The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7 (49 page)

“Two things.” Frank held out his hand. “One, if they came in during the night, you should have seen them. If they didn’t and they came in this morning, you should have seen them. What they were would not have been made out, but you should have seen something was in those woods. Even without moving you would have seen them. Are you not looking, John? Do you know what you’re supposed to be looking for when you fly these things? Because if you don’t, I’m training someone else. Laziness, especially with the flights cannot be tolerated. It was pure laziness that you didn’t see these things in the first place! You should have spotted them. An hour ago, I put two of my men, without shirts, in that area and told them to stay low. I went up in the bird and I saw them. I saw them, John.”

“You were looking for them,” Johnny spoke with defense.

“And you should be too. That is your job to look for them. To assume that they are there. To spot them. How in the fuck did you miss twenty-nine men?!” Frank blasted him.

Feeling the heat of his father’s words, breath and presence, Johnny grew angry. “You know what, Dad.” He stepped back. “Fuck you.”

Just as Frank dove forward for Johnny, Joe flung himself in-between, stopping him. “Frank. No.”

With a tilted head, Frank’s facial muscles twitched. “You better walk away, John, right now! Cause I’m this close . . .” He cut his hand through the air over his father. “I’m this close to fuckin killing you right now!”

Joe pressed his back up against Frank to keep his distance from Johnny. “John,” Joe spoke with scold, “you will apologize to your father.”

“I will not!”

“John . . .”

“No Pap.” Johnny shook his head. “He’s pissed because I’m not him. Well we all can’t be the big super hero. Just because you didn’t get there on time to save Sara and David, you can’t put that on me. You can’t save everyone! Too bad Dad, we all fail.” Johnny’s face turned red. “But we all don’t find blame somewhere else. It’s fucked up that you’re putting this on my head. Fucked up.”

Joe felt the pressure of Frank. What he really wanted to do was just let his son go and let Johnny have it. But Joe couldn’t do that. Joe was angry and his words and tone conveyed it. “Talk like that to your father again and I’ll deck you myself. You hear me, you little son of a bitch! Just like you said, we all fail and we shouldn’t find blame elsewhere. Well you failed, John. You failed to see those savages. You were asked ahead of time if you wanted to fly these missions. No one made you do it. You wanted to. So don’t act like you’re doing us a big favor! As far as your father goes, you should treat him and give him more respect than you are giving him right now!”

“Respect him? He’s putting this shit on me, his son. And so are you for that matter. I didn’t see them! Like I said, we all can’t be my father. Lord knows he does very little wrong.”

“How can you talk like this?” Joe argued back. “Instead of belittling him because he is coming down on you for not doing your job right, you should be thanking him for training his men good enough to take out three times as many men.”

“Next you’ll tell me, pap, I should be like him.” Johnny turned and moved to the door opening it.

“You should,” Joe told him.

“Why is that, Pap? Because he protects us? Yeah, I’ll give him that, he does his does his job better than anyone can. But I have also seen some of the shit my father’s done. Shit that was unnecessary during his course of ‘protecting us’. What it all boils down to in the end is that my father is nothing but a cold-hearted killer so forgive me for not wanting to be that.” On his final words, Johnny walked out of the containment office, slamming the door.

Joe expected when Frank moved quickly to the door, that he would open it and fly out after Johnny. He didn’t. Joe merely jolted when Frank slammed his hand into the side of the filing cabinet then grabbed the bottle from on top. “Frank. Let it go. He’s angry and saying things he doesn’t mean.”

Frank was eerily calm as he finished his drink and set the bottle back on the file cabinet. “That’s what I hope, Dad. But I’ll tell you what. You better talk to him. Because the next time I see him, I’m killing him. I’m a cold-hearted killer, you know.” Frank opened the door to the small office.

“Frank, where are you going?”

“Dan is gathering the women of this community for me. They and I are having a long talk.” He pulled the door closed.

“Oh boy.” Joe picked up that bottle of moonshine. He took a long swig, gasping afterward. “God help the women of this community right now.”

<><><><>

On a Frank-rampage, ignoring the pain in his leg that should have caused him to limp, Frank made his way to the social hall where Dan was bringing the women. Frank slammed the door firmly to shut up what he thought was an instant headache--the chattering and crying--and he stood before them, hands on hips, looking meaner than any of them probably ever saw him.

Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea for Jenny to speak up at that moment, but when was Jenny ever known to be silent. “Frank, what is this all about? We’re all upset and . . .”

“One thing,” He spoke deeply, his voice raspy. “One thing to all of you. Anything could happen in this world now. Anything. If I ever fuckin catch a single one of you with one of my men when they are on watch, he will have to deal with me. I will kick his ass. Our watches are serious. They are not meant for any of you to be there. Go on and try it. I guarantee when I finish with the man you visited, he won’t want you back.” With a hard turn of his body and no time for any comments, he left a silent social hall, slamming the door again upon his exit.

How long did it take for them to remove the bodies and clean up Beginnings? Longer than Frank wanted it to. History and details of the attack had to be documented. By the time Frank got home from that and the meeting with Andrea and Jason, Henry was already there, released from quarantine.

No amount of water was going to make Frank feel better. In fact, Frank was feeling worse as he stood in that shower. The events of the day were now coupled with thoughts he had long buried deep into the back of his mind, thoughts of Ellen. For the first time in his life, Frank realized what rape meant. He knew the word, he knew the crime, yet he never truly understood the violence of it until he saw Sara. With that understanding, came the remembrance of what happened to Ellen not even a year earlier. He remembered when he found out how sick he felt over it. But as he stood in that shower with thoughts and visions of Ellen he did not want to have, he felt even sicker. Before, he only could guess what she had gone through, but now he knew what she had gone through. Frank’s heart broke for Ellen all over again.

He headed downstairs after his shower, still feeling so down. He was going to congratulate Henry on a good job putting the kids to bed, but that was a short congratulation when he saw Josh coming from the kitchen with a covered plate of food. Frank knew Henry did not do it alone
“Night, Dad.” Josh showed him the plate. “I’m stealing chicken. Dean’s out of food.”

“You aren’t staying here?” Frank asked him as he walked toward the door.

“No way.” Josh shook his head. “I have Dean’s house all to myself with Denny. But here, everyone is here. Night, Dad. Night, Henry!” Josh raised his hand to Henry who sat on the couch.

Frank gave a firm pat to Josh’s back as he opened the door for him. “Night, Josh. Thanks for all your help with Henry.”

“You’re welcome.” Josh stepped out and stopped. “Oh and Dad, good job today.” He gave a thumbs up then turned and kept on walking.

A slight smile of appreciation was all that Frank could muster up as he closed that front door. He turned around to Henry, who sipped from a tall glass. “Hey.” Frank walked over and grabbed it, smelling it. “Wine? Why are you drinking, Henry?”

“Oh, bad day in quarantine.”

“I bet.” Frank set the wine down then sat down next to Henry on the couch. His eyes seemed to not want to leave that glass. He wanted so badly just to pick it up. His fingers tapped against each other for a little. Then he sat back, ran his hand down his face, and turned to Henry. “So it was bad then?”

“Yes. Dean and Ellen, all they do is bicker. Bicker, bicker, bicker.”

This made Frank smile, probably the first real smile all day. “Do they know what happened?”

“I told them.”

“And how is Ellen?”

“She seemed down, really down after hearing about Sara.”

“I figured as much.” Frank leaned forward. “I’m worried, Henry. I’m worried right now about her.”

“Why’s that, Frank?”

“Well, maybe it’s silly of me. No . . . no, it’s not. I guess as you know, she had a hard time facing it, and didn’t let any of us really know. I thought, because it stirred it in me, it stirred the memory in her.” Frank shrugged. “It’s making me feel down about it all over again. I guess I’m worried it will make Ellen feel down now too.”

“What?” Henry asked. “Down about what again?”

“You aren’t paying attention are you? Sara’s rape. Don’t think that’s gonna hit Ellen hard? Or am I thinking wrong. Maybe I’m thinking wrong.”

“You probably aren’t. “

“Right now I feel really bad. I feel like I’m living it all over again, finding out all over again. That pain is back, and I can only imagine what El is feeling. I’ll tell you, when I saw Sara, I got sick. I got sick because of what they did to her. And then, it was worse because I remembered what happened to Ellen. I don’t know, somehow, it became more real to me.”

“Frank?” Henry’s voice dropped. “What are you talking about? What happened to Ellen?”

Frank didn’t answer. He just stared at Henry’s clueless eyes. ‘Shit, he doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know.’. Frank cleared his throat. “Nothing, Henry.”

“No, Frank. Don’t say ‘nothing’. No. You can’t just start saying something and then shut up. What happened to her?”

“Henry . . .”

“No, Frank.” Henry’s voice rose emotionally and he closed his eyes, talking his thoughts out loud. “We were talking about Sara and what happened to . . . Frank.” Henry opened his eyes. “Oh my God, was Ellen raped?”

Frank only raised his eyes. “Henry, if she didn’t tell you, she probably doesn’t want anyone to know.”

“Oh my God.” Henry blinked in surprise. “She never mentioned it to me. Never. No wonder you feel so badly, Frank. No wonder you keep thinking of her.”

“You cannot tell her you know. You can’t.”

“I promise, I won’t. When did it happen? When you were kids?”

Frank shook his head, hesitating at first before answering. “It happened last year when she was in Colorado. Two SUTs were . . .”

“Two?” Henry was horrified. “It makes sense. She always talked about it as if she were trying to cover some kind of pain. She passed over it, if that makes sense.”

Frank nodded. “Pain that can easily come back.”

“Oh my God.” Henry spun from Frank and faced the other way.

“Henry, are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I will be. It’s just that …” Henry shook his head. “This is a shock.”

“If you don’t mind. I’m gonna take a walk, I may or may not go up to the mobile.”

“Go on, Frank. I have things here.”

“Thanks.”

Henry watched his friend sadly and hurriedly head to the door. He hoped a walk would make Frank feel better. Henry was pretty certain, after learning the news about Ellen, there was pretty much nothing that would help him. Knowing that Frank was gone, and knowing that he no longer had to be sober, Henry went to the kitchen to get his wine, because even though he didn’t show it to Frank, his just learned news about Ellen . . . pummeled him. It pummeled him in more ways than he could tell anyone.

<><><><>

Robbie was at wit’s end. He had all he could take and he couldn’t take it anymore. He was at the point where his blood nearly boiled and his ears felt hot. It no longer was amusing, it was Valium justified. On his last straw, he flung the covers off of him, charged from his room down the hall, threw open the trailer door, flung opened the lab door and bellowed out his announcement, “Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Both of you.”

Dean and Ellen ceased their argument as soon as he shouted. They both looked at him.

“I’m supposed to be getting well. You’re driving me nuts!” Robbie grabbed his head. “Work, damn it. You’re a team. I am sick and tired of hearing the yelling. It is getting old and it’s childish. No one cares, El, which side goes up on a paper clip. Who cares, Dean, if Ellen hands aren’t on the home keys? Ellen, if he likes his hair parted on the left side, fuckin let it be. Why? Why are you two fighting over stupid fuckin shit like this? Why?”

Ellen began to answer, “Robbie, see we. . . .”

“I’ll tell you why!” Robbie shouted. “There’s something wrong with you two. Something really wrong! Now end it now. Separate or do your work quietly. Either way. Shut Up!”

After the initial shock wore off of Ellen, she faced Dean so snidely. “He’s right. We’ll separate. I’m going in the other trailer.”

“Oh no you don’t.” Dean raced out from behind the counter. “You have work to do.”

“No I don’t. I’m leaving.” She began to run for the mobile door. “Besides, I don’t want to be around you anymore. You suck!”