Authors: Jayne Ann Krentz
He ran his fingers slowly along the inside of her thigh. She squirmed a little beneath the sensual stroking and somehow his palm slid over her, cupping her intimately. A familiar liquid heat began to build between her legs.
“Nick?”
“Hmm?”
“You're going to do this your way tonight, aren't you?”
“Yes.” He kissed her breast and then raised his head to look down at her. His eyes were intent. “I want you to learn to trust me in every way there is.”
“Yes.”
“Will that be so hard for you?” he asked gently.
“No.” It was the truth, Phila thought in growing wonder. She was floating. His hands felt good—strong and sure and safe. His mouth drifted lightly, lazily over her whole body. He tasted her as if she were a rare delicacy, sampling the curve of her shoulder, the underside of her breasts, the insides of her ankles and every place in between.
It had never been quite like this before, she reflected in a fleeting moment of rationality. She had never just lain flat on her back and given herself up to the erotic sensations. Always before she had been too busy exploring him, learning her own power, delighting in the thrill of being able to make him explode beneath her touch. Too busy feeling safe and in command of everything.
For the first time since she had met him their lovemaking position was reversed. She waited for the familiar sense of panic. But nothing happened. Everything was happening so slowly and she was feeling so relaxed that she could not manage to work up any real alarm.
This was Nick, and with Nick she would always be safe.
His hands continued their infinitely patient movements. Time ceased to have any meaning for Phila. She felt heavy and warm, filled with a languid sensuality that made her begin to twist and turn on the sheets. Her legs parted.
When Nick's finger strayed into the crisp strands of silk at the apex of her thighs Phila moaned and pulled a pillow over her mouth. His finger stroked lower, separating the soft folds and circling her gently.
“Nick, Nick.” Phila tossed aside the pillow but did not open her eyes. She lifted herself against his hand and he slid a second finger into her moist heat. “Oh, my God,
Nick
.”
“Does that feel good, sweetheart?”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
“How about this?”
She trembled and clutched at the pillow again as he flicked the small, swelling nub of sensation between her thighs. Simultaneously he plunged his fingers back into her and Phila was suddenly flying into a million sparkling pieces.
“
Come here
.” Instinctively she released the pillow and grabbed at him. In that moment it didn't matter who was on top and who was on the bottom. She just wanted to feel all of him. She had to have him close to her.
Nick allowed her to pull him down on top of her. He entered her heavily as the last tremors of her release began to fade. He plunged quickly, withdrew himself almost completely and then, when she cried out in frustration, drove forward again.
Nick was the focus of her whole world. He was over her, in her, enfolding her, confining her within the sensual prison of his arms. Phila was aware of his weight along every inch of her body. She was also aware of feeling safe and cherished as she never had before in her life.
She felt as if she had finally come home.
Before Phila could grasp the fact that her first climax was nearly over, another one was upon her. This one was slow, deep and seemed to last forever. She called Nick's name and held him closer, wrapping her legs around his hips.
“Sweetheart. Oh,
Phila
. Love me, Love me.”
“I love you, Nick.”
Nick went rigid in her arms, arching over her, filling her, crushing her beneath him as he lost himself in her warmth. Phila was dimly aware of his shuddering release and she held on to him more tightly than she had ever held on to anything or anyone in her life.
When it was over he collapsed along the length of her, his legs pinning hers, his hands holding her wrists gently captive. His solid weight pressed her deep into the bedding.
Phila came slowly back to her senses. The first thing she was fully aware of was the musky, sexy scent of the man lying on top of her. The next thing she focused on was the fact that she was trapped beneath Nick's full weight. She waited again for the panic, but it did not come.
When the old fear did not materialize, she began drawing an interesting pattern on Nick's strongly contoured back.
“You all right?” He shifted drowsily, lifting himself up on his elbows. His eyes glittered with the age-old expression of the fully satiated male, but there was a tenderness in his gaze that made Phila catch her breath.
“I think so.” She smiled up at him. “You're on top.”
“I told you I decided it was time to experiment with a new position.”
She grinned. “I think the basic missionary position is considered a classic.”
“You've got to admit that, for us, it's definitely a change of pace.”
“True. Very wicked.”
He waited a few seconds and then made an observation. “I can't help noticing that you're not clawing and kicking and trying to push me off onto the floor.”
“No.” She moved one leg experimentally. Nick let her slide it out from under his. She curved her foot and drew it up along the back of his calf. The hair on his leg tickled the sole of her foot, and she smiled.
“Do you like it better this way?” Phila asked softly, searching his face.
“I like it any way I can get it with you.” He kissed her throat. “Believe me, there's nothing on this earth like the feel of you throwing yourself on top of me. But I've been wondering when you'd trust me enough to let me return the favor.”
Phila narrowed her eyes. “It was a matter of trust, in a way, wasn't it?”
Nick nodded, his gaze serious. “I sensed that much right from the beginning. I figured the day you could let me make love to you like this would be the day I'd know for sure we were making real progress in this relationship.”
“Typical of a man to look for progress in terms of a physical relationship,” she said with mocking scorn.
“Yeah.” He kissed her thoroughly and moved reluctantly off to the side. “Not, you understand, that I ever want you to give up your patented flying assault tactics.” He yawned.
“You're a greedy man.” She punched him lightly on the shoulder and slid out of bed. “Be right back.” She headed for the bathroom.
When she returned a few minutes later she thought he had gone to sleep. But his arm curved around her as she crawled back into bed beside him.
“I've been thinking,” Nick said.
“What about?”
“Getting married.”
Phila froze. “Married! Who? Us? You and me?”
“You've got to admit there's a certain logic to it.”
Phila sat up, holding the sheet to her breasts. “Good grief, Nick, we can't possibly get married.” She swallowed nervously. “But thank you very much for asking,” she added lamely.
He didn't move, but his eyes pinned her in the shadows. “You've got a problem with the idea of marrying me?”
She took a steadying breath. “Be reasonable, Nick. Anyone who marries a Lightfoot or a Castleton marries into a lot of family. It would be miserable for everyone concerned if you married someone the other members of the families didn't like. Let's be honest here. If there's one thing we can say with absolute certainty, it's that I'm not Miss Popularity as far as the rest of the Lightfoots and Castletons are concerned.”
“Phila, I'm asking you to marry
me
, not the other people in the families.”
“They could never accept me, Nick, and you know it.”
“I don't give a damn if they accept you. I'm the one you're marrying. We don't have to deal with any of the rest of them except at the annual meetings.”
“And Fourth of July celebrations and Christmas and summer holidays and Darren's political functions and Eleanor's dinner parties and a hundred other events during the year.”
“You're exaggerating. We won't go to any of those things if you're uncomfortable.”
“I told you I would be uncomfortable at that fund-raiser tonight, and you insisted on dragging me to it.”
“That was different,” he bit out.
“Was it? I don't think so.”
“I thought you'd find it interesting once you got there, and I was right. Just as I was right about you enjoying a new position in bed tonight.”
“Don't try to draw any parallels between going to a political fund-raiser and going to bed, for heaven's sake.”
“Hell, if you feel that strongly about family events, we'll avoid them. I've skipped them for the past three years, haven't I?”
“Use your head, Nick. You can't possibly run the company and avoid socializing with the families. Besides, look at it from my point of view. Do you think I want to be the reason you don't take part in all the family traditions? I'd always feel guilty about coming between you and the rest of them.”
“That's a damn fool notion.”
“Is it?” Phila used the back of her hand to brush away the dampness that had gathered behind her eyelids. “Nick, I don't want to be another Crissie.”
“Shit.” He reached up and pulled her down beside him, folding her close. “So that's what this is all about.”
“I know what that rejection did to her. I'm not sure I could take it day after day. You don't know what that kind of thing does to someone, Nick.”
“Don't I?” His voice was soft and harsh. “I spent three years living with it.”
Phila was silent as the reality of his words sank in. “Yes, you did, didn't you?”
“Phila, no one is going to say one word out of line to you. If anyone tries it, he or she will answer to me. That will be understood right from the beginning.”
“I don't think it will work, Nick.”
“Trust me.”
“It's not a question of trust. It's a question of emotional reality. The Castletons and Lightfoots do not like me or approve of me. I've been able to handle that because right now I'm in an adversarial position with them. We all know I'm on the opposite side of the fence. We're natural enemies, and we can all deal together on that basis. But if I marry you, I'll become family and that will create a real mess, believe me.”
“You're overanalyzing the situation. Probably comes from your training as a social worker.”
“This is not funny, Nick.”
“I know. I'm just trying to get you to see the situation from a different perspective. You're looking at it from your usual antiestablishment point of view. Things will work out if you'll just settle down and give everyone a chance.”
“That's a totally unrealistic approach to a complex, highly charged situation. Leave it to a man to think things will be that simple.”
Nick propped himself on his elbow and leaned over her menacingly. “I don't care what label you put on it, it happens to be my approach, and I will damn well guarantee you it will work.”
Phila heard the implacability in his words and heaved a small sign. “I don't think so, Nick. I'll tell you what, we'll compromise.”
“I am not in the mood for any wimpy compromises. Lightfoots don't do that kind of thing.”
“Stop acting like the king of the jungle and listen to me, will you?” She looked at him, pleading with him to understand. “Let's just go on as we have been for a while. We'll try living together. I'll attend a few more family functions. We'll see if any of the rest of them get to the point where they can accept me. Maybe in a few months or a year or so things will be different. Then, if you're still interested, we can talk about marriage.”
“We'll talk about it now, damn it.”
Phila bit her lip. “Don't be too quick to assume that marriage is what you want.”
“Why should I change my mind?” he asked. “I never change my mind. That's another thing Lightfoots don't do very often.”
“Is that right? Well, you may change your mind about marrying me when I tell you I'm going to give my C&L shares back to Darren tomorrow.”
Nick was stunned into silence. When he finally spoke, his voice was cold and brutally soft.
“Like hell you are,” he said.
Nick shoved back the covers with a violent motion, climbed out of bed and stalked to the window. He stood looking out at the darkened waters of Elliott Bay. “I need those shares.”
“No you don't.”
“You're an ex-social worker, not an MBA. What the hell do you know about it?” he asked savagely.
“I may not know business, but I know people. This is a golden chance for the families to unite behind you. Darren will back you. Your father, too. I think.”
“You think?” Nick darted a furious look at her over his shoulder. “What do you mean, you
think
they'll back me? I'm not playing games with C&L's future based on your emotional assessment of the situation, lady. There's too much at stake to take that kind of risk. I want to know your shares are in my corner, and I want everyone else to know it, too. I've explained all that. My best chance of getting one of the others to back me is for everyone to know you're backing me.”
“Yes, I know, but it would be better all the way around if I gave them back to Darren and let him vote them,” Phila said quietly.
“Better for whom? For what?”
“Family unity.”
“Don't give me that crap about family unity. What do you care about the family unity of the Castletons or the Lightfoots?”
It was a good question, but Phila could not think of a way to answer it. She was following her instincts, and her instincts told her that she was doing the right thing. She gathered her legs close to her chest and hugged them. With her chin propped on her knees she watched Nick with the wary attention any intelligent being gives to a predator that has finally been aroused. She tried to speak calmly.
“It will be better for everyone, including you, if you take control of the company with the consent of as many of the members of the families as you can get,” she said. “I'm fairly certain your father will back you, and I think Darren will. If Darren does, that means you've got Vicky's vote, too. With any luck Eleanor will fall into line if she sees the others backing you. You'll have a united front. The only nonparticipant will be Hilary.”
“You know nothing about running a company. We're not playing psychological games here.”
“Yes we are. You've been playing them all along. You just pin a different label on it. What do you call using me to convince the others it's safe to back you, if not a mind game?”
Nick paced back to the bed. He leaned over her, and she inched back onto the pillows. He planted his hands on either side of her head, caging her. “Listen to me, my smart-mouthed, troublemaking little do-gooder. I'm walking a very tricky line trying to save Castleton & Lightfoot. I won't have you jeopardizing everything at this point. The whole idea was for you to hang on to those shares until after the annual meeting. Once I have C&L back from Hilary, you can do what you damn well please.”
“Nick, I really think it would be better if I got out of the picture.”
“It's too late for you to get out of the picture. You've been in it since I found you in Holloway, and you're going to stay in it until I say otherwise.”
She was getting nervous. He wasn't touching her, but she was starting to feel some of the panic she had once felt when he used his physical size to pin her to the bed. Phila tried to ease herself farther back against the headboard. “Nick, please listen to me. I know what I'm doing.”
“No, you don't.”
“It will be better this way. I'm sure of it. I have a feeling about it. You need to know the families are behind you. They need to feel they picked you freely as their next CEO. This is a family matter, and I'm an outsider.”
“You've been happy enough to get involved up until this point.”
“That was different. That was because of Crissie and then, later, because you asked me to stay involved. But now I want out. Besides, I'm tired of being used and manipulated.”
“Is that what you think has been happening?”
“Of course. You've been doing it from the beginning. I love you and I think you love me, but I'm not completely blind. You used me to get back into the family nest, and now you're trying to use me to get back the company itself. Swell. Go right ahead and take back the company. I agree with you; it's for the best. But do it without me.”
“Damn it, Phila.” Nick straightened, plowing his fingers impatiently through his hair. “What's happening here? You won't marry me; you won't back me with those shares. You expect me to believe you really love me?”
“I do love you, Nick.” She pushed aside the sheet and stood up slowly. “I'm doing this for your own good.”
“Don't give me that crap.”
“Trust me.” Her smile was wobbly. “Wasn't that what you were saying to me a little while ago when you made love to me?”
He scowled. “It's not exactly the same thing.”
“You don't think I'm having to go on trust, too? After the way you've used me right from the beginning? You don't think falling in love with you after everything that's happened requires a major chunk of trust?”
“Stop saying I've used you.”
“Why? It's the truth, isn't it?”
“I can't believe I'm standing here arguing with you like this. It wasn't more than twenty minutes ago that you were going wild under me.”
She touched his arm. “It will be better this way. Believe me. The families need to settle family business together. They need to know they're not being pushed around by an outsider. I'm not family, Nick. I don't have any right to interfere.”
“You already have interfered, damn it.”
Her mouth tightened. “That's true, isn't it? But I'm getting out now. You don't need me any longer. I'm almost sure you'll get what you want at the annual meeting. Everything's changed since you came back. You'll see.”
“I'm not so sure about that. The risk is just too great, Phila. Everything is too delicately balanced. If everyone knows you're out of the picture I'm not sure what will happen.”
“They'll back you. The thing is, Nick, they all want to back you. All except Hilary, of course. But deep down they all want to believe in you again and they sense that you're the one who should be running things. I can tell.”
“You going to give me a written guarantee?”
Phila shook her head. “You don't need one.”
“You're a hundred percent sure of your analysis?” he asked, eyes scathing.
“Well, no. There's no way to be a hundred percent sure. Not when you're dealing with human beings.”
“That's the whole point. That's why I want your shares in my corner.”
“I have to do what I think is best.”
Nick dropped down onto the bed and lay looking up at her with a grim, watchful expression. “You're right, you know.”
“About the families backing you?”
“No. About my having used you.”
Phila didn't say anything. She just looked at him.
“It all came together when I found you. I knew right away that with you I had the missing piece I needed to get back into the game. But you weren't what I expected. I wasn't always sure
how
to use you.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“Half the time you surprised me by going off on a totally different tangent than the one I had anticipated. Like the first morning you played golf with my father.”
Phila reached for her robe and drew it around herself. “What about it?”
“I thought it would be interesting to throw the two of you together. I thought Dad would get a kick out of arguing with you and you might be able to draw him out of his shell, maybe get him to take more of an interest in what was going on around him and with the company. I thought I could work with that. I didn't realize you were going to start out by lecturing him on my terrific sense of responsibility.”
“Oh.”
“I was more astonished than he was. During the past three years I'd forgotten what it was like to have someone believe in me without any hard evidence.”
“People rarely get hard evidence to believe in, not when it comes to judging other human beings. You almost always have to go on instinct and trust.”
“Yeah. Well, the way you handled my father wasn't the only thing that threw me. There was the totally unexpected way you got Vicky and Darren to take another look at their own pasts and what Burke had done to them. You also realized what was motivating Hilary before I did. You even understand Eleanor and her compulsive need to protect the family image. Every time I turn around lately, you're dabbling in family business.”
“I'm through dabbling.”
“No, you're not, but we'll go into that later. I've got enough to deal with at the moment.”
“I'm not going to change my mind, Nick. Tomorrow I'm phoning Darren and I'm going to tell him the shares are his to do with as he pleases.”
“Yeah. I believe you.” He didn't take his eyes off her. “Screw the shares. There's a part of you that still doesn't trust me, isn't there?”
She frowned. “This has nothing to do with trust. I'm doing what I think is right.”
“I'm not talking about your decision to give the shares back to Darren. I'm talking about us—you and me. You don't trust me completely.”
“Should I? After you've just admitted you used me?”
“That worked both ways. You were using me, too.”
“Yes.”
“Tell me, Phila,” he said, his voice growing rough and low and beguiling.
“Tell you what?”
“Whatever it is you need to tell me.”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
He exhaled slowly. “You're lying.”
“So?” Phila challenged. “What are you going to do about it?”
“The only thing I can do.” He caught her hand and tumbled her down on top of him. “Make wild, passionate love to me, sweetheart.”
“I thought you were angry at me.”
“I'm definitely pissed. As usual, you're not following the rules. But I don't want to argue about it right now.”
“You think if we make love again I'll become sweet and compliant and change my mind about the shares?”
“I think if we make love again I'll become a lot less pissed. Isn't that a worthy goal in and of itself?”
Phila smiled very brilliantly. “It certainly is.”
Victoria stood with her tennis racket in one hand, watching anxiously as Darren hung up the court phone. “Did I hear that correctly? She's giving the shares back to you? Just like that?”
“Just like that.” Darren absently tossed a tennis ball into the air, caught it and tossed it again.”
“What about Nick?”
“What about him?”
“Well, what did he have to say about all this?” Victoria frowned impatiently. “Is he going along with the idea?”
“It didn't sound to me as if he had much choice. Phila made her decision all by herself. She says she's answered her personal questions about what went on around here while Crissie was in our lives, and now she's taking herself out of the picture.”
Victoria twirled her racket slowly between her fingers. “She acts as if she just dropped in, asked a few questions and decided to leave. So casual. The truth is, she changed everything. She put doubts in everyone's minds about things we've all assumed were true for three years. She shook up both families pretty thoroughly. Now she's just going to walk away?”
Darren scratched his jaw. “So she says. I don't see Nick letting it happen that way, though.”
“All right, maybe she won't be able to walk away from him, but she's apparently walking away from her slice of C&L.” Victoria paused. “
Our
slice.”
“Apparently.”
“You think there's something more involved?”
“Not exactly. She acts as if she no longer cares what happens to C&L, but I don't believe that. As long as Nick is involved with the company, she'll care about it.”
“She's in love with him.” It was a statement. Victoria was sure of herself on that score.
“But she's not going to back him at the annual meeting even though that's what he probably intended her to do all along.”
“Which means that Nick will need your help and his father's if he wants to assume control of C&L.” Victoria thought for a minute. “What are you going to do, Darren?”
“I'm going to give the entire matter my closest attention.” He grinned. “That's what politicians are supposed to say when they get caught flat-footed by a surprising turn of events, isn't it?”
“Eleanor will back Hilary all the way.”
“Probably. But I no longer even know that for certain. Everything seems to have become slightly bent out of shape since Phila and Nick landed.”
“You've always voted with your mother.”
“I generally voted the way my father voted, too. But not out of blind loyalty to him. It was because all of us usually wanted the same things for the company.”
“Burke always wanted what was best for the company. I'll give him credit for that much. It was all he really cared about.” A slight morning breeze ruffled the hem of Victoria's short white skirt as she stood momentarily lost in thought. “Crissie used to say things about the two of you.”