The Heir and the Spare (12 page)

I added
Lilliana
to the search bar, hoping to narrow down the results.

The first page of links pulled up and my stomach dropped.

No way.

They were all associated with the Duchess of Westminster. What were the odds she'd have a daughter named Lilliana?

I've got a bad feeling.
It was like being at Welsington all over again; those same uneasy feelings assaulted me. My hand hovered over my touchpad as I skimmed the first three links. They all dealt with Lilliana Elliot's disappearance. I clicked on the top link. Eyes wide, I read.

I studied a picture of the duchess. In the caption below, for the first time, her name was used: Clarice Elliot.
Her name's Clarice?
The only thing I knew about my mom's side of the family was that my grandmother's name was Clarice
.

Dear God, is Mom leading me to Clarice?

Holding my breath, I continued scrolling until a photo made it all come out in a whoosh.

Mom?

I bounded down the stairs, the morning sun perking up my grumpy self. It'd been a long night of thinking and overthinking. With my mind full of my mom, I stepped into the dining hall and immediately saw Edmund. He sat at our table, waiting. I sucked in a sharp breath.
Oh, shit.

It'd been a week and a half since the great avoidance started. He didn't look pleased. My heart fluttered.

I leisurely gathered my breakfast, hoping one of our friends would show up and rescue me.

Taking a deep breath, I attempted to center myself.
It's okay. You'll be fine, no matter what happens.

Carrying my tray, I joined him. “Morning, Edmund, you're up early.”

“I am. Do you know why?” He looked at me, his copper-flecked eyes unwavering.

Swallowing, I said, “I could probably guess.”

“Evie,” his voice was soft, “why are you avoiding me?” He reached across the table, his fingertips nearly touching mine.

I stared at my breakfast, not about to confess how hurt and disappointed I felt.

“I miss you. Every day. There's so much I want to tell you. I need to be near you, to see your face. Please, don't cut me out.” He ended on a whisper.

“I'm not. We sit next to each other in classes. I just . . .” I sighed with frustration and ran a hand through my hair. “Edmund, I don't know what you want from me.”

The look in his eyes told me he wasn't sure what he wanted from me. Or maybe it was that he wasn't sure what he
could
offer me. He opened his mouth to speak, but something stopped him.

I pressed my palms against the cool tabletop. “I can't even begin to understand your world; I know that. But, it's so opposite of everything I'm used to and it's confusing.”

“I'll admit, my life is far from normal and I apologize for that.” He swallowed. “And yes, my duty is to my family and I must uphold that. But I don't want it to get in the way of our friendship.”

Friendship?
Was I supposed to pretend that he'd never asked me out? Forget that we were on the verge of possibly something more?

Nodding, I looked away. “I guess I thought if I didn't spend a lot of time with you I wouldn't have to deal with this, . . . this weirdness between us.”
Or be reminded daily how I don't measure up.
I scratched a fingernail against a dent on the tabletop. “I miss how we used to be.”

“I miss it too.” His hand reached across the table and covered mine. It was chilly. I stopped myself from placing my other hand over his to warm it up.

Our eyes met and in an instant I knew. Even though I wasn't sure if we had any sort of future together, and despite all the confusion running rampant inside me, I wanted him in my life. Smiling at him, I said, “Friends?”

His face lit up. “Friends. For now anyway.”

For now?
The way his eyes twinkled made my heart do an erratic little prance in my chest.

“So, Preston told me he took you on a ghost walk.”

“He did.” I chuckled. “It was pretty cool.” A line formed for breakfast; the morning rush had begun.

“Did you guys have fun?”

“Yeah, lots. Preston's always fun to be around.”

“He is, isn't he?” Edmund looked away and stared out the tall windows.

I studied his face. The early morning light glowed through the leafless trees, leaving a stark pattern of light dancing across his chest. He was handsome, oh yes. But my attraction went so much deeper than his looks.

I loved how I could talk to him,
really
talk to him, and he understood me. And how just as easily we could sit in silence, not needing to say a word. Maybe it was his inner history geek speaking to mine. All I knew was I was drawn to him.

My brain flashed up reminders of how we'd nearly kissed on my bed. A tingle low in my tummy sparked at the memory.

That'd be my biggest regret. Not kissing him. I'd never know what his lips felt like or how he would've held me. I'd be stuck in the realm of imagination. A place I didn't want to be.

“You finally caught her.” Preston's voice boomed through the dining hall, cutting through my thoughts. “Do you know how many mornings he's been down here trying to catch you?”

“Well, he caught me today. Morning, Preston.”

“Aren't you looking lovely?” Preston sat beside me, smiling. “So are you up to anything fun tonight?”

“I was just about to ask her if she wanted to meet at the library and study, what with finals around the corner and all.” Edmund took a sip of his tea.

I nodded. I could use all the extra studying I could get. My first finals at Oxford had me stressed.

“That sounds like loads of fun. Want to get supper together before?” Preston asked, dumping milk on his cereal.

I glanced at Edmund, who looked everywhere but at me. His hands were clenched so tight his knuckles went white.

Just friends. Time to move on. If Preston wants to grab dinner, why not?

“Sure, what time do you want to eat?”

“How about I meet you at your last class?”

“You know, Evie and I have that class together, so why don't all of us go to dinner? We can head to the library afterwards.” Edmund met Preston's gaze, challenging him to suggest an alternative.

Preston grinned. “That'd be fun. I just assumed you'd be getting dinner with Jax. She's in town, right?”

She's here?
Why had no one told me? Suzy and Caroline usually knew everything.

“Bollocks.” Edmund closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “Why don't we all go to dinner? Then we can hit the library.”

I chuckled.
So
not gonna happen.
This chick had threatened me, humiliated me, and had her claws in the one guy I couldn't stop myself from falling for.

There was no way in hell. I was pissed he'd even suggest it.

“As delightful as that sounds, I'm gonna pass. I just remembered, I have some shivs in my dorm that I'd rather drive under my fingernails, sorry.” I stood and took my tray to the trash. “I'm heading to class, I've got some reading to catch up on. Enjoy your breakfast.” I tossed my bag over my shoulder and walked off, a little swagger to my step.

“I think I love her,” Preston said, laughing.

A huge grin filled my face.

“Hey, Evie. Wait up,” Preston called. “I'll walk you to class and we can discuss this shiv thing. It sounds way more enjoyable.”

I glanced back and saw Edmund watching us with a scowl. I felt bad. For about a second. He was in this situation of his own doing.
Make up your damn mind.
Date Jax or date me.
Just pick one.

“So, are we still on for dinner tonight?” Preston asked when we got outside. “Since I'm guessing the shivs were just a ploy to get out of dinner with the ice queen.”

“Definitely, dinner sounds great.” I wrapped my blue scarf around my neck and stuffed my hands in my pockets.

Preston fell into step beside me. I looked his way and smiled. Any girl would be lucky to catch his eye. He's smart, funny, and dorky in a charmingly good way. But could I ever see him as more than a friend? Could I lock my feelings for Edmund up tight enough and move on?

Preston would become collateral damage if I couldn't.
I don't want that
.

Stopped outside the looming gray stone building of my first class, I turned to him. “Thanks for walking me.”

Preston's face lit up. “No problem; see you later.”

“See you at lunch.”

Preston bounced down the steps, his blond hair flopping, and waved at me.

I really hope I'm not starting more trouble.

Edmund slipped into the seat next to me just as lecture started. He didn't glance at me once.

When Professor Sawyer turned the lights back on, I stood and stretched. I didn't dare let myself touch Edmund. The frisson he ignited wasn't something I could handle. Standing, he hooked his thumb in his backpack strap. “Why don't I drop by your room tonight instead of meeting at the library?”

“What? Why?”

“Well, I don't know how long I'm going to be tonight. I'd hate to cancel last minute and I don't want you waiting for me or walking back alone in the dark.”

His words sent a surge of irritation through me. I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose. “Tell you what. Let's reschedule for a night when Jax isn't in town? I wouldn't want to cut into your time together.” I gave him a tight smile. “This way Preston and I won't have to rush through dinner either.”

I'm scum.

“You're still getting dinner with Preston?” His eyebrows drew together. He didn't look happy.

“I am.” I was glad this bothered him. He may not like me enough to choose me, but he did care that I was spending time with another guy.

“Right. Well, I hope you and Preston have a nice time. I'm free to study tomorrow. Check your schedule and let me know if that works for you. See you in our next class.” His voice was chilly.

Before I could reply, he left. Seeing him walk away hurt. He always walked with me.

What does he want me to do?
Should I sit around and pine for someone who isn't, and probably never will be, mine?

“Edmund,” I called after him. “Edmund, wait.” I ran up the aisle and caught him near the doorway. This wasn't the best place for this conversation, but I didn't care. I needed answers.

Stepping outside together, I grabbed his arm to slow him down. “Are you serious?
You're
mad? It's dinner. With Preston. Come on.”

He stopped and faced me with a sigh. Speaking quietly, he said, “I know I have no right to feel this way, but I absolutely hate the thought of you and Preston starting something.” His fingers ran through his hair, messing it up.

“Why should it concern you? You're the one who can't seem to make a decision one way or the other. I'm not the one torturing you. Jax isn't either. You're doing this to yourself and you're dragging us along with you. You have to deal with your choice—or lack of one.” I poked my finger in his chest with every point I made. “I'm not going to sit around, waiting and hoping one day you'll pay attention to me. I don't work like that, even if you are a prince.”

He leaned his face close to mine and whispered, “You don't understand.”

I moved in even closer, our faces a breath apart. “Then help me understand, because I'm lost and frustrated as hell with all these mixed messages.”

“I can't do this here. I'm sorry.” He turned and walked away, trying to appear unfazed, but failing miserably. I could just imagine the headlines tomorrow.
Prince Edmund in lover's quarrel and not with rumored romantic interest Lady Jacqueline.

I quickly walked away, ignoring the photographers who turned their focus to me. Two students slipped in front of me, giving me a little shelter from the flashing cameras. Safely at my next class, my shields turned, curtly nodded at me, then disappeared into the milling students.
They're part of Edmund's security detail.
They had to be.

Outside the auditorium doors, I stopped. I couldn't bring myself to go in. A lump settled in my throat and my eyes stung. I looked at the ceiling, willing the tears to go away. When the first drop hit my cheek, I made a beeline for the bathroom, barricading myself in the first available stall.

No matter what I did, I couldn't stop them.

Trust me to fall for a guy who can't date who he wants.

My heart shattered. He felt so far away, so unreachable.

I had so much I needed to tell him. He was the only one who knew about Mom's letters. I wanted him to know what my research had uncovered. How I strongly suspected Mom was the daughter of the dragon duchess, making me her granddaughter. But I couldn't, not now, not with how weird things were.

Doubt it would make a damn bit of difference anyway.

I was late to class that day. And for the first time in my life, my punctual self didn't care.

“Do you still fancy Edmund?” Preston tucked his hands in his pockets as we walked back to St. John's after dinner.

“What?” I asked, feeling a little tipsy from the half a beer I'd had. Normally I didn't drink. But he argued that I couldn't come to England, eat in a proper English pub, and not have a pint. Plus, I was of legal drinking age here.

“I know how he feels about you, but I'm curious if you still feel something for him?”