Gabriel sighed at the interruption. ‘My actions since we parted yesterday are relevant to that past. Sit with me, Bella?’ Gabriel encouraged huskily as he saw that her face was paler than ever, those dark shadows beneath her eyes emphasised further by that pallor.
The fact that Bella actually did as he asked told Gabriel how much his presence, this conversation, had unsettled her. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Bella any more than he already had, and yet it seemed his mere presence had managed do that.
He rubbed his eyes wearily. ‘I will leave any time you ask me to do so, Bella.’
She gave a humourless smile. ‘Is that a promise?’
‘If you wish it, yes,’ Gabriel assured her wryly.
Her eyed widened at his compliance. ‘Are you sure you haven’t received a blow to the head while you’ve been away?’
‘Very funny, Bella,’ he drawled.
‘One tries,’ she teased lightly.
Gabriel wasn’t fooled for a moment by Bella’s attempt at levity, knew by the wariness in her eyes and the tension beside her mouth that it was only a faÇade.
As his own calm was only a faÇade.
A nerve pulsed beside the livid scar on Gabriel’s cheek. ‘Bella, when we were on the island you asked me what really happened five years ago, when three Formula One cars crashed and two other men were killed as a consequence. Do you still want to know the answer to that question?’
‘Yes, of course!’
‘And you will believe me if I tell you the truth?’
‘Of course I’ll believe you, Gabriel.’ She looked irritated that he should doubt it.
He smiled briefly. ‘As was stated at the time, the findings of the official enquiry were that it was a complete accident, but I knew—I have always known—that it was Paulo Descari, and not I, who was responsible for our three cars colliding.’
‘But—’ Bella gasped. ‘It was deliberate?’
Gabriel’s jaw clenched. ‘I believe so, yes.’
Bella stared at him, her expression once again blank. Why on earth would Paulo Descari have done such a thing? Unless…
‘Because Janine Childe had decided she had made a
mistake? That she returned your love, after all?’ Bella realised heavily. ‘Had she told Paulo Descari she was ending their relationship in order to come back to you?’
Gabriel’s expression was grim as he stood up abruptly. ‘Neither of those things was possible, I am afraid, Bella,’ he rasped. ‘The first for the simple reason that there was no love on my side for Janine Childe to return. The second because it was I who had ended our brief relationship, and not the other way around as Janine so publicly claimed only hours after the accident. But I do believe Janine may have taunted Paulo with our relationship,’ he continued. ‘He tried to provoke an argument with me that morning, was so blind with jealousy that he would not believe me when I told him I had no feelings for Janine.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I was not physically responsible for the accident, Bella, but I have nevertheless always felt a certain guilt, not only because of my complete indifference to Janine, but because I survived and two other men did not.’
‘But that’s—You have no reason to feel guilty, Gabriel.’ Bella gasped. ‘You could so easily have died, too!’
‘And instead I am here. With you,’ Gabriel murmured huskily.
How long would it take for Bella to realise, to question, after the things he had just told her, the night the two of them had spent together five years ago?
Gabriel watched as the blankness left Bella’s face to be replaced with a frown, that frown disappearing, too, seconds later as she looked across at him questioningly.
Gabriel drew in a controlling breath. ‘I was unconscious for several days after the accident, and so was
unable at the time to deny or confirm Janine’s claim that I had caused the accident because I was still in love with her.’ His top lip turned back contemptuously. ‘By the time I was well enough to deny her accusations I simply did not care to do so,’ he added flatly.
‘Why didn’t you?’ Bella demanded incredulously. ‘Surely you must have realised that Janine Childe’s claims gave people reason to continue to have doubts despite the findings of the official enquiry?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘Did you have reason to continue to doubt them, too, Bella?’
She shook her head vehemently. ‘Not over your innocence, no.’
Gabriel had thought, had hoped this would be easier than it was. But it wasn’t. Baring his soul in this way, with no idea of the outcome, was excruciating.
‘I don’t understand why you didn’t speak out, Gabriel,’ Bella said. ‘From what you’ve said, you were supposed to be the one who died that day!’
He turned away. ‘Jason was dead. As was Paulo. When people die, Bella, all that is left is the memories people who loved them have of them. What good did it do anyone, but especially Paulo and Jason’s families, for me to claim that one man had possibly been deliberately responsible for the death of the other?’
Bella could see the logic behind Gabriel’s words—she just couldn’t make any sense of it!
‘That was…very self-sacrificing, of you,’ she murmured gently.
‘More so than even I realised,’ he acknowledged harshly.
She looked up sharply as a realisation hit her. ‘You
really didn’t make love to me that night because you were upset at losing Janine Childe to another man, did you?’
His smile was rueful. ‘No, I did not.’
‘Then—that morning you—’ She moistened dry lips. ‘You said you would call me. Did you really mean it?’
‘Yes.’
‘You did?’ The beat of Bella’s heart sounded very loud in her ears as her thoughts—her hopes, rose wildly.
‘I did,’ Gabriel confirmed heavily. ‘Our night together had been—surprising.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’ Gabriel took a deep breath. ‘Unfortunately that altercation with Paulo meant I did not have chance to ring you before the practice session, and obviously I was unable to do so afterwards. Then, once I recovered and there had been no word from you, I believed you did not want to know.’
Bella’s hands were clenched so tightly that she could feel her nails piercing the skin of her palms. Gabriel hadn’t been in love with Janine Childe, not then and certainly not now. Gabriel had meant it that morning five years ago when he had said he would call her.
Tears blurred Bella’s vision, Gabriel just a hazy outline as he stood so still and silent across the kitchen. ‘I thought—I didn’t believe I would ever see you again after that night.’
‘A belief that became fact,’ Gabriel rasped.
‘But not because you wanted it that way!’ Bella protested achingly.
‘No.’
‘Gabriel, I—I don’t know what to say!’ She stood up
restlessly. ‘I was sitting at home that night when the announcement of the crash came on the evening news. Saw the two bodies lying on the ground. You being carried away on a stretcher before they placed you in the ambulance and rushed you off to hospital. It was the worst moment of my life.’ She gave a disbelieving shake of her head. ‘Or, at least, I thought it was, until Janine Childe appeared on the television immediately afterwards claiming that you were still in love with her.’
‘It never occurred to me—I never realised that her lies would have convinced anyone, but I suppose I knew the real Janine, and you didn’t.” Gabriel frowned.
‘It was the one about your being in love with her that I thought to be true,’ Bella admitted. ‘I didn’t know you well, Gabriel, but I certainly never believed you capable of deliberately harming another man.’
‘Bella, what would you have done that day if you had not believed I was in love with Janine?’
‘I would have come to you, of course!’ she exclaimed. ‘I wouldn’t have cared who had tried to stop me. I would have made them let me see you!’
‘Why?’
Bella raised wary eyes to his. ‘Why…?’
‘Why, Bella?’ Gabriel repeated gruffly.
Because she had fallen in love with him that night, that was why! Because she was still in love with him!
Gabriel’s eyes narrowed as he saw the uncertainty flicker across Bella’s face. The wariness. The desire not to be hurt again.
Gabriel felt that same desire, both five years ago and again now.
He drew in a deep breath, accepting that one of them
had to break the deadlock between them. ‘Perhaps if I were to tell you why it was that I had no interest in what people believed happened that day…?’
Bella blinked, her throat moving convulsively as she swallowed hard before speaking. ‘Why didn’t you, Gabriel?’
His mouth twisted. ‘For the same reason that nothing mattered to me when I regained consciousness two days after the accident.’ He shrugged. ‘Because you were not there, Bella,’ he admitted bluntly. ‘You were not there. Had never been there. And no matter how much I wished for it during those three months I spent in hospital, you still did not come.’
Bella looked totally stunned now. ‘I don’t understand…’
‘No, I do not suppose that you do,’he accepted ruefully as he was the one to take the two steps that separated them before raising one of his hands to curve it about the coolness of her cheek. ‘My beautiful Bella. My brave beautiful Bella.’ He smiled emotionally. ‘After all this time, all you have suffered, you deserve to know the truth.’
‘The truth…?’
‘That I fell in love with you that night five years ago—’
‘No…!’ Her cry was agonised and Gabriel only just managed to prevent her from falling as her knees gave way beneath her.
‘Yes, Bella.’ Gabriel’s arms moved about her, his cheek resting against the darkness of her hair as he gathered her close against his chest. ‘Impossible as it must seem, I fell in love with you that night. I have loved you always, Bella. You and only you. So much
so that there has been no other woman in my life, or my bed, these last five years,’ he added gruffly.
Bella clung to him as his words washed over and then into her. She had been stunned by what he had told her about the accident and by Janine Childe’s duplicity, but this was even more shocking.
Gabriel loved her. He had always loved her.
The tears fell hotly down Bella’s cheeks as she clung to him.
As she cried for all the pain and disillusionment they had unwittingly caused each other through misunderstandings. For all the time they had wasted…
She pulled away from him slightly before looking up into his face, her heart aching as she still saw the uncertainty in his face. ‘Gabriel, impossible as it must seem, I fell in love with you that night five years ago, too.’ Bella held his gaze with hers as she deliberately repeated his words. ‘I have loved you always, Gabriel. You and only you. So much so that there has been no other man in my life, or my bed, these last five years.’
His expression didn’t change. He didn’t blink. He didn’t speak. He didn’t even seem to be breathing as he continued to stare down at her.
‘Gabriel?’ Bella’s gaze searched his face worriedly. ‘Gabriel, I love you. I love you!’ she repeated desperately as she reached up to clasp his arms and shake him slightly. ‘I never meant to let you down after the accident, I just thought I had been a one-night stand to you. Gabriel, please—’
‘You did not let me down, Bella,’ he cut in harshly. ‘You have never let me down.
I
was the one who let
you
down when it did not even occur to me that you might
believe I was in love with Janine.
I
was the one who let
you
down by not even thinking you might become pregnant from our night together. How can you love me after what you have suffered because my pride would not let me be the one to seek you out again? How can you love me when my arrogance, my intolerance, meant you had to go through your pregnancy, Toby’s birth, the first four and a half years of his life, completely alone?’
‘Gabriel, I’d really rather you didn’t continue to insult the man I love,’ Bella interrupted shakily. ‘And I wasn’t alone,’ she reassured him. ‘I had my parents. My sister and brother.’
‘I should have been there for you, too,’ Gabriel growled in self-disgust. ‘Instead of which, when we did finally meet up again, I only made matters worse by forcing you into marrying me.’ He shook his head. ‘I should not have done that, Bella.’
‘You’re Toby’s father—’
‘He was not the reason I forced our marriage upon you, Bella. It was—’ He stopped and then sighed. ‘Having met you again, having realised that I still love you, I could not bear the thought of having to let you go again!’
Gabriel hadn’t married her just for Toby, after all?
Bella looked puzzled. ‘But if you felt that way—if you do still love me—’
‘I love you now more than ever, Bella,’ he assured her fiercely.
‘Then why did we leave the island so abruptly?’
‘We left the island so suddenly for the same reason I should not have allowed our lovemaking last night to go as far as it did,’ Gabriel cut in grimly. ‘You almost
died giving birth to Toby, Bella. I would not—I did not want to put your life at risk by another unplanned pregnancy, and so I decided we had to leave the island before I gave in to the temptation being alone there with you represented. That we needed to consult an obstetrician before we made love again. Instead of which, as soon as we were back here, I allowed—!’ He shook his head. ‘I had an appointment to see a specialist in Harley Street today, needed to know that a second pregnancy would not endanger your life. He was most unhelpful,’ Gabriel said, patently annoyed, ‘and said he could not pass comment before first examining you.’
‘You spoke to an obstetrician about me…?’ Bella echoed dazedly.
Gabriel frowned darkly. ‘What if you are pregnant right now, Bella?’ His face had gone pale at the mere thought of it. ‘What if our time together last night results in another child?’
A slow, beatific smile curved Bella’s lips as she realised their sudden flight from the island, Gabriel’s grimness after they made love last night, had all been for one reason and one reason only.
‘Then I, for one, would be absolutely thrilled,’ she assured him breathlessly. ‘I thought you wanted lots of brothers and sisters for Toby?’ she cajoled as Gabriel still looked haunted.
‘Not at the risk of losing you,’ he stated definitely.
‘We don’t know for sure that there is any risk,’ Bella teased him, no longer daunted by the fierceness of Gabriel’s moods. He loved her. They loved each other. Together they could overcome any obstacles that might come their way.