The Gumshoe Diaries (2 page)

“What are you doing here Whitey?” asked the
uniformed officer entering the living room from the kitchen. I
knelt down beside the body, ignoring him, and fussed with the pink
silk tie, careful not to touch anything, using my fountain pen as a
sterile probe.

“Hey!
Roode!
I’m talking to you jack!”
the officer hissed in a low anxious tone.

I put the pen back into coat my pocket, blew
the Sally a kiss and stood up.

“No need to get testy Copper, I hear you loud
and clear.” I replied.

“Come on man, Lt. Celaya will be here any
second!” the agitated officer pleaded.

I looked at him knowingly and gave him a
wink, tipping the old and weathered Fedora I always wore high up
onto my forehead. I folded my arms and added, “I guess that
explains the whispering,” I whispered back. I ran my tongue over my
teeth to remove the remnants of breakfast, my usual Pantry special,
ham and eggs with an English muffin and coffee.

“It would probably be bad if he caught me
here, might look like I’m one upping him.” I said with a grin.

“You’re not on the job anymore Whitey, you
can’t just barge into a crime scene like you own the place!
Besides, as we
all
know, Celaya hates your guts!
So save me a lot of paperwork and beat it before he finds you here
and makes me arrest your ass…
again!”
I nodded, fitting my
hat back into its proper place on my skull, and started to leave.
Officer Cooper interjected quickly.

“Not that way Whitey, go out the back, why
take chances, right?”

“
Natch
, thanks paley,” I replied,
tapping my temple with my pointing finger.

I did an
about face
and passed my
friend in the blue uniform on the way to the kitchen, where I would
make my Batman like exit via an open window out onto the fire
escape. Copper’s partner, Patrolman Lewis tapped me on the arm as I
went by. “Wait a sec, what do you know about this?” he asked,
knowing that I always did my homework.

“What do
you
know?” I
replied, stopping to face him. Lewis looked at me suspiciously and
then answered.

“The neighbor says she’s a working girl.”

“Tell me something I
don’t
know.” I
replied sarcastically.

“Well, the skinny is that she had some
interesting playmates.”

“
Do tell.”
I said smugly

“Yep,
more
than
interesting, if this fella isn’t bullshitting us that is.”

“The neighbor huh, the one next door?”

“Yeah, that’s the one,
right next
door
. Stay clear of him, if you know what’s good for you
Whitey,” advised young Officer Lewis.

“Probably good advice, thanks,” I said,
turning to walk away.

“Hey man, it’s your turn, tit for tat
ass-wipe, what about you, what’ve you got,” shouted the irritated
patrolman. I stopped in the doorway and answered without looking
back?

“
Oh yeah
, her name’s not Sally.” I
said, walking through the kitchen quickly and out the window, onto
the sunlit fire escape.

I paused there for a just second or two to
get a lay of the land. I glanced over at the empty fire escape next
door, and made a mental note. Sooner or later I would be worming my
way into that nosey neighbor’s life as soon as the LAPD was
finished with him, definitely sooner, depending on how lucky later
tonight. That would have to wait until I finished telling my good
friend the sad news. That part of the job is always the worst.
Bringing a mean dose of reality to someone, especially a friend
always sucks. I hopped down from the fire escape ladder and hit the
pavement at a trot. I would stop by the Alexandria Hotel Bar for a
short one before I walked the six blocks to Lu and Jay’s deli.
Delivering bad news is always easier when sauced.

****

( “…goodbye Ruby Tuesday, who could hang a name on
you, when you change with every new day, still I’m gonna miss
you…”…The Rolling Stones…1967)

Chapter Two

SHO-M-U-LYKE-M

NY Style Deli, Wilshire District, Monday,
Feb 16, 2009…2:00pm

The walk over to Lu and Jay’s deli was short
but comfortable courtesy a cool brisk breeze brought on by a thick
marine layer blowing in from Redondo Beach. It was a little after 2
o’clock in the afternoon and the lunch rush was over so there was a
good chance that I would catch the two partners with time to chat.
Jay caught sight of me first as I crossed the street and walked
uptown toward their place. He waived at me excitedly from the big
bay window in front and gestured for me to meet him at the door,
wiping his hands with the dish towel draped over his shoulder. A
collection of bells tinkled overhead as I entered through the heavy
metal door, and I was met by Mr. Enthusiasm himself, Jay B. Lai,
the softer side of this unusual pairing.

“
Whitey!
Oh my goodness,
come in,
come in
,” he said greeting me cheerfully.

“Hi Paley, it’s been a long time,” I replied
with equal good cheer.

He pumped my hand with both of his as if he
were jacking up his car to change a flat tire, and then hollered
over his shoulder to his life-partner Lu Rong, presumably still in
the kitchen, “Lu Lu, get out here, our personal
private dick
is here,” he shouted, momentarily silencing the table chatter in
the half filled room with his provocatively unusual announcement. I
just rolled my eyes; I guess the
Dick Days
were just going
to follow me throughout my life one way or the other. Lu burst
through the kitchen doors and hurried over to where Jay and I were
standing. Now, mind you, the man is well known as an insatiable
hugger so I braced myself for a mauling, and he didn’t
disappoint.

“Whitey Roode you son-of-a-gun, where the
hell have you been keeping yourself,” he gushed as he hugged me
into the next dimension. I barely managed to wheeze out a reply,
“Actually I’ve been pretty busy, that’s why I stopped by.”

“Oh
sure, sure
,” he said releasing me
finally.

“We’re just happy to see you my man,” Jay
added with a wink, patting me on the rump to show his sincerity. He
linked his arm through mine and guided me through the restaurant
toward the small private elevator in back that led up to their
penthouse on the 36
^th
floor of the building. I did my
best to avoid eye contact with the other patrons as we passed by. I
mean I knew I wasn’t gay, but they didn’t. I gave the room my best
Dirty Harry scowl and set the pace; leading more than following to
the tiny lift in back. You know, considering the circumstances
surrounding me and Rhonda,
I mean Ronald
, my ex whatever,
this little stroll shouldn’t be such a big deal. But, let’s be
honest, once a homophobe always a homophobe, right?

We reached the tiny 2 man lift and squeezed
in together.

“Better suck in that gut Whitey, it’s pretty
cozy in here,” teased Lu.

“Terrific,
just what I need
, trapped
in a 4 by nothing vertical casket with two of the Marx Brothers,” I
groused as the doors slowly slid shut.

Two minutes later we arrived at the boy’s
spacious and stylish digs. The doors opened and we spilled out of
the little lift and into the foyer like Moe, Larry, and Curly Joe.
Their apartment was immaculately decorated all in white, and I mean
everything! The furniture, the picture frames, the lamps, the
pillows, the rugs, you name it, all white. The only place you could
find traces of the rest of the spectrum was in the actual
photographs stuffed inside the white frames on the walls, or in the
huge gourmet kitchen among the state of the art stainless steel and
brushed aluminum appliances. Of course if you happened to open the
fridge or the pantry and be visually assaulted by rows of neatly
organized name brand Madison Avenue marketing. Being an Asian
household we immediately removed our shoes and traded them for
slippers, white of course.

These guys might sling hash during the
workday, but by night they transformed themselves into their alter
egos,
Phat
Lu
and
Jay-man
, the queen bees of
LA’s night life. The two party-time superheroes divided their time
evenly between Downtown and WE-HO (that’s West Hollywood for those
of you scratching your heads right now). I’m sure that you’ve heard
the term “A List” well when you think of the crowd they run with
think “A+ List!”

“Make yourself at home on the sofa Whitey,”
Jay said ushering me into the living room. I sat down on the
overstuffed couch and crossed my legs, ankle to knee just in case
anyone was spying through the large floor to ceiling windows
(homophobe, remember). I carefully scanned the building across the
street for voyeurs.

“You know where the bar is Whitey, get
yourself a drink and pour one for us too,” Lu said on his way down
the hall to their bedroom, presumably to change.

“Alright, don’t mind if I do,” I replied,
trying to hide my anxiousness, Lord knows I could use a belt before
spilling the beans about his niece.

“You and Jay still take your scotch on the
rocks?”

“Of course, we’re not
Philistines
,” Lu
answered, his voice trailing off as he reached his bedroom.

“Nothing for me Whitey! OMG
Lu Lu, I can’t
believe you said that?
You know that I’m wearing my skinny
jeans to Spago’s tonight,” Jay hollered at me as he scolded his
mate. Lu glided back into the living-room and whispered,
“You’ll
have to excuse him; he’s always a little bit crazy this time of the
month.”

“
I see,”
I replied, trying not to roll
my eyes. Nice guys these two, but all this gender bending was
little much for me. Oh well, who am I to judge anyone, I have a
hard enough time keeping track of myself.

I walked over to the bar and filled a couple
of heavy crystal tumblers with two fingers of McCallen’s, the house
scotch of choice. I made sure to add ice in Lu’s glass, just the
way he liked. Me, I prefer my booze neat, why dilute the
experience, right? Carefully making my way back to the sofa I set
Lu’s glass on the coffee table and strolled over to the window to
take in the view from the top. Somehow the city didn’t appear as
dirty as it did from the street. I guessed that was an advantage of
living closer to the heavens. Taking a sip of my scotch I turned
back to survey the room, my eyes settling on the bank of photos
neatly displayed on the closed baby grand piano. They formed a
spiral around an ornate candelabra ala Liberace like a circle of
dominos waiting to be knocked over.

I walked over to the instrument and picked up
a picture of Lu and Jay in what appeared to be Hawaii. It looked
like it could be a photo of the happy couple on their unofficial
wedding day. They were dressed in matching tunics, white of course,
with several white leis around their necks. They looked happy, way
happier than the pictures from my wedding day. Our wedding was in
mid-January in Buffalo, New York. If you’ve ever been there I don’t
need to describe the scene. We had a white wedding as well; just
all of our white was outside covering the area with four foot snow
drifts. Rhonda was stunning as usual, but I was anything but. She
was ten years my junior and looked like a kid. Me, I looked like a
cop. I still do. As I returned the photo to its resting place I
noticed another picture at the far end of the piano. It was a
little girl. She appeared to be around ten years-old. She was
beautiful. She was Sally November. I recognized her right away; you
just can’t hide from a smile like that, it commands your
attention.

“So, what brings you to this part of town
today my friend,” Lu bellowed from his bedroom?

I set Sally’s picture down quickly, feeling
all of a sudden like the snoop I was. I hot-footed it back to the
sofa and sat down, taking a long pull on my drink before
answering.

“Um, well the truth is I have information
about Mei Li.”

Lu appeared in the room instantly and stood
in front of me, studying my face and putting two and two together.
He raised his hand to his lips and gasped, “What’s happened? It’s
awful isn’t it? Don’t lie to me; I can see it written all over your
face!”

There was an awkward silence as his words
echoed off the walls. Before I could answer Jay came strolling into
the room, oblivious to the tension at first. “
Lu R. Rong,
what is the matter with you, why did you run off and leave me
hanging back there,” he whined? There was an awkward pause, as Jay
to a couple of seconds to catch on.

“What’s wrong you two,” he whispered?

“Whitey’s about to tell us,” Lu answered
softly, still staring through me.

Bad news is never easy to deliver and this
was going to be particularly difficult. My stomach growled and I
immediately wished I had poured a larger glass of scotch. I picked
up my glass and swirled what was left a couple of times before
draining it and setting it down, a little harder than I had meant
to. I stood up abruptly and walked past Lu and Jay to the baby
grand. I picked up Mei Li’s photo and stared at it a second before
speaking. With my back to them I said, “she was a beautiful Lu,
really,
she was.” I heard the two of them settle onto the
sofa behind me. Turning I looked at them both. They were sitting
side by side holding hands.

“I found your niece today Lu.”

“She’s dead, I’m sorry.”

Lu lowered his head and stared at the floor.
Jay rubbed his shoulders and said nothing but I could hear him
start to whimper. I waited for the shock to fade and watched Lu
fight the urge to weep. His shoulders heaved a couple of times and
at least one tear dropped onto the coffee table in front of
him.

“You are quite sure it is Mei that you
found,” he asked softly?

“I’m sure,” I answered.