The Lace Reader (36 page)

“No!” I scream, jumping up, tearing the lace from the window. I cannot have this, I will not. Not him.

His instincts take over. He is out of bed and at the window, pushing me away from it, out of the line of fire. We hit the floor hard. It takes him a minute to realize we are both okay.

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“Cal,” he says.

“No,” I say.

He heard it, too. I know it as he says it.

He looks outside. Then he sees Byzy, staring at us from the other room. If there had been a shot, the dog’s reaction would have been different and much more agitated.

Rafferty tries to clear his head. He spots the lace on the floor. “I saw Cal . . .” he starts.

“It was a dream.”

“He was here.”

“No,” I say.

He rubs his temples.

“You were dreaming,” I say. I gesture to Byzy, who is staring at us.

“If there had been a shot . . .”

Rafferty holds up his hand, already getting it. He sits back on the bed. “God,” he says. “It seemed so real.”

I will not look at him. If I look at him, I’ll never be able to leave. And I must leave. I have seen it in the lace. The bullet went though him and into me. I felt the life go out of him, and I was alone. We were still attached, still fused, but he was dead.
Put your hand together with mine as if you’re praying,
Lyndley used to say to me.
Then run your thumb and index finger across both of them.

. . . That’s what dead feels like.

No, not Rafferty. Please, not him.

He reaches for me, tries to draw me to him.

I twist away.

“This was a mistake,” I say.

“It’s okay. It was a dream.”

“No.” I pull back. “Not that. This.” I point to the bed, to us. “This was a huge mistake.”

I can see the hurt on him, a lot of hurt. But no real surprise. Rafferty is more psychic than he knows. I only realize that now. In some The Lace Reader 325

deep psychic place, he already knew that it would come to this.

“I’m sorry,” I say. I do not look at him. I cannot look at him again or I won’t be able to leave. If I stay, he will die. I have seen it in the lace. The bullet will fuse us together, but the man I love will die. The realization of my own feelings stops me. But only for a minute. I know what I have to do. I fumble for Byzy’s leash. I clip it to his collar and pull him up.

“Where are you going?” Rafferty asks.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. I drag Byzy to the door and down the steps.

I look toward town and Eva’s house. The only place to go. It seems so far from here that I’ll never make it. When I get there, I’ll make the call and get myself to California. I’ll do what I did once before. I’ll get as far away from here as I can without falling off the edge of the earth.

Ë

È

Ê

Ë

É PART FIVE

If the question is right and the Seeker is pre-
pared to receive, the answer will be immediate.
Ë —THE LACE READER’S GUIDE

È

Chapter 25

Rafferty hung up the phone and looked at his watch. Leah was coming in at three. He had time.

He’d been smart for a change and talked directly to his ex. “Would you mind if we went back to the original schedule?” Rafferty had asked. There must have been something in his voice that got to her, because she didn’t hang up.

“You mean tomorrow?” she asked.

“I mean as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, I guess. That is, if it’s okay with Leah,” she said, then added,

“The only problem is, we’ve already made plans for the week before Labor Day. I’ll have to change them if she’s coming back early.”

“I don’t want her to go back early,” Rafferty said. “Hell, I don’t want her to go back at all.”

“You sound strange. Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’ve been better,” he said.

u

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He hadn’t told the chief that Towner was leaving. She wouldn’t be back for the trial, wasn’t going to testify against Cal when the time came. She’d told him she wanted to drop the charges. He’d told her it was impossible. That
she
hadn’t filed the charges, the state had. She said she wouldn’t testify. The only hope they had of nailing Cal now was if they found Angela’s body. Rafferty didn’t want to hope for that.

They’d all agreed that he should turn over the case to a new guy, a young kid who’d just been promoted to detective. Rafferty had gotten too close, the chief said. The chief didn’t know the half of it. Rafferty packed the files in a box for the new kid, taking out some of the more personal stuff about Towner, filing those old manila folders back in the archive room where they belonged. If the new guy was going to dig that deep into the case, he’d have to do it himself. It wasn’t much, but it was the only thing Rafferty could do for her. He cleaned his coffee cup and straightened his desk. He knew he was wasting time. He wasn’t anxious to tell the chief that the assault case against Cal Boynton was all but finished.

The chief came through the door and stared at Rafferty. “It’s over,” he said, as if reading Rafferty’s mind. The chief’s look was incredulous, he was amazed.

“I was going to tell you,” Rafferty said. “Towner’s going back to California. She’s not going to testify.”

The chief looked at him strangely. “I’m not talking about Towner,”

the chief said.

“I don’t understand.”

“Come with me.”

Rafferty followed the chief to the lobby. Standing at the desk, talking to the desk clerk, was Angela Rickey. The bruises on her face were healed. She was dressed in maternity clothes that were almost fashionable.

The Lace Reader 331

“What the . . . ? Where the hell have you been?” Rafferty said. Angela turned to him. “I was in New York City visiting my friend Susan,” she said. “Someone called from Maine and said you were looking for me.”

“That’s the understatement of the century,” the chief said.

“The whole town thinks you’re dead,” Rafferty said.

“I came as soon as I heard.”

The desk clerk spoke up. “She wants me to tell her where Cal is.”

“He’s in jail under suspicion of murdering you.”

All of a sudden, she didn’t look as well.

“I need to see him.” Her voice was shaky.

“I told her he’s not here, but she doesn’t believe me,” the desk clerk said.

“He’s up in Middleton,” said the chief.

“I need to see him,” she said again.

Chapter 26

Jack told Jay-Jay he wouldn’t be back. He didn’t tell him the other part, that May had fired him. Rafferty might have figured out that Jack was running girls for May’s new Underground Railroad, but his brother Jay-Jay didn’t have a clue. Jay-Jay thought he was hanging around in the hopes that Towner would come back, which was also true.

“You know I love you, Jack,” May had said. “But you’re becoming a liability. You’re a drunk. I have to end this.”

He’d already sold his slip. The only reason he was still here was to meet with the guy and get the check. He’d sold the traps last week, when he knew he was really going.

He saw Eva’s boathouse door open. Saw Towner leaning over to start the Whaler. There was a dog in the bow, a big hulking yellow thing with huge teeth.

Jack ducked inside the cabin; he didn’t want to see her. Still, he kept an eye on her as the boat passed.

She looked better. Thank God. He never would have touched her if he’d known about the surgery. Shouldn’t have anyway. She couldn’t drink. Never could. The notion that he might have caused her to get 334 Brunonia

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sick was something he thought about every hour he was awake. She could have died. Almost did, according to May, though May had no idea what had happened between them that night, no idea it might have been his fault.

He’d taken advantage of her the way you hear about at frat parties. Hadn’t used a roofie, nothing like that, but she had been . . . how do you say it? Impaired. He hated himself for it. As soon as he touched her he’d hated himself. But it hadn’t stopped him. She was just lying there, eyes distant, not looking at him. Some deep part of him, some sick romantic part, had thought if he just kissed her, she would wake up and come back to him. It hadn’t worked. Then, for some even sicker reason, he thought he should do more. The more he touched her the further she went, until her eyes, still open, were dead-looking and far away. She wasn’t there at all. She didn’t love him. Not anymore. She loved the other guy. Maybe she’d never loved him.

There was a woman up in Canada. Someone he’d been seeing for a long time. He couldn’t commit to her. And she wouldn’t commit to him either, because of his drinking. “You’re going to die,” she’d said to him. “If you don’t stop, you’re just going to drop dead one of these days, and I don’t want to be there to see it.”

He watched Towner head out of the harbor toward Yellow Dog Island. He wished they could go back and change things. Wished he had killed Cal that night in the car, the one time he got the chance. He wished he could kill Rafferty now. No, that wasn’t true. Rafferty was a nice guy. A much nicer guy than he was. Which is what made it hurt even more.

Fuck. He had to stop drinking. He knew it. He could feel his fucking liver when he touched his side. It was huge. He started to cry. He couldn’t stop.

He’d raped her. That was probably a fact. Maybe she wouldn’t call it that, if she even remembered it, but that’s what it was. He’d The Lace Reader 335

raped her, and he’d almost killed her. All he’d wanted was for her to come back to him. And what he’d ended up doing was the same thing as Cal. He was as bad as Cal Boynton. Worse, maybe, because he knew the horrible history of what Cal had done. The real truth was that he had spent the better part of his life hoping for something that would never happen. Hoping that Towner would come back and see him and know him the way she once had, and that they would live happily ever after the way some part of him had always believed they would. She’d once believed the happilyever-after crapola as much as he had. He was certain of it. What he’d wanted that night was to wake her with a kiss and have her see him as her prince—her fucking prince, for God’s sake, how stupid did that sound? He wanted her to see him as a prince, when the fact was she couldn’t see him at all, not anymore. She hadn’t been able to see him, or even look at him, since the day she’d jumped off of his boat and tried to drown herself, and he’d jumped, too, all heroic, actually believing he could save her.

Chapter 27

Angela had insisted on seeing Cal. The police escorted her to Middleton. When she came out, she was wearing his ring, the one he let his followers kiss. It was huge on her finger. She held it like a treasure.

“We’re getting married,” she said, her eyes full of tears. “We’re going to Las Vegas and getting married as soon as he gets out of there.”

“Which should be sometime tonight,” Cal’s attorney said. Neither Rafferty nor the new detective said a word on their way back.

She wanted to be dropped off at Winter Island. “To tell the congregation the good news,” she announced, beaming. “I also need to get my stuff.”

The new detective was waiting for a reaction from Rafferty, but none came. As soon as they got back to the station, Rafferty left for the airport to pick up his daughter. He’d had enough.

Chapter 28

May stood on the float watching the Whaler pull into the channel. The dog was in the bow, a figurehead. From a distance she was back in time, watching Towner and Skybo come around the barrier island to the docks. At this moment Towner didn’t look any older than that.

Time was having its way with May today. Towner had called, saying she was bringing back the dog, saying it would be cruel to take him with her to Los Angeles where she didn’t even have a place of her own to live.

“You could buy a place,” May had suggested. “You have plenty of money now.”

They didn’t fly dogs in the summer, Towner informed her. It was too dangerous. By the time Towner could have him shipped to L.A., Byzy would have turned wild again. It would be cruel, she repeated. He belonged on the island.

May realized that meant Towner would not see Byzy again. Only in thinking that did it strike her that in all likelihood she herself would never see Towner again. It was hard to bear, but that was the truth of it. Unless May changed. Unless she could leave the island 340 Brunonia

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and travel three thousand miles. She wanted to, and in this moment she thought that it really could happen. People changed; things were possible. But as soon as the thought became real, May realized that the reasoning behind it was not. That she could no more leave this island and travel to Los Angeles than Towner could come back to her.

Her heart skipped. She teared up. But she didn’t cry. Towner needed to get away from this place. It wasn’t safe. Sometimes running away was exactly what you should do. The only thing you
could
do. She knew that Eva wouldn’t agree, that Eva thought all of Towner’s problems could be solved if she only moved back here, but Eva had been wrong. If there was one thing May had learned from working with abused women and this new Underground Railroad, it was that sometimes the only thing you could do was run away and never look back.

Chapter 29

May ties up the Whaler as we pull in.

Byzy is pacing in the small boat. Tipping it wildly. A few of the other goldens (who have been sleeping in a pile at the top of the dock) are standing now, straining to see what’s going on. They jump around, excited to see him.

It’s too much. His whole body is shaking as he tries to hold himself back until I release him.

“Go,” I say when I can’t stand it anymore. He runs for them then, not knowing there’s anything final about this visit, not having any idea he’s not coming back with me. The dogs jump and wrestle one another in reunion, playing, rolling around.

“You’re leaving tonight,” she says.

“Yes.”

I look up, catching sight of Auntie Emma in the vegetable garden. She looks up, too, feeling my presence. My hand goes to my heart. I see May notice. For a moment I don’t know where I am. I can’t speak; it’s all too much for me. Then, finally, I pull myself back.