“What
the fuck is this shithole?” Zane dropped the suitcases on the floor and cursed
under his breath. “I’m sorry, Lucky.”
“It’s
okay.” I stood in the bathroom wondering how I was going to tell him that there
was no toilet. “Let’s just relax, yeah?” I turned around quickly and grabbed
the remote control and turned the TV on. I smiled when I saw Sheldon from
Big Bang
Theory
on the screen. “Yay, they have American TV.” I grinned at
him, but my smile became frozen as they started speaking in another language. I
kept the smile plastered on my face and sat on the hard bed while flicking
through the channels. I got all the way through 105 channels before realizing
that there was nothing in English. I looked up and saw Zane staring at me and
the TV screen with a smirk on his face.
“What’s
so funny?”
“Your
look of disappointment when you realized that there was nothing for you to
watch on TV.”
“Oh,
oops, sorry.” I stood up and walked over to give him a hug. “I’m just glad to
be here with you.”
“At
least we have that.” He kissed my forehead. “Now excuse me a second, I just
need to go to the bathroom.”
“Um,
about that.” I grabbed ahold of him. “I think we have to use a public toilet.”
“What?”
He shouted, his face growing angry again. “I am not paying $400 a night to use
a public restroom.”
“This
place is $400 a night?” My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. There was
no way this place was worth even $40 a night.
“Are
you sure about the toilet?” Zane walked to the bathroom, opened a door and
cursed. “Okay, let’s see if it is somewhere else.” I tried not to look at him
like he was crazy, but the room was so dreadfully small, there wasn’t even a
place to hide a toilet.
Zane
walked to the corner of the room and opened a door to what I thought I thought
was the closet. “What the fuck?” Zane cursed again as he looked in front of the
open door.
I
walked over to him to see what had gotten him so worked up. My face paled as I
stared at the toilet. It was a normal looking toilet, but it took up the whole
“room.” There was no way someone could sit on the toilet and close the door; it
was literally impossible.
“Oh,
that’s a tight space.”
We
both stood there staring at each other for a couple of seconds before we both
started laughing. Our laughter was so loud that I thought someone would think
we were dying of a laughing attack. I doubled over from laughing so hard and
Zane grabbed hold of me to keep me from falling over. “My stomach hurts.” I
took a breath and clutched onto his arm.
“I’m
about to piss my pants.” Zane gave me a wry smile. “Literally.”
“Well
then you better go to the toilet.” I pointed to the door and he shuddered.
“Okay.”
He took two steps and I heard him unzip his pants, and then I heard the sound
of his wee as it hit the toilet bowl.
I
cringed when I realized that every noise someone made while on the toilet would
be heard by everyone in the room. I quickly walked back to the bed and laid
flat on my back, deep in thought. What was I going to do when I needed to go to
the bathroom? There was no way I wanted him to hear me on the toilet, not for
number 1 or 2. Number 1 was bad enough, but I knew I would die of shame if he
heard me go number 2. There were some things that should just never be shared.
“That’s
better.” Zane plopped down on the bed next to me and I frowned.
“You
didn’t wash your hands.”
“What?”
He looked confused.
“You
didn’t wash your hands and you were just holding your Johnson.”
“My
Johnson?” He jumped up and walked to the bathroom. “I’d rather we call him Zane
Jr.”
“I’d
rather we didn’t call him anything at all, actually.” I stared at Zane as he
made his way back to the bed. His hair was growing longer and I could see the
facial hair growing on his neck and face. He looked handsome, and manly. I
wanted to feel the rough of his stubble against the softness of my skin.
“Are
you sure about that?” He laid down flat on his stomach and leaned on his arms
while staring at me.
“Sure
about what?” His eyes and lips had mesmerized me and I wasn’t sure what he was
talking about.
“You
know what.” He laughed and all of a sudden I was taken back to the first day I
saw him come into the diner. It had been a Friday about 7 p.m. It had been
pretty slow and Maria and I’d been dancing around behind the counter. She had
been trying to teach me the basic salsa steps and I had been concentrating so
hard that I hadn’t even noticed some customers had entered the restaurant.
“Sorry
to bother you two dancing queens, but do you think we can get a table?” His
voice had been deep and firm, but his tone had been full of laughter.
I
looked up, ready to apologize, but the words had stuck in my throat as I gazed
into his deep blue eyes. He had stared back at me, and we had what I had
thought was an instant connection. I had given him a sweet smile and was about
to lead him to a table when I noticed the gorgeous blonde behind him. She stood
there snarling at me and then studied her fingernails, and I had felt about six
inches tall.
“I’m
sorry, sir. This way.” I had grabbed the menus and berated myself mentally for
thinking that we had had a connection. There was no way a man like him would be
interested in a waitress like me.
“I
thought I had walked into a dance class and not a diner.” His eyes teased me as
he took the menus and I blushed.
“Sorry
about that.” I muttered again and he winked at me.
“Do
you guys only have burgers?” The blonde had looked at me in disgust. “What is
this place, Zane? I thought we were going to Ruth’s Chris.”
“They
didn’t have any reservations, Emily.” He had reached over and caressed her
hand. “A burger won’t kill you just this once.”
“I
guess so, Zane.” She had tinkled and tightened her fingers in his. I had stood
there staring at them for a moment when Zane had looked up at me and smiled. A
real, wide, genuine smile, and I had been captivated by him. It wasn’t just
that he had been the most gorgeous man I had ever seen but there was a glint in
his eyes that had lit a part of me on fire.
“Are
you okay, Lucky?” Zane’s expression was worried as he looked at me searchingly.
I nodded slowly. “I was just thinking
about the first time we met.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,
your expression just now reminded me of that day.” I smiled gently and ran my
fingers along his jaw line. “You were so arrogant and hot, I didn’t know what
to think about you.”
“I’m
just glad you thought about me period.” He stared into my eyes. “To think we
may never have met if I had never gone in that diner that night.”
“We
would have met.” I leaned forward and kissed him. “We’re soul mates. Soul mates
always meet up at some point in their lives.”
“You’re
just a regular old romantic sap aren’t you Lucky?” He kissed me back gently.
“Can I hear your song for me now?”
“It’s
bad.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to say it now.”
“Why
not?”
“Yours
was so beautiful and mine…well, mine is just really bad and goofy.”
“Nothing
about you is goofy.”
“Have
you seen me at the gym?” I giggled. “Trust me, if you saw me try to use some of
those weight machines, you would think I was the goofiest person that you ever
met.”
“Stop
trying to change the subject.” He licked my lips with the tip of his tongue.
“Let me hear it.”
“If
you promise not to laugh.”
“Of
course I won’t laugh.”
“Okay.”
I groaned. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you, but it’s really goofy.”
“I’m
waiting.”
“Argh.
Okay. Here we go.” I cleared my throat and sat up a little bit so that we were
eye to eye. I coughed and then recited the poem I had written for him.
Zane, there has never been a man like you
Who has taken my heart and swallowed it up
I want you to know that you never have to doubt
That you have my love forever
I’ll never leave you, never stop loving you, never stop
wanting to be with you
You are
me, I am you, we are one
The
room was silent as I finished speaking and I was scared that Zane was trying to
hold his laughter in. I looked into his eyes and I realized that they looked
wet.
“I
told you it sucked.” I mumbled, embarrassed.
“That
was amazing, Lucky. Thank you.” He reached over and squeezed my hand. “Now,
what do you want to go and do?”
“Wait,
we’re going out?” I was surprised and disappointed that he had changed the
topic so quickly but I didn’t want to ask him why. I knew he was a newbie to
emotions and I was pretty confident that he was most probably feeling
overwhelmed with everything that was going on.
He
jumped up off of the bed and stared down at me. “Want to see the Eiffel Tower
by night?”
“Sure,
I suppose so.” I sat up and rubbed my eyes before getting off of the bed. “I
didn’t know we were going to go out right away.”
“There’s
no time like the present right?” He laughed forcefully and looked away. He
walked over to his suitcase and started fiddling around with it and I stood
there watching him unsure of what to say.
“Did
I do something to make you mad, Zane?” I asked softly. “Was it my poem? I’m
sorry if you didn’t like it.”
He
turned around slowly and looked at me with a clouded expression. “I liked the
poem, Lucky.”
“So
why are you acting so funny?”
“You
really love me, don’t you?”
“You
know I do.”
“It
just suddenly felt real. I know that sounds dumb, but I think it just hit me
like a ton of bricks. You really really love me and you are in this whatever
happens.” He paused. “I’m not an easy man to love and I know that I’ve already
put you through a lot. I guess I’m just wondering how much you can put up with.
There are going to be so many more ups and downs with me.” He grimaced. “If you
haven’t noticed, I get jealous, angry, and annoyed, and it hit me that at some
point you’re no longer going to be thinking we are one. At some point you’re
going to regret that you said you would never leave me or stop wanting to be
with me. I know you love me. But sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes people
can push you away so hard that it doesn’t matter how much you love them.”
“I’m
not going to leave you, Zane.”
“But
you don’t know that. You can’t guarantee it.” He took a deep breath. “I’m
sorry, this is something I’m trying to be rational about. It’s just hard.”
“Don’t
freeze me out, Zane.” I took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something.”
“What?”
His eyes narrowed and his body stilled. “What is it Lucky?”
“Noah
found your mom.” I began and when I saw the confused, but excited expression in
his eyes, I suddenly felt scared to tell him more. “I guess he was looking for
her online. That’s what Sidney told me.”
“I
wondered what the two of you were whispering about.”
“Noah
gave him a file before he died and in the file was the contact information for
your mom.” Zane’s expression was obstinate, but I could see the hope in his
eyes and it killed me.
“I
see. So what next?” He ran his hands through his hair. “I don’t know what to
say. Am I supposed to call her? Did Noah call her?”
“I,
uh, I don’t know.” I bit my lip, unsure of how to tell him about my conversation
with his mother without breaking his heart.
“I
guess I’ll call her when we get back?” He shrugged to pretend that he didn’t
care but I knew differently. “I’ll have to tell her Noah died.”
“The
thing is… she’s in Paris,” I blurted out.
“What?”
His head stilled. “She’s here?”
“Yes.”
I took a big gulp. “I called her.”
“You
told her we were coming here?” His voice was low and angry. “I don’t want to
see her, Lucky.”
“I
…” My voice choked up and I wasn’t sure how to finish my sentence. “I spoke to
her and ….”
“She’s
expecting to see me now, isn’t she? She thinks she can just come back in my
life after everything that happened? She thinks that after 19 years I’m going
to greet her back into my life with open arms. Or did she run out of money? Did
she ask you if I have money?”
“No.”
My voice was low.
“I
can’t believe you told her I would go and see her.” Zane was fuming. “I’m done
with her. I do not care about her. I do not care to see her. She left me,
Lucky. She left me and never looked back.”
“I’m
sorry.” Tears brimmed in my eyes at the anger in Zane’s voice. I wasn’t sad
because he was shouting at me though. I was sad because I knew beyond a doubt
that all he wanted was for his mom to have a good reason for leaving him. I
didn’t correct his misapprehension of our conversation because I didn’t want
him to know the truth. I’d rather he think she wanted to get back into his life
than what had really been said.