The Light in the Wound (44 page)

“Oh, welcome back, Isabel! You still look as stunning as ever! How is life in Chicago? Oh my! Alex is still so good looking. And your little boy is so cute!”

Alex’s parents arrive and we rush over to meet them.

“Eddie and I are going to sit in the back with my parents, is that okay, babe?” he asks as he takes my hand and kisses it.

“Yes, of course. I think the front pew is reserved for me and my sisters, so I’ll just be there with them.” I give him a kiss on the cheek and move on to take my place in front. When out of the corner of my eye, I see him. His hair is shorter, still wavy and thick. And he’s in a dark blue suit. He stands by the entrance and is greeted by my cousins, relatives and friends. It’s like he’s the freaking star attraction or something. Shaking hands with everyone like he’s the host of this event.

Calm down, Isabel, he was with your family for a long time. He went to those Sunday dinners. They all know him. They probably all do business with him now.

I search through the seated guests and find Alex. He’s busy speaking animatedly with his parents. His dad has Eddie on his lap. I catch Jesse walking toward Alex, as Alex gets up to shake his hand. Jesse is now speaking to Eddie and the little man is shaking his hand. Alex and Jesse speak for what seems like an eternity and then he’s headed my way. I don’t know why this happens, but I shoot up and walk toward him. He hugs me; his arms are around my shoulders.

“Hi. Thank you for coming,” I say.

“Isabel, you look well. I’m so sorry for your loss,” he whispers as he continues to hold me.

I break contact and step back. “Thanks, Jesse. I’m sure my mom’s happy you’re here.”

We’re both aware that we’ve just given the entire congregation something new to gossip about, so we awkwardly smile and turn away. I take my seat and I don’t know where he goes. A few seconds later, my grandmother is escorted in her wheelchair by her nurse and her bodyguard. They wheel her over to the front pew, and I sit next to her and take her hand. The service begins shortly and is performed by a priest who has known my mom for many years. He is also the one who heard her last confession a few days before she passed away. He gives an eloquent eulogy about how my mother always tried her best, no matter how it may have come short in one way or another. He recalls her grace, her generosity, her openness and her honesty. He talks about her unconventional way of loving people, especially her daughters. Evie then stands up to thank everyone for coming and reads aloud a heartfelt letter that we quickly composed early this morning when none of us were able to sleep. It is a moving letter to her about how much we are going to miss her. We each recount which of her good qualities we inherited, and Evie evokes a few laughs when she talks about the individual obsessions that we as sisters have emulated because of her. Most of all, the letter tells her how much we love her and how she has, in one way or the other, had an impact on all of our lives.

A side note on the conversation this morning: “Yeah, the impact she had is that you and I got married too young, and now you and I are both heading into our second marriages.” Evie smirked sarcastically. “Hey, that’s not true. Isabel is still with Alex and they have a happy marriage, so Mom did influence Isa in a good way!” Alicia argued. Amen.

The letter is followed by a video presentation of pictures and moments we all shared together, from the day each one of us was born to family pictures we sent in over the years. I realize that my mother had a few pictures of the three of us that Evie and Ali would send her during the time we weren’t on speaking terms. Those come up on the screen, and for a brief moment, I wonder how Jesse is feeling as he’s watching this. As I sit and listen to these speeches, it dawns on me that I’m never going to see her again. I am hopelessly in a panic, craving for that one last time, even just her lifeless body. I would do anything to touch it. To feel her skin against mine. And yet, all that’s left is a box with ashes in it. I am racked with sobs and my shoulders are shaking uncontrollably. Alicia is holding me and I’m trying my best to let this go. When the priest asks her daughters to come to the altar to help sprinkle the Holy Water on her urn, I’m unable to move. My legs won’t unfold and I can’t stand up. I’m grabbing my calves with my hands and trying to straighten my knees, but they feel like they’re trapped in cement. It’s not working. I desperately turn around and look for Alex. He rushes to the front and I hand him my bottle so that he can sprinkle the water for me. He takes a seat next to me immediately after and I’m comforted by his presence.

“One touch, Alex! Just one more touch! I’m never going to see her again! We should have come home sooner. I shouldn’t have put off this trip for so long!” I sob. He doesn’t say a word and just lovingly continues to rub my back.

The man she married carries her ashes outside and we follow the procession to the garden. We announce that this is a private affair for family only and we thank everyone for coming. It’s a long walk to the secluded garden that we chose, so we get in our cars to drive to the spot. I’m calmer now, I’m really just so tired and jet lagged that I resolve to have my private time with my mother in the next few days.

As the urn is being placed into the ground, my grandmother lets out a hysterical wail and screams, “Don’t put Claudia in there! She’s not dead. Claudia’s not dead! I’m sorry, Claudia! I’m so sorry!”

We run over to my grandmother and comfort her as she sobs into our embrace. As I look around me while I’m kneeling down with my grandmother in my arms, I see him again. He’s still here. Despite the “family only” announcement, he came. This time, he makes no secret of the fact that he’s staring at me. His burning eyes look straight at me as if he’s trying to tell me something. I ignore the way I feel about it and take my place with Alex and Eddie. The rest of the service is emotional and draining. We’re all exhausted by the time it’s over.

Alicia keeps her word by pulling Jesse to the side as we walk back from the garden toward our waiting cars. We wait in silence until she opens the car door and slips in next to Evie. Alex and Eddie are with us so she’s careful not to say anything. She elicits a slight nod of her head and I nod mine back in response. We all lean into our seats and close our eyes for the rest of the ride home.

When we arrive, we have a few hours before we have to head out for the first night of prayers. It will be held at a chapel close to home, with dinner at a nearby restaurant, originally to be hosted by Jesse. As soon as the guys disperse to relax on their own, the three of us get together to figure out where dinner should be held tonight.

“So Ali, did you tell Jesse that we’ll be handling everything from here on?” I ask as I stretch out on the couch with my feet up and my head ensconced in one of the fluffy couch pillows. I let out a yawn as I wait for her to respond.

“Yes, he’s not happy at all. He doesn’t understand what the big deal is.” She plops herself down on the loveseat next to me.

“Look, we can still have it at that place, but I want us to arrange and pay for it,” I say adamantly.

“Chill, Isa, that’s what Ali told him. We’re all set for now,” Evie defends. We’re all running a little short on the nerves and understandably so.

“Okay, thank you. He’s not coming tonight, right? Was that made clear?” I follow up. I want to be done so I can take a short nap.

“No, he’s not coming,” Alicia pauses. “But he did ask for your number,” she teases, further agitating me. Ugh. I roll my eyes at her. Secretly I’m glad we might get the chance to catch up at least before I leave.

Late at night, after the prayers and the dinner and the sitting around for a few minutes with glasses of wine and tons of reminiscing, we call it a night. Eddie and his cousins have discovered the theater room and are now camped out on mattresses watching movies and playing games. Alex and I head up to the guest bedroom where we quietly get ready for bed. We’re both sitting up against the headboard, me with my Kindle and him with some Men’s Health magazine that he bought at the airport. I lean on his shoulder and point to the cover. “You’re way hotter than that,” I tease.

“Hmm, you think so?” he asks as he drops the magazine on the floor and pushes me down on the bed.

“A? What did your dad say?” I gently guide his head down so he’s resting on my chest. I’m stroking his hair.

“What I expected. He wants me to come home to run the business for him. Mom is ecstatic that we’re moving back home. I told them that we want to build a house by where they live and she was all over it. We should meet with the contractors before we go back to the States.” He’s running his hands up my thighs as he’s discussing this with me. I swat his hand playfully.

“Can we afford it?” I stress about things like that. We struggled so much during the earlier years that I don’t ever want to be in that much debt again. Ever.

“We can definitely afford it. And more.” Alex laughed.

“Evie and Ali expect me to run my mom’s business here too.” I pause to think about what that might mean.

“I figured they would. Speaking of that, I thought you should know that my dad said your grandpa always bragged about how well you were doing while we were in Chicago. He was very proud of you.”

I choke up and start to cry. “That means so much to me, A. Thank you.”

I think he decides to lighten the mood by reminding me of something we discovered together a few nights ago.

“Iss?” he asks, his expression light and spirited, as he traces my lips with his fingers.

“Yes, baby?” I wipe my tears and smile.

“Do you think we can try to do what we did the other night again? Soon? Like really soon?”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I loved it, Iss! You felt amazing. It was so good.”

“Of course we can. Anytime you want.”

He lifts his head and kisses me. His kisses have never changed. They’re always tender and passionate at the same time. He pulls away to continue, but his hands are doing their world tour again. “We’re coming home, Isa. Just like the way I wanted to from the time we first got married. I wanted to spoil you, to take care of you. You’ve been working so hard these past few years. I don’t want you to do that anymore. You love to write. Manage your mom’s business from home, hire the people you need and take time to do what you love to do. This is what I promised you from the very beginning. It didn’t turn out that way at first, but it will be our life now. I’m going to keep my promise to you, your mom and your grandparents.” He moves on top of me and I wrap my legs around him. “You’re still so beautiful, Isa. I knew when I married you that you’d grow more beautiful each day. I still have to catch my breath every time I’m this close to you.” He shuts his eyes as I lift my hips to him.

“Alex?” I whisper in his ear.

“Hmmm?”

“I’m so sorry I forced you to move away all those years ago. It was so selfish of me. I know it devastated you to move away from your family. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” My tears are flowing freely, and he’s caressing my face with his fingers.

“Shhh. Baby. Those years we spent abroad are the best years of my life. We were our own little family. You gave me the most beautiful gift of life, and you gave me one hundred percent of yourself. Look at me,” he commands as he holds my face and I get lost in that beautiful ocean of blue. “I will never ever regret what we did because it brought you back to me.”