The Life and Second Life of Charlie Brackwood (The Brackwood Series Book 2) (19 page)

Lucy reached across the table and touched his hands lightly.

“I’m sorry,” she said sympathetically. He smiled at her gratefully.

“I was jealous of the life you two shared, I knew there was nothing between you, but you had a life with him I could only dream about, and that hurt.”

“I wish he’d told me about you,” Lucy said softly.

“We found a document regarding a property, a mortgage Jamie was paying. Do you know anything about that?” I attempted to get the conversation back on track.

Silence fell upon our group and I could hear an argument break out between the well-dressed pregnant woman and the skinhead seated opposite her. The man was convinced the child she was carrying wasn’t his and threw a tirade of verbal abuse at her. I glanced in her direction and saw her shoulders shaking with sobs, her face buried in her hands. I was about to intervene when I heard Kevin sigh and it forced my attention away from the scene playing out at the next table.

“You may as well know, I suppose. The property Jamie was paying for is mine. He was making monthly payments to ensure I wouldn’t lose it while I do time. The house means a lot to me. I designed it myself.”

“And he did this out of the goodness of his heart, I suppose?” I asked, finding the story hard to believe.

Kevin shrugged and looked out of a nearby window. He folded his arms in a closed posture and I knew there was more to it than he was letting on. I looked at Lucy but she seemed lost in thought.

“It doesn’t make sense. How could he afford to pay your mortgage as well as car repayments and household bills? He wasn’t exactly top of his field and, judging by the size of your mortgage, I’m guessing you were?”

“I admit, I excelled very quickly in my chosen area. I had the motivation that Jamie seemed to lack, and so went further up the career ladder.”

“Where did he get the extra money from?”

Kevin resumed his careful watching of the window.

“I’ve no idea.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Lucy observed, “why won’t you tell us?”

“You’d think less of him. I know he wouldn’t want that.”

“I already think less of him. He knew that if he told me about you I wouldn’t judge him, but he didn’t tell me because he was ashamed.”

“Luce…” I started.

“No,” she said sternly as she glared at Kevin, “Jamie was a coward. His parents ruled him and bullied him into things he wouldn’t dream of doing without that pressure. So much so that he married a woman for whom he felt no affection whatsoever. The Jamie I knew took the easy way out.”

“Lucy, please,” I begged her.

“She’s right,” Kevin stated angrily, “he did, and that’s partly the reason I’m here, stuck in this place, doing time for a crime I didn’t commit.”

“You’re innocent?” I asked sceptically.

“Of course I’m innocent,” he gazed down at his clasped hands, “and a fool, of that much I am guilty.”

Lucy and I exchanged glances but waited patiently for him to continue.

“Jamie and I had been seeing one another for a few months when I overheard a conversation between him and a man he’d been treating. The man suffered from chronic migraines and Jamie had run many tests and scans but the reason for the migraines was still unknown. The patient needed pain relief but he couldn’t get a prescription from his GP as it was pretty clear he was now addicted. As I mentioned before, Jamie hated to see anyone in pain and so he agreed to get the patient the drugs he was greatly in need of. The conversation I heard was about receiving money for the drugs. When I questioned Jamie about it, he admitted that he had many more patients who came to him for hard to obtain medication and that, against his wishes, they would give him money for it in exchange. He told me that he wanted to stop but the money was too tempting. Finally, I was able to convince him to stop dealing, or so I thought. It was only a matter of time before someone in the hospital noticed that a particular brand of analgesic was constantly running low.”

“So you took the rap for him?” I guessed. Kevin nodded before continuing.

“One day spot checks were being made and staff lockers were being opened at random. They found twenty-two boxes of painkillers in Jamie’s locker. On impulse I said they were mine, that I had a spare key to Jamie’s locker and that it was I who was selling pharmaceutical drugs illegally. Of course, I had to admit to having a relationship with him, something he was very angry about. In time, he started to feel guilty. He came to visit me and told me he would pay my mortgage while I served my time and that when I was released we could live together, just like I wanted. I objected at first, I knew he couldn’t afford it, but he told me a wealthy relative had died and left him a large portion of their estate. Of course, I later found out that he had fallen back into bad habits and was using the money he earned from desperate people to help me.”

“I knew he was up to something but I didn’t think it would be anything illegal,” Lucy said.

“I feel so guilty... all the people he had taken advantage of, just so I could keep a house I was desperate to hold on to. If I’d known, I would’ve put it up for sale,” Kevin insisted.

“You need to tell them it wasn’t you. You can’t carry on like this, taking the blame for a selfish man like Jamie,” I said.

“They wouldn’t believe me. And besides I only have two more years of my sentence to serve.”

“But your life has been ruined by him! How can you stand to lose your whole career… your future?” Lucy exclaimed.

“I did it for love. I was head over heels. I would’ve done anything for Jamie and probably still would, after all he’s put me through.” Kevin shook his head and stared at the table.

Lucy looked at him with compassion in her eyes and I knew she’d be blaming herself in some way.

“You’re a good man, Kevin,” I said.

“Too good for him,” Lucy said bitterly.

As we got up to leave Kevin looked at me carefully, eyes narrowed in concentration.

“I do know you… Adam, right? The teacher?”

“Yes,” I admitted guardedly.

“You were released a few months ago, weren’t you? You used to share a cell with my new cell mate, Tony.”

“Maybe,” I said, beginning to panic, “give him my best.”

I glanced at Lucy and her expression was one of complete betrayal.

During the car journey home we sat in silence. I worried about Lucy and what she would think of me after the bombshell Kevin had just dropped but as always she was a closed book and I found it hard to imagine what she was thinking.

The rain continued to fall and I had to manoeuvre the car around several deep puddles caused by the overflowing drains on the city roads. I found myself wishing for the sun to return; there was no enjoyment in driving a fast car in the wet.

“I guess we know now who the old fella at the hospital was, the one posing as Jamie’s dad. My guess is he was one of Jamie’s clients, looking for a fix,” I suggested.

“Hmm.”

Lucy was clearly giving me the silent treatment. Kevin’s revelations had upset her and I wondered how to broach the subject of Adam being an ex-con

When we reached the house I felt relieved to be somewhere familiar. Lucy made us both a mug of hot chocolate while I sat at the kitchen table and watched the rain lash against the windows.

Lucy placed a steaming mug in front of me, completely oblivious to the fact that she had made it in my favourite mug. I read the writing on the front and smiled at the words. It read: ‘Hello, is it tea you’re looking for?’ with a caricature of Lionel Richie's face in the middle. Lucy had bought it for me not long after we’d moved in together, when she found out about my secret love for his music.

“What did you think of Kevin?” I asked as she took a seat opposite me.

“I felt sorry for him.”

“Me too,” I said glumly.

I felt Snoop brush against my hand and reached down to pet his dome-shaped head. He sat by my feet and looked back at me with interest. If he could sense Lucy’s change in mood he didn’t show it.

“Why did you go to prison?” she asked me suddenly.

I thought about answering honestly, but knew that Lucy’s trust in me would end if she knew I was responsible for a teenage boy’s death. If she didn’t trust me I could wave our friendship goodbye and then I’d have no way of protecting her.

“It’s something I don’t like to discuss.”

“Even with me? After all I’ve told you.”

“It’s nothing personal, Lucy.”

She set her mug down on the table and stared at me.

“I thought we were close… more than just acquaintances.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, feeling as though I’d let her down.

She nodded and looked out of the window, biting her lower lip.

“Please leave,” she said quietly.

“Lucy… please.”

“I can’t spend time with someone who keeps secrets from me. Just go.”

My eyes pleaded with her but it was no use. She crossed her arms defiantly and I knew there was no point in arguing.

I left the house feeling rejected and ashamed but made a promise to myself that I would soon be back, whether she wanted me there or not.

Chapter Seventeen

Back at Adam’s I stared at the walls of the small kitchen as though they were imprisoning me. I had a sudden urge to leave. I stood up suddenly and contemplated changing my wet clothes. I looked out of the kitchen window at the teeming rain and decided against it. No point in changing into dry clothes when you were about to get soaked for the third time in a day.

I stepped outside and blinked repeatedly as the rain dashed against my face. I barely felt it. I began jogging towards the centre of the village, my eyes fixed on the pavement. Apart from a faint blue light that illuminated the sign for the chip shop, the narrow streets were quiet. As I ran past the shop I saw the man who had served me there a few nights ago standing in the doorway. He planted his hands on his bulging waist while he watched the rain that was destroying his trade. I thought I heard him shout something after me but his voice was lost in the wind. I quickened my pace.

I had no idea where I was going but the rain felt good on my skin and the exercise helped ease my frustration. The expression on Lucy’s face as she’d asked me to leave still haunted me.

As I ran, the sight of shops and cottages was transformed into views of open fields and narrow roads. When I noticed a dirt track to my left I decided to head in that direction. Ageing horse chestnut trees lined the long road and the wind tore leaves off them and hurled them into my face.

I saw a gate up ahead and a field beyond. I contemplated turning back but didn’t feel ready to return to the loneliness that seemed to permeate the cottage. I walked through the field and saw groups of sheep using trees and hedgerows as shelter from the storm. Many of them were this year’s lambs. They would stop in their tracks to stare at the latest intruder into their space, almost as if I was a form of entertainment for them. Their jaws moved in a circular motion as they gazed blankly in my direction. The sight had always amused me and I was reminded of the days I’d spent working on my father’s farm. The familiar sights of the area had a calming effect on me and I felt the tension slip away.

              I came to a tree in the middle of the field that wasn’t circled by my woolly companions and decided to shelter beneath it. I looked up at the sky as lightning flashed, thankfully far enough away not to be a threat. As I gazed at the dark sky, sudden movement at the other end of the field caught my eye. A figure appeared out of the storm.

They seemed to be in a hurry and made no attempt to seek shelter from the bad weather. The heavy rain made it difficult for me to keep track of the stranger, who appeared to be walking directly towards the tree I was sheltering beneath. Through the mist I could see they were wearing a yellow raincoat and purple wellies.

              As I gazed at the mysterious figure my eyes were drawn to a commotion happening behind them. Not far from the fierce-looking barbed-wire fence that kept the animals contained were a group of sheep that had suddenly become strangely vocal. They appeared to be in great distress and I had a hunch that their change in behaviour had nothing to do with the storm in full force around us. During the short time I had worked on my father’s farm I had become accustomed to animal behaviour and learned to distinguish what was normal and what had the potential to be a serious problem.

I moved swiftly from shelter into the eye of the storm. I began to jog towards the distressed animals. As I did I passed the only other person daft enough to be out in a scarifying storm.

I glanced their way as I passed but their head was downturned and I couldn’t see their face. Once we were shoulder to shoulder the mysterious figure raised its head slightly but I was too preoccupied with the sight of a lamb in distress to divert my gaze.

“Adam?” I barely heard the name called out over the roar of the storm.

I turned around and stopped in my tracks. Lucy’s hair was pulled back into a tight bun at the nape of her neck and the clothes she wore gave her an androgynous appearance. Her cheeks were rose-coloured in her makeup-free face, a colour they often turned in strong winds and biting cold.

“How did you find me?”

“After there was no answer at the cottage I saw the man in the chip shop – he was the only person around.” Lucy blinked away the raindrops that had settled on her eyelashes. “He pointed me in this direction and I could see you beneath the tree.”

I focused on the flock behind her and saw a lamb in the middle of the group, its mouth wide open and the muscles of its neck visibly straining as it laboured for breath.

I didn’t stick around to hear the last part of Lucy’s explanation but instead ran towards the distressed animal, hoping to save it. The other sheep moved away as I approached and dropped to my knees in front of a juvenile ram. I was vaguely aware that Lucy had stopped behind me.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“He’s choking on something,” I said, while holding the young ram’s chin up and stroking its throat gently to encourage the muscles to contract.

“Do you know what it is?”

“Could be anything.” My voice sounded strained as I fought to keep the lamb’s head in place.

I opened its mouth as a last resort, praying that my fingers stayed intact. As I struggled to keep the animal still I peered inside and found a thick piece of cord that had become wrapped around its tongue. I picked at it carefully with my fingers. The lamb had by now realised that I was trying to help him and instantly became still. I unwrapped the cord slowly and found that the other end was lodged in the throat. I pulled on it gently; my biggest fear was hurting him. Eventually the cord came out. A large knot had been tied at one end and had somehow lodged in his throat.

I released the lamb and sighed heavily as I sank down on the wet grass. I watched as the young ram instinctively ran to its mother, who had been extremely vocal throughout the whole ordeal. The other sheep gathered around the youngster as if to see for themselves that it had survived its ordeal.

“Are you OK?” Lucy asked me as I got my breath back.

“Yeah. It’s not over yet, though. We need to make sure he doesn’t suffer from bloat. Sheep are more prone to it when they gasp like that.” I raised my voice over the howling wind. “He needs to be monitored for a few hours. Bloat can be fatal.”

“Out here? It's hardly the right weather to sit and observe.”

I scoped the land for somewhere dry and sheltered, and spotted an old barn on the other side of the field. It looked as though it had recently been repaired and piles of hay bales could be seen inside the wide entrance.

I made the cord I had retrieved from the lamb's throat into a harness that would fit snuggly around his muzzle. A small amount was left to act as a lead and I began to encourage the animal to move. At first he was stubborn but after some encouragement, in the form of food pellets I had found nearby, he was soon walking nicely beside me. Lucy walked on the other side of him so that he was between us. We moved along in silence, our backs bowed slightly to avoid the full force of the wind.

When we reached the barn I watched as Lucy got to work on a hay bed for the lamb. She scattered a bale on the concrete floor and surrounded the flattened mass with a wall of hay bricks. She led the lamb into the centre of the safe haven she had created. As she did so I heard a commotion outside and realised that almost the entire flock were headed in our direction, obviously unhappy to be missing one of their own.

To prevent the barn becoming overrun with sheep, I closed the double doors that were the only access and plunged the entire building into darkness in the process. Light filtered in from a couple of small windows high up in the brickwork, casting faint pools of illumination on the cold concrete floor. I heard Lucy sigh and groan and watched with amusement as she tried to get the lamb to settle.

“Come on, little guy, time for bed,” she was saying as she patted the hay she had laid out, much as she would have done for a dog. The ram looked at her with interest before giving a snort and circling round and round, his nose to the ground. It was only when Lucy backed away that the animal tucked its legs beneath itself and closed its eyes.

“Must’ve been the darkness after you closed those doors,” Lucy said as she moved over to where I was sitting. “He thinks the sun has gone down.”

I nodded and surveyed the barn that was now our shelter. We sat on a pile of hay bales and I suddenly became uncomfortably aware of the heat that radiated off Lucy’s body as she huddled close to me.

“Why are you here, Luce?” I asked, without looking at her.

She was quiet for a moment as she looked down at the sleeping sheep beneath us.

“As soon as you left I started to feel uneasy and realised I was ashamed. I ran after you but you’d been gone longer than I realised and… ” Lucy paused as she gathered her thoughts. “Just the thought of you cycling in this weather, with the roads as treacherous as they are... I needed to see you, to apologise.”

I nodded as I too focussed on the sleeping lamb below, its ribcage moving up and down in a gentle, hypnotic rhythm.

“Well, let’s hear it then,” I said gruffly.

She looked at me. Her eyes shone in the dimness.

“I’m sorry, Adam. I’ve become something I never wished to be.” She glanced away momentarily. “And that’s a hypocrite. You’re not the only one with a past and I can see why you’d be secretive about yours, because I hide stuff too.” I looked directly at her for the first time. “Everyone deserves a second chance, and after I realised that I came to my senses.” Her tone became light-hearted. “And followed you into the worst thunderstorm I’ve ever been caught in.”

I nudged her playfully with my shoulder. “Apology accepted.”

She smiled in relief and silence fell over us once more. I mulled over the idea of telling Lucy the details of Adam’s disgrace. Would she still be as trusting of me if she knew what he had done? Revealing his secret was a risk but it also felt wrong to keep things from her, as if I was holding back a piece of myself. The thought confused me; it was Adam’s life I was living not my own, yet sometimes it was as if we were two people combined.

“Can I ask you a question?” Lucy asked.

“Sure.”

“As a teacher, do you come across many sheep?”

“Not really, though the children can be animals at times,” I joked. The barn fell silent as Lucy processed what I’d said.

“How do you know so much about them? I wouldn’t even know that bloat exists, never mind the signs to watch for, and I live in the heart of the countryside.”

It was my turn to be silent. I didn’t know how to answer this. I knew why Charlie knew so much about sheep, he had grown up on a farm. I had no idea why Adam would have that sort of knowledge; he was well educated with no interest in agriculture or farming. I was cornered, I had nowhere else to hide. Her eyes burned into me as she waited for my answer. I was never any good at lying and knew she was likely to see through any evasive reply gave her.

“My dad owns a sheep farm, I grew up tending the lambs, and when I was old enough I became his first farm hand.” I avoided eye contact as I produced an honest answer, preferring to look at the ground instead. When I did glance her way I caught a glimpse of a raised eyebrow.

“You and Charlie are so similar,” she said after a long pause.

“I’m hoping that’s a good thing.”

“It’s a good and a bad thing.”

“Why bad?”

She sighed heavily.

“Because I miss him. Because the world is a little less radiant and a little more stormy without him. Because I haven’t been able to find anyone like him again… until now.” She turned her body towards mine. “You have his soul, his heart, his gentle affection. There are times when it’s hard for me to differentiate between the two of you and it leaves me so confused.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I looked at my clasped hands.

“That’s OK. In a way you bring him back to life for me.”

I fell silent while her words lingered in the air. “I’m glad I can help,” was the only reply I could conjure up.

“You
do
help me. I don’t think I’ve felt this carefree since I met Jamie.”

“He seemed to be good for you.”

“For a short time perhaps, in the early days, before I found out that his friendship was dependent on what I could do for him.”

“You’re never far away from someone willing to take advantage of you, especially in a time of need. I want to tell you that such people are in a minority but sadly that’s not the case. I guess it must be basic human nature, a sort of survival instinct.”

Lucy nodded slowly before scanning the barn in some detail. She would often retreat into her thoughts during times of vulnerability. Occasionally, when her own thoughts became too much, she would seek refuge in the comforting pages of a familiar story, usually one involving some form of tragedy:
Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde
were all firm favourites. In a cruel irony she was now the flesh and blood of her own tragic love story, and one that was a whole lot more complicated to escape from than simply closing the covers of a book.

I watched as the burden of her thoughts caused a small crease to appear between her eyebrows. I wanted to save her from the uncertainties that were crushing her and affecting her ability to think rationally. But something held me back. I was once again reminded of the fact that I was here to save her life, not carry on where we’d left off.