The Legend (63 page)

The crowd
in attendance cheered and clapped as I finished the speech but my eyes remained
on the track behind me. It was a place that one year ago I watched my son dance
around like a pimp throwing one dollar bills into the crowd. It was a same
place where my dad chuckled with emotion when he watched his son’s and their
bond of raising the window net together. It was a race track.
A place that was home for us.
Confined between concrete and
asphalt, it had the power to heal wounds you never thought would heal. It’s
hard when you think about the past and looked to the present. It feels like
you’re moving on without them but you’re not. You’re living life with their
memory.

The crowd
was still clapping as I stood on the side of the stage. My eyes caught my mom
who was holding Arie and Lexi close to her side as they cried.

I looked
to her one last time. Arie and Lexi moved to the side and reached for Sway and
Alley, who were also crying.

“Are you
sure?” I asked leaning into my mom to whisper in her ear.

“Yes,” she
whispered before kissing my cheek and then Spencer and Emma. “For us,” she
whispered.

Casten,
who stood on the other side of Sway, smiled and gave me a wink. I chuckled
shaking my head. He always knew when I needed a smile.

My mom was
never a woman to get up in front of an audience, she enjoyed the shadows of all
this. But being the strong woman I always knew her to be, she knew his fans
wanted to hear from her. Since the accident, she has yet to speak publicly
about him and this being my first race of the NASCAR season; they wanted to
hear from her and me.

Jimi had
not only shaped the sprint car racing community to be what it is today but he
left his mark in NASCAR. Starting out as a one man team he built an empire and
behind that empire was the woman that drove him, my mother.

Wearing a
sun hat, dark sunglasses and the dress dad bought her on their anniversary many
years back, she stepped toward the podium in front of a few hundred thousand
people. I could tell she was nervous, just as I was. She was speaking of the
man she knew better than any of us did and I was about to announce my
retirement.

Sway, stood
strong beside me as she always did, clutched my arm securely as mom began to
speak.

My mom
smiled at us and then nodded once bowing her head. “For the past few months
everyone has asked me how I’m holding up, or how our family is holding up.” She
paused for a moment before wiping away her tears, the entire crowd silenced. “I
can’t tell you that because we don’t know how we do it, just that we do. We’re
a racing family. It’s all we’ve ever known and will ever know. We can’t tell
you how because it’s in our blood. We know the dangers are out there but it
doesn’t change anything. Jimi Anthony Riley was a son, a father, a grandfather
and a husband
and
one of the greatest sprint car racers of all time.

“He made
history in sprint cars and he died in one but looking back on it, though I am
angry that I lost him, he died doing something he loved. Some may say that it’s
dangerous and why let him do something like that but how could I ever ask the
man I loved to quit doing what made him happy?” the crowd applauded her before
she continued.

“I loved
him before he was the legend everyone knew him as and I will love him just the
same now that he’s gone. That doesn’t change anything for me because I was
racers wife. I can tell you every race he ever won, every lap he ever led
because while he was in the spotlight, I was the one in the shadows that kept
him together. Just as I’ve said, I knew the dangers just as well he did, but as
a racers wife, I would never ask him to stop for one reason, he did it because
he loved it. I knew every time he climbed inside that car, I might be leaving
the track alone but I would never ask him to stop.  I may have stood in
his shadows but after the thrill from the victory was washed away, I was there
for him and that’s all that matters. I gave him all the love I had and in turn,
he gave me happiness. He gave me three wonderful kids and unconditional love.
So he may have been a legend in sprint car racing to you but he was the
greatest man I ever knew, he was my legend. His memory will forever be with me,
and our family.”

I’m sure
some may have expected her to say more but what she did, was perfect. Just like
the uniformity in a tire, everybody will deal with death in their own way and
in their own time. Sometimes it doesn’t happen right away. It can happen a week
later, a month later, or a year later. Or maybe it doesn’t happen for ten
years. Either way, uniformity can be appreciated.

Before
driver introductions were scheduled, we had one more press conference scheduled
with the media. My mom went with the girls back to the motor coach away from
the media and I walked back to the paddock alone.

Walking
through the paddock that day, life was going on much as it had for the past
twenty years I had been in the sport—humming with race day excitement. Crews
were scrambling to make sure everything was in order, drivers getting their
game faces on. A country band was playing in the infield; the music pulsed
through the venue.

It
reminded me of all the times I would walk up and down this same stretch over
the years knowing on any given night here, I could win.

Now I
wasn’t so sure.

Tate was
swapping stories with his son Jacob. Bobby was spending time with his wife and
daughter. Brody was in the hospitality tent with Simplex kissing ass I assumed.
When talk began to swirl that I may be hanging it up, he was so far up
Simplex’s ass, that if they sneezed, he was coming out their nose.

At my
hauler, Spencer was going over race day check lists while Sway cooked lunch for
everyone.

Everything
was normal with the exception of one thing: I was about to announce my
retirement.

I decided
after nineteen professional seasons in NASCAR; I was hanging up my helmet.

The thing
is
,
the weight of the world can crush you. Constantly
judging, never letting up. The media, the sacrifices, all of it, at some point
you realize there’s not a goddamn thing you can do to change it. Just go with
it. I went with it for years. My entire life so far I dealt with it and then
some. I had a choice to make now. Was this really for me any longer?

I knew
after Jimi died, I couldn’t give it everything I had any longer.  I knew
enough about myself to know that if I didn’t give it my all, I wasn’t doing it.
I couldn’t go out there with half-myself. It was safe for one and two; I was
tired. I had lived this lifestyle for as long as I could remember and I needed
time for myself and for my family.

Just as my
mom said, racing is all our family has ever known as it always will be with
Axel racing now. It just wasn’t my time any longer.

Telling
everyone who worked for me, and my family, was going to be hard because I was
changing their lives. The lifestyle we had been accustomed to for years would
be drastically different.

Sway and I
had discussed my retirement late at nights but I had yet to make my final
decision. Sometime during my mom’s speech that morning, I knew it was time. I
never wanted to feel that pain of seeing my wife give that very same speech.

I think
Sway sensed this so when I walked up to her prior to the press conference I
scheduled right before the drivers meeting, she smiled. “You’re going to,
aren’t you?”

I gave her
my only shot at a smile I could rally. “It’s time honey.”

We both
knew it was time.

Kyle,
Alley, Sway and Spencer followed me to the media center after that. The kids
stayed with my mom and kept her out of the media for good reason.

I was
nervous during the press conference looking to the sponsors who had supported
me throughout the years, other drivers who helped shape the career I now had,
friends and my family who were there for me these last few months.

When I
started to speak, I was shaking, sweating and damn near crying. “I’d like to
start by thanking each one of you who were there for me, prayed for my safe
recovery and wished us well dealing with our loss. I was honestly astounded at
the amount of card, letters, and flowers me and my family received.”

Taking a
deep breath, I continued. I was nervous, need I say that again?

“It meant
a lot to us to know we had your support.” My hand dropped from my hat to the
microphone again. “It wasn’t easy but we came back from it. During that time, I
realized a lot about myself and my family and what they need. What we need.”

I looked
at Sway for encouragement before speaking and she smiled that breathtaking
smile she had. In that instant, our whole lives flashed in front of me and
reminded me of the bond we had and why she was such a vital part of this
decision. She reminded of why this was what I had to do.

I saw her
standing there in those jean shorts and that black tank top the night I met
her, her innocence so beautiful. I saw flashes of our childhood, our summers
together, the night I asked her to stay and she did. I saw her vowing her
commitment to me. The look on her face when she held each of our children for
the first time, the day she left me and the look of forgiveness on her face
when I begged her to take me back. I saw her standing over me in the hospital,
tears streaming down her face and the utter heartbreak when she told me my dad
was gone. For over thirty years, this woman owned me; of course, I would look
to her for answers.

Our eyes
held each other’s for a moment before she mouthed, “I love you,” and then
winked.

I smiled
and starred down at the microphone as I spoke, just as my mom had done earlier this
morning. “This is probably the hardest decision I’ve had to make, but it’s
time. Most of you know what the off-season brought with it for our family and
the wreck I was in with my dad. As you know, he didn’t walk away like I did.”
Though this had already been said before, I said it again. I swallowed over the
lump forming in my throat and clung to the only composure I had. My hand
trembled holding the microphone. “It took a lot for me to make this decision
but I honestly believe it’s time. So
...
” I
paused looking at Sway again. “I’m retiring at the end of the season. 
Easton Levi will take over my No. 9 Simplex Ford next year.”

I looked
to Easton who then looked at me with a mixed reaction. His eyes were wide as
they darted from me, to Kyle and then back to me. Even Kyle didn’t know I was
retiring until now, but deep down, he knew by the look in my eyes when I saw
him in Charlotte last week.

Easton
gasped and then mouthed, “Really?” to me. I never told him prior to tonight but
I knew he wanted the ride. What distracted me from him was the response from
everyone else.

When I saw
tears in the eyes of some of the world’s best racers in NASCAR, that
me
, Jameson Riley, the kid that fought most of his career to
be known as Jameson Riley, was hanging it up, I lost it.

I couldn’t
look at Kyle and Tate and not cry. I couldn’t look at Bobby and the other
members of my team that gathered and not cry. Here were the men who fought just
as hard as I did and kept me going when I didn’t think I could go on after
Sway’s accident and my dad’s death but I did, because of them.

Only
another driver could understand my attachment to racing, aside from my family,
and how hard this decision was for me to make but it was time. It may seem
meaningless that I came back just to announce my retirement but the fact of the
matter was I needed to know that I could.

People
gasped, others just stayed silent. Reporters hurled their questions at me but I
only saw the woman who pulled me through everything and made me see the light.

My wife.

Back at
the hauler, my family had gathered after the news broke.

“So you’re
really retiring?” Axel asked when I pulled my racing suit on. It was just him,
me and Casten in the hauler now.

“Yeah, I’m
really doing it?”

“He’s full
of shit.” Casten mumbled with a mouthful of his hamburger.

Chuckling
at Casten, I turned back to Axel who was standing with his arms crossed. “It’s
just time buddy.”

“Time for you?”
Axel asked. “Or time for you and mom?”

Axel knew
that I worried about her. Sway never once complained about our lifestyle for
the past twenty years but she deserved to live a normal life at some point. If
the last few months had taught me anything, it was that we needed some normal.
But I also wasn’t doing it just for her. This was just as much about me as it
was about our entire family.

“It’s just
time.” I patted his shoulder while he rolled his eyes and followed me outside.
Of course hundreds of reporters followed me to my car that night, all wanting
to get me to say that I was scared or that maybe I couldn’t handle the pressure
anymore. Then there were some that speculated problems with me and my sponsor
but it had nothing to do with that.

One
particular reporter had practically tripped me with his enthusiasm so I answered
him more or less to get him away from me. My patience was still not that great.