The Grand Duchess of Nowhere (25 page)

I was awake and about to get up when they came hammering at the street door. Cyril was shaving. The noise so startled him he cut himself. He went to the door with blood on his neck.

‘
Kto vas oopolnamochil
?’ I heard him say. ‘By whose authority?’

‘
Pyetrogradski Sovyet
,’ someone said, very confident.

Still Cyril kept them on the step and there were more voices, not threatening, but raised and excited. I went and stood beside him at the open door. I thought the sight of a pregnant woman in a rather shabby dressing gown might lower the temperature.

Cyril said, ‘Everything’s under control, darling. They’ve had a wasted journey, as I’m trying to explain to them. I’ve already agreed in principle to the forfeiture of Crown Properties.’

This was news to me, as I suppose must have been evident from my face. It was Peach’s laugh I recognised. She was at the rear of the group with two other women. They were all wearing red headscarves tied factory-worker style.

I said, ‘What do you mean, “forfeiture of Crown Properties”? Miechen bought us this house.’

‘I know that,’ he said. ‘It’s the Tsarskoe Selo property they should be assessing, not this house.’

‘So, send them away.’

Cyril said they wished to come in and assess the size of our rooms. He hadn’t recognised Peach.

I said, ‘Tell them they may not. This is our home.’

He spoke to me very quietly.

‘They have a written order. Darling, you’re making things unnecessarily worse. Do go in and leave this to me.’

I said, ‘You should be ashamed of yourself, Ethel Peach, disturbing people at this hour of the morning.’

Cyril tried to hush me but I wasn’t for hushing.

I said, ‘You hardly need to come in here with a measuring tape, upsetting my children. You know this house as well as I do. You lived in it for long enough, warm and very well fed.’

I thought she looked a little embarrassed. Just a very little. I believe I might have shamed her into leaving and taking her friends with her but Cyril was all for humouring them.

‘It’s a silly mistake,’ he said. ‘The simplest thing is to let them come in and do what they’ve been ordered to do. It won’t take long. The mistake can be straightened out at a more civilised hour.’

And so my husband allowed a measuring squad of the Petrograd Soviet Housing Allocation Committee to enter my home and run about with yardsticks and stubs of pencil. That was the moment I decided I wouldn’t spend another night in that house. With or without Cyril, I was going to leave and take our daughters with me, and as soon as I’d made that decision I experienced a wonderful feeling of calm.

I told Peach she must remain in Cyril’s study until the ridiculous exercise was over. I didn’t want the children to see her.

‘All the same to me,’ she said.

‘Did Kuzma get you into all this?’

‘Get me into it?’ she said. ‘I didn’t need “getting into it”. I believe in it.’

I said, ‘Believe in what? Throwing policemen off church towers?’

‘The Revolution,’ she said. ‘The new Russia, Ducky.’

Ducky! The absolute cheek of her! And there was my husband running around like a footman, opening doors for the other Revolutionary clowns. ‘And this is the dining room.’ Anything to oblige.

*

In spite of my efforts Masha and Kira did see Peach. As the Measuring Party were leaving, the girls came running downstairs and Peach turned to look at them. Masha was bashful, but not Kira.

She said, ‘Why do you have that thing on your head? You look like a village woman. Did you marry Kuzma?’

‘Marry?’ Peach said. ‘Nobody gets married any more.’

Kira said, ‘I’m going to. You can’t come back, you know? We don’t need a governess now. I’m going to the Annenschule and then to the Smolny.’

Peach laughed.

‘Well, Ducky,’ she said, ‘how long till you drop the next little parasite? I’m surprised you didn’t make a run for it while you could.’

That was the last we saw of her.

Kira said, ‘What’s a little parasite?’

‘Peach was just being rude. She’s turned into a very unpleasant person.’

‘But what is it?’

‘She meant the baby I’m having. But “parasite” isn’t a nice word. We don’t use it.’

‘Are you really going to have a baby?’

‘Why else do you think I’ve grown so fat?’

‘I thought it was because you stopped hunting. Can old persons have babies?’

I followed Cyril to his dressing room.

He said, ‘I know what you’re going to say.’

‘Do you?’ I said. ‘Two of those types were carrying rifles.’

‘Just ancient Berdankas,’ he said. ‘They can’t possibly have cartridges for them. We were never in any danger. It was unpleasant, I know, and I’m sorry it happened but it’s over.’

I said, ‘Yes, Cyril, you’re right for once. It’s over.’

‘They’re not entitled to this house.’

‘I know that. It belongs to Miechen.’

‘They are entitled to the Tsarskoe Selo house. Crown property.’

‘They can have it. We don’t need it. We’re leaving. Today.’

‘I hear you,’ he said. ‘But do stop shouting. Think of the girls. Those people. They’re measuring everyone’s houses. They weren’t picking on us.’

‘With Ethel Peach guiding them to our door? Of course not.’

‘It’s just about living space.’

‘I understand. And tomorrow they may decide all we’re entitled to is a coffin width. But we won’t be here, Cyril. At least I won’t and nor will our children. Let them shoot us if they must. A pregnant woman and two little girls. That would make them look good on the world stage.’

He finished dressing in silence. It was only eight o’clock and the heat was already unbearable.

He said, ‘As soon as I’ve spoken to Kerensky, I’ll telephone you. I’ll say … what shall I say? Please send my short boots for new heel irons. That’s what I’ll say. That will be the signal.’

I said, ‘Signal? You’re not in some
Boy’s Own
story. The signal for what? That Kerensky said yes? That Kerensky said no? And then what?’

‘Keep your voice down,’ he said. ‘And don’t be obtuse, Ducky. The signal will mean that you must be absolutely ready to leave.’

‘I’ve been absolutely ready for weeks. And by the way, the telephone isn’t working so your signal hardly matters. Do we have a Commissar yet for Carrier Pigeons?’

He slammed the door on his way out. His shaving mishap had bled onto his shirt collar.

All through the morning I kept picking up the handset to see whether I could get a connection. The line was still dead. I longed to go out, to take the children to the Summer Gardens and perhaps happen to bump into someone,
anyone
to talk to and break the awful silence, but I was afraid to leave the house in case Cyril found a way to send news.

Kira spent an hour bouncing on beds to see which mattress gave her the greatest propulsion, then fell into a sweaty sleep. Masha came to me and asked if something horrid was going to happen. She looked so solemn and grown up.

I said, ‘Don’t worry about this morning. Those people who came here had made a mistake.’

‘Oh, I know that,’ she said. ‘Do you know, one of them said a whole family could live in our bedroom? Which is completely impossible. But why were they so hateful?’

‘Were they?’

‘Yes. They said we’re like a rotten tree. “You lot,” they said. “Dead timber. We’ll be rid of you, root and branch.” What does that mean? And why was Peach with them?’

I told her Peach seemed to have fallen in with a bad crowd.

‘Yes,’ she said, ‘that’s what I thought. And, you know, her teeth weren’t terribly clean.’

I did wonder, I still do, if the Romanov tree is really so rotten, root and branch as they say, why are those people in such a hurry to be rid of us? They have their new government. Why couldn’t we be allowed to retire to a dacha and keep bees? I’m sure Nicky
and Sunny would like nothing better. Do they fear us? Are they nervous that some little green Romanov shoot will spring up and take back the throne?

I told Masha we were going away for a little holiday.

‘Tonight,’ I said. ‘But don’t say anything to Kira. She’ll only get over-excited.’

‘Hurrah,’ she said. ‘And perhaps by the time we come back Emperor Uncle Nicky will have thrown all those horrid people in prison.’

Cyril came home just after four. He sent the girls straight to their room.

He said, ‘You may come down to the drawing room at five o’clock but not a minute sooner.’

Kira said, ‘Is it because I bounced on your bed?’

‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s because Mummy and I need peace and quiet.’

He was very tense. He loosened his shirt collar.

‘Well, Ducky,’ he said. ‘This is it. Kerensky has arranged a pass for us for Finland.’

‘Tonight?’

‘Tonight.’

‘Do you think he knows you won’t come back?’

‘Very likely. He’s no fool. Probably relieved to see the back of me. He’ll have taken plenty of criticism for working with me. A Romanov will always be a Romanov. Treating with the class enemy and all that. It’s a wonder to me he keeps going. He’ll never manage to make everyone happy.’

‘So we can go quite openly? We have permission.’

‘We do. But no sense in making a noisy exit. Better just to slip away, discreetly.’

We were to go in two cars. Cyril first, with the girls and a staff driver. I was to follow an hour later in a British Mission car. It
would set off as though taking me to Tsarskoe Selo and then double back to the Finland Station. It all seemed very cloak and dagger. I began to wonder if Cyril really did have Kerensky’s blessing.

I said, ‘The girls should travel with me.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘Point A, I’m less likely to get challenged if I have children with me, and point B, if I am challenged, my driver is armed. You’ll be fine. Any questions, just play the British card. They’ll probably offer you an escort to the station.’

He rebuttoned his collar, reached for his coat. He was going out again.

‘Won’t be long,’ he said. ‘An hour at most.’

I said, ‘But you promised the girls you’d talk to them at five o’clock.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘I told them they can come downstairs at five o’clock. You can put them in the picture. Now I really must be off, darling. Still a few loose ends to attend to.’

*

I supposed it was La Karsavina he was going to see. I hadn’t the energy for another row. But I did watch from the window and he did set off in the direction of the Mariinsky. A farewell fuck? Well, a man has his needs and a wife who looks like matryoshka doll can’t hold much attraction.

Kira was beside herself with excitement. She began assembling her most treasured possessions on the drawing-room rug.

‘One bag, only,’ I kept reminding her. But she sensed my heart wasn’t really in it and used my weakness to good account. Masha rather nobly offered her a little space in her own valise but when she raised an objection to accommodating all the Noah’s Ark animals, Kira said, ‘If you’re going to be so mean, Masha Kirillovna, I shall carry them in my drawers, like Mummy’s doing with her pearls.’

Cyril returned at six. I will say he’s extremely punctual, even in
his philandering. The girls were all over him. Kisses, hugs, plans for sea bathing and bicycle rides and shrimping. He went up to change his clothes. I found him standing in the doorway of the yellow guest room.

‘Just doing a quick tour,’ he said. ‘A last look round.’

That undid me. Just a tear or two. It was only a house. Just bricks and tiles.

He put his arms around me.

‘Not much longer, darling,’ he said. ‘Stiff upper lip and so forth. This time tomorrow it’ll all be behind us. And who knows, perhaps we’ll be back. If this lot make a terrific muddle of things.’

I must say he didn’t smell of another woman. Perhaps he hadn’t gone to see Karsavina after all. Perhaps he’d just popped out to buy his stomach pills.

I said, ‘When you and the girls leave, I won’t come down.’

‘Absolutely not,’ he said. ‘Wouldn’t be the thing at all. Air of normality. Keep yourself busy. Or rest. That’s what you should do. We won’t be travelling in comfort, you realise? No Imperial coupé.’

Serafim took the bags down. Then Cyril took the girls. He was all brittle cheerfulness.

Kira said, ‘I want Mummy to come with us.’

‘Too much luggage,’ Cyril said. ‘There isn’t room for her. Too many dolls.’

She began to wail. ‘There’s heaps of room. I only brought seven dolls.’

I said, ‘The thing is, Kira, I have errands to do before we leave. Far better for you to go ahead with Daddy and Masha and make sure we get good seats.’

‘Very well,’ she said, ‘but that’s a different reason altogether. And I certainly didn’t bring too many dolls.’

Then I was alone in the house. Serafim and Mefody were in the
yard waiting for my car to come. There was nothing left for me to do. I picked up a Pinkerton but I read the same page over and over. I had an urge to go into the street and walk about but my feet were so swollen I could barely squeeze them into my shoes. I saw a stranger in the looking glass. She had the darkest circles under her eyes.

My car was late. I began to fret even before it was late so by the time it truly was late I was sick with nerves. The baby, which had leaped about all afternoon, didn’t move. Was it holding its breath? No, unborn babies don’t breathe. I could see nothing ahead but calamity. We’d miss our train. Cyril and the girls would be noticed at the station by some rogue faction of Bolsheviks. They’d rip up our permit to travel. ‘Kerensky!’ they’d say. ‘That lukewarm!’ Cyril would be shot. Then they’d come for me and when I asked for my children they’d say, ‘Children? What children?’

A Grand Duchess isn’t often alone, you know? Quite aside from one’s friends and relations, there are always maids and footmen and drivers, and all those other souls, cooks and boot boys that keep up a comforting hum of activity even if one rarely sees them. I don’t believe Miechen or Mother have been alone for a single moment of their lives. Even Sunny, cooped up at the Alexander Palace, has some of her ladies for company. That poor creature, Vyrubova, is still incarcerated, as far as we know, but Sunny has the comfort of Hendrikova and Isa Buxhoeveden. I suppose they may go with her to England. But I’m quite cut off. I don’t know where Mother is. I can’t talk to my sisters. Georgie Buchanan isn’t permitted to see me. And everyone else has melted away, if not to the south then into the country, keeping quiet, hoping for the best, minding their own business. Gone to ground.

I was in that rather miserable reverie when Serafim called up to me, ‘
Barina!
’ and then I heard a familiar voice say, ‘Transport alongside, ma’am.’