first for me, believe me.'

‘Really?' Laura couldn't help it. She smiled at his admission. There was something perversely flattering that she'd been the one and only woman to make him lose control like that.

‘Yes, really, Miss Smug.' He cocked his head on one side and gave her a long thoughtful look. ‘I take it, then, that you won't mind if I stay the night?'

‘I…er…was actually hoping for more than one night,' she said, well aware that she wasn't strong enough to send him away. Not yet.

Rambo bolting down the hallway towards her was a thankful distraction from the telling heat that was suddenly threatening to engulf her.

‘Hi, sweetie,' she said. ‘Did you miss me?'

He miaowed once, then sauntered over and rubbed himself around Ryan's ankles. When Ryan scooped him up into his arms, Rambo began to purr.

‘He likes you,' Laura said, trying not to feel jealous.

‘He's a very nice cat. Even with only one eye. His fur is incredibly soft.'

‘He's very spoiled.'

‘I can imagine. Does he sleep on your bed every night?'

‘No. He likes to roam at night. I've tried locking him in, but when I do he just sits at the window in my room and cries. It's easier to just let him do what he wants.'

‘Smart cat. He's trained you well.'

‘I love him,' she said somewhat defensively. ‘When you love your pet, you can't bear to see it unhappy, or hurt.'

‘Hence the three-thousand-dollar vet bill,' Ryan said.

Laura refused to be irked by the dry amusement in his voice. ‘I would have spent ten thousand dollars to keep Rambo alive! Now, if you don't mind, I have to feed him or he'll be a pain later on. And we wouldn't want that, would we?' she threw at him snakily.

He smiled a wry smile. ‘Glad to see that some things about you haven't changed. Here,' he said, and handed the cat over. ‘He's all yours. By the way, after you've fed him, is there a chance of some coffee? You pointed the kitchen out to me yesterday.'

Only yesterday?
Laura thought with amazement as she carried Rambo down to the kitchen. One short day and so much had changed. The twice-bitten-forever-shy Laura of yesterday would have worried herself sick over where her affair with Ryan was heading. This morning's Laura had still been a little concerned.

The Laura who'd just had wild but fantastic sex up against a wall now looked at things very differently. No longer was she going to worry about falling in love with Ryan and ending up with another broken heart. She was going to embrace the lust which was still raging within her and live for the heat of the moment. The long-term future could go hang itself. The only future she cared about was the immediate future. Which was tonight.

Her heartbeat quickened as she realised that she would soon be back in bed with Ryan. Back in his arms, back experiencing the most incredible pleasure. She could not wait to be totally naked with him once more. To have him touch her everywhere. To touch him everywhere as well. Her head swirled at
the thought of going down on him. Not reluctantly, but avidly. And certainly not because of some silly idea of sacrificial love. She wanted to feel that power which he'd described to her last night, wanted to make him lose control, all because of
her
.

It was a heady thought. Heady, intoxicating and thrilling.

Rambo's impatient miaow snapped her back to the present.

‘You wouldn't understand, Rambo,' she muttered as she went about getting him the special treat she always fed him when she wanted him to settle. ‘You've been de-sexed. Now, here, eat up. After which I want you to be a good boy and don't bother me for the rest of the night.'

‘I hope you're not talking about me,' Ryan said as he strode into the kitchen, his beautiful blue eyes glittering with amusement. ‘Because I don't intend to be good. And I am going to bother you. But not till I've had some coffee. Strong coffee. I suggest you have some as well; don't want you falling asleep on me.' He glanced around. ‘I like your kitchen. The wood's a nice colour.'

‘It's oak,' Laura said as she dropped the empty tin in the garbage. ‘
Real
oak.'

‘It's classy,' he said, and pulled out one of the two wooden stools which fronted the small breakfast bar. ‘Like you,' he added.

Laura wasn't sure what to say to such a compliment, so she settled for a simple, ‘Thank you,' before turning away from him to put the kettle on and get everything ready for coffee.

‘I only have instant, I'm afraid,' she said as she busied herself with the mugs.

‘No problem; I'm not fussy. Just make it black and strong, with no sugar.'

‘I don't know how you can bear drinking coffee without milk and sugar.'

‘I learned when I had no milk and sugar,' he returned dryly.

She frowned as she turned back to face him. ‘Were you really that poor once?'

‘You have no idea.'

‘No,' she agreed thoughtfully. ‘I guess I haven't. I may have been unhappy as a teenager but I was never poor. I certainly never went hungry. That must have been horrible.'

Ryan shrugged, as though he no longer thought about it. Or cared. ‘It made me appreciate things once I could afford them. And it made me work hard so that I could afford them. But enough of such talk. I never like talking about the past. It's a waste of time.'

‘But the past is what makes you what you are today,' Laura said, curious now to find out more about him. She realised that he'd revealed only scant details about his early life to her family yesterday. Though Gran had picked up on the fact that his childhood couldn't have been easy.

‘Yes I do know that, Laura,' he replied a little impatiently. ‘But I don't subscribe to analysis of any kind. It does a person no good at all to rake over the past, especially when the things they're raking over are usually wretched and made them miserable. It just sets off old problems again. Far better to put things behind you and move on.'

Laura almost said that was much easier said than done but decided to let the matter drop. She didn't want to say or do anything to spoil the rest of the evening.

‘Speaking of moving on,' he added dryly. ‘So come with me, woman. Bed awaits.'