The Left Behind Collection: All 12 Books (42 page)

“Yeah, a little. But I’m not going to throw myself at him. I just thought he was interested, that’s all. His note said he was attracted to me.”

“How did you respond to that?”

“To him, you mean?”

Rayford nodded.

“I didn’t. What was I supposed to do? I was attracted to him, too, but I didn’t want to scare him off.”

“Maybe he thinks he’s scared you off. Maybe he thinks he came on too strong too soon. But you didn’t feel that way?”

“In a way I did, but down deep it was right. I thought just being open to him and staying friendly would make the point.”

Dad shrugged. “Maybe he needs more encouragement.”

“He’s not going to get it from me. Not my style. You know that.”

“I know, hon,” Rayford said, “but a lot has changed about you recently.”

“Yeah, but my style hasn’t.” That made even her laugh. “Daddy, what am I going to do? I’m not ready to give up on him, but couldn’t you see it wasn’t the same? He should have asked me out for something to eat, but he didn’t even accept our invitation.”

“
Our
invitation?
I
was in on that?”

“Well, it wouldn’t have been appropriate for me to ask him out by myself.”

“I know. But maybe he didn’t want to go out with me around.”

“If he felt about me the way I thought he did, he would have. In fact, he would have asked me first and left you out of it. I mean . . . I didn’t mean it that way, Dad.”

“I know what you meant. I think you’re being a little too gloomy too soon about this. Give him a day. See what a difference a night’s sleep makes.”

The news came back on, and Chloe sipped her tea. Rayford felt privileged that she would talk to him about things like this. He didn’t remember that she had even talked to Irene much about guys. He knew he was her only port in a storm, but still he enjoyed her confidence. “I don’t have to watch this if you want to talk some more,” he told her. “There’s nothing new here since what Bruce told us.”

“No,” she said, standing. “Frankly, I’m sick of myself. Sitting here talking about my love life, or lack of it, seems pretty juvenile at this point in history, don’t you think? It’s not like there’s nothing to fill my time even if I don’t go back to school. I want to memorize Ezekiel, Daniel, and Revelation for starters.”

Rayford laughed. “You’re kidding!”

“Of course! But you know what I mean, Dad? I never would have dreamed the Bible would even interest me, but now I’m reading it like there’s no tomorrow.”

Rayford fell silent, and he could tell Chloe was struck by her own unintentional irony. “I am too,” he said. “I already know more about end-times prophecy than I ever knew existed. We’re living it, right here, right now. There aren’t many tomorrows left, are there?”

“Certainly not enough to waste pining away over a guy.”

“He’s a pretty impressive guy, Chlo’.”

“You’re a big help. Let me forget him, will you?”

Rayford smiled. “If I don’t mention him, you’ll forget him? Should we get him kicked out of the Tribulation Force?”

Chloe shook her head. “And anyway, how long has it been since you called me
Chlo
’
?”

“You used to like that.”

“Yeah. When I was nine. ’Night, Dad.”

“’Night, sweetheart. I love you.”

Chloe had been heading toward the kitchen, but she stopped and turned and hurried back, bending to embrace him, careful not to spill her tea. “I love you too, Dad. More than ever and with all my heart.”

Buck Williams lay on his stomach in his new bed for the first time. It felt strange. His was a nice place in a good building, but suburban Chicago was not New York. It was too quiet. He had brought home a bag of fresh fruit, ignored it, watched the news, and turned on soft music. He decided to read the New Testament until he fell asleep.

Buck had been soaking up whatever he could from Bruce Barnes about what was to come next, but he found himself turning to the Gospels rather than the Old Testament or the Revelation prophecies. What a revolutionary Jesus turned out to be. Buck was fascinated with the character, the personality, the mission of the man. The Jesus he had always imagined or thought he knew about was an impostor. The Jesus of the Bible was a radical, a man of paradoxes.

Buck set the Bible on the nightstand and rolled onto his back, shielding his eyes from the light.
If you want to be rich, give your money away,
he told himself.
That’s the gist of it. If you want to be exalted, humble yourself. Revenge sounds logical, but it’s wrong. Love your enemies, pray for those who put you down. Bizarre.

His mind wandered to Chloe. What was he doing? She wasn’t blind. She was young, but she was not stupid. He couldn’t lead her on and then change his mind, not without being up front. But
was
he changing his mind? Did he really want to just forget about her? Of course not. She was a wonderful person, fun to talk to. She was a fellow believer and compatriot. She would be a good friend, regardless.

So it had already come to that? He would give her the let’s-be-friends line? Was that what he wanted?

God, what am I supposed to do?
he prayed silently.
To tell you the truth, I’d love to be in love. I’d love to start a relationship with Chloe. But is she too young? Is this the wrong time to even be thinking about such a thing? I know you have a lot for us to do. What if we did fall in love? Should we get married? What would we do about children, if you’re coming back in seven years? If there was ever a time to wonder about bringing children into this world, it’s now.

Buck pulled his arm away from his eyes and squinted at the light. Now what? Was God supposed to answer him aloud? He knew better than that. He swung his legs over the side and sat on the bed, his head in his hands.

What had gotten into him? All he wanted to know was whether he should keep pursuing Chloe. He started praying about it, and all of a sudden he was thinking about marriage and children. Craziness.
Maybe that’s how God works,
he thought.
He leads you to logical, or illogical, conclusions.

Based on that, he thought he had better not encourage Chloe anymore. She was interested, he could see that. If he showed the same interest, it would lead only one direction. In the new chaotic world they lived in, they would eventually grow desperate for each other. Should he allow that?

It didn’t make sense. How could he let anything compete with his devotion to God? And yet he couldn’t just ignore her, start treating her like a sister. No, he would do the right thing. He would talk to her about it. She was worth it, that was for sure. He would set an informal date, and they would have a chat. He would tell her straight out that, left to his own wishes, he would want to get to know her better. That would make her feel good, wouldn’t it? But would he have the courage to follow through and tell her what he really thought—that neither of them should pursue a romantic relationship now?

He didn’t know. But he was sure of one thing: if he didn’t set it up right now, he probably never would. He looked at his watch. A little after ten-thirty. Would she still be up? He dialed the Steeles.

Rayford heard the phone on his way up the stairs. He heard Chloe stir, but her light was off. “I’ll get it, hon,” he said. He hurried to his bed table and answered.

“Mr. Steele, it’s Buck.”

“Hey, Buck, you’ve got to quit calling me
Mister
. You’re making me feel old.”

“Aren’t you old?” Buck said.

“Cute. Call me Ray. What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if Chloe was still up.”

“You know, I don’t think she is, but I can check and see if she’s still awake.”

“No, that’s all right,” Buck said. “Just have her call me at her convenience, would you?” He gave Rayford his new number.

“Dad!” Chloe said a few minutes later. “You knew I was awake!”

“You didn’t answer when I said I’d get it,” he said. “I wasn’t sure. Don’t you think this is for the best? Let him wait till morning?”

“Oh, Dad!” she said. “I don’t know. What do you think he wanted?”

“I have no idea.”

“Ooh, I hate this!”

“I love it.”

“You would.”

Saturday morning Buck drove to New Hope Village Church, hoping to catch Bruce Barnes in his office. The secretary told him Bruce was finishing up his sermon preparation, but that she also knew he would want to see Buck. “You’re part of Bruce’s inner circle, aren’t you?” she said.

Buck nodded. He guessed he was. Should it have been an honor? He felt so new, like such a baby, as a follower of Christ. Who would ever have predicted this for him? And yet who would have dreamed the Rapture would take place? He shook his head.
Only the millions who were ready,
he decided.

With the announcement that Buck was waiting, Bruce immediately swung open his door and embraced him. That was something new for Buck, too, all this hugging, especially among men. Bruce looked haggard. “Another long night?” Buck asked.

Bruce nodded. “But another long feast on the Word. I’m making up for lost time, you know. I’ve had these resources on hand for years and never took advantage of them. I’m trying to decide how to tell the congregation, probably within the next month, that I feel called to travel. People here are going to have to step up and help lead.”

“You’re afraid they’ll feel abandoned?”

“Exactly. But I’m not leaving the church. I’ll be here as much as I can. As I told you and the Steeles yesterday, this is a weight I feel God has put on me. There’s joy in it—I’m learning so much. But it’s scary, too, and I know I’m not up to it, apart from the Spirit’s power. I think it’s just another price I have to pay for having missed the truth the first time. But you didn’t come to hear me complain.”

“I just have two quick things, and then I’ll let you get back to your study. First, and I’ve been pushing this from my mind the last few days, but I feel terrible about Hattie Durham. Remember her? Rayford’s flight attendant—”

“The woman you introduced to Carpathia? Sure. The one Rayford almost had a fling with.”

“Yeah, I suppose he feels bad about her too.”

“I can’t speak for him, Buck, but as I recall, you tried to warn her about Carpathia.”

“I told her she might wind up being his plaything, yes, but at the time I had no idea who he really was.”

“She went to New York on her own. It was her choice.”

“But, Bruce, if I hadn’t introduced them, he wouldn’t have asked to see her again.”

Bruce sat back and folded his arms. “You want to rescue her from Carpathia, is that it?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t see how you could do it without putting yourself in danger. She’s no doubt enamored with her new life already. She’s gone from being a flight attendant to being the personal assistant to the most powerful man in the world.”

“Personal assistant and who knows what else.”

Bruce nodded. “Probably so. I don’t imagine he chose her for her clerical skills. Still, what do you do? Call her and tell her her new boss is the Antichrist and that she should leave him?”

Buck said, “That’s why I’m here. I don’t know what to do.”

“And you think I do.”

“I was hoping.”

Bruce smiled wearily. “Now I know what my former senior pastor, Vern Billings, meant when he said people think their pastor should know everything.”

“No advice then?”

“This is going to sound trite, Buck, but you have to do what you have to do.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning if you’ve prayed about it and feel a real leading from God to talk with Hattie, then do it. But you can imagine the consequences. The next person to know about it will be Carpathia. Look what he’s done to you already.”

“That’s the issue,” Buck said. “Somehow I have to find out how much Carpathia knows. Does he think he wiped from my memory that I was at that meeting, the way he wiped it from everyone else’s? Or does he know I know what went on and that’s why he got me in trouble, demoted, relocated, and all that?”

“And you wonder why I’m weary?” Bruce said. “My gut feeling is that if Carpathia knew you were a believer now and that you had been protected from his brainwashing, he’d have you killed. If he thinks he still has power over you, as he does over people without Christ in their lives, he’ll try to use you.”

Buck sat back and stared at the ceiling. “Interesting you should say that,” he said. “That leads me to the second thing I wanted to talk with you about.”

Rayford spent the morning on the phone finalizing arrangements for his recertification on the Boeing 777. Monday morning he was to fly as a passenger from O’Hare to Dallas, where he would practice takeoffs and landings on military runways a few miles from the Dallas–Fort Worth airport.

“Oh, Chloe,” he said when he was finally off the phone. “Remember you wanted to call Buck back this morning.”

“Correction,” she said. “I wanted to call him back last night. In fact, I wanted to talk to him when he called.”

Rayford held up both hands in surrender. “My mistake,” he said. “Guilty. So call him.”

“No thanks.”

Rayford raised his brows at his daughter. “What? Now you’re going to punish Buck because of me? Call him!”

“No, the truth is I think this worked out for the best. I wanted to talk to him last night, but you were probably right. I would have seemed too eager, too forward. And he said I should call him back at my convenience. Well, first thing in the morning wouldn’t be that convenient. In fact, I’ll see him in church tomorrow, right?”

Rayford shook his head. “Now you’re going to play games with him? You were worried about obsessing over him like a schoolgirl, and now you’re acting like one.”

Chloe looked hurt. “Oh, thanks, Dad. Just remember, letting him wait was your idea.”

“That was just overnight. Don’t involve me in this if it’s going to get silly.”

“Well, Buck, here’s your chance to check in on Hattie,” Bruce Barnes said. “What do
you
think Carpathia wants?”

Buck shook his head. “No idea.”

“Do you trust this Steve Plank?”

“Yeah, I trust him. I worked for Steve for years. The scary thing is, he welcomed me to Carpathia’s pre-press-conference meeting, told me where to sit, told me who the various people were. Then later he asked why I hadn’t shown up. Told me Carpathia was a little put out that I wasn’t there.”

“And you know him well enough to know whether he’s being straight with you.”

“Frankly, Bruce, he’s the main reason I believe that Carpathia is the fulfillment of these prophecies we’re studying. Steve is a hard-nosed journalist from the old school. That he could be talked into leaving legitimate news coverage to be spokesman for a world politician shows Carpathia’s power of persuasion. Even I turned down that job. But to sit through that carnage and then forget that I was even there, that’s just . . .”

“Unnatural.”

“Exactly. I’ll tell you what was weird, though. Something in me wanted to believe Carpathia when he explained what had happened. Pictures began forming in my mind of Stonagal shooting himself and killing Todd-Cothran in the process.”

Bruce shook his head. “I confess that when you first told us that story, I thought you had gone mad.”

“I would have agreed with you, except for one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, all those other people saw it happen and remembered it one way. I remembered it entirely differently. If Steve had just told me I hadn’t seen it right, maybe I would have thought I was going crazy and had myself committed. But instead he told me I wasn’t even there! Bruce,
no one
remembers I was there! Well, tell me I’m in denial, but that’s hogwash. I was back in my office recording every detail into my computer by the time the news media got Carpathia’s version. If I wasn’t there, how did I know that Stonagal and Todd-Cothran would be carried out of there in body bags?”

“You don’t have to persuade me, Buck,” Bruce said. “I’m on your side. The question now is, what does Carpathia want? Do you think if he talks to you in private he’ll reveal his true self? or threaten you? or let you know he’s aware that you know the truth?”

“For what purpose?”

“To intimidate you. To use you.”

“Maybe. Maybe all he wants to do is try to read me, try to determine whether he succeeded in brainwashing me, too.”

“It’s pretty dangerous business, that’s all I’ve got to say.”

“I hope that’s
not
all you’ve got to say, Bruce. I was hoping for a little more counsel.”

“I’ll pray about it,” Bruce said. “But right now I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Well, at least I have to call Steve back. I don’t know whether Carpathia wants to talk by phone or in person.”

“Can you wait until Monday?”

“Sure. I can tell him I assumed he wanted me to call him back during business hours, but I can’t guarantee he won’t call me in the meantime.”

“He has your new number?”

“No. Steve calls my voice mail in New York.”

“Easy enough to ignore.”

Buck shrugged and nodded. “If that’s what you think I should do.”

“Since when have I become your adviser?”

“Since you became my pastor.”

When Rayford returned from running errands that morning, he realized from her body language and terse comments that he had offended Chloe. “Let’s talk,” he said.

“About what?”

“About how you have to cut me some slack. I was never very good at this parenting thing, and now I’m having trouble treating you like the adult that you are. I’m sorry I called you a schoolgirl. You handle Buck any way you think is right, and ignore me, all right?”

Chloe smiled. “I was ignoring you already. I don’t need your permission for that.”

“Then you forgive me?”

“Don’t worry about me, Dad. I can’t stay mad at you for long anymore. Seems to me we need each other. I called Buck, by the way.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “No answer. I guess he wasn’t watching for my call.”

“Did you leave a message?”

“No voice mail yet, I guess. I’ll see him at church tomorrow.”

“Will you tell him you called?”

Chloe smiled mischievously. “His phone will show it.”

Buck spent the rest of the day tweaking his cover story for
Global Weekly
on the theories behind the disappearances. He felt good about it, deciding it might be the best work he had ever done. It included everything from the tabloidlike attack by Hitler’s ghost, UFOs, and aliens, to the belief that this was some sort of cosmic evolutionary cleansing, a survival-of-the-fittest adjustment in the world’s population.