And you are my perfection,
Christian had said. That infant bud of sorrow grew just a little more.
It was dark when they finished dinner, and with no plate or cup to hold in his hands, they felt irreverently empty when Christian was only a breath away. William slipped an arm round the knight’s waist, relishing the slender solidity of him. When Christian did not object, William pulled him close. They had not talked about what had happened, and William’s sense of honor pushed him to rectify that.
William cleared his throat. “If you were a woman, I would already be before your father on bended knee.”
Christian said nothing, but he leaned further into William.
“’Tis wrong in the eyes of God and men,” William said firmly, to explain himself. “I cannot regret you, Christian. But we cannot take this much further.”
Christian tensed in his arms. “When I was thirteen,” Christian said slowly, “and in the sanctity of the confessional, I told our priest that I felt desire for men.”
William’s hand, which had been rubbing Christian’s side, stilled.
“He told me I was possessed by a succubus, a female demon that hungered for men. He told me he would pray for guidance to free me from this creature.”
“For a week, I was terrified. I tried to feel this insidious being inside me. I prayed to all the saints, to Jesus, and the Holy Virgin to free me from it, to cast it out. I wondered what I had done to be vulnerable to such an attack. I wondered if I were truly as weak and worthless as my brothers had always claimed, deserving of their hatred and my father’s coldness. Why else would the succubus have chosen me?”
“’Tis not so,” William breathed into Christian’s hair, feeling a murderous anger for the sake of the young boy.
“The following week, when I returned to confession, eager to hear the priest explain how he would free me from the succubus, he told me that God had shown him the way. He made me follow him to his chambers. There, he made me undress and he forced me to kneel. He tried to put his hard cock in my mouth.”
William growled.
“He told me that in order to get the succubus to leave we had to give her what she wanted— a man’s essence. We would be forced to feed her until she had fled. It might take months, he said.”
“I shall kill him,” William said darkly.
“He’s already dead, gone in an epidemic of fever that struck my father’s castle while I was on the road with Sir Allendale.”
“Christian….”
“Fear not. I was no fool, not even at thirteen. I let him taste my dagger, and I told him what he could do with his cock and his succubus. He threatened to tell my father I lusted after men. I threatened to carve off his staff and eggs in his sleep. You could say it was a stalemate.”
William could not stop a smile at the thought of young Christian acting so boldly. “You did well. But I hope you are content to leave my staff and eggs where they are.”
Christian’s hand stole onto William’s thigh. “As long as they serve me well.”
William chuckled, but a tingle went down his spine. After witnessing Christian’s attack on the bandits, he had no doubt that the young warrior could be deadly.
Christian sighed. “The lesson is thus: man makes God’s law and shapes it to suit his purpose. I believe there is a God, but what he thinks of my desires, or those of any man, no one can tell. I am done listening to priests on the matter.”
“’Tis still a sin,” William said with soft conviction. “One corrupt priest does not change that.”
Christian pulled away, his words angry and passionate. “No! I told you, William. I do not break faith with those who do not break faith with me. God broke faith with me. He took my mother, leaving me in a house of enemies. He ignored my prayers for help, night after night when I was only a boy. And his priest wanted to sate his own lust, not save my soul. I care not for God’s law! Or man’s either. There should have been laws of decency, laws of conduct, laws of family that protected me when I was young, but there were none. No law saved your sister from a husband who was a monster, nor helps her now. So what allegiance should I have to man’s laws? Should I believe it more of a crime for us to love one another than the harm my brothers did to me without any fear of retribution from my father or the king? Never!”
William felt his pulse thud sickeningly for what Christian had endured, but he knew it changed nothing. “You mayn’t believe that you and I lying together is wrong, Christian. But that doesn’t change the fact that it is contemptible in the eyes of everyone else.”
Christian’s jaw only set more stubbornly. “Then we must not be caught.”
“Do you imagine it would not be obvious? Were we to be lovers in a lord’s castle or in a company of knights?”
Christian got a calculating gleam in his eye. “Not if well done. One or both of us could wed—”
William groaned and covered his face with his hands. “By the saints, he’s thought this through.”
“What? The right kind of wife, one only interested in hearth and babes, separate chambers… It needs somewhere remote. My father was granted a small holding, four hundred acres in Scotland, by King Edward. I’ve been trying to talk him into letting me take it over, but he says I have not the experience, nor will he send me without a wife. In a place like that—”
William pulled Christian tight, a stab of fear going through his heart. “Hush. Hush, I pray you. You chill me to the marrow with fear for you when you talk like this. You will bring yourself to ruin.”
Christian stilled and pushed deeper into William’s arms.
“We have another six, seven day’s ride ahead. Let me have you, hold you, for this long, Christian, and let us be content with our fate. I won’t waste time fighting about what mayn’t be. Can you do that?”
“Aye,” Christian answered. He sighed bitterly, but his lips rose to meet William’s.
The desperate need with which he pushed against William’s chest, as if they might never have this again, acknowledged every word that the older knight had said, even if Christian himself would not admit it.
They lay their bedrolls next to each other by the fire that night and made love again, stroking each other to sweet release, indulging in endless kisses. It would have to be enough, William told himself, enough to last a lifetime.
****
CHAPTER 12
“I have thought on a plan to free Lady Elaine,” said Christian, as they rode through the forest three days later.
They were nearly at the village of Kendal. It would be the last town before crossing the Cumbrian Mountains and approaching Somerfield’s remote castle on the wild coastline of northwest England. As they drew closer and closer to Somerfield’s lands, Christian could sense William’s concern for Elaine growing. And he could see in the stony set of the older knight’s countenance as they rode through long days, that he was mentally preparing himself for battle.
Perhaps even preparing himself for death.
And yet, William never completely turned from him. Their bedrolls were now routinely placed together, and William had no hesitation in reaching for Christian. He made love each night as tenderly and fiercely as any lover could. Christian gave back everything that he had. They’d begun exploring each other’s bodies with their mouths as well as their hands. It was unprecedented bliss. And the feeling— the
love
— that Christian had for William settled deeper and deeper into his bones every day.
He could not give William up; he would not. He’d never been surer of anything in his life. But Christian knew it was useless to speak of it, so he said no more about plans for the future. His thoughts for now had to be centered on a more urgent goal— finding a way for William to simply survive the rescue of Elaine.
“What is your plan, Crow?” William asked, with a tone studiously neutral.
“As you have said, Somerfield knows your face. If you directly challenge him, it
will
go badly. Our best chance is to get Lady Elaine out by subterfuge. I will go to the castle and seek work as a servant—”
“Absolutely, and adamantly,
no
,” William said. Loudly.
By the saints, Christian could swear the man was not called the Lion for his valor but for his cantankerous roar.
“You might hear me out before saying nay,” Christian said coolly.
William said nothing.
“I’ll seek work in the castle,” Christian continued. “I’ll learn in what rooms Lady Elaine is kept, and what her schedule is in a week’s time— when she walks in the garden or attends confession. That way, we might find the best time and place to get her and the children out unobserved.”
“I do not want you entering that castle.”
“’Tis our best chance of success! You must consider Elaine. Our goal must be to free her
and
keep your head on your neck. And damn your pride, Sir William Corbet.”
William considered it for a few silent moments. Then he spoke in frustration. “It is an ill thing to risk your neck for hers.”
“’Tis a very small risk,” Christian snorted. “No one knows me there, and a travelling laborer is as common as fleas. I will only be observing after all.”
William said nothing. His face was troubled.
Christian moved his horse closer and reached out for William’s hand. “I beg you, don’t make me watch you play the hero and die. Let me help you in this.”
“I like it not.”
“I am a knight,” Christian reminded him with a hint of ice in his voice. “A trained warrior. Even if I let you hold me as a woman, do not mistake me for such.”
William looked at him wryly. “Oh, I do not.”
“Then trust me to
be
a warrior. It only makes sense to assess the situation. I can do this.”
William finally nodded, but he did not look pleased about it. “If we can abduct Elaine and the babes away, ’twould be better. But if we cannot, Christian, I
will
challenge Somerfield.”
“I know,” Christian said quietly.
****
In Kendal, Christian slipped away while William replenished their supplies and questioned the locals. Christian made the purchases he needed and packed them out of sight in his saddle bags before rejoining William. It nearly took the last of his coin, but it would be worth it.
“What did you learn?” Christian asked William when they met up again.
“That Lord Somerfield is a vicious, pox-marked bastard, and that everyone in his household fears him. ’Tis said Lady Elaine sits at his side meekly, so well-beaten she never speaks a word, even when he propositions wenches in front of her.”
“Someone told you that?”
“Aye. I would give my eyeteeth to castrate Somerfield. And then cast his innards on a spinning wheel.” William glowered. “But at least we know Elaine is still alive.”
****
It took them two and a half days to cross the Cumbrian Mountains on horseback. Christian remembered where to find the best path, and where to avoid straying off it onto misleading shepherd’s trails. The mountains were beautiful and chill, but neither man was in much of a mind to enjoy them.
They descended to the foothills on the third day and made an early camp, still far enough away from the castle to feel safe.
“If I leave at sunrise,” said Christian, “I’ll arrive at the castle before midday.”
“Christian,” William said firmly, “I am still not easy about your going into the castle bailey alone to spy.”
“But we agreed,” Christian said calmly. “My face is not known. I’ll get the lay of things and be back in one week. At best, I will learn something that gives you a better option. At worst, you’ve lost some time.”
William wiped his face with a large hand. “But if you’re caught as a spy…”
“I will not be caught.”
“You won’t be able to take your quiver. You’ll be vulnerable.”
Christian raised his gambeson to show off a wicked dagger. He removed it and looked around the clearing. “That sapling there.” He pointed. A moment later, his dagger was sunk deep in the very center of the narrow trunk, nearly toppling the thing.
William could not help a chuckle. “Impressive, Crow.”
Christian grinned with delighted pride, like a young boy being praised by his father. He retrieved his knife, and when he returned he stepped far closer to William than was proper, causing the heat that was always banked between them to stir and rouse.
“I survived my brothers for fourteen years. I’m no fool, William. I beg you to have some faith in me. You are not alone in this.”
William felt his will slipping. He knew he would approve the plan in a heartbeat as a military commander. And he did trust in Christian’s strength and agility, his cleverness. He did. But his heart did not want to let Christian anywhere near Lord Somerfield or his forces. It was bad enough that Somerfield had Elaine.
“You must make no move without me,” William ordered. “You will return in one week— sooner if you can. And you will not take risks— no sneaking into Elaine’s quarters, no going into private areas, no risky questions that would give you away. Swear to me, Christian.”