The Guardian (16 page)

Chapter Fourteen

2005

“Kid’s got a great arm,” the man said, returning the football to a father and his kid.   He was jogging through the park when he saw the young boy complete a twenty-yard pass, then miss it as his belligerent father threw it back.
    
“Yeah, well, he better tighten up if he’s gonna be great.”  The father returned the pass to his son who caught it and spun around as if the speed and flight of the ball propelled him.  “Lot of talented kids these days.  Gotta teach’em young.”
       “You've got a pretty good arm yourself.  Play much ball in school?”
       “Football was my passion.  Only thing I wanted to do.  I was a star quarterback all four years in high school until I hurt my knee in my senior year,” he grunted.  “Had scholarships lined up out the door.”
       The man gave a sigh.  “We all make mistakes, Philip.”
       He caught the pass and held on to the ball, spinning it in the air with one hand, his forehead wrinkled with perplexity.
       “How do you know my name?”
       “It's right there on your shirt.”
       Philip palmed the football and took a harried glance at his own shirt as if unaware his name indeed was there.
       “I see he loves archery too.”
    
Still dumbfounded and searching the man’s gaze for answers, Philip agreed. Christopher was shooting a target with a bow and arrow, hitting the bull's eye every time.
       “He's pretty dangerous with that thing, too,” Philip said and watched Christopher a moment longer, then proffered a hand.  “I didn’t get your name.”
       “Nicoli,” he shook Philip’s hand.  “My friends call me Nicky.”
                                                                        ¤     ¤     ¤
       The night was slick with tainted shadows, creeping through the blinds, slithering in the wicked glow of the moon.  And when Philip lay in bed behind her, Dawn was already awake and contemplating whether or not she should spend the evening with Nicoli.  She promised she would and knew he’d be waiting.  But just how patient would he be?  She had left his bed hours ago; had dreaded the departure.  Felt the dizzying effects of lust rain down in sheets of emotional distress as the patron elevator whined down to the ground level.   She didn’t belong there, in that elevator, nor in the arms of another man, yet she foolishly pictured Nicoli preparing for her arrival.  Imagined him in a steamy hot shower -- water cascading over his head, streaming over his broad sexy shoulders.  Bittersweet sensations tickled her stomach and flurried like a feather below her belly button.  Her body was yearning for him and when Philip caressed her back, it was Nicoli’s hands massaging her, his fingers probing and prodding her most intimate places, his sensuous cologne lingering, seducing her senses, her lover’s sweet breath panting in her ear, sucking and licking her all over, his sex pushing inside now … as Philip lay on top of her.  Luckily, she hadn't said Nicoli’s name, biting down on her lip as her body released, her walls shuddered, climaxing.
       Nicoli .... oh sweet dear
Jesus
! Nicoli ... Nicoli!  Her soul screamed to the heavens!
       “Can you stay home tonight?”
       POOF!
       Philip’s voice became a stick of dynamite to the dark provocative thoughts plaguing her mind, controlling her body and her soul.
       With her face buried in a pillow, tendrils of her hair snaking across, she lied: “No.  I have to go in tonight.”  She lifted her head and asked, “What time is it?”
       He caressed her nakedness and said, “Seven-thirty.”
       Dawn turned her back to him, climbed out of bed, went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower.
       “Did you mean what you said? Do you really want to leave me?  The kids?”
       Dawn splashed her face with water, “I’d never leave the kids.”
       Philip appeared in the mirror behind her.  “What happened to ‘for better or for worst’? Every time we argue, you threaten to leave. Why can’t we just talk without the arguing? What happened to us?”
       “Husbands and wives argue, Philip.  About money, bullshit, and more bullshit! And because you always, always,
always
find a way to turn everything on
me
. I cringe every time the word ‘you’ comes out of your mouth!  Every time we argue or disagree, you blame me – “
       “I’m sorry,” he reached for her, not bothering to argue back, but Dawn moved around his embrace.
       “I’m not going to ask you to choose me over your family when you know they don’t like me.  They’ve never liked me.  Nor do they make any attempt to see if the kids need anything since we’ve been gone – “
       “Why does my family always come up when we disagree?”
       “Because they are the root of our dysfunction.  You knew that before you married me, but I was too blind to see it.”
       “Really?” he grunted.  “What about Orlando?  If he wouldn’t have died on his way to see you, you would’ve left me then?  Right?”
       Dawn turned to Philip and what she saw was pain.  Buried pain.  A misery so deeply rooted, he himself thought it no longer existed.   But it reared its ugly head like snake waiting to strike.
       “Are you still in love with me, Dawn?  Do you love me at all?”
       “Of course I do.  I’m still here, aren’t I? After all we’ve been through.  After all you’ve put me through.  I’m here, but why do you bring up other men?  Men that were before you and I were ever a couple?  Because my parents have never shut you out?  Because they’ve embraced you?  They’ve sent you a birthday card every year since we’ve been together.  Your parents didn’t even hug me when I had Christopher, Mason
or
Sierra.  Didn’t bother to be there for me when I needed them most, yet you point fingers every chance you get and it’s always about other men.  That’s all you’ve got.  The men that have loved me more than you do.  This isn’t about infidelity.   It’s about the fact that we don’t have a real fam – “
       Philip slapped her across the face.  He’d never slapped her before.  Ever.  But she’d pissed him off.  She deserved it.  He’d been saving that one.  And he was mighty proud to give it to her.
       “Their decisions have nothing to do with
this
family! 
Our
family!”  With a finger pointed at her face, he added sternly.  “And don’t you think for one second that
you
can be untrue to
me
and blame
them
for the decisions that
you
decided to make.”
       With a hand against her face, she wept and said, “You’re supposed to take up for your wife, yet you cleave to your parents and leave me out in the cold.  Why did you make me your wife if I wasn’t accepted?  You knew they didn’t approve of me before you married me.  Probably since we were dating.”
       He exuded a long, drawn out sigh, leaning in to her unwelcomed apology.  “I’m sorry I hit you.  You just make me so mad when you bring my parents into our marriage.   You know my real parents died when I was just a kid.  If it hadn’t been for my aunt and uncle, I would’ve grown up in foster care.  They’re just protective.  That’s all.  And even though you think they’ve never approved of you, which they do, they just have a funny way of showing they like
anyone
.”
       “I’m your wife, Philip.  They don’t even show our children any affection.  They don’t think I’m good enough for you.  My parents sensed it too.  Tell me the last time they’ve sent presents or birthday cards to them.  The kids hardly know them.  My parents have supported us emotionally and financially when you fucked up our life savings – “
       “Please don’t go there, Dawn.  Every problem we’ve ever faced, we made it through together.  Me … you … and the kids.  Not because of
your
parents, or what you may think of
my
parents, but because we stuck together and worked through it like a family s’ppose to.  What I did years ago, wasn’t about you … it was about me.  I wasn’t happy with myself and I should’ve talked to you about it, but I didn’t know how to communicate my sorrow with anyone.  Not even myself.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and added, “you’re all I want.  I’m not married to them.  I’m married to you.  Please, let’s just live our lives and be happy.   We live in Las Vegas, for god’s sake.”  He tickled her chin in an attempt to make her smile.  But Dawn didn’t have anything to smile about, at least not with Philip.   She wanted to punch him in the throat and kick him in the groin more than anything.
       “Please go.  I need to take a shower,” she said without making eye contact.  “Would you check on the kids?  I’ll be down in a minute.”
       Philip placed his lips on her forehead, kissing her there.  He stood silent as if waiting for a response.  Anything.  But nothing came.  She didn’t utter another word.  He couldn’t even hear her breathing.  That’s when he released her from his embrace, brushing himself against her as he started.
       “I want us to work, baby.  Can we make this work?”  Softly, cautiously he touched her arms.
       She nodded her head in agreement.  “Yeah.  Okay.”
       He touched her hair, her lips, her cheeks.  “I want you to love me like you used to.  When it was just us.  Before the kids.  Before bills and house notes.  If I didn’t love you like I say I do, I would’ve given up, too.” He linked her fingers with his and moved her hand over his chest and held it there.  “My heart belongs to you.  And only you, Dawn Miles Barron.   I am nothing without you.  A house is not a home if you’re not in it.”  He held her face in his hands, kissed the tears on her cheeks.   “I married you because I love you.  I’ll always love you.  No matter what anyone thinks.” He kissed her gently, solidifying his word.  She kissed him back.  “People change, Dawn.  I’m a better man since I married you.  Let’s be husband and wife in the eyes of the Lord – “
       Dawn was filled with gripping guilt now.  He had to mention God when she couldn’t wait to get to her lover’s waiting arms.
       He kissed her forehead once more and exited the bathroom, forgetting to mention Sylvia’d called with an update on Edward’s progress.  Making a marriage work.  Easier said than done, especially when the enemy is at every turn, crook and cranny in the crossroad, tempting and teasing with luscious and vivacious spoils.
       She remembered loving Philip not so long ago.  It was a magnetic attraction between them.  To be near him was electrifying.  His kisses were fiery and passionate.  Their love was timeless and engorging.  But that was then, and this was now.  She didn’t like him much anymore since he blamed her for their marital strife.  Should’ve left when she had the chance, she thought, but he’d refuse to let her take the kids and pitched a fit about having to pay child support.  He hit her once.  He’d definitely hit her again, but the next time, she was sure it would leave a mark.  If not, break a bone. Or bones.  Could she move back to Louisiana?  Live with her parents while she looked for a job?  But then Christopher would have to change schools.  Again.  He’d complained about changing for the fifth time when she’d enrolled him in the Clark County school district.
       Suck it up and make it work for the kids.
       She imagined candlelight dinners and making love to Nicoli under the stars, not disparaging moments.  Although he could pull another woman in the blink of an eye, and had, but it was for
her
enjoyment, he’d said.  For them, had she only let him explain.
       She was happy when Philip exited the bathroom and as eager as she was to see Nicoli, she promised herself it would be the last time she’d ever lay eyes on him … touch him.  Ugh, the thought nauseated her.  Arguing with Philip was painful, but she had to make her marriage work, even if it meant letting go of Nicoli, the man who made her feel special.
      
Make the last time, the best time.
       Take a feel good pill and flush the rest down the toilet.
      
She had showered and was wrapped in a towel as she removed the large black handbag from the top of the closet and filled it with sexy black Louboutin heels, a black mini skirt and a neck plunging camisole – sassy and fierce.  She was going out with a bang, end the affair and give him something he’d remember for the rest of his life.
                                                                        ¤     ¤     ¤
       The moon seemed to glom upon her like a watchful eye and the traffic on Las Vegas Boulevard was bumper-to-bumper.  And as usual, the sidewalks were crawling with enthusiastic tourists from every corner of the globe, all of them moving anxiously in the multi-colored lights; some in pursuit of quick fortune, many in search of a good time.  Like the crowd of rowdy suntanned college boys standing on the corner whistling at the car of young ladies. 
GETTING HITCHED
was sprayed on the back windshield.  A long piece of white lace dragged across the pavement as they went.   A man and woman were hugged up near a concrete wall, the man extending his arm trying to take their picture with a camera phone.  The woman giggled and buried her face in the man’s neck.   Another man sat on a bench at the bus stop playing a guitar, a tin can on the ground at his feet.  Having finally snapped enough pictures, the lovebirds giggled their way toward the guitar player and tossed loose change into the tin can.
       Las Vegas is where everyone comes to let loose and get wild.  But unfortunately, Dawn found the view stomach-churning, even depressing – all of those happy people, their faces gleaming with the glow of the flashing lights all around them, and the rowdy college boys, loitering lustily on the street corner.   She’d thought twice about offering to take the couple’s picture, but thought better of it:  Fuck them.  I’m not happy.  They shouldn’t be happy.
       A bushy bearded man stood on the sidewalk holding a large wooden cross shouting, “Repent, sinners!  The Lord is coming!”  As Dawn neared, he quieted and stared at her and for second she thought she saw a message in his glare meant only for her.  They shared that simple glance and she kept walking with determination.  The man’s rant soon faded behind her.
       She was still disturbed by the man’s egregious ogle ten minutes later when she approached the entrance of the pawn shop.  A disgruntled gentleman exited, his face as long as the day she just had, but he held the door just long enough for Dawn to make her way inside.