The Italian’s Rightful Bride (7 page)

Joanna had a sudden sense of standing at a crossroads, of being given back the chance she'd overlooked years ago: the chance to be the friend he badly needed.

It wasn't love. It might even stand in the way of love. But it was what he craved from her, and she would not fail him.

‘Tell me,' she said softly. ‘When did it start to go wrong? You were so happy at first.'

‘At first I thought I'd landed in heaven. She seemed the perfect wife, beautiful, loving, always looking for ways to please me. My vanity was so colossal that I accepted that as natural.'

‘Why shouldn't you?' she burst out indignantly. It hurt her to hear him put himself down. ‘If you love someone you do want to please them, because when they're happy, you're happy. Wasn't it that way with you too?'

‘Yes,' he said. ‘I loved finding ways to give her pleasure. That's why we went to Las Vegas. All I wanted was some quiet place where I could be alone with her, but she didn't like quiet places. She wanted excitement. I always knew we were different in that way, but I thought the love would help us overcome that.'

‘But it didn't?'

‘How can it when it's all on one side?' he asked quietly.

‘But she did love you once.'

‘Did she? Even now I wish I could believe it. I suppose
she loved me well enough when she got her own way, but I started to realise that I was always the one to yield.

‘For a while even that didn't matter. She got pregnant and I was thrilled. Yes, I wanted a son, I don't deny it. And when it was a girl, I was disappointed—for about five minutes. Then I saw how gorgeous she was and I forgot all about wanting a son.

‘As she grew older I loved her more, because she's so like my mother. She looks like her, she has her mental sharpness, and her stubbornness.' He gave a wry laugh. ‘Mamma also saw the world in her own way, and you could point out the facts until you were blue in the face.'

‘But Renata's a child,' Joanna reminded him. ‘She'll understand in time.'

‘You wouldn't say that if you'd known Mamma.'

‘I did. Well, I met her briefly.'

‘Yes, she liked you a lot. She was furious with me for letting you go.' He gave a brief laugh. ‘If you could have heard what she called me.'

Joanna laughed. ‘And you took no notice because you're as stubborn as her. The line passes from her to Renata through you.'

‘Yes,' he admitted ruefully. ‘And it makes me wonder if Renata will ever turn back to me. There's something implacable about her that makes me afraid.'

‘Was Renata close to Crystal?'

‘She wanted to be. She longed to be pretty like her mother, and Crystal would have liked a daughter who looked like a dainty fairy, which Renata doesn't.'

‘She's better than that,' Joanna said at once. ‘Her looks are going to be striking when she grows up.'

‘That's what I think,' he said eagerly. ‘But Crystal couldn't see it. She lost interest. The poor little kid was
always trying to get her mother's attention, always wondering why she couldn't have it.'

‘It sounds to me as if her fantasies started right back then,' Joanna mused.

‘How do you mean?'

‘We all tell each other fairy tales to cope with the pain of rejection,' she said, not looking at him. ‘Renata invented another Crystal, one who was proud of her and wanted to be with her. In her mother's presence she had to face the reality, but when she was alone she could believe the fairy-tale version. Now Crystal's gone that version has taken over, but it actually began long ago.'

‘Of course it did,' Gustavo said, looking at her quickly. ‘Why didn't I see it before?'

‘You were too close, and you have that pain to cope with as well.'

‘Renata's rejection. Yes. But what can I do?'

‘Be patient. She'll choose the time. There's no other way.'

‘I know,' he sighed. ‘I know you're right, it's just—'

‘It's just that you're not the most patient man in the world,' she said sympathetically. ‘I know.'

She poured him some more wine, and he drank it.

‘So Crystal wasn't happy,' Joanna said, to encourage him to continue.

‘No, I think she felt fairly soon that she'd made a mistake. I think that's my fault for marrying her in such haste. I should have brought her to Montegiano first so that she could see for herself whether the life would suit her. But I wanted her so much that I just grabbed the chance. We might both have been saved a lot of grief if I hadn't.

‘She was bored with the estate, bored with motherhood, in fact bored with everything I valued. I'll never
forget talking to her one day, trying to tell her what Montegiano meant to me. And I caught a certain look in her eyes—sheer blankness. She was just waiting for me to shut up.

‘She wanted a grandiose apartment in Rome and a high-society life. That time I held out. We had our friends and I'd take her into Rome as much as possible, but I wouldn't move there permanently.

‘When she realised I meant it, there was a bitter quarrel. That was when I discovered her real opinion of me, stuffy and dull, a man who couldn't give her the exciting life she wanted. She packed her bags, moved to the most expensive hotel in Rome and waited for me to crack. When I didn't, she returned after six weeks.

‘I told myself she'd come back because she still loved me, but I believe she just liked the title, and still thought she could persuade me.

‘It's been like that through the years. If she was thwarted she'd move out for a while and run up vast bills to punish me. I learned not to enquire too closely into what she got up to in the city.'

‘You think she was unfaithful?'

‘I'm sure of it.'

‘Couldn't you have divorced her then? Or did you still love her too much?'

‘No, the love died some time back, but I was reared in the tradition that said you don't break up the home, no matter what. And there was Renata. I had to think of what divorce would do to her. And now I've seen what it
has
done to her, I still think I was right.'

‘What happened in the end?'

‘Crystal started attending a gym in the city, said it was time to take proper care of her figure. Her instructor was
called Leo. I only saw him once, all greasy hair and gigolo smile.

‘Suddenly she was pregnant. I even thought that perhaps we might have some hope after all, especially when it was a boy. But then I heard her talking on the phone to Leo, and it all became clear. I confronted her. She called me every name she could think of, packed her bags and left for good, with the baby, but without Renata.'

‘Suppose she'd wanted Renata?' Joanna asked. ‘Would you have let her go?'

‘Yes. I'd expect to have her back for long visits; after all, she's my child too. But I'd let Renata do whatever would make her happy.'

He leaned back and ran his hand through his hair, leaving it slightly ruffled. Joanna regarded him tenderly, and reached for the phone to call Room Service. In a few moments a waiter had arrived to remove the remains of the meal. When the door had closed behind him Gustavo moved to the large, comfortable sofa and sat down in a way that was almost a collapse.

Joanna came over to an armchair near him, and poured him a large whisky.

‘Are you trying to get me drunk?' he asked with a grin.

‘Possibly. I think it might do you good to let your hair down for once. I won't tell on you.'

He took the tumbler and drained it. It pleased her to see him more relaxed, although whether it was the whisky or the relief of confiding in her, she couldn't tell. But she found that she didn't care. It was sweet to reach out to him and feel that she'd brought him some relief, even perhaps a little contentment.

She found that he was smiling at her, a strange smile that seemed to be sizing her up.

‘Of course,' he said lightly, ‘I blame you for everything.'

‘Me? How?'

‘Because it was entirely your fault that I married Crystal.'

‘Y
OU
were crazy for her,' Joanna reminded him.

‘But I was engaged to you. If you'd held me to that we'd have married and lived happily ever after. Instead, you released me with quite indecent haste, abandoning me to my fate.'

‘Oh, really?' she said, catching his ironic mood. ‘So I should have been your nanny, should I?'

He sighed. ‘Some men need nannies to stop them making fools of themselves. The melancholy truth is that I may be one of them.'

They laughed together.

‘If I
had
held you to the engagement, would you really have married me?' she asked. ‘You'd have let me coerce you?'

‘You wouldn't have coerced me,' he said quietly. ‘But you might have reminded me where my honour lay.'

‘Love or honour,' she mused. ‘It's an unequal contest. Anyway, where does honour lie?'

‘That's the last question I expected you to ask.'

‘You abandoned my large fortune for her small one because you really wanted to marry for love,' she pointed out. ‘I call that honourable. I admired you for it. Truth to tell, I admired you for marrying Crystal more than for proposing to me. And if you'd let me force you into marriage, I'd have lost all respect for you.'

He was silent. What she was saying amazed him.

‘But actually,' she went on, ‘I don't think I could have held you to our engagement, whatever you think. I think
you'd have followed your heart anyway. At least, I hope you would.'

He stared at her. ‘Do you mean that?'

‘Of course I mean it. You put your love first, as a man should. It's not as though we were actually married. If we had been, and had children, that would have been different. You'd have had a duty to them. But you had none to me.'

He made a helpless gesture.

‘I don't know how to answer that.' He thought for a moment. ‘I never really knew you, did I?'

‘No, not for a minute. Or I you. Gustavo, you're wrong about living happily ever after. We wouldn't have been happy together. You'd have been yearning for Crystal and resenting me for trapping you. Besides, do you think I have no pride? Who wants an unwilling husband?'

‘And maybe you were secretly glad to be rid of me,' he mused.

She nodded. ‘Maybe,' she said lightly.

He became awkward.

‘Joanna, there's something I have to ask you. You may say that I have no right, and you'd be correct, but it's been puzzling—no, troubling me.'

‘Go on.'

His voice was tense.

‘Why did you agree to marry me in the first place?'

For one blinding moment Joanna was tempted to tell him the truth. After keeping the secret all these years, she had an overpowering need to reveal it, and surely she could risk telling him now?

But then she pulled herself back from the brink. He had come here for her help and she was about to pile more burdens onto him. For the knowledge of her love would be a burden if he could not return it.

So her shrug was a masterpiece of helplessness. ‘Who knows? I believed in family expectations, just like you did. I was supposed to make a splendid marriage, and you were the best prize on the market. I was dazzled.'

‘But by the time things fell apart you'd seen how little it all meant. You're right, our marriage wouldn't have worked. You needed something else, something that fulfilled and satisfied you more than I could ever do. You made a life that you chose for yourself, that was more important to you than any man.'

‘Now you sound like Freddy. He used to accuse me of loving my “other life”, as he called it, more than him.'

‘Was it true?'

She nodded. ‘I guess it was. Poor Freddy. It was good for a while, but I wasn't right for him. The only really good thing I did for him was to have Billy.'

‘He's a son any parent could be proud of,' Gustavo reflected. ‘A wonderful boy.'

‘Yes, he is, isn't he?' she said, her face and voice softening as she thought of her darling.

‘Is he very like his father?'

‘In some ways. He gets his brains and his independence from me, and his outrageous charm from Freddy.'

‘So your husband was very charming?'

‘He
is
. He may not be my husband any more, but he'll be charming until the day he dies.'

Her smile as she said this made Gustavo observe, ‘You sound as if you're still fond of him.'

‘I am. Enormously. I've grown more and more fond of him since our divorce. He's kind, amusing and great fun. In fact, he's the perfect party guest, and great company as long as you're not actually married to him.'

‘Why did you break up?'

‘Well, he's not the most reliable man in the world.'

‘Other women?'

Joanna laughed.

‘He did his best to be faithful, but nature didn't make him that way. As I said, it's easier to be friends with him now that I'm not married to him, and his waywardness doesn't matter. The nicest thing I know about him is that he's a terrific father. Billy adores him, and with reason.

‘Mind you, I think that's partly because Freddy's still a kid at heart. And he's such an impractical dreamer. He'd invent something, and I'd give him the funds to market it, but it always flopped. Then there'd be something else.'

‘And you always funded him,' Gustavo said in a voice with a slight edge. ‘I wonder if that had anything to do with—
No! No, I didn't say that. Please ignore it.
'

He dropped his head into his hands, appalled at himself. Joanna rocked with laughter.

‘You mean he may have married me for my money,' she said at last. ‘Surely people don't do that these days?'

‘Please, Joanna!'
His voice was muffled because his head was still sunk in an agony of embarrassment. ‘Must you throw that up at me?'

‘Throw what? Oh,
that
?' She clutched her head as though just remembering something. ‘You mean because
you
were going to marry me for my money?'

He ground his teeth. ‘If you choose to put it that way.'

‘Oh, don't be so silly!' she chided him, smiling. ‘That was completely different.'

‘All right, laugh at me, but it
was
different. I really liked you a great deal. It would have been impossible otherwise.'

‘I know, I know,' she said soothingly. ‘I'm sorry, Gustavo, I didn't mean to make fun of you. Well, perhaps
I did, but only to cheer you up. You've got to admit it has its funny side.'

‘Me, presuming to accuse your husband of mercenary intentions, you mean?'

‘Not just that. Everything. The whole sorry mess. Oh, Gustavo, it wasn't meant to end like this. It wasn't what I…'

She had to stop and brush tears from her eyes. They had come suddenly, chasing away her laughter as she was swept by a sudden sense of futility.

‘Wasn't what you what?' he asked. ‘Joanna—'

‘It's all right,' she said hastily. ‘I only meant—it wasn't what I thought was going to happen.'

‘I suppose what we expect never happens. Maybe there's no point in making plans at all.'

‘You can't get through life without making plans,' she said wisely. ‘You just have to be flexible about them.'

He passed a hand over his eyes. ‘Perhaps I should have had a little less whisky. It's time I went to my own room. Before I go—what are you planning to do after this?'

‘Well—'

‘I ask because I'm invited to a wedding in a couple of days.'

‘What wedding?' she asked with sudden suspicion.

‘Lady Henrietta Rannley to Lord Askleigh. It's at Rannley Towers. I expect you'll be there too.'

‘Well, she is my second cousin, once removed.' Her lips twitched. ‘I suppose Billy's been talking again.'

‘Billy was very helpful,' he said carefully, ‘about more than the name of your hotel.'

She regarded him, telling herself that this was a time for straight, clear thinking. But it was hard to think at all, confronted by the discovery that he had fixed all this to
be with her. In fact, it was impossible to do anything but feel happy.

I must have a word with Billy, she thought. And tell him, thank you.

‘So it looks like we're both going,' she said. ‘Imagine that! I'd planned to go tomorrow and stay the night at Rannley Towers, before the wedding. I'm beginning to think you're bound to have made the same arrangements, so why don't we go together?'

She'd avoided looking at Gustavo while she said this. Now, receiving no reply, she turned back to him and discovered the reason for his silence.

Gustavo lay back on the sofa, his head resting on the cushions, his eyes closed.

‘Hey,' she said gently.

He didn't respond and she suddenly realised that he was deeply asleep. It had come on him suddenly, leaving him no choice but to yield. It would be unkind to awaken him.

Moving carefully, so as not to disturb him, she raised his feet until he was fully stretched out, then fetched a blanket from the bedroom and draped it over him.

She paused a moment to study his face, relaxed in sleep, yet still with the shadow of tension on it. With his guard down at last he seemed different, more like the very young man she remembered.

Was she only imagining that he looked like a man relieved of a crushing burden after many years?

She turned off the lamp near his head and dropped a kiss on his forehead.

‘Goodnight,' she whispered. ‘Sweet dreams.'

She went back to her room calling herself all kinds of a self-deceiver. When she'd thought of meeting Gustavo
again she'd been so sure of herself, so convinced of her own strength and wisdom.

If he'd approached her with ardour, she could have coped. She still believed that. Instead he'd reached out to her in friendship and need, and by doing so he'd breached all her defences.

It was too late now. They had spoken not one word of love, and yet the feeling between them that night had been more intense than many lovers ever knew.

She would have laughed, years ago, to think that her love could come to this, but now it had happened and it was the sweetest, most joyous thing that had ever happened to her.

She wanted to shout her happiness aloud to the world. The way ahead was no clearer than it had ever been, but she had become his rock.

And if I have to be content with that, she thought, then I will.

But then—

The hell I will! I won't be content with second-best. This time I want it all.

 

In the morning she found the sofa empty. Gustavo appeared just as she was finishing breakfast.

‘I was going to leave you a note to apologise for my boorish manners,' he said, ‘but I couldn't think what to say. So I just crept out like a criminal and went to my own room.'

‘Don't make so much of it.' She smiled. ‘I'll be ready to leave in an hour.'

‘I'll be waiting for you downstairs. And, Joanna—thank you for everything.'

He made no further reference to the evening they had
spent together, and the revealing things that had been said.

The train took them the fifty miles to the station near Rannley Towers, where they were met by Max, best man and brother of the groom. He'd never met Gustavo, but when he heard his name he looked startled and started to blurt out, ‘Hey, aren't you the guy who…?' Then stopped and went red.

‘Yes, that was me,' Gustavo said pleasantly. ‘Shall we go?'

When they reached the house Etta came running to meet them. She too remembered Gustavo. As a child she'd been told little, but as a bridesmaid she'd worked out a good deal. Luckily she had more aplomb than Max, and the moment passed without trouble.

The huge house was rapidly filling up with guests staying the night. Many of them remembered Joanna and recognised Gustavo, but it was an old scandal, and after a few curious looks they forgot this odd couple, and concentrated on the bride.

Joanna had dreaded coming to this place for a wedding, fearful of the memories it would disturb. But suddenly everything was different. She was here with Gustavo, knowing that she was the person whose company he wanted. When everyone congregated for a meal that night she went down on his arm.

Passing through the hall, she caught a glimpse of the two of them in a long mirror and was struck afresh by his good looks, his upright bearing and a certain indefinable ‘air' that would make any woman proud to be seen on his arm.

Her own appearance too had been transformed. She was no longer the gauche girl with no confidence in her own looks or personality. Now, in her soft blue gown,
with diamonds in her ears and around her neck, she had the air of a woman who could take on the world and defeat it. Above all she looked as though she belonged with this handsome man.

As they walked, he turned slightly to glance at her. But for the mirror, she would never have noticed, but she saw the reflection of his quick look, the slight smile on his lips, the hint of pride in his eyes as he regarded her.

Then they moved on out of sight of the mirror. And when she next looked at him he was staring ahead, apparently oblivious.

It was a buffet meal so that the kitchen staff could concentrate on the demands of the wedding next day. This left the guests free to wander as they liked and Joanna's time was filled with renewing old friendships and catching up with her relatives.

Lord Rannley was particularly curious.

‘What's going on?' he asked. ‘You and him, here together?'

He was a charming man in his early fifties, with prematurely white hair that did nothing to mar his good looks. Joanna liked him, except that he was a little too eager to secure family advantage.

‘Tommy,' she said now, ‘if you're thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking, you can forget it.'